Well... actually i have alot of things to blog about this few days.. but i tink i better start with this one in line with the yr end...
Haiz.. in case you all wonder why i sigh.. that is because i just quarralled with my dad.. anyway.. we will come to that later... You noe how it feels like.. when you and a grp of friends are playing in a playground... then as time goes by... slowly one by one... all of your friends left you to go and play with other friends at other place?.... That was what i feel when i knew that my cousin have a girlfriend.. it seems like all five of us (my two sibling, my two cousins and myself) used to play in the same playground... then slowly when each of them get attached and get married, they leave this playground... till the time when my this cousin have a girlfriend... i am left standing alone in the playground... i am seriously happy for the two of them.. because after so many years of zi bi.. they finally found their other half.... but i just cant help it but feel sad that i am the only one left... so i start to feel very miserable.. but after sometime... i realise that even though they all have their own partners nw.. they have never stopped to look back at me.. to see where is ah bee nw.. what is she doing and does she need help.. So my new year resoulution of the year.. is to stop gloating at my own situation.. and appreciate the beautiful things in life more.. life is short.. i shouldnt let sadness take over majority of my life... PS... in case the two of you misunderstood i am really really really happy for the both of you.. just that at that point of time when i get to noe bout it.. i am just upset about my own situation.. but am still very happy for the both of you....
Year 2006 has been a very bad yr for me... yeah i noe every year is bad for me.. but this is a even worse year... yeah every yr is a even worse yr for me.. well you cant blame me because every year gets even worse than the previous year.. there is not a year whereby i can said that oh! this has been a fruitful year... but i see all this as test in life... there are many obstacle in life.. but if you will get stronger everytime you overcome one obstacle... life is tired for me at this moment.. i dun feel recharged at all.. and i really dunno how many obstacles muz i go thru.. but for the sake of living on.. i will overcome all this obstacles... afterall i am already very fortunate that majority of the peps in this world... i consider myself fortunate coz i have a loving family who loves me...
At this final stage before 2007 i am still crying in front of my computer while blogging because i just quarralled with my dad over his drinking.. he has this toopid friends who will always psycho him to drink alot.. and my dad has high blood pressure so he cant take tat much drinks.. and my mum quarralled with him the moment he stepped into the door.. in order to stop any further hurting between the two of them, i quarralled with him instead over his drinking problem.... if he wants to drink i will drink with him in the future... there is no pt in my living if anything happen to him.. so if he seriously wants to waste his life away as per what he told my mum.. i will waste my life with him...
Lastly i would wish all a very happy 2007... may all the bad thing be gone and i seriously hope that i will have a fruitful 2007......
Chirstmas yesterday wasnt good.. it was not even a bit good... first my parents quarralled... then my dad went off and ask us to celebrate christmas/my mum's birthday without him.. then i made the decision to ask my mum's youngest sister and her fav last son over for a party to make her happy.. it was fine initially.. everything was fine.. until she decide to invite my uncle who is stayin at lim family over.. and noeing that xiao pang is alone at home.. my mum invited xiao pang over as well.. that i can still tolerate... then came the ultimate... the whole freaking lim family came over... i was like bloody hell!!... and that stupid da pang brought lkk down to buy chocolate for my mum saying that it was lkk giving the chocolate to my mum for his birthday... f off man... lkk has his parents and his auntie and uncle why in the world does he need da pang a distant relative that is not related to him in anyway by blood to bring him down to purchase chocolate for my mum?.. If lkk wants to buy a pressie for his grandma.. we will always bring him down to buy ourselves.... what is his freaking problem?.. and da pang ever scolded xiao pang before for following us downstairs.. asking him how can he following other people down... so i just quote exactly his phrase back to him... and gir leng dong said that i am being political.. what is his problem???.. xiao pang is a precious kid so he cannot anyhow follow peps down.. and lkk is not a precious kid?... he can just follow peps down like nobody's business??.. and you all are telling me he is the elder of lkk and what will he do to lkk.. let me tell you this... so what if he is a elder and relatives of lkk.. to me he is just a dirt... why should we respect him??.. just because he is our relative?.. no.. that doesnt work for me.. firstly he is not related to me by blood.. secondly he is just related by marriage... doesnt mean that when somebody became your relative he become good.. he is still the same.. and lastly what fucking thing has he done to ever gain my respect?? none.. so what is his freaking problem??... the ultimate line is I DUN TRUST HIM... he can always bring lkk down and ask him to help him pick 4D etc etc ec.. god noes what else he can do to lkk... i dun trust him... given his rotten character.. he has not creditiblity for anybody to trust him at all.. so what is the problem??.... and i had to quarral with my mum because of this too.. because apparently she noes that the whole freaking lim family is coming and did not tell us at all... i am so freakingly upset that all event had to be ruin by this family... and my mum is always taking the you jin sheng wu lai shi thing to overrule all our dislikeness for them... cant she open her eyes big big and see that they are not appreciative of what she do.. and they will only make use of her and they are a bloody selfish bunch of people that dun deserve any sympathy from us??... if we go back to our old life when we are in primary school when we are truly very poor.. they will never do anything to help us... so why should we help them when we noe that even if anything happen to us they will not help??.. this is call yang hu wei huan.. dun anybody understand??... it is like inviting rice bug into the rice tank and let them finish all the rice and this bunch of insect will go on to find other rice tank.. as least rice bug are fine because they dun talk.. this pep are worse because other than eating and leeching on us.. they talk and suan and behave as if they are beings that are way superior than us.. so why dun they just f off from our life?.. if they are so superior... then f off... dun come and step on my tail.. i will never let this thing off.. try asking da pang or xiao pang to step on my tail again.. i will chew off their head regardless of whatever...
Gir Leng Dong >> if you tink that you have out talk me yesterday you are WRONG... i stop because i give face to MMYY.. because she asked me to stop... but you are wrong if you think that you out talk me yesterday.. to a basic human what i said yesterday was rude.. to da pang.. what is said yesterday was not rude.. in fact it was already words in the nicest form to him.. so what is the problem??.. i am not afraid of offending them because i dun wanna have any connection or contact with them ever again.. they have never done anything to gain my goodwill so why should i bloodily be nice to them??.... I am just on the verge of asking them to fuck off from our lives and never every appear again... so what even if i offended Li Yi??... i dun care.... i dun have to do anything to gain their goodwill.. gaining their goodwill means that i have to take care of xiao pang for them when they die in the future and even worse we might have to take care of the two of them when they are old because i dun tink their son can make it.. so this type of goodwill is something that i dun wan.. life is already so intolerable why should i be nice to pep who will only give me trouble and dun appreciate anything done?.. if i have the time.. i would rather go to third world country and help pep there.... at least i am saving a life... so i dun give a damn...
I noe... there are somethings in life that are repeated and repeated and repeated like nobody's business... but mayb you all will allow me to repeat this again??... for repeating sake??... i dunno lah.. i am just feeling upset... and as you all can see from the title of my blog.. my heart has stop beating since then... i am sitting in my room now at evening 6+ without the lights on... the sunlight in my draw are decreasing... darkness is setting in as minutes goes by... i lurve this time.. because it is usually the most quiet moment of the day... whereby you can sit down and think... and take cover in the darkness... this few days.. i have been thinking of the past alot... if i believe that if there is a time machine that would transport a person back to the past.. i wil be the first to use it.. actually i have no more feelings left... but i miss him.. as in the him in 2004 nt the him now... i just hope that i can go back and enjoy cherish every moment even more... the sad and beautiful thing about life is that once the moment is pass.. it will never happen again.. and if it is a beautiful moment... you will keep on hoping and wishing that you can go back to the moment.. but you can never go back to that moment... basically there is a big hole in my heart thta can never be filled up again.. but i have really packed everything and keep into the small corner of my heart never to be open again... but i will noe for all my life that i love this man before.. deeply...
I used to love this man.. or rather the one that is in 2004 nt that man nw... i will always love that man in 2004 nt the man nw...
Okie this is blogged in my sister's blog and re-post in my cousin's blog so i shall blog it here as well...
A VERY BOH LIAO STORYhmm..... abit "politic" on today's blog.... but.. hmm... cannot figure out wei shen mo... so must blog it downbefore we go on... today's topic is not for 1.) tiggering any "wars" between the families 2.) hurting people involved 3.) insulting people involved 4.) deepen the dislikeness of people involved 5.) educational purpose...... once upon a time, there is a jedi academy... in this academy, there are a few jedi knights as follow: xian cai ku cai watermelon strawberry face bai cai sweet potatoal thought wif xian cai (he is the OLDEST) always trying to LEAD the group wif his @#$%%^&*#@$# way out of any situations, this group of knights are quite closely knitted together... life goes on wif a little bickering here and there.. but they will always be there for each other if (SHOULD) problem arise...suddenly one day, a houseELF from HOGwards stumbled into this group of knights. After seeing the fun of being a jedi knight, the houseELF wanted to join in the group and become a knight too..but the houseELF was raised in HOGwards and had being taught of all "interesting" values of life, values that the jedi knights frowned upon.... the knights tried to teach him the jedi values of life, but the values were all rebutted and despised by him.. so the knights slowly distance themselves from him..using the 'interesting" values that he learned, he started to do all sort of funny things to get attention from the knights... he forced the youngest knight, sweet potato to mix wif him.. trying to control him using his childish and boh liao methods.. using the higher authorities to force sweet potato obey his commands...thinking that he had already gain control of sweet potato, he worked his way up and tried to clone bai cai.... without know that bai cai is actually a bitch.... will his evil plans success and took over xian cai's place eventually and lead the group?? will his head kana snap off by bai cai?? nobody knows the outcome yet~........we shall see....:D
anyway.... ku cai thinks that ...hmm.... after all, the jedi knights are a mixture of funny vegetables and weird behaving fruits... they dun belongs to the "normal" kind of ppl...so the jedis dun mind to have a strange houseELF joining their group... but is the houseELF willing to throw away his "interesting" values and accept the jedi values which he once stepped on??
to him:RESPECT YOURSELF, RESPECT OTHERSTHINK FOR YOURSELF, THINK FOR OTHERS
okie.. now for some updates about myself.. life hasnt been good.. because i was sick... because i got the virus from DIDI aka RLFL aka THE NAUGHTY BOY... sigh... basically the first two days i was a living dead and the third day i was a mute.. hope tomorrow will be a better day.. it is so bad that Wai Gong and Grandma was fussing over me the whole day... Anyway went out with them for dinner tonite.. because i got my bonus today so i decide to treat them to something nice.. it has been a long time since i went out with only the two of them.. and i found that i still like it alot... when we were together.. it is like hanging out with each other.. with laughing at Grandma to suaning Wai Gong... I am really glad to have them as my parents and if there is a next life.. i would still want them to be my parents... and because of them i will want to live my life to the fullest... and soar to great heights to do them proud.... =D
I am so tired nw.. the feeling is like dying... seriously i dunno why am i so tired... izzit because there is no more objective in my life... there is nthing for me to look forward to again that is the reason why i am so tired each day... mayb my body feels that it is better to just sleep thru every single day... and die on the day i should die... everyday seems to be a drag.. Actually the reason is very simple.. in order to prevent the previous accident of me confessing from happening again..and to have the same outcome... i have decided not to love anybody anymore... never to fall in love again... so i forbid myself frm falling in love.. i dun wanna live like a living dead person again just to have all my feelings rebutted because.. i also dunno why... i just feel that there is no pt.. as it is nw.. life is already a chore.. why go and look for more trouble?.. i would seriously prefer to keep to myself... than to get hurt again and end up with more chores...
It is two am in the morning on a thursday morning.... and i am crying in front of the computer.. dun ask me why am i crying.. but i am just crying... i guess i am just upset that i am a loser.. yes loser in everything... in all aspect of life... It is scary... very scary on how good i can control my emotions when i want to and how helpless sometime when i cannot control my emotions... when i am crying inside... when my heart is bleeding.. yet i can still show smiley face... what is wrong with me??... i am sleepy.. but i dun feel like sleeping... i am sad.. yet i dunno why am i sad.. i am very bothered.. but i dunno what am i being bothered by.. i am missing out on a huge chunk of life.. yet i dunno why am i missing this huge chunk and how can i get it back... i really really dunno what is wrong with myself... i desperately need help.. seems like i have no life at all... it seems like all along i live for other ppl.. so when all this people has their own life... i seems to be left with emptiness... i no longer have a life.... and when i am trying my best to get a life... pep start interferring with how i should lead my life... what is wrong with me.. what is wrong with my life and what is wrong with the ppl around me??... Just what is wrong?!?!?!
I dunno why.. but irritating pep just keep appearing in my life.. friend snatcher... who try to haolian that she has alot of ppl chasing after her... alright alright.. i admit.. i am ugly.. i am fat... nobody wants me.. even the only time where i confessed that idiot dun wan me either... so i am a loser in life... a true purple loser.. but hor... if that particular person really luuuurve to snatch things from my life.. why nt.. snatch my problem??... snatch all my troubles and all the bad things in my life??... It is kinda stupid rite??.. You noe i am nice.. i try nt to be bitchy.. coz i would like to be more considerate towards other people.. BUT... why izzit that these people wanna trigger off the bitchy instinct inside me??.... And turn me into a bitch??.. nw it is too late to stop.. i try to be nice.. i try to oversee everything and not get even.. but it is too late.. you have just trigger off the bitch instinct in me... and that is just too bad...
Who would have thought That you could hurt me The way you've done it? So deliberate, so determined And since you have been gone I bite my nails for days and hours And question my own questions on and on
So tell me now, tell me now Why you're so far away When I'm still so close
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry" You said you would love me until you die And as far as I know you're still alive, baby You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry" I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
I tried so hard to be attentive To all you wanted Always supportive, always patient What did I do wrong? I'm wondering for days and hours It's here, it isn't here where you belong
Anyhow, anyhow I wish you both all the best I hope you get along
But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry" You said you would love me until you die And as far as I know you're still alive, baby You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry" I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry" You said you would love me until you dieAnd as far as I know you're still alive, baby You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry" I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
Open heart Open heart It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
Open heart Open heart It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
Next time if i ever open my mouth to give advice to a particular somebody again, pls remind me to mental slap myself on my mouth..... coz i dun like to give advice just in the end to be rebutted back that 'ya i noe..' or 'no because blah blah blah' you see when a person try to object to point A... then you explain to her why point A is like that.. then she will change her tune and said that she agree with point A all along arh.. she never said that she disagree arh.. waste your time rite?.. you make her see the light.. then she point the finger at you and said that she all along saw the light arh.. why are you wasting her bloody time being a smart alec and try to explain something that she noe or agree to her again.. Then why you are so upset.. you try to tell her something that upset you.. she listen to you for like one minute.. then she interupt you.. and said ya i noe.. you noe hor.. my situation hor.. and then from my upsetness become her upsetness then because her topic.. The most ridiculous thing is that... i cried and grumble to another friend.. then she interupt me one min into the talking and started dragging our conversation into her problem direction and started crying too... the problem is that she has been telling us her problem for 100 over time and she has never cried.. the moment she sees me cry she has to cry... I mean it is not that i am not sympathatic over her problem.. but sometime you have to noe when to stop.. you noe your friend is in a sad mood... you noe she needs to talk and a shoulder to cry on.. and yet you fuckingly cry on ur problem when you have already been given the opportunity to do that..
So nw i have already come to a conclusion.. i am not gonna give her anymore advice and i am gonna just ignore her.. best if i can stay far far far far far far far far away from her... life is already so unbearable and it is because of these ppl that makes life even more unbearable that you start complaining... She is like the type of person that does this.. if i complain that i have no money to eat.. she will complain yaya i understand what you mean because like you i have eating problem too.. i lurve to eat sharksfin.. but then i am being offer abalone to eat... sometime hor.. i really wish that i can lurve to eat abalone leh.. then i wun have such a headache over wanting to eat sharksfin when i am eating abalone.. such a agony hor?... why do i have to have this type of friend who is only capable of seeing herself and her own problem and nobody else'. No matter how jialat other ppl's problem is ... she will forever think that she is in a even worse situation.. isnt it good that you stay contended that when you see other ppl's poor situation?... What is so good about outwinning ppl with even worse situation?.. Why do you need to go ard wayang ing about your problem.. when ppl complain it is nt because they wants to compare it is because they just wanna pour their heart out.. why izzit that you will then have to show case your even worse situation try to outwin the other ppl because your situation is even worse.. no matter what situation you will always tink that it is a even worse situation and try to outwin the person who started complaining first... then wayang ard... you thot you really starin opera huh?... if you really wanna seek for so much attn why dun you just get urself a husband and go away?.. Then the husband can give you attn for 24/7 ... Are you having some problem with yourself or are you just tryin to act pity to gain the attn the whole world so that everybody will be nice to you??.. Please dun give me this type of bullshit... you are ke lian?.. Then those kids in third world country is what?.... she better stay far far away from me... argh!!!!!......
Well.. just received a call frm my sis... she had quarralled with her husband er.. sorry correction her mother in law...
Apparently, my sis's husband had scolded her (my sis's mother in law) and complain that he has no money to spend.. and yet my sister is still asking for money... FYI.... their family operate a furniture shop... and owns two car.. whom that bloody bastard is paying for.... additionally.. he also hired a bunch of useless fools in his shops... They wine and dine in restraunt while my sis eat porriage at home... and he only give my sis a pathetic monthly household income of $1000+ per mth to pay for electricity bills, maintenance fee, the kid's expenses, the school fee and the food. And he told his mother that if he gave her a detail breakdown of how he spend his money per mth, she will cry.. ya cry because she finally realise that his son is spending so much money on things that are not needed, that he spend so much month per mth, and nt because of the amt that he has to save per mth and spend wisely because he has no money... Bloodly hell... he has nothing when he mit my sister only one bloody mercz that only he being the frog in the well thot is a big deal... My sister slog her guts out together with him and nw that their business are good.. they are living like kings and queens while my sister and her two kids live in povety...
As if it is nt enuff.. they never cherish my sister, while the bloody bitch mother in law treated the other two daughter in law like queen, my sister is like a slave!... That whole family (excluding my sis and her two kids as well as the other two daughter in law) should be damn to hell.. and live there forever...
Argh!!... Fucker i dun believe that there is no way that we couldnt get back at him.. but of course i need to set my sister firmly on the ground and start her life all over again... she has to take care of the two kid for sure...
As for that bloodly bastard.. dying is a good way for him... i curse that he has to suffer all the emotional torment that he himself caused to so many people.... He will hug his mama and burn in hell together.. BASTARD....
Life... has two side... it just depend on how you wanna view it.. in the positive way.. or in the negative way.. i just found out that one of my friend is married.. or rather ROM.. his wife... is 21 yrs old.. same age as me... and i am still dangling here... nowhere ard... i remember telling BT once before izzit that my life has to be like so... i mean.. ppl has a bf.. they has a backend job... they dun have to get scolded by cust.. it seems like they are so loved... then.. me??... i get all the shit from life.. i am still single... and i have to work in CS.. whereby i risk getting scolded every single day... and as if it is nt enuff.. i have friends who are seems like foe rather than friend... it is really quite sad... then BT reminded me this.. you noe.. ppl may have all the above mentioned.. but because you dun have.. so you are able to view ur family's love for you clearer and cherish them even more...
Somewhere.. somehow.. i would need to find a balance in all this thing.. ppl always tell me.. yi ding hui you de... it is just that ur prince charming have nt appear... well... after 21 yrs of not having been in a relationship... i give up... i give up all hope... the guys i mit in my life??... feel nthing for me... so i give up all hope.. completely all hopes ever...
But i will always remember what BT told me... it is because of all this shit in life that make me sees the love my family member have for me in a clearer way and appreciate them...
Hmm havent been blogging for a while.. so decide to post something here.. updates.. i slim down again!!... yeah!!... erm... i have calm down alot.. and well the heart pain had subsided alot alot.. i no longer feel that painful le... but then i guess i am nt ready to take away the healing in process title.... this is the last remaining bit of feeling that i still hold on to.. the last remaining feeling that link me to him.... until i have totally forgot bout him.. when which ever person mention his name.. it wun bring any special feeling to my heart.. then i can declare that i had truly forgotten bout him and i can move on with my life leaving my love for him truly sealed.. Something happened last few days that makes me decide that i am numb... but dun wish to elaborate too much.... i just wish to keep all feeling and encounter with him inside my heart... i am afraid that if i share with too many ppl.. the feeling might get diluted.. and then the last remaing few bits of feeling will also be gone...
Anyway enuff about the above mention... some other updates.. next wk i am goin for a chalet!... really looking forward to it.. it is sorta truly a chalet held by the five cousins in the circle of trust without all the aunties.. ya the aunties are goin on the first day and i am goin on the second day.. so overall i wun really bump into them.. hahaha.... i wanna enjoy myself and play... muaha.. i noe that today's topic doesnt have much depth.. but then i guess this is the aftermath of my fairy tale like crush.. when the huge amt of feeling leave your heart.. it is just leave a big big empty space there with nothing but emptiness and numbness....
Hmm refer above.. that is the topic of the day.... recently a distant to the power of infinity cousin made a remark that is so stupid.. we wonder how he got his degree frm a ESTABLISHED SINGAPORE UNIVERSITY..... Anyway.. was not able to get his full name so consider himself lucky.... we noe his name is something yan.. and ppl call him Ah Yan (prounced as the first sound in hanyu pin ying).....
His auntie.. which so happened to be my mum's cousin.. got cancer... SO being the smart alec that he is.. he went to search the internet and found out that cancer is inheritary (OMG somebody kill me.. i really dun wish to be in anyway blood related to him... a simple info like this he need to go to internet to search?... Is he dumb or what?).... so he state that.. the reason why this cousin auntie of ours got cancer is because my Ah Ma (maternal side) got cancer!... Lets get the family tree correct before we continue... my Ah Gong (maternal side) and the father of this cousin auntie are siblings.. they are BLOOD RELATED... but my Ah Ma is somebody who my Ah Gong got married to.. in another word... they are only related by MARRIAGE.. nt BLOOD....
And this Ah Yan without figuring out anything.. went ahead to make the remark of the year... which of course causes alot of outcry and blood boil from my cousins, my siblings and me... You noe.. a person is dead... you should at least give them some respect.. somemore is a elder... what the f**k is he tryin to do when he point the finger at my late Ah Ma??.. There is no due respect paid to the dead... nt to mention to the elders as well as to US... because he insulted our heritage roots... Pls... if you cannot afford to do too much tinking.. then dun do the tinking.. nobody said that uni student need to make smart comment or even any comments at all.... so if there is anything that you are nt sure of.. pls ck.. do research before sayin the statement.. and we are not sure should we luff at ur low mentality or should we be angry that you insulted our roots...
I noe that we cannot do anything to him... so we decide to blog it down... at here.... at Tze and at LKK and LFL blog... Since he lurve to search the internet.. we will give him a little something to read about.. of course this time the topic is him and nt my Ah Ma...
FYI Ah Yan if ya reading... you are spared because of due respect given to your grandparents... because ur late Ah Gong is nice and your Ah Ma is nice too... so we decide that it is not worth it to upset the elderly for ur puny life... See we are gentlemanly enough to pay our respect to our elder even though our blood are boiling COZ YOU INSULTED OUR ROOTS... so pls.. if you cannot pay due respect... just stupid up... if you are nt able to shut up.. pls refer the forumla provided in LKK and LFL blog which teaches you how to shut up.....
Lastly.... here is the insult of the year.. 'You are even more stupid than Ah Yan' *Sinister Laughter*
P.S. nw you noe.. 'hell halt no fury for women whom grandparents are insulted' ... pls also do us a favor as well.. in case that you are really reading this blog Ah Yan >>> pls inform whoever relatives who want to insult us in the future to tink twice before action... coz we are no longer the previous generation who are as soft as cotton wool and will only cry when bullied... definately we will strike back.. and make sure that the person gets it twice as hard.. COZ WE ARE NOT STUPID..... YOU DUMBASS....
Hmm this is a nice song... http://youtube.com/watch?v=S8yYT8dkfVM it is a light hearted song which is v. sweet... but the strange thing is... i am crying while listening to this song.... my heart is just so painful...
But.. nevertheless..is a nice song.. go ahead and listen to it...
As the title read.. i am in the processing of healing... mending back my broken heart piece of piece.. so far as it seems... it is quite difficult to mend the pieces back together... it just refuse to stick back together... and is quite painful...
i really dont know why can the pain be so intense.. for somebody who i am nt really very close to....
I spend two yr getting outta this crying nonsense.. nw i am back in it again... crying as and when i hear a sad song.... and the heart is constantly in pain.. but i am able to describle the feeling exactly.. it is heart broken... that is the term... my heart is broken... and i really dont know what to do to stick it back...
Actually i am supposed to blog about something else.. but i am really in no mood to blog about that nw... so i will blog bout my bal pt nw first...
Well.. i saw him today... initially i opt to curl my hair... but i noe that he like ppl with straight hair.. so i opt to straighten my hair with the end curl a big inwards huggin my face instead... when i saw him.. my first reaction was he is here... and i saw a girl following behind him.. so i knew immediately that, the girl behind is his gf... When i got to sit down.. he said hi in a bright tone to my friend.. and then a lukewarm hello to me.. i thot that he din recognise me.. then after a while things warm up a bit.. then i understand something.. how can you get into somebody's world when the door is tightly shut against you??... it is nt ur fault.. nor were you nt tryin hard enuff.. just that.. the door remain shut against you.. so no matter how hard you try.. you can even try banging ur body against the door.. in the end you will end up with a injured body.. and a injured heart..
SO... fast forwarding the evening.. he is getting married... they even got the house already.. i was sadden for a moment.. the moment that i had hope wun happen had happened... actually the moment that i cfm that he has a girlfriend.. the painful feeling return... the one whereby it felt as if ppl are tearing ur heart apart.. then after a while it vanishes... until i got the news that they will be getting married lah.. i felt numb.. numb as in nt feelingless.. but is pain and confused and panic and everything add in together to get the feeing numb.. but somehow somewhere i felt a sense of relieve.. i noe that i really cannot pin for him anymore... so i no longer felt obligated to love him.. so i am sort of free.. but.. the pain remain.. afterall i am not cold blooded.. pls give me a few days.. for me to mourn over this.. and take a emotional break.. tonight had been a emotional roller coaster for me.. and i wanna take a break.. i am close shop for a few days.. shall not entertain anybody.. just wanna rest.. and find my bal pt.. so that i can carry on with life.. and no longer feel the pain.. down down down.. Sylvia's server is seriously down.. and will need a few days to resume operating....
What did i do wrong??... Question my own question on and on.... What did i really do wrong??..... i feel like i am a tight piece of string... ready to snap anytime... The topic that made me wonder this.. is sensitive... but i am really very angry and tired...
Lets just said it in this way.. a sorry is a sorry... it should be said in the form of a sorry.. nt make some other silly comments or jokes to overcover the mistakes and then save the sorry... Rules that had originally been made had been broken... and ppl who made those rules are trying to ignore it.. to their own convenience... after all.. breaking the rules in this case.. wun do any damage to them... i am the one who suffered the consequences of breaking this rules.. and i am the only idiot who had following this rules throught out....
Ppl may said that i am a bitch that is picky.. but then i am nt!!... i am just enforcing those rules that had been enforced on me originally.. so what the fuck is the problem??....
Ppl only care about their own comfort zone.. it doesnt matter that other places is a war zone.. afterall it is nt their confort zone.. they just need to ensure that everything is fine in their confort zone.. the other places.. is other ppl's business...
I really cannot take it anymore.. i am so fuckingly angry.... i really dunno why i have to suffer the consequences of ppl's mistake.. and i even more hate it when the bastard who deserve this are goin scott free... that bastard should go to hell.. before he goes there.. he should suffer what we are suffering nw....
As the title suggest.. i have 1001 things to blog.. but i forgotten all bout them.. what is the thing about.. what is my thot.. i found out that nowadays i have short term memories.. perhaps it is my brain trying hard nt to tink bout things... nt to remember too much... but i had a v. funny thot in my mind yesterday...
My Ah Gong... nt the maternal one.. is the paternal one.. Well.. i am close to neither of my ah gong.. and i always wonder hw can a grandchild be close to their grandparents.. i had never had the chance to be close to them.. or rather mayb it is the timing problem that deny me the chances of bonding with them... When i sees didi with my mum.. i am always v. touched, by the closeness that the two of the share.... the grandma-child relationship.. they are so close to each other that they have alot of mo qi.. when didi said something.. my mum noes what he wants.. and when my mum said something.. didi understand her.. that is the type of relationship that i nv had a chance to build with my grandparents... Anyway.. back to topic.. yesteday.. i was at recept.. when this elderly man came.. i felt so ashame of myself because he came in an greeted me good afternoon in a very nicely with a semi bow. I felt so bad for lettin a elderly do that.. whats more.. at the end of the day when he is about to leave.. he came up to me and said 'Thank you miss'... my immediate reaction was 'wow......this elderly man is so nice'.. and i thot that he resemble my grandfather.. then i thot i used to have a grandpa like that too... i mean their behavior is sort of the same.. very quiet... very calm and gentle feeling.. at least that is the feeling that i got from my grandfather... and i start to miss him.. i always wonder why dun i get a chance to bond with him?... Nw that he is gone.. all that is leave is the blood bond that he is my grandpa... and nothing else... why izzit tht this person who is supposely one of my closest relative seem so distance from me?.. It seems that we are just aquitances.. anyway.. i realise that from this uncle that humble is the best.. it make ppl's day and it get things done as well... so i should try to be more humble in the future...
Today i learn another lesson.. i took a cab from home to work.. no choice last nite was disco nite.. the taxi driver was rather friendly and i found myself talking to him.. apparently this taxi driver is a uni graduate.. and he is driving a cab because his previous company had fold... and he has been jobless for five mth.. Then i realise that actually i should be rather content with my current situation.. even though it is not a bed of rose.. and it is not as good as some others.. as least it is nt that bad.. i still has a job... and even though i am just a dip holder.. but least i hold a regular job that gives me a decent pay.. nt bad lah my pay.. i am quite contented with it as it is currently...
So two lesson in two days.. always be humble and be contented with your life because it is way better than others... and something that i had though about.. the pasture is not always greener on the otherside!!
you noe the type of feeling whereby you are so tired that you just wanna give up??.. That is what i am feeling nw.. i noe that a normal life is a blessed life.. i noe there are thousands or million of ppl out there who are way way worse than me... but you noe that type of feeling where you noe that there are ppl who are worse than you out there but you are just so tired tat you just dun feel like doing anything at all??.. That is the feeling that i am getting nw... When you tried your best to do something and in the end it doesnt turn out to be the way you want it to.. it is disappointing.. i wonder if my easy going attitude have anything to do with this.. mayb because i know how it feels like to be disappointed when you tried ur best to do something.. so i would rather nt try my best... and if the outcome is good.. as least i can tell myself that hey you see?.. you are lucky!.. if i din make it.. i will reprimand myself saying that.. hey! you see you din try yourbest... this is all better than.. you tried ur best and cannot make it and have to tink and tink and tink bout what went wrong and etc and izzit that when you tried ur best this type of things still happen in life...
I noe this type of attitude is nt good... to tink in my head over and over and over again.. that i dun wan to get up again.. i just wanna lie here and die.. i dun wan to get up and start over again... but to tink bout it.. in life how can you gauge what is good or what is bad?... if i were to stop here... and dun get up.. does it commit a crime?.. It doesnt.. so why cant i??... I have to tell myself again and again to be strong to be strong... but hw can i be strong?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Well.. blogged something.. saved as draft.. i wanted to display that.. just that i need to do some editing to that entry.. but i found that there is nothing that i can take away.. coz every single sentence is really from the bottom of my heart...
The feeling nw is lonely... very lonely and it is a deafening lonely.. like i told beeting.. it is like.. you are playing with a grp of friends in a play ground.. then one by one.. they leave you for other places.. and you are the only one left there.. yet you cant join them.. it is that type of feeling..
I tink i reflect what Bai He said in The Rose.. I am just a ugly duckling who had accidentally stumbled into the swam's herd..
I guess the duckling can only stay on earth while she sees all her fellow companionship flies away.. i am not sayin this with a hint of jealousy.. not even a single hint.. just my part of sadness noeing how much less companionship i am goin to get in the future...
Let me side track a bit first... I am listening to Super Woman from Cao Ge nw.. erm.. haha the thot just side track to whose super woman do i belong to.. but then.. mayb i am my own super woman.. and my own only.. sad~ ... but mayb it is better this way...
Anyway get back to today's topic.. my dad was discussing with me about alighting and boarding bus prob when we were on our way back home from dinner.. He was telling me that the other time when he and my mum was boarding a bus.. they were first in the q.. and behind them were a bunch of students who were seated.. when the bus was here.. immediately all the students started rushing forwarded and my mum managed to get thru, but my dad was 6th to 7th in the q.. until he voiced out to respect elderly then those students let him get thru the bus.. this is soo funny.. i mean i am not saying this because this happened to my dad.. i will voice out the same for any elderly that was being treated this way.. let us recap.. why does ppl have to rush up a bus.. there are only two reason... first because it is rush hr and if you dun rush you will nv make it.. second you want a seat.. for those who rush up the bus for the second reason, dont you think it is shameful?.. I mean youngsters who are healthy should always give up their seats to elderly who needs them more than those youngsters do.. so why in the world is there a need to rush up the bus then?... I have seen many cases of elderly in the MRT standing.. really old ppl.. and those youngsters, will just cuddle with their other half and pretend nt to see... some will indulge in their music as if they are deaf or the others will chose to sleep.. all in all they will all pretend nt to see anything.. and i felt very surprise by this.. i mean why dun they feel every a bit of feeling towards this grp of elderly ppl who needs seats more than they do.. nt because they are plain lazy, but it is very dangerous for elderly ppl to fall down and they are not as agile as youngsters so standing firm in a MRT might be a difficult task for them.. yet this youngster just refused to see them and pretend that nothing had happened.. What are this ppl doin??.. I really dont understand.. and sometime i really feel v. angry toward this ppl who refused to give up their seats..seriously i dun understand.... what are young ppl nowadays thinking??.. Are their health really that bad that they will injured themselves by giving up their seats to elderly ppl?...
Well.. you noe the feelin when you desperately wants something and couldnt get it, then when you doesnt want that thing anymore, you keep on getting it?.. That is the feeling that i am having nw.. you noe in the past when i was in secondary school.. i always hope tat i could get a fever and hope and hope and hope.. and seriously.. for the four yrs that i was in sec school.. i was only seriously really sick for one time!!!..... Then nw that i have started workin.. i desperately hope that i wun get sick.. and guess what.. within 3 mth of my work... i was sick for four time!... and everytime is high fever de lor...
I really dunno what is wrong with my body nwadays man... the fever just come and go like nobody's business.. completely no way to trackle now the fever comes by... i used to be so healthy that i can just eat anything i want.. go under the rain and sun also no prob.. nw my body really very bad lor..!!!.... I cant let this goes on.. I tink i muz live healthily nw... more fruits.. no more chocolate.. and more exercise.. and no more late nights.... sigh~
Wo zhi dao shang xin bu neng gai bian she mer Na mer, rang wo cheng shi yi dian Cheng shi na mian you bu neng kong zhi de xian xian Zhi yao kuan sheng le men, bu bi li shui
Yi ge ren zuo zai kong dang bao xiang li mian Shou ji rang da xiu xi yi ye Nan xiang qie ge qie tiao hui yi de hui mian Yan lei bu neng liu guo shi er dian
Sheng ri kuai le, Wo duai zi ji shou La zu dian le Ji mo liang le Sheng ri kuai le Lei ye rong le Wo yao xie xie ni gai de, ni nan zou de yi qie
Hai ai ni, Dai yi dian heng, Hai yao shi jian Cai neng ping heng Re lian sheng heng Huan mia zhong sheng Zu wo sheng ri kuai le...
A sudden surge of sadness just engulf me while i was listening to this song... i am speechless... i miss him... very badly...
Sigh~.. went jogging today.. and i automatically went to tpy park.. looking at the place.. and listening to low zhi qiang - mei you ni.. brought up alot of memories.. mostly sad.. i muz say i am over him le.. but then.. the memories is just overbearing.. majority of the time nowadays.. i dont think of him anymore... just occasionally when i ki siao.. then i start thinkin again.. i think this is a vicious cycle.. i guess i am fallin into the picking up period.. whereby i like a person very easily.. just like that period of time after i start to forget bout ss... i start to like alot of person.. but shall not mention names.. i guess nw i am in that stage again.. and it is not good.. because i dun like this stage.. coz i ma chiam like hua chi like that.. but of course i am not lah!...
Whatever it is.. whatever stage that i am in.. i know that i am always in total control of myself.. no matter in what situation.. some of you might say.. chey... that is nt fun if you are always in control of urself.. but why nt?.. I mean you noe that being too out of control will get you killed.. make you vunerable and easy target.. in life.. i dun like to be the easy target.. i dun like to be the prey.. i dun like to be manipulated.. SO i want to be in control.. nt to be manipulated.. nw i understand why i cant be with anybody.. coz much as i want to be a xiao nu ren.. the rebelious side of me cannot stay asleep for too long.. it would be matter of time before she will be awaken and take over... Mayb sometime in my system is aware.. that is why much as i give out signals that i do like another half.. i also give out signals that i jolly well and very much keep to myself..
Whatever it is..today wasnt a good day.. i got reminded of him.. and that is nt good... because i dun wan to be in this dreamy stage again!!....
My body is tired... i can sense it.. it is v. tired from the battle from the viral virus... i have not recover yet.. i tink is going to take a loooong time to recover.. how do i noe that my body is tired??.. coz it is no longer as hyper as before.. no strenght to do anything.. feel very tired all the time.. feel sleepy all the time too.. you all might say due to lack of sleep.. but then i have been sleep more than 8 hr everyday leh.. how can be lack of sleep??.. that is why lor.. my body muz be very tired... very very tired from the battle from the viral virus.. Haizz..
Before i starts on my blog.. i need to add this in to remind myself constantly..
Sylvia - dun cry... never cry for the sake of this type of issue again.. it is not worth even a single of ur effort.. so long as you have already done ur best.. even if ppl scold you.. it is their fault.. dun use ppl's mistake to punish urself.. hang on.. tis is not the end.. it is not even the beginning.. it is just a passing stage.. ultimately.. you will find ur beginning..
Okie.. alot happened today.. but shan tell.. not that convenient to tell.. anyway i am down with a fever two days ago.. i have not had a fever since... erm.. secondary school?.. so i was kinda excited when i noe that i had a fever.. haha sick rite??.. i noe but then.. it is been a long time mah.. that two day i really certify myself ask sick and really treat myself as a sick patient lor.. sleeping all day long.. resting all the way.. why am i bloggin this??.. I also dunno.. so tired.. just had my med.. i guess is the med taking effect causing me to blabber nonsense.. but then the first part is really meant for myself.. to allow myself to go on.. no matter what.. this second part is just to blabber nonsense.. haha.. Feel sad.. Nobody can tell, my face is smiling yet my heart hurts so much it seems as if it had been torn apart.. nobody noes.. only me.. only i noe that my heart hurts...
Today is monday............ i am not gettin monday blue.. it is too hot and sunny to be blue.. i mean imagine this.. the weather today is going to be around 32 degree...so it is goin to be a hot hot hot day.. plus that it is bright and sunny... haha so sorri.. i am not a sunny person... i prefer rainy season.. dun like sunny weather... and this is making me sleepy.... *yawnz* and i am workin today.. so this makes me even more sianz.. dunno why yesterday went to SBW.. after that on the way home i was feeling ultra sleepy.. fell into deep slumber.. i nearly miss my stop... so when i reach home.. i was thinkin that this time die.. i need to stay awake to finish my website work how to stay awake, managed to finish portion of it.. but then when i try to sleep i am nt able to sleep.. was wide awake.. strange.. today i am nt goin to stay back anymore.. goin to go home straight at 6pm.. dun care... haha..
Yesterday went back to Ang Mo Kio lib.. the place that i used to be working in... is quite happy to be back.. relax.. everybody seems to be very happy to see me back.. at that moment of time.. i derive a theory.. who says it is not good to change job??... At least you get more ppl who likes you.. of course you have to be lucky like me to be trf to a place whereby all the ladies are mummies and you have to be cute friend and nice like me.. haha then you will be liked by them... i miss them.. all of the staff of AMCL... saw a few of them yesterday and left a prank notes at my sup's table to remind them that though i had left i had not forget them.. they are always on my mind...
Obviously somebody dun wan me.. coz he still havent replied to my sms... any case... gave my mind and soul a rest on saturday.. went to esplanade and sat by the river side at the highway there with Jessica Choy Mun Ling.. the sky was very nice... cloudy with grey clouds... my type of weather.. saw there and thot of everything.. all the beautiful memories and of course that dream that i had of him.. the dream.. is more of something that i dreamt of because i tink of him too much.. Nevertheless that is still a nice dream... the dream leave me with a sweet feeling after i wake up.... but then it is mixed with a tinge of sourness...
Remember the medicine that i mentioned in my previous blog??.. Appparently apart from making me feel sleepy.. it makes me feel high as well.. it makes my heartbeats beat faster, make me feel super disorientated, cant tink properly.. so is that counted as high??.. haha well for somebody as good as me that is already considered the high lvl... haha... okie loggin off... bb....
Today... not too good... have been coughing like hell last few days.. went to see a doc two days ago.. doc say that i did not have enough rest.. so had to rest more.. gave me two type of cough medicine one for day (non drowsy) one for nite (super drowsy)... but apparently the morning one also will feel drowsy de... very disorientated now... dunno what to do... but there is piles of work waiting for me to clear.. take one step at a time ba... Today's weather.. is my fav.. gloomy cool with a hint of rain coming the way...actually it rained tis morning and i was caught in the rain.. was drenched from head to toe.. suspect that i am goin to be super sick coz after i was drenched i went to air con room immediately... a day like this is v. good to tink of a particular person... anyway send him a sms yesterday wanting him to be happy always... Suddenly this song An Shi from Coco Lee came into my brain... Ting jian xin xin tan xi Yong ji mo de u qi Gao shu bu mien de yu Shi fo fang qi r ye Zui xun feng de dong jing
Xin shi bu ting lei ji Bian chen lian jia de lei di Ni shi zhong mei liu yi Wo te bie zai hu ni Ni que xiang feng yi yang Zuo ku you pan er xing.......
Quan shi jie zhi you ni bu dong wo ai ni Wo gei de bu zhi shi hao peng you er yi Mei ke yu yan you zhi qian qian xiao rong li Nan dao ni mei fa xian wo ke wang xun xi
Wo ying kai ru he rang ni zhi dao wo ai ni Lian xin xin dou zhi dao wo xin zhong mi mi Jing ye zai ni zhuan wai xia de yi chang yu Shi wo an shi ni wo you dou mo wei qui...............
Seriously speaking i am not sure if i am sad because of him or izzit because i am sleepy... anyway just feel like putting this song down.. my colleague just pass by and ask if anybody would understand since it is in han yu ping ying.. i told her that anybody who dun understand can come and look for me.. i will sing for the person.. hahaha!! Such a depressing blog must end with a depressing phrase...
*MiSs My PrInCe* - starting to forget how he looks like and everything.. but will never forget his voice, the way he talk, the way he walk or the memories that i remember of him....
Yup.. he did that.. according to his msn nick... i really feel sad.. because of him.. i have develope a special feeling for that car... that car is sort of like his personal symbol.. you can never describe how happy i am when i see that car.. that is because i know that he is around nearby... you can never describe how happy i am when i am sittin inside that car because i know that he is driving... yet he is selling that car away... i told myself two days ago.. it is enuff le.. for this 'emotional fling' with myself to end.. it has lasted too long and on the wrong end.. for two years.. it nv has changed.. his position in my heart.. i morphed into his type... type that i tink he will like.. but i dont dare to meet him.. i cant... just cant bring myself to.. i just keep on telling myself i am not good enuff for him.. i still has to change.. still has to slim down alot more.. but another part of me noe that most pro when i finally reached that stage... he already has another Mrs by his side..
What exactly make him sell his car?.. Seems like he is experiencing some difficulties in his life??.. Dont ask how i know.. i sense, pick out some details, put them together and guess.. i hope my guess is wrong.. but i just has this feeling that something is wrong..
For him to know if he ever comes here.. you noe i am always there somewhere thinking and caring bout you... do you noe that if you have any trouble you can always approach me??.. I may not help but at least i can try to help you lighten ur mood??.. You noe i will always stay by you.. no matter what??.. You doesnt know.. you never will know... because you never bother??... Even though so.. mayb this is my life.. just when the image of you is going to vanish from my heart.. the pain is finally going to ease something along the way will appear to strenghten the image make the pain noticable again... Mayb it is a part of me which made me like you in the first place refused to give up... so she will always be out looking for hints and memories.. and magnify something once that feeling starts to die down??..
Anyway.. some updates on my life.. started my new job for three weeks le.. today i am on mc.. coz i am suffering from a 'package' illness that is inclusive of giddiness, cough, sore throat and flu.. that is how the doc term it.. it all comes in a package when i told him i feel giddy.. My neph.. LKK is in hospital.. some doc say he got pneumonia.. some say otherwise.. nt too sure yet what is wrong wif him.. but he cant be discharge yet.. coz doc say that they had to monitor that he does not have fever for 24 hr first then he can be discharged.. he was admitted into the hospital yesterday morning at ard 3am.. then i wanted to go and visit him.. and really meant to visit him.. spend time there with him.. accompany him..
Then i realise something... i am cold blooded.. i nv know how it felt like when you attend the funeral of somebody that you love deeply.. feel that heart pain feeling.. i always thot that when friends surrounding me lost their grandparents they will feel sad and the type of heartpain that i have nv felt before.. afterall i was nv close to my grandparents.. so when they pass away.. i was okie.. no heart pain.. not really griefing.. and i realise that i nv know what it meant like to really whole heartly wants to visit somebody in the hospital either.. coz i was thinking yesterday.. i am going to stay at the hospital for a longer time wif LKK.. then i thot what was i goin to do while staying there wif him.. then i thot of what i used to do when i was young and in the past when i visit a person.. then i realise that everytime when i goes to the hospital to visit somebody else in the hospital.. the impact is not that great.. cant really get connected to the patient.. i will feel sorry for them.. but then the concern lvl is never really very great...
Conclusion: I am cold blooded.. once i give up on somebody.. i can really be feelingless...
Today was a very bad day.. initially yesterday when i planned for the outin with karen.. today still seems to be a not bad day.. till the morning i wake up.. then everything starts to go wrong.. firstly i quarralled with my sis in maplesea.. and she cried.. and i tink the whole world is goin to think i am the big bully.. because this is always the case.. the chili padi would always be the big bully and the one who is wrong.. in any case i dun feel like explaining.. coz when i TRIED explaining to her inside maple why am i so pissed off.. i tink the idea din get into her mind.. all she does was keep on sayin 'Then'.. which make me even more irriated.. so i logged off.. because i also need to go out le.. and she thot that i dun wan her to come over to stay that is why i come up with some crap ting like this.. how laughable.. after all that i have done.. to bring her and her kids back into our family.. now she is sayin that i am coming up with some crap excuse to nt let her stay over.. it is sooooo funny that it seems like a joke to me.. So sian about coming back today, but still has to.. to make things worse.. my house gate was locked.. so i cannot enter.. and my leg automatically bring me to take bus 88.. to a place.. and this is like just the rite moment to think bout him again rite??.. when all sad things happened together.. sittin at the bus stop opp that place i went to.. i started to think bout all the thing that had happened.... Tears start to swell up in my eyes.. why izzit that everytime i am down.. i will start to tink bout him again.. and think bout how much better thing would be and how comforting it would be if he right beside with me.. but he is not there.. to top things off i read thru two blog of my friends'.. know that they are also having some problem with their life.. what a day..i am not on talking term with my mother because of ugly and disgustin relatives of hers.. i quarralled with my sis because she thot i am masterminding this major plan to prevent her from stay over at my house... just at this moment memories of him had to pop up.. and i noe that two of my friends are feeling down.. It seems like the world is in down mode today.. haizz...
Third day at work.. second day of forgetting to bring out my hp.. seems like life is bored here.. currently lor.. and i have been feeling rather stressed up... dunno why.. i just feel stressed... mayb it is the fact that nobody talks to me.. sometime i really missed workin upstairs.. due to the human contact... i can tok to my colleague... i felt so well protected.. but nw i am all alone down here... it felt rather sad and depressed... okie enuff.. yesterday i played maple and just lvl up to lvl 28.. i had this fairy top and fairy dress that can only be wore by magician of lvl 28 and above... initially i was really looking forward to wearing it.. coz it really look nice... but who noes... when i really get to wear it.. it is like yuck!... The dress made my character Bevia look plump... and yi dian dou bu hao kan.... it doesnt have the v. impressive look... in fact it look like a tea dress with translucent shelves on a plump girl.. Ke lian de Bevia would have to wear that for the rest of her time till she lvl again to lvl 33 then she has something else to wear... Haizz... anyway i am v. tired.. coz i have been mapling for the past two nites and have nt enuff sleep.. really very tired.. i guess due to the depression and stress that i am suffering.. i have not been eating well this two days too... will feel full.. then later will feel hungry and yesterday even worse.. after i had eaten myh dinner.. immediately i feel so very full that i feel like vomittin.. really worried leh.. dunno what is wrong with my body... it just gets this way... i feel depressed.. no strenght... my facial expression is always a frown... i have migraine... and i dun feel like eatin... haizz...
Well... yesterday we had a jedi council meeting.. haha this thing actually came up just a few days before.. coz all our parents were out of town.. so we cousins (including me, my bro, my sis, tze, LD and gangee) form up this council... actually at my maternal side.. there are seven of us.. but we were super anti this youngest cousin of ours coz of his snobbish behavior and his parent's (oh we are so high and mighty high up and you ppl are our poor slaves behavior) as well.. so we really dun like him.. so when our parents were out of town, we actually went over to my tze's house.. and we din ask him to join us.. in fact.. we din even inform him.. when me and gangee discussed this with LD on sunday.. he was saying.. for wat!.. he is not even in the Jedi Council.. so here it is.. a new grouping formed.. it is called The Jedi Council.. The Mission: To anti Winky because of his snobbish behavior The Vision: To create a great environment full of fun peace and happiness w/o Winky and Winky's parents.
Well.. ah fa is angry and ignorin me.. further details i shall nt discuss here.. but i really want her to know that i really din mean to make her go thru watever she went thru and i am really sorry for making her go thru the issue...
At this moment.. i felt alone.. not lonely.. but alone.. seems like there is nobody with me.. when you have no family mber or friend you can turn to.. what will happen??.. when you have a long list of friends online on msn but nobody seems to understand your problem who do you turn to??.. I have lost my ability to express myself when i am sad.. because i feel that nobody care to listen to me.. so what is the point of expressin??.. Or when you get the feelin that ppl feels that ur problem is minor what is the point of expressin again..
The box with the purple lid is on the floor again.. tat would signified that i am thinkin bout him again.. as of always.. i am still hoping that i can see him again.. zai jian yi mian.. but it is sooo difficult.. i guess i had observed so much things that every little thing will remind me of him.. sometime really wonder if this is really a good thing or a bad thing.. mayb from the beginning when i started liking him it is a mistake.. ever wonder if that Sylvia at that point of time sees what will happen will she still embark on the path of liking him??.. mayb everything would be different.. or mayb i dont like him anymore.. it is just that i am too selfish to admit that my standard for my partner is too high.. so rather than being seen as the picky bitch.. i would rather hide in the shadow of being a foolish girl who cant get over a guy that she cant get.. i er really have this doubt about myself.. if i am really a picky bitch.. but then sometime it is really hard to walk out of this shadow.. the thot of going out with somebody is actually harder than forgettin him not to say that anybody wants to go out with me.. nobody wants to go out with me.. but then i would rather stay this way until i really get over him which is i dont know when.. i mean can you imagine this that when i am out with somebody.. then something just happen that trigger of the thot of him wat am i goin to do?!?!... seriously i dont know how can he be so cruel.. how can he go on with life??.. i am sayin as if someting really did happen.. but nthing happen.. i am still deeply trapped in this memories and i am still unwilling to let go.. i really cant imagine what will happen when my friend tell me that he is gettin married.. but tat day will come sooner or later.. i just hope that when the day comes i am over him already...
Notice that i put those instead of my in the title.. i really hope that they are not my relatives.. not even related to me by anyway.. this relatives belonged to my mum.. especially her third sister and her husband.. they are a shame to us.. it is the way they behave.. since my grandmother passed away.. they had been coming to my house for free meals during sunday since... i was in sec one.. that is like when i am 13 and now i am 21 le.. it is like a whole freaking 8 yrs that they had came to my house to eat.. if this ppl eat and keep quiet and in fact praise my mother.. i am fine with the idea of them coming to my house for meals.. but the fact is that thought they come here for meals every sunday.. they bad mouthed about my mother behind her back.. i mean what type of sister would do that??... I mean okie lah i admit i bad mouth my sister but not malicious type of remark.. it is not as if we own them one mountain of debts so that we had to be grateful to them and when they come every weekend we had to bow to them.. in fact NO... we do not own them any freaking thing.. the fact of why i am so strongly against them is because most of my childhood consist of being laughted by them... i had a funny childhood and not that i dont like my childhood.. i love my childhood.. and it is this childhood that made me such a strong person.. my mum, sis and bro worked as waiteress and waiter when i was young.. and i had to follow them to the place they work in and stay there for the whole night.. and these so call sister of my mother din even bother as to where am i where are we where is my mother's three kids.. and when we visited my grandmother's house.. they made us felt as if we were the lowest being ever to be around in earth.. i mean imagine tolerating that.. and we did.. that is why we are strong.. because of this.. i told myself.. i want to be successful and i dont want anything to do with all this relatives.. now.. finally.. we had all started workin.. life is not a bed of rose but at least better than the past.. then this relatives started creeping back.. to bother us.. treating my mother and father like maid.. throwing their kids at our house every weekend.. my mother had to cook expensive food for them or they will not even touch those mere mortal food that my mum cook.. every week because they treated my mum like maid i would had to quarral with her asking her why this ppl are coming to our house and every week she had to tell me to behave myself or i would be a shame.. today is the final straw.. i dont understand why izzit that for caring for my mum we had to quarral with her every week.. to mit wif her silence and her ignoring us.. breaking the bond with us.. because we CARE for her.. i dun understand.. today that third uncle in law's son (my cousin came) and then my mum cook.. and that cousin din like what my mum cooked.. so he didnt want to eat.. and being the ever trying to be nice person.. my mum invited his parents to come up for dinner.. that freaking stupid jerk came.. my mum ask him to eat.. he say he need to go and drive his wife.. then ask my mum to dao bao.. i mean you got no hands arh!!.... WAH!!!!!....i had enuff lor.. are they disable or what.. if that is the case what is the use of their hands.. chop it off and donate it to somebody else who need it or will put it to better use than them.. what is their freaking problem... then he go enough already enough already.. i am like WTF.. so i purposely say v. loudly to my mother that she is hafing hand pain why still do this thing.. and i take the thing and throw into the rice.. my mother scolded me sayin that i am rude.. and i just scream at her.. i ask her why is the freaking problem.. if i dont do this ppl would also critize me behind my back.. so why not.. given that a little critize is critize and alot of critize is also critize i dont care about what they say.. and she say i cant do this.. i mean WTF.. i do whatever i like not caring about what other ppl say.. why do i have to care about what a few worms say behind my back and quarral wif her every weekend.. initially she say that siblings are only for this lifetime not the next life.. and now she say that watever we want to do we can only do it after she died.. i mean is there really such a need to get so drama and ignore your kids because of a few parasites that even parasites are ashame of them??... i dont know.. everything we brought up this subject we will only be greeted by silence by my mum or she will just scream the hell out of us.. if this is the way she chose to ignore whatever we say.. fine.. i will also chose to ignore whatever she say... be it that it is her third sister or her husband or her cousin purple who come and leech on us again.. i am going to just say whatever is on my mind.. i dont give a damm!!.. i mean compare to the other few who are the same age as me i believe i am the most sensible coz my brain function in a normal way.. yet this is the type of shit that i get coz i am poor.. fine then i am poor and i will behave poorly too.. that is for whoever who crossed my path and make me cross to suffer their own consequences...
I bet with karen that i am not goin to play maple today.. so i am controlling myself nt to play maple..so here i am sittin in the dark bloggin about today.. well nothing much.. to begin with.. i actually din wan to go out.. in the end i went out wif karen.. go shopping.. brought this v. nice blouse at giodano.. thinking of goin back to purchase the black one.. coz it is really v. nice... can also wear as office wear.. that is why i like.. haha..
Listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi.. re-encountering about all the past events.. i still love the feeling of liking him... it is like when you noe that you can love somebody and everything around you turn beautiful because of him.. it is v. hard to find another person to replace that type of feeling.. it is like when i like ss... that was in sec one lah.. it is like i started to appreciate things more.. that type of feeling is not replacable.. then as years goes by.. i no longer experience that type of feeling anymore.. i really like that type of feeling.. but it is really hard to find.. i no longer experience that type of feeling.. when i like him.. that is another type of feeling.. another type of beautiful feeling that is gradually leaving too.. and i guess nobody can ever replace this type of feelin like how nobody can ever replace that type of feeling that i had when i like ss.. but compare.. i believe i like this type of feeling better that the type of feelin i got when liking ss... it is like this feeling is lighter.. more comfortable.. haha who noes.. in the future when i fall deeply for another person again.. i might say that i like that type of feeling better.. haha.. seems like i am describing perfume.. which one is more intense which more is more light and which one is flora.. haha..
Before i goes into any updating.. i better post this up first before i get killed by grievances... Happy Belated 21th Birthday Bee Ting... I really hope that the the future will be one gigantic bed of roses for you... Lastly... faster find a bf.. i really dun wan to be mistaken as a lesbian..
Some updates bout myself.. i dunno why.. i am feeling so freaking tired and sleepy tis few days.. really lack of sleep sia... so tired... *yawnz* this is the result of excessive mapling.. i am sooo focused on level up that i just ignore sleeping.. and play and play and play... anyway it is a nt bad game lor.. coz the fact that you can level up is more interesting than anything else.. anyway this week has three off day(includin public hol and weekend) so can stay at home and play maple for day and nite.. muahahahaa...
These few days has been rushful and confusing for me.. with the lack of sleep.. my judgement was not very good..... i just dun feel like thinking.. too tired lah.. anyway my cousin say that she wants to intro this guy to me.. or rather initially she told me that he wants to noe me.. then later i sense sumting fishy... after askin her then i know that she actually wanted to intro me to this guy.. so i told her forget it... not because i am tryin to be difficult or anything.. even my sister told me to try... telling me that there is no harm in starting a relationship but i beg to defer.. i mean for me.. when you get into a relationship with somebody.. it will forever stays in ur memories.. being in a relationship is something that is beyond friends.. which means you are closer to this person... it cannot be just try try casually.. mayb i am stubborn.. but i feel that you cant just jump into a relation blindly or casually.. i am only 21.. my love life mayb sad.. but i dun tink it is sad till the extend that i need matchmaking or anything.. after all this thots.. i just feel that i am not prepared to jump into a relationship.. i am still too used to being alone by myself... like i always say.. how can you go out with another person when you obviously know that he is not the person that you loved the most or the person in the deepest corner of your heart??....... I am not trying to imply anything.. before you all start smacking ur forehead.. he is no longer an issue.. it is just that so occasionally he will still jump into my memories from the deepest corner of my heart.. i had to work out things with myself first.. i had came to conclusion that i just love the feeling of liking him at that point of time.. so for this i will need to work out for myself before i can proceed on.. otherwise i just feel that i am too selfish to the opp party..
Today is a very bad day... so this is how it feels like when you go on cold war wif everybody in the world.. you basically feel alone and depressed.. and tears wun stop.. it just keeps on flowin.. i had enuff.. i finally scream at my mother today.. i just keep on screaming at her.. askin her if she had actually heard what i say.. i have been saying things for so long.. had she ever put her heart into listening to what i say??... it didnt work.. she scream back at me.. tellin me she did.. but it nv seems that she did before.. when i am tokin to her complaining.. she nv seems to listen.. then is that call listening??..that she ask me then now she body pain who should she tell.. i mean shouldnt tings be one tings at a time??... i just cried and cried... i am really upset.. i am very tired le.. really very tired.. from supporting so many tings.. who can support me??.. nobody..
Hmm... recently my hm got cold war..shall nt mention who and who given that it is a v. political issues and i have declared that i am washing my hand off this issue because the reasoning that both party gave is reasonable but there seems to be no way to resolve the issue because both reason given conflict each others... being the nice middleman i am stuck in the middle and not able to move to either side to resolve the problem because both sides make sense!!.... Anyway i am not here to try and tok bout the cold war today...but to get some ideas into ppl's mind..
Family ties How much do you understand bout this word??... does it means that it is just some sickening ting that relate you to your family mber??.. or is this ties formed because out of fate you are born to this family and that this bond is only truly established when there is love, care and concern add into this tie... thought i am a very negative person.. i always have this believe that family ties is not form just because you are born to be related to this person, but it is truly established when there is love, concern and care is added into this ties... For this believe.... i will never give up on any of the family i love... ESPECIALLY my immediate family... I would like to remind everybody that if they truly love their family members, nv give up on them... no matter what they have done.. though i always say that i give up on my mother and her relatives because i feel that this is a losing war.. i nv truly give up... try askin one of those idiotic relatives of hers to bully her lor.. i will jump on that person's neck and tear off all his/her hair..
In life, sometime we are so busy tat our family members fade into the background.. and we never realise it that this are the few ppl on earth that we truly care and will truly feel heartbroken when they are hurt.. so today onwards... try to appreciate your family more... Life is short.. by the time you realise that you should start appreciating somebody mayb it is too late le.. you may nv get that chance... why not start today??... I would love to end this blog by imitating the very cute Stitch in say this sentence "Ohana means family, and family means nobody is left behind.... or forgotten"
Hmm.. recently someting inside my heart is making me start tinkin sumting that had been botherin me for a v. loong time.. okie i noe some of you esp bt.. is goin to slap your forehead and say oh no.. nt again.. er... yes.. er.. i started tinkin bout him again... er.. nt that bad lor.. at least this time around.. i only feel a mild heartache.. not a serious heartache.. that threaten to tear my heart apart.. sounds v. violent hor.. well.. i am listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi now.. this is my fatal song.. i will definately tink of him whenever i hear this song.. i count count and count.. it seems like i had not seen him for eight mth le.. goin to be one yr soon le hor?? Mayb soon enuff i will start to forget how he looks like.. i am tellin myself that nothing about him is goin to brin me down again.. but it seems like sometime it is really hard.. i am sure that definately i have moved out of waiting.. my life is no longer pending on hold anymore.. i have step out of that period of time le.. moving on and on.. but occasionally... these memories would come to visit me.. Sometime.. i am really confused.. whether i still like that person or izzit that i like the feelin that i had when i like him at that period of time.. Durin that period when i like him.. though sad.. everything seems so beautiful... my surrounding seems so peaceful.. How can you continue to like a person whom you had nv communicate or seen for nearly half a yr.. Okie if that person had loved you too.. mayb you will.. that is love.. but mine is a sad case whereby he dun like me.. i am a one sided affair.. that is not love.. that is foolish.. yet this heartache comes back once in a while to visit me.. Here comes the million dollar question that i have always asked on my blog.. how will he react when he sees my blog accidentally... and accidentally know that he is the main topic on my blog and he is the one that i had like for nearly two yr.. and he is the one who made me changed so much??..Will he feel honoured?.. i dunno.. all these questions can only be answered by one person.. and i doubt i will ever get a answer.. I am startin to suspect that my sis and bro will view my blog every now and then when they are in the kaypo mood.. haha.. anyway.. in case they are wonderin what is inside the plastic box with a purple lid.. it had a purple lid.. so you can guess lah it is sumting associated to him.. My sis once told her kids not to play with that box coz it contain my project.. well she is half correct.. coz i had stored everything about him.. including the tape interview we had with him and the dvd inside the box.. SO.. that box is not my project box.. that is my memory box.. it contain everything that i had hold on dearly about him..all the tiny little tings that i can collect that had somehow associated to him.. i kept everything in the box.. just like how i kept all my feelings for him inside a box in my heart too.. so when i keep that box high up on the cupboard.. that means that i am alrite.. when i take down that box.. that means that i am missin him again.. and the feelings is out of the box in my heart too.. I had this hope in my heart that i had nv admit to.. i really hope to see him again.. mayb i just wan to be sure that i had no more feelin for him.. or mayb i really do miss him.. or mayb i just wan him to see the prettier me.. i dunno.. one ting for sure.. he is no longer my prince.. but sumbody who had left such a deep inprint in my heart that nobody else can replace ever again...
Okie... yesterday i mit up wif bee ting.. to celebrate our 3 8 fu nui jie.. well we took this day as our friendship anniversary day.. we had known each other for eight yr le.. very long time hor??... Hmm.. we been thru sec school.. poly.. now work life.. and were there for each other while nursing a broken heart... We are not lesbian hor.. and i know that we will never be lesbian.. but just that we have already been friend for such a long time that we are so comfortable with each other that we are like sisters.... no hiddin of anyting.. Oh ya something to deepen the misunderstanding.. i received a bouquet of flower from her and she also received a bouquet of flower from me~~.. but as i maintained.. we are not lesbian... will try to post a image of the flowers on the blog sumday okie....
Valentine day... i tink it start from either tis yr or last yr.. i am startin to hate this day.. haha.. this is the day where you see lovey dovey couple goin out.. at least 99.99999% of the girls on the street will have a boquet of flowers in their hand.. guess who is that missing person??.. me.. that is correct.. every year without fail.. that percent will be me.. Like i told ning yesterday.. i am nt afraid of being left alone or anything.. but i am just scare that i might turn into my auntie's clone.. yeah.. you all have seen it.. i am scare of turning into my auntie's clone coz nobody like her.. and she is unbalanced because she is being left on the shelf.. And i get friends who ask me.. 'that kind of chemistry".. " that kind of feeling that he is the rite one for you coz the feeling together with him is just rite".. I DUNNO!!.. stop askin me if i noe .. because i dunno... i have never had that kind of feelings before in my life... never... so stop tellin me that i dunno if this is okie.. because when we are together i dun have that kind of feelin...
But to come to think of it.. remember all the anti climate show that we watch whereby this girl will do lot of things for the guy then in the end when the guy finally like the girl and wants to be together with her.. she chose to leave him??.. i noe that this shows are rare and but they do exist.. i really wonder... if i will continue to like a particular sumbody only to find that in the end i had wasted alot of time because actually i dun like him.. i used to think that such show is a pity coz the guy and the girl dun end up together.. but then i finally understand why.. when you are numb.. and you dunno that you had no longer liked that guy... you will just wish and hope and pray that he will one day be together with you.. but when he finally does (not sayin that in any of my situation it will) you find that it is all meaningless because the pure and true love that you had develop for him initially is gone!... Well i do have a uncanny liking for ppl who treat me like dirt.. i remembered that i once took a love test and the result is that i am just a wall paper flower waiting for bloom with love... i think if i take the test again.. i will be a dead fish.. numb and feelingless.. worse and feeling bitter too.. why am i feeling bitter??... when you give true love and find it in a dump.. you will most pro feel bitter too.. unbalanced??.. that is the reason why i am sayin that i am turning more and more like my auntie... so no worries my dear relatives... there is definately sumbody who will take over the position of Doc Lee.... but in the meantime do give me a break and let me lead a normal life and stop remindin me of this cruel reality before i take over the throne and be Doc Ng...
Last yr tis period.. this used to be my favorite song.. at that point of time.. it seems like this will be my favorite song for the rest of my life... no matter how many time i hear it.. i will never get tired of it... but now it is no longer really my favorite song.. at least this is nt the first song that i want to heard when i get up... at every moment of the day.. ppl who noes me very well will know where this blog posting is heading.. eh no.. i am not falling into depression because of him again.. i do admit that heartache do come occasionally.. every now and then.. but i asked myself... in the past, when i picture him.. i really miss him alot..just wish to be able to see him instantly.. when i picture him now.. the feeling is gone.. he is just another human being who had stepped into my life.. I used to picture him as my prince charming.. but the image is totally gone le.. i have once told bee ting.. that.. no matter how he changed.. i will still like him.. so long as he is not a jerk.. and i mean it okie.. but i am just totally disappointed..
Then i found out that actually being in my shoe for the last two yr is not chi qing.. is lan qing.. is stupidity.. i also kept a dairy bout him.. take down every event that happened between the both of us... huggin the book and cry when i really cant stand it anymore.. thinkin back.. it is really stupid.. how can i feel so much heartache for a person who never know my feelin or worse know about it but dump my love for him into a dumping ground.. BT says that we have no rite to hate sumbody... i dun hate him.. i am just disappointed with him..
But i believe... step by step.. i will stand up firmly and get on with my life completed again.. till that time.. he will really be a human being who had come into my life before and left a very deep footprint in my life's journey... no longer the man whom i love the most..
Happy Happy Lunar New Year to everybody... mayb everybody have a fruitful year ahead and collect alot of hongbao.. haha
Anyway.. i was chatting with my bro yesterday... then i was telling him that if i want to get scolded on the first day of new year.. i will just have to go to my parent's room, wake my dad up and greet him Happy New Year.. nt because he is a grumpy old man or because he dun like new year.. is because he kena wake up by moi so he will be grumpy.. then i suddenly remember an incident that happened when i was in pri school.. tis ting really happened.. but it was reversed... i remember that year my mum was workin and she assigned the task of prayin to my dad... since young i was fancinated by prayin during CNY nite.. so i told my dad that he muz wake me up when he is going to start praying... and i fall asleep.. then when he wake me up.. i was in a super grumpy mood... and when he gif me the hongbao.. i say i dun wan and throw the hongbao on the floor... i was sooooo guilty for throwin the hongbao that he gave me on the floor.. that also reminds me why i was so close to my dad.. coz he always held me close to his heart... i was like super nice to my dad after that coz i feel that he had made the effort to give me the hongbao yet a rude girl like me just dump the hongbao on the floor and vent my anger during CNY..
I suddenly remember this fact.. and why my moto is to be a filial daughter.. but looking back after i started workin.. somehow because of the change of environment as well as the stress blah blah blah... i start to forget about this.. and start being extremely rude to them sometime.. when i am in bad mood and when they step on my tail... i really dun understand why.. sometime straight after i quarral with them i will immediately feel bad about it... but just cant bring myself to tok to them anymore...
SO... in this lunar new year.. i have grown stronger... i have come to agree that nobody... NOBODY can push me around like a pushover.. coz my parents held me close to their heart.. nobody have the rite to taunt me.. bully me.. step over my life.. or even ruin my life because my life is reserved for my parents.. only they have the rite to do the.. the rest who want to bully me blah blah.. please scram aside... and i will try to be nicer to my parents from now on...
This is a type of fish that ppl usually eat when they are recoverin from a wound.. it aid in healing of the wounds... but i have never eaten tis type of fish before.. and if i had in the past then i felt ashame that i have eaten them.. coz they way that they are being killed is way tooooo cruel... i always know how they were being killed. since i went to market one time with my mum and saw a man take a stick and keep on hammering the poor fish's head till it is dead.. today i saw this scene again.. and it is not just one fish you noe.. it is a few fishes at the same time that the man is hammering.. i mean image this scene, the man have a few sheng yu around him, then he hammer this one and turn around to hammer another one while the other one tried desperately to slide away only to be push back to the original spot by the man's feet and kena hammer on the head again.. i mean each time i hear a thump sound.. my heart jus skip a beat.. i felt the pain in my heart each time i hear the thump sound..
I mean.. is there really such a need to go to such extend to kill the fish??.. the poor fish... why muz it be hammered to death??... when a human get hammered to death.. we pity the human tinkin that ohh he/she muz have suffered a great deal of pain before he/she died.. but why when this is applied to animals... human are so cruel??.. tink of tis at the fish's last few moment.. it would be in such great pain for nothing!!!.... izzit because that this would keep the fish fresher that is why they have to do this.. for the price of being a bit more tasty, the fish would have to suffer such terrible fate before it die!!... I remember that i watched a documentary before about how those kind of tian ji(frog) are being killed.. they are being literally chopped into half when they are still alive!.. then the head will go to the rubbish bin and you can still see it moving... i used to love tian ji.. but ever since i saw that documentary.. i no longer eat it.. no matter how much i love to eat it.. i decide to gif up because i feel that just to satisfy my own taste bud.. i have to cause the poor frog to suffer like tis is really nt worth it.. ppl want to kill that is not within my control but at least i cant control myself and dun eat them.. at least it make a diff that not so many of the suffer...
I really feel very sad for all these animals who died a painful/slow/agony death in the name of delicacies.. i mean it is really nt worth it!!... I really hope that all this animal that died a painful/slow/agony death would be able to find peace in their afterlife and not suffer anymore.. and hope ppl will stop killing animals in such a sick way...
Well.. i have alot of doubts this few days hor.. first i doubt about love.. nw i doubt about family.. nt that i am a problem kid.. but then just that sometime the reaction that ppl gif you is makes you really very sian... and you just get totally disappointed with them.. why do you need to do so much for them when in the end you just get scoldin??... suanin??... ppl sayin that you are bo liao??... i guess it is really alot better to live for myself.. because without helpin ppl automatically there is no expectation and i am able to protect myself better... look.. i am really sick and tired of gettin scolded... when i did nothing wrong... another freaking ppl who scold me without any valid reason is goin to get it from me... and i am really tired.. so dun expect any help frm me anymore... coz i am sick and tired of planning, helpin and all i get in the end is that i am bo liao.. i shouldnt have help... and some more scolding..
Well.. went to watch I Not Stupid Too yesterday.. the show is nt bad.. the issue is something that is very close to home and very close to heart.. and it is quite funny... so a watchable show afterall.. then went home.. my sis wanted to go back to her home.. and requested for either her hubby or her mother in law to come and drive her.. unfortunately to her expectation.. they turn her down.. coz her hubby as irresponsible as ever was busy with other freaking things.. and her mother in law as usual lmwna (refer to me if you wan to noe what is the meaning) did not want to come and drive her.. so we have to wait at the taxi stand there for taxi.. and there was a looooong q of ppl at the tai stand waiting for taxis while i was at the side there calling for cab.. and there is nt even a single cab available for calling.. i am amazed.. anyway.. as i was call a cab.. a thot pop up in my mind.. how good will it be.. if i have a prince charming that drives a car... if i am caught in this type of situation.. then my prince charming will definately be there to save me.. then another thot pop up.. reality check.. suddenly i thot of my sis.. she is.... married her husband... drive her husband... have a car but she is now.... waiting for a cab and her husband.... refused to come and drive her this thot push me back to reality.. then i suddenly realise that even if you have a bf or prince charming or blah.. that doesnt mean that they will come and drive you or save you out of dangerous situation you noe.. they might go out and drive the whole singapore but they will NEVER drive you ard.. i shall nt mention who.. otherwise later my sis get a divorce then i am dead coz i am still nt financially stable enuff to support my sis and her two son.... so.. the moral of this story is that i am super pissed off.. with some inconsiderate idiots whom brain is smaller that those of germs (a new phrase i learnt from my colleague yesterday... =D) and i realise that doesnt mean that you have bf/husband/fiance/prince charming/ blah blah blah you will live happily ever after you noe.. mayb you might end up leaving happily ever after you noe.. so i still think that rather than a prince charming.. why not have tons and tons of money.. at least if you have tons of money you can purchase a car urself and get the freakin license.. that day you wan to travel to jb and come back to singapore at 12am in the morning also can.. coz you are freaking rich.. you have the transport urself.. you dun have to rely on other idiots.. money vs bf.. i feels that money is still the best.. so give me money anytime.. i will welcome them...
*Disclaimer: i am not tryin to say that there is no nice guys around in the whole world but just that i have not met any and doubt that i will met any in my life. I believe that there are still nice guys around in the world okie..... and i believe that there ARE girls out there who truly meet their prince charming who is REALLY charming and live happily ever after...
