给与妈妈的祝福
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How many of you have heard of me mentioning about my mum in happy tone before?
Many times, when I mentioned about my mum, I am always complaining about her... scolding her... bad mouthing about her... and wondering what is exactly wrong with her...
How many of you know that I actually is a mummy's kid?....... I bet that nobody can could imagine that I'm a mummy's kid...
Did I ever tell you how fortunate I am that despite being born in a poor family, I live like a princess because my mum is willing to exchange everything that she has so that I can lead a better life?...
Did I ever tell you that she is the greatest mum that I can ever have... and I secretly wish that in the next life, I can still return as her pesky little kid and be loved by her like how she love me this life time?...
I used to stick to my mum so much that everybody around her mentioned that I have super glued myself to her.. and I will follow her everywhere she goes...
So, what exactly changed and what made me turn 180degree from somebody who sticked to her day and night to somebody who only knows how to complain about her, find trouble with her, quarral with her and scold her?
You want to know? I am not gonna tell... I promised I will press delete and delete all these bad memories and karma that should belonged to somebody else but was channelled onto her due to her selflessness....
My mum lead a bad life... In fact, if there is a gu cai first gen.. i bet she is that gu cai first gen... Never loved by anybody (except for my dad okay) in her first part of life... discriminated and isolated in the middle part of her life... and still gets discriminated and isolated plus getting bullied by her kids during the mid-later part of her life...
I have always seen myself as her protector, I must protect her from being bullied... I tried to be there for her... because nobody protect her for most of her life... so I try to... but I was so blinded by my act of protection that I hurt her.... really badly... most importantly... it hurt our relationship too...
Something happened to her this year... something really bad... she got hospitalised.. and it was my fault that she got hospitalised... I have never thot that I would see her in this way...
She felt into coma for two days.... and there are ten thousand needles plugged into her body... suddenly.... she look so small... the 'grandma' in my mind has always been a huge figure... and I realised that it is not because she is big... it is because the shadow that she casted over me to protect me is so huge that I have mistaken that as her...
The doctor came, and told me that her life is in danger... She might not be able to pull thru if we dont give her the scan and if we give her the scan, she might end up with permanent kidney failure... There was nobody there... and (in very small voice: old man went blank when i told him that his wife's life is in danger... for the first time in my life... old man's eyes was blank... cant see his processor moving at all)... I had to make a decision on what to do....
After the doctor is done telling me that my mum will either die or suffer kidney failure, I turn over and saw tears falling out of her eyes....
I studied her very intensively... I rubbed her hands for the first time in many years... and tell her 'it's okay... nothing bad will happen...' and I realised that she's REALLY aged alot.... I saw the HUGE brown patch across her nose bridge that I gave her as a hello gift when I was born.. and it drawn on me that I was nothing but trouble...
She had a difficult time while carrying me.... when I finally came out, although I proudly declared that I am born on a sunday, I destroyed her sunday... I gave her a HUGE brown patch on her nose bridge, effectively destroying her spotless face... I am a weak kid, I have tonsils the size of adult's tonsils and get fever when somebody just pat me on the back... threaten and force her to buy feathery fan from Chinatown everytime we go there, showed her doe eye look and emotionally threaten her to buy me all the latest toy in primary school and accused her of doting on somebody else more that me....
And now.... at the ripe old age of 26, I delivered the last blow by bringing her to buy that fatal bread which causes her to be hospitalised...
I have always tell TFB that parents can dedicate their whole life to their kids... but their kids can never dedicate their whole life to their parents up till the day they die... but I dedicate my life to creating trouble for her and I asked myself.... are you done? are you done with torturing her?... are you happy now?...
I called Eat Bread and she rushed down to the hospital.... she couldnt make the decision, so she called her elder brother.... while rushing to elsewhere, i told Eat Bread that if i ever make my mum angry again... she has all the rights in the world to slap me... and if i try to hit back.. she must remind me that I asked her to do so...
I reminded myself that when I see her doing things that I think will make her unhappy, I try to stop her from doing it, in the process of doing so, I quarral with her.. and I MADE her unappy.... if she ever want to do something, she must have done it willingly and happily but because of my own judgement, I assumed that she is unhappy and try to stop her and make her unhappy.... although truthfully speaking, I AM NOT the one who caused her misery... I became the one who caused her all the unhappiness... I stand by my new found belief that if she wants to do something, she can go ahead and do it... i will not stop her.. unless it will cause her injury or death... she has live to the ripe old age of 60.. she should know what she need to do, what to do and why she want to do it... I, have no right to interfere (except if it will cause death or injury)
If she is unhappy after that, I can luff at her..... and tell her not to do it in the future...
Of course of course, she recovered and is very well now except that she need to watch her diet as she has very mild diabetes... and I know those of you who know me very well will think that all these promises that i made will only last me for six months... but you know.... i am even determined to keep to my promises because I know very well that although she went thru these pain and etc.... and sustained mild diabetes... she felt that all these is worth it... if she can pull me back... and everything in the family is fine again...
She is willing to give up her life... subject her body to torture, so long as her family stay close....
If she is willing to do all these.. I think a little mental torture from her bunch of "i really dun like people" luffing at me secretly is fine... because there's always karma for everybody.. you can treat her as badly as you want.. her kids are not useless.... but her kids are more concern about her happiness... and you will be punished by karma, the harder you luff.. you more you will get...
I will not quarral with my mum ever again (minor bitchfitting doesnt count as quarraling, like if she throws toffee across the room, disturb cotton all the time and pester me non stop the whole day)... I will not quarral with her ever again... I will do what I can to fulfill what she wants me to fulfill for her with the rest of my years.... If she can dedicate that type of dedication to me... I believe I can too.....
Many times, when I mentioned about my mum, I am always complaining about her... scolding her... bad mouthing about her... and wondering what is exactly wrong with her...
How many of you know that I actually is a mummy's kid?....... I bet that nobody can could imagine that I'm a mummy's kid...
Did I ever tell you how fortunate I am that despite being born in a poor family, I live like a princess because my mum is willing to exchange everything that she has so that I can lead a better life?...
Did I ever tell you that she is the greatest mum that I can ever have... and I secretly wish that in the next life, I can still return as her pesky little kid and be loved by her like how she love me this life time?...
I used to stick to my mum so much that everybody around her mentioned that I have super glued myself to her.. and I will follow her everywhere she goes...
So, what exactly changed and what made me turn 180degree from somebody who sticked to her day and night to somebody who only knows how to complain about her, find trouble with her, quarral with her and scold her?
You want to know? I am not gonna tell... I promised I will press delete and delete all these bad memories and karma that should belonged to somebody else but was channelled onto her due to her selflessness....
My mum lead a bad life... In fact, if there is a gu cai first gen.. i bet she is that gu cai first gen... Never loved by anybody (except for my dad okay) in her first part of life... discriminated and isolated in the middle part of her life... and still gets discriminated and isolated plus getting bullied by her kids during the mid-later part of her life...
I have always seen myself as her protector, I must protect her from being bullied... I tried to be there for her... because nobody protect her for most of her life... so I try to... but I was so blinded by my act of protection that I hurt her.... really badly... most importantly... it hurt our relationship too...
Something happened to her this year... something really bad... she got hospitalised.. and it was my fault that she got hospitalised... I have never thot that I would see her in this way...
She felt into coma for two days.... and there are ten thousand needles plugged into her body... suddenly.... she look so small... the 'grandma' in my mind has always been a huge figure... and I realised that it is not because she is big... it is because the shadow that she casted over me to protect me is so huge that I have mistaken that as her...
The doctor came, and told me that her life is in danger... She might not be able to pull thru if we dont give her the scan and if we give her the scan, she might end up with permanent kidney failure... There was nobody there... and (in very small voice: old man went blank when i told him that his wife's life is in danger... for the first time in my life... old man's eyes was blank... cant see his processor moving at all)... I had to make a decision on what to do....
After the doctor is done telling me that my mum will either die or suffer kidney failure, I turn over and saw tears falling out of her eyes....
I studied her very intensively... I rubbed her hands for the first time in many years... and tell her 'it's okay... nothing bad will happen...' and I realised that she's REALLY aged alot.... I saw the HUGE brown patch across her nose bridge that I gave her as a hello gift when I was born.. and it drawn on me that I was nothing but trouble...
She had a difficult time while carrying me.... when I finally came out, although I proudly declared that I am born on a sunday, I destroyed her sunday... I gave her a HUGE brown patch on her nose bridge, effectively destroying her spotless face... I am a weak kid, I have tonsils the size of adult's tonsils and get fever when somebody just pat me on the back... threaten and force her to buy feathery fan from Chinatown everytime we go there, showed her doe eye look and emotionally threaten her to buy me all the latest toy in primary school and accused her of doting on somebody else more that me....
And now.... at the ripe old age of 26, I delivered the last blow by bringing her to buy that fatal bread which causes her to be hospitalised...
I have always tell TFB that parents can dedicate their whole life to their kids... but their kids can never dedicate their whole life to their parents up till the day they die... but I dedicate my life to creating trouble for her and I asked myself.... are you done? are you done with torturing her?... are you happy now?...
I called Eat Bread and she rushed down to the hospital.... she couldnt make the decision, so she called her elder brother.... while rushing to elsewhere, i told Eat Bread that if i ever make my mum angry again... she has all the rights in the world to slap me... and if i try to hit back.. she must remind me that I asked her to do so...
I reminded myself that when I see her doing things that I think will make her unhappy, I try to stop her from doing it, in the process of doing so, I quarral with her.. and I MADE her unappy.... if she ever want to do something, she must have done it willingly and happily but because of my own judgement, I assumed that she is unhappy and try to stop her and make her unhappy.... although truthfully speaking, I AM NOT the one who caused her misery... I became the one who caused her all the unhappiness... I stand by my new found belief that if she wants to do something, she can go ahead and do it... i will not stop her.. unless it will cause her injury or death... she has live to the ripe old age of 60.. she should know what she need to do, what to do and why she want to do it... I, have no right to interfere (except if it will cause death or injury)
If she is unhappy after that, I can luff at her..... and tell her not to do it in the future...
Of course of course, she recovered and is very well now except that she need to watch her diet as she has very mild diabetes... and I know those of you who know me very well will think that all these promises that i made will only last me for six months... but you know.... i am even determined to keep to my promises because I know very well that although she went thru these pain and etc.... and sustained mild diabetes... she felt that all these is worth it... if she can pull me back... and everything in the family is fine again...
She is willing to give up her life... subject her body to torture, so long as her family stay close....
If she is willing to do all these.. I think a little mental torture from her bunch of "i really dun like people" luffing at me secretly is fine... because there's always karma for everybody.. you can treat her as badly as you want.. her kids are not useless.... but her kids are more concern about her happiness... and you will be punished by karma, the harder you luff.. you more you will get...
I will not quarral with my mum ever again (minor bitchfitting doesnt count as quarraling, like if she throws toffee across the room, disturb cotton all the time and pester me non stop the whole day)... I will not quarral with her ever again... I will do what I can to fulfill what she wants me to fulfill for her with the rest of my years.... If she can dedicate that type of dedication to me... I believe I can too.....
