Sylvia's World...

Valentine day... i tink it start from either tis yr or last yr.. i am startin to hate this day.. haha.. this is the day where you see lovey dovey couple goin out.. at least 99.99999% of the girls on the street will have a boquet of flowers in their hand.. guess who is that missing person??.. me.. that is correct.. every year without fail.. that percent will be me.. Like i told ning yesterday.. i am nt afraid of being left alone or anything.. but i am just scare that i might turn into my auntie's clone.. yeah.. you all have seen it.. i am scare of turning into my auntie's clone coz nobody like her.. and she is unbalanced because she is being left on the shelf.. And i get friends who ask me.. 'that kind of chemistry".. " that kind of feeling that he is the rite one for you coz the feeling together with him is just rite".. I DUNNO!!.. stop askin me if i noe .. because i dunno... i have never had that kind of feelings before in my life... never... so stop tellin me that i dunno if this is okie.. because when we are together i dun have that kind of feelin...

But to come to think of it.. remember all the anti climate show that we watch whereby this girl will do lot of things for the guy then in the end when the guy finally like the girl and wants to be together with her.. she chose to leave him??.. i noe that this shows are rare and but they do exist.. i really wonder... if i will continue to like a particular sumbody only to find that in the end i had wasted alot of time because actually i dun like him.. i used to think that such show is a pity coz the guy and the girl dun end up together.. but then i finally understand why.. when you are numb.. and you dunno that you had no longer liked that guy... you will just wish and hope and pray that he will one day be together with you.. but when he finally does (not sayin that in any of my situation it will) you find that it is all meaningless because the pure and true love that you had develop for him initially is gone!... Well i do have a uncanny liking for ppl who treat me like dirt.. i remembered that i once took a love test and the result is that i am just a wall paper flower waiting for bloom with love... i think if i take the test again.. i will be a dead fish.. numb and feelingless.. worse and feeling bitter too.. why am i feeling bitter??... when you give true love and find it in a dump.. you will most pro feel bitter too.. unbalanced??.. that is the reason why i am sayin that i am turning more and more like my auntie... so no worries my dear relatives... there is definately sumbody who will take over the position of Doc Lee.... but in the meantime do give me a break and let me lead a normal life and stop remindin me of this cruel reality before i take over the throne and be Doc Ng...

Last yr tis period.. this used to be my favorite song.. at that point of time.. it seems like this will be my favorite song for the rest of my life... no matter how many time i hear it.. i will never get tired of it... but now it is no longer really my favorite song.. at least this is nt the first song that i want to heard when i get up... at every moment of the day.. ppl who noes me very well will know where this blog posting is heading.. eh no.. i am not falling into depression because of him again.. i do admit that heartache do come occasionally.. every now and then.. but i asked myself... in the past, when i picture him.. i really miss him alot..just wish to be able to see him instantly.. when i picture him now.. the feeling is gone.. he is just another human being who had stepped into my life.. I used to picture him as my prince charming.. but the image is totally gone le.. i have once told bee ting.. that.. no matter how he changed.. i will still like him.. so long as he is not a jerk.. and i mean it okie.. but i am just totally disappointed..

Then i found out that actually being in my shoe for the last two yr is not chi qing.. is lan qing.. is stupidity.. i also kept a dairy bout him.. take down every event that happened between the both of us... huggin the book and cry when i really cant stand it anymore.. thinkin back.. it is really stupid.. how can i feel so much heartache for a person who never know my feelin or worse know about it but dump my love for him into a dumping ground.. BT says that we have no rite to hate sumbody... i dun hate him.. i am just disappointed with him..

But i believe... step by step.. i will stand up firmly and get on with my life completed again.. till that time.. he will really be a human being who had come into my life before and left a very deep footprint in my life's journey... no longer the man whom i love the most..