Sylvia's World...

It's been a loooong time since i update this space.... well.. due to the fact that I have been caught up in alot of stuff, I have not been able to update there at all.. plus the fact that i am lazy and I am greedy so I have like four blogs to maintain. hahahaha..

Got married... and somethings that happened recently made me wonder if this is why people split up so fast after they get married.... Moral of the story... really dont rush into marriage... if you guys still have unsolved issues, resolve it first before getting married.. at least if the both of you really doesnt see eye to eye... you still have a option to go seperate way not involve any legal issues or the fact that you have announced the whole world that you are married blah blah blah.. and remain your status of single and not divorced...

Amazing how fast that a logical person like me... who look forward to wedding, marriage is thinking of divorce even before our customary and etc..

It is sad isnt it... i know that he is not a bad person.. i know that he loves me.. but what if the only thing that your husband can tell you when the both of you quarral is.. why are you harping on the past? but if you dont bring up the past, how can he know what exactly trigger off the quarral?... Dont let small thing eats you.. but what if it is a accumulative of small action? Let go of the past.. but what if this things is going to snowball to something bigger??... but this things has already past and cannot be undone so there is nothing we can do.. but you can make a effort to make sure that it doesnt happen in the future right?.. well.. this is the way it is you know? if you cannot take it anymore.. then no point sticking to the idiot.. but you have never try to make a big effort to make changes to make it worthwhile to stick to you...

End of the day... how could i ever be with you if all you are saying is why focus on the past? you know i am such a person why are you still sticking to me? if you cannot take it anymore.. then just go our seperate way.. but i dont want to go seperate way... i want us to work things out.. but how can i work things out in tears without you understanding me all the time and always just bringing seperate out and instead of alright.. i will make an effort to change this things and not just best effort huh.. best effort.. why cant you tell me okay i know that this is a problem.. i WILL make an effort to change?..

Popiah and i used to have a very intense relationship... it is so intense that we are almost inseperable everyday with me buying it for my dinner EVERY SINGLE DAY... If you peps still remember hai zi. shu, the boy in the show is call popiah because i guess he loves to eat popiah.. so if he is call popiah for his love of popiah, then i think i should be call popiah girl because Popiah and i go a long way back....

So during those days when i buy popiah every single day for dinner, that was when i was dieting... and successfully, i lost quite some kilos... then i started to stray away... not entirely my fault.. but then i discovered that Popiah left me.. and the nearest Popiah is like ten minutes' walk from my house... so gradually.. keeping a long distance relationship wasnt easy especially with the seduction of new interesting stuff like Yong Tau Foo and Fish Soup... so gradually... i was no longer interested in Popiah and found new love in Yong Tau Foo and Fish Soup.. but whenver i spot Popiah, I will still look at Popiah with a sense of sadness because Popiah can no longer revive the interest in me anymore...

Recently, however, I have seen more and more signs of Popiah everywhere i go.. estimating that almost all the places that i frequent for lunch would have signs of Popiah nearby.. and i start to think of the possiblity of rekindling my love for Popiah... it was not until the stomach flu on tuesday when i purchased the fish soup (not fried one hor) that i began to be sick of Fish Soup... and went back looking for Popiah... For the past two days.. I have been having Popiah and i think i can still handle more!.... So i hope with my new found love for Popiah again... I can hopefully look at a healthier and skinnier life... ^_^

Dont pretend to be somebody else when you are not... you make me sick just by looking at you knowing very well that you are merely pretending..

I dont even know why such people exist... Xiao Ren YI DA DUI....!

Gosh!.. I just finished my ROM entry yesterday.. not the one on our ROM preparation progress so far but THE ONE that i will activate on the day before my ROM... yeah i am kiasu.. just that yesterday i had some inspiration so i thot it would be good for me to blog it down first....

And I just realised that my entry on my ROM and the turning from Miss to Mrs is not about yeah i am gonna be Mrs TFB tomorrow liao!.. yeah i believe that there will be a bright glaring future ahead of us with nothing but donuts, happiness and nothing nothing else and a big big happily ever after...

Of course it is nothing negative.. in fact it is a realistic, poetic and sensible way of writing a getting married entry... stay tune to my multiply for that entry.. in *look at clock* bout another three months time.. (;

Actually... after surfing the webbie for a few days.. i realised that anything that has the word "Bridal" inside means the amount for that item will increase by alot alot alot alot alot... just like bouquet.. suddenly.. when you add in the word 'bridal' bouquet.. people are willing to spend like a big sum of money for the flowers... or shoes.. when you add that word 'bridal' to shoes.. people are even more willing to spend another obscene amount of money on it...

I know of this... after being searching for 'bridal' stuff for a period of time.. and this is a trend that i've noticed.. i am not willing to be a 'bridal' victim in spending tons of money because it is 'bridal' so i will just have to try and dig and look for alternatives....

My life is span in a web of lies, acting, some bitches here and there... force dieting.. dreaming of slimming down one day... very very hot days.. assholes here and there.. no future.. black eye rings...

BUT....

on top of that... my life also consist of.. loving family.. loving boyfriend.. loving kids.. loving soft toys.. rainy days... the super duper strong will power to get my life to work out the way i want to... cutie nephews (bleah).. timid buddy to let me bully.. q= nice people that i bump into in life who are constantly giving me good life advice FOC for me to lead my life correctly

So for all the negative stuff that happened in life.. there are bound to be good stuff that will happened too.. so for all these... i still feel that i lead a very blessed life... ^_^

So Sylvia... keep going on okay?.. come what may.. you have to be strong in life and not let anything get you down... NEVER!!!...

For the tenth million times that i have applied leave to keep my room to such an extent that my supervisor asked me.. "Ng Poh Yan.. you keep on applying leave.. you got enuff leave or not?.."

So yeah.. and for the 9.999999999million times that i have failed in keeping my room after taking those leave... wasted efforts.. disappointed expression on boyfriend's face when he come into the house expecting to see a clean room but saw the same things all around...

Disturbed expression on his face when he has to shift all my clothes onto the chair so that he can sleep and be worried whole night about an impending clothes avalanche...

Not enough to tell you how disturbed he is?... then this will confirm plus guarantee and chop that he is disturbed... when i told him that i took leave on thursday to clean my room... he put his hands together firmly and started praying to the laptop.. and i asked him what is he doing... and his reply is.. "I am praying to the internet to be down on thursday so that there are no distraction... best for them to do their internet maintainence on that day..." and show me this expression... =D

Smelly boyfriend... -_-

Okay okay.. i know that i have not been keeping my promise to keep my room as per promised... i have been going online to play facebook, chit chat and it always seems like there are thousand and one interesting things to do on the internet on my day to clean the room.. or i will go out and play blah blah blah blah blah... okay.. but this time.. i will keep my promise and keep the room okay...

I will wake up at 6.30am in the morning to slog my guts away for the day working hard to clean my room so that my room will be ultra clean that you need to wear sunglasses when you enter okay...

bleah!

Quite a few things happened during these period of time.. not bad stuff... some are pretty good stuff in fact.. like the $250 joke.. which turn out to be a blessing in disguise... the istana trip.. which i finally get to visit the Istana.. shake hand with the president.. and took alot of nice photographs there... or our anniversary which went pretty well despite the hot weather...

Life is... pretty on track now.. on the good track... so i truly appreciate this peacefulness and realise that.. sometime.. when you take a back step and dun think so much or dun be too calculative.. life can be pretty good.. just ignore and take whatever you have.. that way.. you will have a relatively easy going life and not get worked up over every single little thing... easier said than done.. i am still learning.. i am still learning..

There are a few things that i seriously hope to get it done and settled asap..
1) To scrub my dirty oven so that i can continue baking stuff
2) To bake a carrot cake after i am done with cleaning my dirty oven
3) Clean my room (the boyfriend's face is getting blacker and blacker everyday when he look at my room.. opps)
4) Revive the dead jewellery business that i have "con" my sis and sis-in-law to fork out money for joint collaboration..

The last thing to do.. is also a desperate option for me to lead a successful life.. I have been doing alot of thinking.. like thinking on every chance that i have about my current state of life.. i have no future at all doing what i am doing.. because.. there is just simply no future.. so i really need to break out of this and do something different so that i can get on the shore soon...

Hopefully.. the road ahead is tedious.. but i need to bear with it and move on.. no matter how hard it is.. so long as there are opportunities..

Yes.. after a internal battle with myself.. believe me.. it was a huge struggle.. between moral.. and universal sisterhood.. but finally.. moral won... so i have to say it out..

MMYY EATING CHICKEN RICE AND CUCUMBER.....

I know that she will feel betrayed if she read this.. but trust me mmyy.. i had a difficult battle with myself... but i feel that morally.. i am obligated to say it out that you EAT CHICKEN RICE WITH CUCUMBER while recovering from chicky pox...

I am really feeling bored as in i need to do something new and interesting so that i can feel a bit more refreshed... i am getting a type of brand new feelings that i have never get before in my life.. okay mayb in the past a little bit.. but now the feeling is super strong lah.. that is to get outta Singapore and go somewhere to tour.. and it doesnt help tat two of my colleagues are going overseas.. one week after the other...

Maybe it is the taiwan trip that started my desire to go overseas.. take a plane get outta singapore... blah blah blah... or just do something else different... but what to do?

Go to sungei buloh?.. hays goat farm?.. some farm farm thingy over at CCK?... I think i am getting drained.. as in spiritually... i need to be in nature once in a while to recharge myself or my spiritual self might drain away bit by bit... and going to nature place doesnt mean just a hiking but it is a hiking plus get to sit down somewhere quiet and sheltered and enjoy nature's company... enjoy the breeze.. see the animals get by.. look at the surroundings.. scold human beings for destroying the beautiful nature... yeah.. that is the thing that i wanna do..

Any suggestions as to where i can go?...

Perhaps is because i woke up this morning feeling a bit helpless in the situation that i am in.. as in my "i know will never advance on unless i did something really big despite that fact that i might be getting a degree soon and i wun wanna leave because i doubt i can find another job with such nice benefits" career...

Or it might be because my period is coming soon...

Or it might be because i so happened to listen to a very old and sad song..

Or it is because i read this lady's blog...

Which ever case... i am feeling really sad... well.. listening to the song doesnt help at all.. just made me more sad..

Either case.. i am blaming all my sadness on my pms... but i really feel sad after reading the blog... She is the girlfriend of Clifton Lam, the NS man who died in brunei last year during jungle training.. So you can imagine the shock, heartache and trauma that she went and is likely still going thru...

To wake up realising that the person you love is no longer around is the scariest things that can ever happened.. It different from that person no by your side because you know that this person has vanished from the face of this earth.. no matter how hard you try to search around, how loud you try to scream for him... and how hard you cry and cry... he is never gonna come back again.. This person.. is no longer there.. All there is left in his place is a void... that is so sad!

I admire her for her courage i really do...

Moral of the story.. cherish the person you love.. cherish every min you have with the person... because really you dunno when will the person or you vanish from this earth.. never take it for granted...

Jang Jang Jang!!!... heh heh.. nothing scary.. just that da shao got chickenpox.. and she was given two weeks mc to stay at home and not go around spreading her germs (but according to Dr Tan, she has already started spreading the germs last week before her outbreak of chickenpox).. so i told her that i will blog about 14 days later to which she daggar stared at me..

It all started yesterday when i received a call from eat bread saying that da shao got chickenpox.. so coincidentally i was reaching home when da shao went to the clinic.. and trust me.. you cannot find another more 38 family like mine because... other than my dad and my nephews and tfb who did not go down because my dad and tfb is not 38 and my nephews wanna watch cartoon.. ALL of us actually went down to the clinic to kaypo.. and all of us actually packed into the doctor's room when it was da shao's turn.. so the actually quite poor thing chickenpox kena turned into something quite funny because my dad actually bluff us saying that chickenpox peps cannot go out because if they do, they will be caught by the police and throw into qurantine place... So yesterday while i was excitedly talking loudly about da shao's chickenpox.. the three of them (eat bread, da shao and hmw was telling me to shh shh shh dun say so loudly!)..


So the doctor actually clarified that this is not the case and chickenpox wun be caught by police.. ahaha.. then da shao got a lot of mixed advise from alot of people because of olden days' practice mixed with current days' practice.. so she is quite poor thing when i went to visit her today.. haiz..vhat to do when you are the second oldest to kena chicken pox in my clan (my dad was the oldest and i was the trigger point because i kena first and i triggered everybody in my family except my mum because she kena before liao to get chickenpox).. Hmm.. but to sum up everything that i think is logical, i think it will be better if da shao can jie kou for the next two weeks because food this type of things hor.. better dun play play.. but then shower hor... mm.. i think can shower lah since doctor said can shower but be more careful not to 'catch wind' when you come out loh... mmm...

But hor, despite the fact that da shao is a chickenpoker hor... we still went thru a tsunami yesterday with a destructive factor of 10 on the richer scale of 1 to 10.. this is because... my dad.. told us on thursday.. that he is going to thailand.. on saturday (which is yesterday).. This news triggered a series of bu shuangness from my mum and yesterday esp was really really bad that she started experiencing happiness and sadness and anger all in a short span of fifteen min.. and it doesnt help that all of us are stuck at home because it is raining.. *gulp* so even though da shao is a chickenpoker she still need to entertain my mum and we played mahjong and my sis sat beside my bro to fang pao for my mum.. - -"'

SO to applease the empress dowager, eat bread and me.. had to step into coach... and brought a bag with our hard earn money that is stained with sweat and blood for her... as a maler day gift and birthday pressie... haiz.. sad hor.. eat until so big liao.. my most branded bag is still the guess bag which only cost like 60+ that i brought this year.. hers is about 10 time more ex than mine loh..

BTW have i also mentioned that we have invested and brought Wiiii~ set?... Yes.. me and TFB has made the second commitment to life.. that is to buy a wii set and go on a diet campaign!...

I KNOW... i am slow... the whole world have watched this movie and gave raving reviews about it but i have not watched it until yesterday... Somemore it was a 9.35 show because i was blur and mistaken Orchard for AMK hub and i cant cancel the tics as they cant refund me the money. Not that i have an issue with it, i was really grateful to them for being able to transfer my tics from Orchard to AMK at a later timing and not tell me that there is nthing that they can do.. after all if you purchased the tics, and you forgot about the timing and you arrived at the place at say half an hours later you cant go back to the counter and ask them to change the time of the tics for you right?... So i am grateful...

Anyway back to the show... i thot that it is quite a nice show... i dunno.. seems like alot of women are watching it? Maybe because the title is "He is just not that into you" so it seems like alot of women are going with their female friends to watch it (including me of course but i was forcefully dragged to watch it.. ) but i thot that it was more of like a love story than a female friend type of show.. mayb the topic is more suitable for friends to watch together given that the topic is something that people (i mean female) discuss with their friends...

Generally, i think the part on Gigi and Alex is really sweet!.. It is so sweet when he made an effort to answer her calls all the time when she is just a friend to him.. I can relate to the part where Gigi was looking for a guy and got her hope dashed when Alex rejected her... It is like.. you have exhausted all your resources looking for your other half but he is still nowhere to be seen.. even the last hope was dashed and you will have to start all over again to look for a possible person but the question is, where do you start the search from? It is like every single aspect of your life seems impossible like Gigi where she went clubbing and etc but still couldnt find anybody.. It was a horrible type of hopelessness when all your hopes are taken away from you and you really dunno where else can you look at for more chance/hopes.. because it is not like prince charming will suddenly fall down from the sky in front of you one day when you are walking on the street... I once had that type of hopelessness so i know how it feels like... but yes it was said in the film that every girl will be a man's rule but there is one that is the exception and it is that exception that the man will want to be with.. So I guess i am TFB's exception?.. haha

However, i strongly disgree with the things that Mary told Anna when Ann told her that she like Ben (the married guy) that what happens when you find your true love only when you are already married?... Yes, you may find somebody else who click with you and is like your true love when you meet the person but i strictly dont believe that the person will be your true love because if the person is your true love, you will meet at the correct place at the correct time with the correct person. It is a decision that you have to make and there are no such excuses that you meet your true love after you are married and would like to leave your wife of dunno how many million of years for somebody that you barely knew for a few months... and then you may say.. mayb the husband have know that somebody else for a few years?.. That is even worse!... How can you when you know that there is this person whom you like more than your wife exist and yet you dun do something to resolve the problem between your wife and yourselves and simply let it slide in a downwards spiral for a few years and then come to the verdict that your wife and your marriage are simply not meant to be?...

I just dont agree with the fact that Ben know that there are some problem and yet refuses to rectify the problem by communicating and Anna has to sort of make a move on him even though she knew that he is a married man... I know that it is very old minded of me to say that.. but when you make a commitment to a person obviously you have already decided to spend the rest of your life with that person.. the worst thing that you can do is to get married but still half decided on whether is the person next to you the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you dont love that person, let the person go. Dont stay in a relationship because of convenience because i guess it is really painful when your partner tell you one fine day after your marriage that you are actually not the one for them.. er.. a bit hurtful right.. then you wonder what is on the person's mind when they were reciting the vows...

Anyway the above are just my point of views.. Overall i think that it is a very nice show and how they managed to show how human relationship is nowadays and how can something slide downwards in a very unintentional manner...

Go watch it if you have time... wouldnt really be a waste of money... =D

Well well... during CNY eve i went to sentosa with TFB to look at the Garden Fest thingy... so after the whole trip.. we were pretty sweaty already... However, due to last min change of dress for CNY first day, I had to shop in Vivo City for a pair of BIG earrings....

I so happened to pass by Soo Kee at Vivocity and would like to get my diamond cleaned for CNY... So i walked up to them... There were two sales girls standing at the entrance of Soo Kee, and when i stand in front of them... the first lady (most pro is the more exp staff) just look away without look at me at all and the second lady (should be a relatively new staff) looked at me and looked away then look back at me away... based on their body language, they seems to have no intention of serving or entertaining me at all except for the fact that the new staff was looking at me uninterested..... Until.....

I lifted my finger and show them the diamond ring and said (in a very snobbish tone) i would like to wash my ring... immediately the two women's (esp the older staff) face brighten up with a very very big smile while saying "Oh you want to wash your ring arh"... then immediately they urshered me into the shop, I challenged their snobbish attitude by asking.. "Would you like to see my Soo Kee card?" They immediately said no and the younger girl took my ring promptly and went into the room to wash it... While that older staff saw the opportunity to ty and pitch some sales while i was looking at the wedding rings... And after the younger staff returned my ring to me.. the older staff said in friendly (but quite pretended like how it feels like when somebody pretend to be close to you when they are not) tone.. "I will see you again huh"...

Oh man.. see me again??... yes i need to buy a pair of wedding rings.. but i will never, ever go back to a shop and give money to a snobbish staff who doesnt even want to entertain me in the first place to spend you noe... - -"'

I guess.. this year is the most happy birthday i ever had for a long period of time because birthdays for the past few years except for last year... Last year TFB celebrated my birthday for me at sentosa thus starting the candle heart trend... but last year something happened too at my home resulting in me not really talking to my mum.. if i dun remember wrongly.. heh heh.. but anyway this year birthday due to some unforseen circumstances of the year... she still went ahead to do steamboat for my birthday but then not alot of people came.. so still not that bad..

Birthday celebration started on Saturday for a 'light' tea with smelly ebt at PS Cafe at harding road... Had to say that i was really excited about this because i heard that the environment there is really nice surrounded by greenaries and it really did not fail to disappoint me... the whole environment was casual and relaxed.. just nice for a relaxing and slacky saturday afternoon spend idling and chatting.. As the theme of the day is dress nicely... and i knew that ebt disappointed me time and again when we have this theme.. i decide to dress very nicely so that if she doesnt dress nicely i will smack her on her head... but luckily she did dress nicely too heh heh heh... i ordered a casar salad with grilled chicken and some herbs which is really nice!... then ebt came.. and she ordered like there is no tomorrow.. she ordered a slices of VERY fudgey brownie and fries... the brownie is really fudgey and i told her that if one person finishes this slice of brownie.. most pro the blood will explode from the nose.. and not just flow out... okay very violent graphic.. but the cake is really rich.. very very rich if i am as rich as the cake i think i will be a happy girl.. q=


So we finished the casar salad that i ordered and struggled to finish both the brownie and fries because it is just tooo rich and tooooo much.. so we sit there.. struggle to eat sloooowly loh.. while taking photographs of ourselves and the greeneries... then we decide that it was really too much for the both of us so we foot the bill and walk (*note i was in high heels) from demsey hill alllll the way down to civilization..

Then i proceed to TFB's friend house for CNY celebration and they brought me a lana cake... oh man i had wanted to try a lana cake since long time ago but due to a mixture of laziness and dunno where is the exact location.. i have never gotten the chance to try it.. so imagine not only do i get to try a lana cake... it was my birthday cake!


Then TFB brought me to sentosa the next next day to countdown to midnight for my birthday and to light up the heart candle that he has done with tea candles... and he baked me a cake too! It was really sweet of TFB to try and cook me a meal even though i was luffing at him thru out i am really appreciative of the gesture... but i need to clarify the reason why i was luffing was because he said that he will challenge my mushroom plus tuna plus cheese and do a drier and nicer version but in the end there was veggie salad and fruits salad... BUT i am very appreciative of the efforts okay?.. ^_^ he baked me a heart shape angel cake too.. with chocolate syrup all over it... Then we got a little bored after eating so we decide to take the train out of sentosa since we are islander or highlander as LGD pronounced it... we went around vivo to shop shop a bit... then went back to sentosa again at 11pm.. but as the wind was too strong... we were not able to light up the candle at all.. by then i was tired and a little bit disappointed because i thot that i wun get my heart candle this year..

I told TFB to forget it but he insisted on doing the candles so finally i got two hearts! Even thou it is a bit small and i blew out the candles seconds after it is lighted instead of taking alot of photographs.. i still felt very happy.. ^_^

I had a 'pleasant surprise' the next day because my 'nice' colleagues actually put a BIG notice beside my table informing everybody that it is my birthday and to wish me happy birthday if they see me... and if that is not enuff.. they printed the staff directory together with my photo out for easy recognising... and the wrapped grumpy up as my birthday pressie... and the next pleasant surprise came from my class (i was on course) when they bluff me out of the office then when i went in they had cakes with lighted candles and sang happy birthday song to me.. it was really a surprise and i felt really pai seh because i only knew them for two days and they would organise a birthday surprise for me.. and so i spend the rest of the night 'wii-ing' away with TFB...

It was a nice birthday.. nice, warm and cozy.. ^_^

Oh and i took three days leave after that to slack at home.... Shall update that again.. hehe

Notice the question mark instead of exclaimation mark.. it is another unhappy cny.. yes another one...

It all started with CNY eve when my mum got angry over i dunno what issues... but i do suspect is because we did not have reunion dinner with her on CNY eve.. BUT she was the one who said that we should have reunion dinner earlier so that the rest of us can proceed to our in-law (for those who are married) place to eat... And i suspect is also because this year she did not get to ask her relatives to come and eat so she is unhappy... so she got angry...refuses to function properly like how a mum should function... and i had to rush down to chinatown at 11pm to buy one of the item for her prayer... and then spend money to get a yu sheng to come back and lou hei with her so that she will be happy for CNY and my dad wun suffer and all of us wun have to suffer...

Then she is happy and everybody is happy yesterday.. but there was some small issue because there is a nian gao frm crytal jade that i have purchased originally for TFB's family... and since that nian gao cannot be kept for more than a week... so i decide to purchase a new one for them when i go over on new year eve so that they can keep longer and at the same time asked my mum to cook the nian gao during one of the friday when everybody is coming over for dinner but she did not do it.. okay fine... then i told her in the car yesterday that please cook the nian gao tomorrow when all her relatives are visiting so that everybody can eat the nian gao.. and then.. her son... has to add in a statement saying that who is gonna eat the nian gao.. Isnt it kinda stupid to asking this question given that nian gao are being sold during CNY.. OBVIOUSLY it is for eating during CNY right?.. and OBVIOUSLY if you have a big bunch of peps visiting ur house you should cook the nian gao for this bunch of relatives because itis a CNY food and since you nd to cook for them then it is no harm in cooking the nian gao right?... It is a stupid, senseless and just trying to find problem with me questions... OBVIOUSLY i dunno what did i oh sorry.. we because eat bread kena from his bitch fits quite often too.. did to offend him so seriously that he has to menopause on us all the time.. then you see him being very nice to his cousin... because i think he felt that his cousin is nicer to him??.. but whatever lah.. i am sick and tired so dun expect me reach him during leisure time..

So today.. second day of CNY... ONCE AGAIN she did not cook the nian gao.. and what did i do?.. i throw it away.. because she told me to keep it in the fridge and if i really do... she will complain to her son in the near future and i can sense that her son is gonna take out the whole set of menopause and scold the bloody hell out of me.. and lecture me on whatever thing that he can lecture me on.. mayb even lecturing me that my face is of the wrong arrangement?.. Given that he can pick on me on soooo many things nowadays then he even said that the number one wrong thing that TFB has done is to know me and get into a relationship with me?... so i threw the fish away... yes... to some extend it is my fault that i should push things that are meant for other people to them because i am gonna buy a new one for them... but it is not that i have not done anything for this family and just anyhow push second hand cheap stuff to them all the time.. So why this lousy attitude from them all the time?... I am tired... i have money.. i am willing to share... i have problem i am willing to hide... i have happiness... i try to spread it around... i have ability i try to gel the family together... so what in the freaking world have i actually freakingly done wrong to deserve such lousy attitude?... i dunno... and i dun care ANYMORE..

But from this and past lesson.. i realise that it might be in the gene of my mum to create trouble during CNY given that her side also always have problem during CNYwhen my grandparents are still alive.. so i realised that given that my temper is so like my mum.. i might just create trouble for my kids and husband in the future!...

I really dun want my kids to be unhappy in the future... like how unhappy i am with the feeling that i am feeling that i have try for all i can to creat happiness and yet i failed.. and all the arrow shoot towards me.. I really dun wan these to happen... i want to give my kids and my husband a normal family.. i dun wanna be a malfunctioning mum to my kids and let them have a bad impression of me.. sigh...

hmm.. as the CNY approaches... it is time to dye my hair again... so what colour shall i dye?.. This is a no brainer question because the number one colour that i would chose is red... for.. once you have dyed red.. and saw the superb end result.. you will never settle for anything less or less red in my case... so every year without question.. it is a struggle of dying my hair red.. then losing the colour gradually over a loooong period of ONE WK...

I am determined that this year.. my redness will stay longer... well.. given that CNY is on 26 Jan.. there seems like nearly two wks more for me to laze around before dying my hair because i really dun wan my hair to look like some type of washed out red on CNY itself... so i have decided (after securing a low price with the hair saloon auntie) that i will dye my hair closer to CNY.. say mayb the Friday just before CNY?... But then eat bread ask me to dye my hair this saturday.. oh man... you noe eat bread.. the temptation of dying my hair this wkend is great because newly dyed hair always give people a very fresh look and in the name of vanity who wun wanna look good and feel good all the time right?.. Like can stand in front of the mirror for fifteen min to admire my own beeeautiful rrrrrrrred hair...

But the million dollar question here is if i dye my hair now... will it look washed out on CNY.. haiya haiya i really dun wanna look like i have a head of washed out hair on CNY leh.. but i really wanna dye my red too... then how... i also dunno... shall struggle until wkend and update again next wk on this issue...

After much promo by didi and his mum... i have finally watched ming zhong zu yi wo ai ni.. and fell in love with this song...

Have you ever have that type of feeling when you hear a song and you tell yourself.. mm.. i think this is the saddest song that i have ever heard?... I do... and i think my song always outsad the previous song... so exactly which song is the saddest?.. But who cares if the song is nice right?..

半情歌

花接受凋零
风接受追寻
心的伤还有一些不要紧
我接受你的决定

你将会被谁抱紧
唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱着一半的歌

你将会被谁抱紧
唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐
不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌时
间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱着一半的歌

我的明天快不快乐
都是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌

时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
另一半的歌

Okay.. this entry is late by *see calendar* six days.. but it is better late than never right?...

Well... i have to say that 2008 actually fly by faster than a bullet train and before i really really got a chance to sink into the fact that it is 2008... it is already nov!!!... gosh.. where did all the months went too??...

Major happening in 2008... hmm.. hmm.. think.. think.. think...

I got myself a proposal.. that should be the MAJOR happening ba... for those of you who think that once you get a proposal it is happily ever after.. i am sorry to burst your bubble by telling you that NO!.. it doesnt function that way... yes true enuff getting a proposal is good because you are gonna get married, be somebody else mrs and not gonna stay single for the rest of your life.. but then my proposal happiness lasted for like one weeks then after that it is down to looking through wedding packages, getting worried over money issues and housing issues....
BUT i have never regret it because it is the way it is... the proposal and getting married is the main issue here... the money issues lah, all the negative issues are all obstacles for you to overcome so that your love for each other will grow and be stronger...

My best buddy got married... ^_^ okay.. actually.. he and his mrs got married two years ago.. but they just held their wedding banquet like two months ago (please dun slap me if i got the month wrongly okay??.. right.. as if he will ever read this blog in the first place since he doesnt even noe i have a blog!... ahahahahahhaha) i am soooooooo happy for them... i think i must have repeated that i am sooo happy for them phrase for so many times to them that i think they think that i am drunk both at their rom ceremony and at the wedding dinner... but still i am REALLY happy that the both of them are married.... My buddy actually went through alot when we were still in constant contact and even though we have not been contacting each others alot nowadays since we dun really have a gang of friends anymore and we have gone on to know other new friends, made other buddies and form other regular group of hanging out friends... i still care for him alot... and i am really glad that his other half who completed him as a human being.. haha.. is a very very sunshine lady... ^_^ I really hope to hear baby crying soon ~

Third happenings will be... i successfully declare war with my cousin!... and when i mean war.. i mean real war... it is actually a very person thing that happened because of our wedding dates clashes... but hopefully and i really mean HOPEFULLY we have truly resolved all conflict now...

Seems like alot of stuff happened in 2008 hor?.. like i said that nt much happen but then still alot of stuff happened right?.... 2007 was a phrase of self discovering for me.. when i went thru a mind blowing phrase... i dun wanna talk about it... but i went through a mind blowing phrase and 2008 is a year for me to stable down... and get in touch with all things that are important to me...

So for 2009... what do i really wanna do??

1) Be less bitchy and get more in touch with my family.... i used to be like the central communication station but in the recent years.... i am not taking this position anymore.. nt that i really want the central communication station but i hope tht i can spend more time with them...

2) Be a good wife to TFB?.. but that will only be applicable after nov onwards.. haha

3) SLIM DOWN!! I desperately need to slim down to look pretty on my ROM date.. i dun wan eat bread to out shine me (if she managed to slim down)!!

4) Save more money...

5) LOVE DIDI.... (i am a nice yiyi who love didi despite all circumstances)

6) Maintain a tidy room...

Okay.. so i have say it.. now it is time to PROVE IT!.. when we revisit again next year... lets see how many of the items above have i fulfill.. even though point number five is pretty hard to fulfill because it is really freaking hard to love didi despite all circumstances.. but.. PROVE IT!

P.S. I actually quite hate the coming of 2009 because this is the year i turn 24 and it is officially where i am nt young anymore because you see from 12 to 20 people said that you are teenager and from 21 to 23 people will recognise you as a adult but is ohh so young!... but when you tell people that you are 24.. people will just go.. oh okay you are 24... and then 25 and then 26 and people will start telling you at 27... oh you are 27 arh!.. that is quite old.. oh man!