Sylvia's World...

Well.. ah fa is angry and ignorin me.. further details i shall nt discuss here.. but i really want her to know that i really din mean to make her go thru watever she went thru and i am really sorry for making her go thru the issue...

At this moment.. i felt alone.. not lonely.. but alone.. seems like there is nobody with me.. when you have no family mber or friend you can turn to.. what will happen??.. when you have a long list of friends online on msn but nobody seems to understand your problem who do you turn to??.. I have lost my ability to express myself when i am sad.. because i feel that nobody care to listen to me.. so what is the point of expressin??.. Or when you get the feelin that ppl feels that ur problem is minor what is the point of expressin again..

The box with the purple lid is on the floor again.. tat would signified that i am thinkin bout him again.. as of always.. i am still hoping that i can see him again.. zai jian yi mian.. but it is sooo difficult.. i guess i had observed so much things that every little thing will remind me of him.. sometime really wonder if this is really a good thing or a bad thing.. mayb from the beginning when i started liking him it is a mistake.. ever wonder if that Sylvia at that point of time sees what will happen will she still embark on the path of liking him??.. mayb everything would be different.. or mayb i dont like him anymore.. it is just that i am too selfish to admit that my standard for my partner is too high.. so rather than being seen as the picky bitch.. i would rather hide in the shadow of being a foolish girl who cant get over a guy that she cant get.. i er really have this doubt about myself.. if i am really a picky bitch.. but then sometime it is really hard to walk out of this shadow.. the thot of going out with somebody is actually harder than forgettin him not to say that anybody wants to go out with me.. nobody wants to go out with me.. but then i would rather stay this way until i really get over him which is i dont know when.. i mean can you imagine this that when i am out with somebody.. then something just happen that trigger of the thot of him wat am i goin to do?!?!... seriously i dont know how can he be so cruel.. how can he go on with life??.. i am sayin as if someting really did happen.. but nthing happen.. i am still deeply trapped in this memories and i am still unwilling to let go.. i really cant imagine what will happen when my friend tell me that he is gettin married.. but tat day will come sooner or later.. i just hope that when the day comes i am over him already...

Notice that i put those instead of my in the title.. i really hope that they are not my relatives.. not even related to me by anyway.. this relatives belonged to my mum.. especially her third sister and her husband.. they are a shame to us.. it is the way they behave.. since my grandmother passed away.. they had been coming to my house for free meals during sunday since... i was in sec one.. that is like when i am 13 and now i am 21 le.. it is like a whole freaking 8 yrs that they had came to my house to eat.. if this ppl eat and keep quiet and in fact praise my mother.. i am fine with the idea of them coming to my house for meals.. but the fact is that thought they come here for meals every sunday.. they bad mouthed about my mother behind her back.. i mean what type of sister would do that??... I mean okie lah i admit i bad mouth my sister but not malicious type of remark.. it is not as if we own them one mountain of debts so that we had to be grateful to them and when they come every weekend we had to bow to them.. in fact NO... we do not own them any freaking thing.. the fact of why i am so strongly against them is because most of my childhood consist of being laughted by them... i had a funny childhood and not that i dont like my childhood.. i love my childhood.. and it is this childhood that made me such a strong person.. my mum, sis and bro worked as waiteress and waiter when i was young.. and i had to follow them to the place they work in and stay there for the whole night.. and these so call sister of my mother din even bother as to where am i where are we where is my mother's three kids.. and when we visited my grandmother's house.. they made us felt as if we were the lowest being ever to be around in earth.. i mean imagine tolerating that.. and we did.. that is why we are strong.. because of this.. i told myself.. i want to be successful and i dont want anything to do with all this relatives.. now.. finally.. we had all started workin.. life is not a bed of rose but at least better than the past.. then this relatives started creeping back.. to bother us.. treating my mother and father like maid.. throwing their kids at our house every weekend.. my mother had to cook expensive food for them or they will not even touch those mere mortal food that my mum cook.. every week because they treated my mum like maid i would had to quarral with her asking her why this ppl are coming to our house and every week she had to tell me to behave myself or i would be a shame.. today is the final straw.. i dont understand why izzit that for caring for my mum we had to quarral with her every week.. to mit wif her silence and her ignoring us.. breaking the bond with us.. because we CARE for her.. i dun understand.. today that third uncle in law's son (my cousin came) and then my mum cook.. and that cousin din like what my mum cooked.. so he didnt want to eat.. and being the ever trying to be nice person.. my mum invited his parents to come up for dinner.. that freaking stupid jerk came.. my mum ask him to eat.. he say he need to go and drive his wife.. then ask my mum to dao bao.. i mean you got no hands arh!!.... WAH!!!!!....i had enuff lor.. are they disable or what.. if that is the case what is the use of their hands.. chop it off and donate it to somebody else who need it or will put it to better use than them.. what is their freaking problem... then he go enough already enough already.. i am like WTF.. so i purposely say v. loudly to my mother that she is hafing hand pain why still do this thing.. and i take the thing and throw into the rice.. my mother scolded me sayin that i am rude.. and i just scream at her.. i ask her why is the freaking problem.. if i dont do this ppl would also critize me behind my back.. so why not.. given that a little critize is critize and alot of critize is also critize i dont care about what they say.. and she say i cant do this.. i mean WTF.. i do whatever i like not caring about what other ppl say.. why do i have to care about what a few worms say behind my back and quarral wif her every weekend.. initially she say that siblings are only for this lifetime not the next life.. and now she say that watever we want to do we can only do it after she died.. i mean is there really such a need to get so drama and ignore your kids because of a few parasites that even parasites are ashame of them??... i dont know.. everything we brought up this subject we will only be greeted by silence by my mum or she will just scream the hell out of us.. if this is the way she chose to ignore whatever we say.. fine.. i will also chose to ignore whatever she say... be it that it is her third sister or her husband or her cousin purple who come and leech on us again.. i am going to just say whatever is on my mind.. i dont give a damm!!.. i mean compare to the other few who are the same age as me i believe i am the most sensible coz my brain function in a normal way.. yet this is the type of shit that i get coz i am poor.. fine then i am poor and i will behave poorly too.. that is for whoever who crossed my path and make me cross to suffer their own consequences...

I bet with karen that i am not goin to play maple today.. so i am controlling myself nt to play maple..so here i am sittin in the dark bloggin about today.. well nothing much.. to begin with.. i actually din wan to go out.. in the end i went out wif karen.. go shopping.. brought this v. nice blouse at giodano.. thinking of goin back to purchase the black one.. coz it is really v. nice... can also wear as office wear.. that is why i like.. haha..

Listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi.. re-encountering about all the past events.. i still love the feeling of liking him... it is like when you noe that you can love somebody and everything around you turn beautiful because of him.. it is v. hard to find another person to replace that type of feeling.. it is like when i like ss... that was in sec one lah.. it is like i started to appreciate things more.. that type of feeling is not replacable.. then as years goes by.. i no longer experience that type of feeling anymore.. i really like that type of feeling.. but it is really hard to find.. i no longer experience that type of feeling.. when i like him.. that is another type of feeling.. another type of beautiful feeling that is gradually leaving too.. and i guess nobody can ever replace this type of feelin like how nobody can ever replace that type of feeling that i had when i like ss.. but compare.. i believe i like this type of feeling better that the type of feelin i got when liking ss... it is like this feeling is lighter.. more comfortable.. haha who noes.. in the future when i fall deeply for another person again.. i might say that i like that type of feeling better.. haha.. seems like i am describing perfume.. which one is more intense which more is more light and which one is flora.. haha..

Before i goes into any updating.. i better post this up first before i get killed by grievances...
Happy Belated 21th Birthday Bee Ting...
I really hope that the the future will be one gigantic bed of roses for you... Lastly... faster find a bf.. i really dun wan to be mistaken as a lesbian..

Some updates bout myself.. i dunno why.. i am feeling so freaking tired and sleepy tis few days.. really lack of sleep sia... so tired... *yawnz* this is the result of excessive mapling.. i am sooo focused on level up that i just ignore sleeping.. and play and play and play... anyway it is a nt bad game lor.. coz the fact that you can level up is more interesting than anything else.. anyway this week has three off day(includin public hol and weekend) so can stay at home and play maple for day and nite.. muahahahaa...

These few days has been rushful and confusing for me.. with the lack of sleep.. my judgement was not very good..... i just dun feel like thinking.. too tired lah.. anyway my cousin say that she wants to intro this guy to me.. or rather initially she told me that he wants to noe me.. then later i sense sumting fishy... after askin her then i know that she actually wanted to intro me to this guy.. so i told her forget it... not because i am tryin to be difficult or anything.. even my sister told me to try... telling me that there is no harm in starting a relationship but i beg to defer.. i mean for me.. when you get into a relationship with somebody.. it will forever stays in ur memories.. being in a relationship is something that is beyond friends.. which means you are closer to this person... it cannot be just try try casually.. mayb i am stubborn.. but i feel that you cant just jump into a relation blindly or casually.. i am only 21.. my love life mayb sad.. but i dun tink it is sad till the extend that i need matchmaking or anything.. after all this thots.. i just feel that i am not prepared to jump into a relationship.. i am still too used to being alone by myself... like i always say.. how can you go out with another person when you obviously know that he is not the person that you loved the most or the person in the deepest corner of your heart??....... I am not trying to imply anything.. before you all start smacking ur forehead.. he is no longer an issue.. it is just that so occasionally he will still jump into my memories from the deepest corner of my heart.. i had to work out things with myself first.. i had came to conclusion that i just love the feeling of liking him at that point of time.. so for this i will need to work out for myself before i can proceed on.. otherwise i just feel that i am too selfish to the opp party..