Scarlett Hair
7:47 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
As we get more into the married life...
The vision of a future with Scarlett decreases... From thinking up names for Scarlett and being very certain that we will have Scarlett.. till maybe... if have is good lah.. to.. it is okay if we dont have lah.. to.. i think actually it is a better thing if we dont have Scarlett... to... I am pretty certain that we are not gonna have Scarlett....
Maybe it is the pressure.. maybe it is gotta do with everybody having a kid.. or maybe it is gotta do with the fact that it is so close to me (Just got to learn that one of my ex colleague, who got married around the same period as i did is pregnant)... which creates this very strange feeling in me... I am really amazed and fascinated at the same time.. and i feel really happy for her... it is an amazing feeling that a little life is growing in you... you change from the stage of being a girl.. to being a mother.. from cant take care of yourself, needing your mum to take care of you.. to being able to not just take care of yourself, but another beings...
A mother's body is an amazing thing.. it has the ability to nurture a life in her... but.. i think.. i dont have that amazing body.. i admit that it is my selfishness that prevents me from thinking of a future with Scarlett in it.. i am unwilling to give up my freedom.. unwilling to go thru the usual cycle of being a mom and etc... i dont wish to experience all this at all...
At least.. at the current moment of time... everything that i have done so far, i did it with my brain.. with time in consideration.. but this time.. i am gonna let my heart do the decision.. i feel that i dont want to be a mummy at this point of time (well, i have two kids already anyway) and i so i am not gonna be one.. maybe... who knows in the future down the road.. i might visualise a future with Scarlett in it again...
In the meantime, she will exist in my blog... as an entry.. just in case i really decides not to give birth at all.. at least we remember that our kid would have been called Scarlett Hair...
The vision of a future with Scarlett decreases... From thinking up names for Scarlett and being very certain that we will have Scarlett.. till maybe... if have is good lah.. to.. it is okay if we dont have lah.. to.. i think actually it is a better thing if we dont have Scarlett... to... I am pretty certain that we are not gonna have Scarlett....
Maybe it is the pressure.. maybe it is gotta do with everybody having a kid.. or maybe it is gotta do with the fact that it is so close to me (Just got to learn that one of my ex colleague, who got married around the same period as i did is pregnant)... which creates this very strange feeling in me... I am really amazed and fascinated at the same time.. and i feel really happy for her... it is an amazing feeling that a little life is growing in you... you change from the stage of being a girl.. to being a mother.. from cant take care of yourself, needing your mum to take care of you.. to being able to not just take care of yourself, but another beings...
A mother's body is an amazing thing.. it has the ability to nurture a life in her... but.. i think.. i dont have that amazing body.. i admit that it is my selfishness that prevents me from thinking of a future with Scarlett in it.. i am unwilling to give up my freedom.. unwilling to go thru the usual cycle of being a mom and etc... i dont wish to experience all this at all...
At least.. at the current moment of time... everything that i have done so far, i did it with my brain.. with time in consideration.. but this time.. i am gonna let my heart do the decision.. i feel that i dont want to be a mummy at this point of time (well, i have two kids already anyway) and i so i am not gonna be one.. maybe... who knows in the future down the road.. i might visualise a future with Scarlett in it again...
In the meantime, she will exist in my blog... as an entry.. just in case i really decides not to give birth at all.. at least we remember that our kid would have been called Scarlett Hair...
