I thot i saw myself....

1:32 AM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
It was like a mini me!.. And i thot she is like a mini me because she is extremely cute... She has fair complexion with puffy, pinkish cheeks and a pair of puppy droopy eyes... She has bangs and shoulder lenght hair and her mummy was fussing over her and holding her hands tightly while they were waiting for taxi...
And to complete the resemblance, she was sulking when her mummy fuss over her.. I look around and sort of come to a conclusion on what she was sulking about... Up ahead of her, there were another two girls, they were all from the same group and these two girls are older than her.. they were holding hands and staying very close to each others constantly turning to talk to each others and grooming the hair and etc, completely ignoring this little cute girl behind them..
Well, this type of scenario happens very often when i was young and resulted in a very bitchy me that is me now... You see i have always been jealous of the close bond that my cousin and sister shared when they are young.. My cousin seems to be able to do all the right things to get compliment and liking from my sister while i am only the sickly trouble younger sibling who always gets her into trouble because she cant bully me nor boss me around to do things otherwise i would get a fever...
So from young, they have always just ignored me.. I am always the second choice of everything... the lame one whom nobody want to hang out with unless no choice... So back to now, where we are all grown up they actually went back to doing the same thing.. Just that this time, i was the one who wanted out of this whole drama and the cousin of course conveniently took over my place as the younger sibling hoping to reach the land of happiness where everybody dotes on her...
Today, i finally got it... while that little young girl pout and sulk at the corner, she did not realise that her mummy is actually showering love on her... and she did not realise that she was so cute, that she caught the attention of a stranger because she was too busy sulking....
I think maybe, i have lived like that for years too... maybe i was the star of the group... maybe in the past at a certain stage of my life when i was busy sulking, another stranger was looking at me telling herself "oh how cute is this little girl" but i have never realised that i am the star of the group because people were truly jealous of me and they said and do all the things to insult me and everything so that i believe i am the ugly duckling and shine no more...
The only revenge is to live better than the ones you hate and based on their behaviour, i truly believe that they did all that they have to make me believe that i am the ugly duckling so that they could outshine me easily... i will not let them have it so easy... from now on, i will live better... i will live a good and happy life... i will regain my shine and never let them outshine me again...

What's wrong w me?

7:55 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
It started with trying to clarify to my friend on why I am so busy (
Because it took me 1 week to reply back to his SMS) and suddenly, I realized why am I so unhappy with my life now...

I wouldn't say that it's unhappy but more of a frustrating feeling like I am walking in circle n I don't feel at peace at myself at all.. I just don't feel peaceful lah.. No matter what I do or where am I, I just don't feel the inner peace n there seems to be something poking me, telling me that I should go out somewhere! But where????? Argh.....

But now, I know what's wrong with me.. I took on more than I can take... It has to be! I used to lead such a monotonous life with alot of spare time at hand for me to take a step back from life n live as a observer of life seeing things happened but now, I'm so suck into the vicious cycle of work n etc that I am being sucked into life itself n I don't like it!!!

I just keep having this feeling that I'm turning more n more human n it is not good at all..

I have decide that I will stop getting sucked into life n pull myself out of this whole situation before it drains me totally...

It's a peaceful day...

4:52 AM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
It was an impromptu decision to get macaroons today... Woman monthly affair gave me the excuse to buy stuff to cheer myself up ... (=


Was thinking of dessert first... then macaroons and was searching for place that sells good macaroon when i found ET Artisan Sweets... It is hidden in 32 Holland Grove Road, Henry Park Apartments...


When i reached there, i realised that i really love that place! Not the bakery yet.. but as in the whole Henry Park Apartment area.. It is a sleepy little neighbourhood and it is just very quiet and peaceful....


There is a playground in the middle, where there were some kids playing and some shops around and you could see that there are customers buying cakes, repairing bicycles, doing nails and looking after their shops, quietly minding their own business and that makes this place peaceful and quaint...


You know? The type of lazy quiet afternoon, not like weekend lazy afternoon because you know the whole world is not working on that day too and it is official holiday that type of lazy afternoon. But this type of lazy quiet afternoon that i am talking about is the type of afternoon that you could only experience if you are a primary school student..

To you, the world is just the neighbourhood that you are in and you attend morning session in school and goes home at about 1+.. Showered, had lunch and quietly sitting there watching television while your mum works quietly behind on preparing dinner that type of lazy quiet afternoon.. Nothing matters in the world to you more than to sit in your home's living room watching your favourite cartoon on television and you are appreciative of the fact that you are in morning session so that you have more time in the afternoon to catch up with television, naps and playtime..

I think, it is age or it is all the things that i have went thru, that made me want to appreciate life.. I have a really not peaceful life recently and the only time where i felt that my soul is healing is when i went back to my dad's place... WITHOUT my mum or anybody else around... With dad, Cottony and me.. we could sit there for the whole afternoon, not talking at all... Dad playing computer, Cottony sleeping and me.. doing some baking or cooking... and after that let Dad try my cooking.. and even thou it was terrible, he just quiety ate it... and went back for second serving... That heals my soul... gave me inner peace... let me have some quiet moment and reaffirm the fact that somebody on earth could love me so much that my flaws is invisible to him, my good points are magnified and nothing matters to him more than my happiness...

With this random linkage of the serenity environment of Henry Park Apartment to Henry Ng the man... i have decided that i would name my son (if i ever have one) as Henrik..... I believe i would get along well with Henrik... (=
Newer Posts
Older Posts