Sylvia's World...

Before i starts on my blog.. i need to add this in to remind myself constantly..

Sylvia - dun cry... never cry for the sake of this type of issue again.. it is not worth even a single of ur effort.. so long as you have already done ur best.. even if ppl scold you.. it is their fault.. dun use ppl's mistake to punish urself.. hang on.. tis is not the end.. it is not even the beginning.. it is just a passing stage.. ultimately.. you will find ur beginning..

Okie.. alot happened today.. but shan tell.. not that convenient to tell.. anyway i am down with a fever two days ago.. i have not had a fever since... erm.. secondary school?.. so i was kinda excited when i noe that i had a fever.. haha sick rite??.. i noe but then.. it is been a long time mah.. that two day i really certify myself ask sick and really treat myself as a sick patient lor.. sleeping all day long.. resting all the way.. why am i bloggin this??.. I also dunno.. so tired.. just had my med.. i guess is the med taking effect causing me to blabber nonsense.. but then the first part is really meant for myself.. to allow myself to go on.. no matter what.. this second part is just to blabber nonsense.. haha..
Feel sad.. Nobody can tell, my face is smiling yet my heart hurts so much it seems as if it had been torn apart.. nobody noes.. only me.. only i noe that my heart hurts...

Today is monday............ i am not gettin monday blue.. it is too hot and sunny to be blue.. i mean imagine this.. the weather today is going to be around 32 degree...so it is goin to be a hot hot hot day.. plus that it is bright and sunny... haha so sorri.. i am not a sunny person... i prefer rainy season.. dun like sunny weather... and this is making me sleepy.... *yawnz* and i am workin today.. so this makes me even more sianz.. dunno why yesterday went to SBW.. after that on the way home i was feeling ultra sleepy.. fell into deep slumber.. i nearly miss my stop... so when i reach home.. i was thinkin that this time die.. i need to stay awake to finish my website work how to stay awake, managed to finish portion of it.. but then when i try to sleep i am nt able to sleep.. was wide awake.. strange.. today i am nt goin to stay back anymore.. goin to go home straight at 6pm.. dun care... haha..

Yesterday went back to Ang Mo Kio lib.. the place that i used to be working in... is quite happy to be back.. relax.. everybody seems to be very happy to see me back.. at that moment of time.. i derive a theory.. who says it is not good to change job??... At least you get more ppl who likes you.. of course you have to be lucky like me to be trf to a place whereby all the ladies are mummies and you have to be cute friend and nice like me.. haha then you will be liked by them... i miss them.. all of the staff of AMCL... saw a few of them yesterday and left a prank notes at my sup's table to remind them that though i had left i had not forget them.. they are always on my mind...

Obviously somebody dun wan me.. coz he still havent replied to my sms... any case... gave my mind and soul a rest on saturday.. went to esplanade and sat by the river side at the highway there with Jessica Choy Mun Ling.. the sky was very nice... cloudy with grey clouds... my type of weather.. saw there and thot of everything.. all the beautiful memories and of course that dream that i had of him.. the dream.. is more of something that i dreamt of because i tink of him too much.. Nevertheless that is still a nice dream... the dream leave me with a sweet feeling after i wake up.... but then it is mixed with a tinge of sourness...

Remember the medicine that i mentioned in my previous blog??.. Appparently apart from making me feel sleepy.. it makes me feel high as well.. it makes my heartbeats beat faster, make me feel super disorientated, cant tink properly.. so is that counted as high??.. haha well for somebody as good as me that is already considered the high lvl... haha... okie loggin off... bb....

Today... not too good... have been coughing like hell last few days.. went to see a doc two days ago.. doc say that i did not have enough rest.. so had to rest more.. gave me two type of cough medicine one for day (non drowsy) one for nite (super drowsy)... but apparently the morning one also will feel drowsy de... very disorientated now... dunno what to do... but there is piles of work waiting for me to clear.. take one step at a time ba...
Today's weather.. is my fav.. gloomy cool with a hint of rain coming the way...actually it rained tis morning and i was caught in the rain.. was drenched from head to toe.. suspect that i am goin to be super sick coz after i was drenched i went to air con room immediately... a day like this is v. good to tink of a particular person... anyway send him a sms yesterday wanting him to be happy always... Suddenly this song An Shi from Coco Lee came into my brain...
Ting jian xin xin tan xi
Yong ji mo de u qi
Gao shu bu mien de yu
Shi fo fang qi r ye
Zui xun feng de dong jing

Xin shi bu ting lei ji
Bian chen lian jia de lei di
Ni shi zhong mei liu yi
Wo te bie zai hu ni
Ni que xiang feng yi yang
Zuo ku you pan er xing.......

Quan shi jie zhi you ni bu dong wo ai ni
Wo gei de bu zhi shi hao peng you er yi
Mei ke yu yan you zhi qian qian xiao rong li
Nan dao ni mei fa xian wo ke wang xun xi

Wo ying kai ru he rang ni zhi dao wo ai ni
Lian xin xin dou zhi dao wo xin zhong mi mi
Jing ye zai ni zhuan wai xia de yi chang yu
Shi wo an shi ni wo you dou mo wei qui...............

Seriously speaking i am not sure if i am sad because of him or izzit because i am sleepy... anyway just feel like putting this song down.. my colleague just pass by and ask if anybody would understand since it is in han yu ping ying.. i told her that anybody who dun understand can come and look for me.. i will sing for the person.. hahaha!!
Such a depressing blog must end with a depressing phrase...

*MiSs My PrInCe* - starting to forget how he looks like and everything.. but will never forget his voice, the way he talk, the way he walk or the memories that i remember of him....

Yup.. he did that.. according to his msn nick... i really feel sad.. because of him.. i have develope a special feeling for that car... that car is sort of like his personal symbol.. you can never describe how happy i am when i see that car.. that is because i know that he is around nearby... you can never describe how happy i am when i am sittin inside that car because i know that he is driving... yet he is selling that car away... i told myself two days ago.. it is enuff le.. for this 'emotional fling' with myself to end.. it has lasted too long and on the wrong end.. for two years.. it nv has changed.. his position in my heart.. i morphed into his type... type that i tink he will like.. but i dont dare to meet him.. i cant... just cant bring myself to.. i just keep on telling myself i am not good enuff for him.. i still has to change.. still has to slim down alot more.. but another part of me noe that most pro when i finally reached that stage... he already has another Mrs by his side..

What exactly make him sell his car?.. Seems like he is experiencing some difficulties in his life??.. Dont ask how i know.. i sense, pick out some details, put them together and guess.. i hope my guess is wrong.. but i just has this feeling that something is wrong..

For him to know if he ever comes here.. you noe i am always there somewhere thinking and caring bout you... do you noe that if you have any trouble you can always approach me??.. I may not help but at least i can try to help you lighten ur mood??.. You noe i will always stay by you.. no matter what??.. You doesnt know.. you never will know... because you never bother??... Even though so.. mayb this is my life.. just when the image of you is going to vanish from my heart.. the pain is finally going to ease something along the way will appear to strenghten the image make the pain noticable again... Mayb it is a part of me which made me like you in the first place refused to give up... so she will always be out looking for hints and memories.. and magnify something once that feeling starts to die down??..

For this reason.. i cried again..