Sylvia's World...

Kie kie.. before i start blabbering nonsense..
Today is my bro birthday..
So this is for him..
Happy birthday to you
You are born in the zoo
There are lions and tiger
And the monkey is you..
Haha
Dun be sad!!

Kie back to earth.. well had a talk with my colleagues today.. two of them in fact.. they were telling me that cuming here is a waste of time.. i shouldnt be here at all.. In fact with the chance i should get out of tis job should i have the opportunity... In fact.. i should RUN out of here the moment there is a chance to get out of the job.. then i am confused.. what am i supposed to do now.. seems like there is no place that i can go to.. *sob* *sob*... i am sooo sad... i really want to study.. but then i dunno what to study.. seems like there is no help available for me to study.. to me currently my hope is that studying will get me to a greener pasture on the other side.. but then what if after i studied and get my degree and still cant find greener pasture??.. Then wat am i supposed to do??.. I really dunno... now i am aimless.. i used to haf this big plan in my mind.. a plan for me to suceed.. but ultimately will i??... Haizz....

Well had been hafin isomia for the past few days.. dunno why.. just cant sleep then when i wake up in the morning i will regret not sleepin earlier last nite... this is like cursed rite.. haizz... when will i stop hfin isomia... my stupid sister is squatting next to me seein me blog and tell me that the freaking bottle of mayo in my house is expired and ask me go and buy.. what the!!...... she is a bitch sia... just noe how to scream and scream mayb she had inherit my mum's gene... well stop here shall continue when i reach the office otherwise i will lose my life... now that she is bigger size than me..

Kie kie before i continue with anything, today is the birthday of my nephew, so here is for you LKK...
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to LKK
Happy Birthday to you..
May all the blessing be with you always.. muz grow up to be a smart and sensible boy.. Yi love you..

Well.. yes i want to go back to studying.. i want to get a degree.. I want to climb to the top and get a high paid salary.. i am just fedup wif everything.. curse the idiot who cheat my dad of his money.. curse him.. mayb he burn in hell...

I am just fedup.. i somehow know what i should do with my life le.. i will go and study and study and study.. i just cant bear the thot that my dad still had to go out to work every now and then.. if i had money he wun need to go out to work.. i am fedup and sad at the same time.. sometime i really feel that i am useless.. he always tell me stories of his younger days.. when he go to sch.. go to poly.. he was a sucessful young man.. hafin been to poly in the kampung days.. his dad wanted him to enter a english school.. i guess he hope to see his son being successful one day.. sometime i really tink.. did he regret.. does he wish to go back to his past when he is successful.. but now at a old age.. he still had to go out to work.. i really feel that i am useless.. as a daughter... i did not study hard enuff to bring him honor nor get a high paid job to let him haf a comfortable retired life..

I hate myself.. i really do.. i hate myself for being so selfish.. my parents can give me their world.. what haf i given them all this while??.. nothing.. nothing at all!!.... i will nt tink of anyting more in the future.. i will only tink of studying.. earning money and giving them a comfortable life.. i am not goin to tink of anyting anymore..

Hey havent been bloggin about a certain topic for a v. long time.. since i blog that i no longer liked him anymore.. anyway last yr tis day.. sumting happened.. haha not sumting significant okie.. but something happened that made me liked him even more.. haha shall not further elaborate here.. but sumhow this day made me like him even more.. it is been one yr.. alot of tings had changed.. suddenly it just occur to me how horrible it is... as in only within a yr.. but alot of tingy can change... time is horrible.. in fact a lot of things can change in a day too.. like a married couple can be a divorced couple in a day.. You can be happy today and sad the other day.. the person next to you can be alive and kicking today and die tomorrow.. erm okie.. i am not being sad or opmistic.. but then this is just some of my tinking.. i haf realise tis long ago.. and i know that i should cherish everything around me because in a flash of time everything will be gone.. you haf to haf the courage to do tings.. but i dun haf that kind of courage.. luckily i dun haf that kind of courage.. otherwise i would have confessed to him long ago and be made the butt of the joke.. or mayb tings will turned out differently.. i dunno.. haha sometime how nice it would be if you haf a object that can tell you what will happen if you do this and what will happen if you do that??..
Okie.. i shall not deny that i am depressed today.. afterall my love was not fake.. one yr plus of liking him.. and remembering today is the day whereby i fell deeply for him.. it isnt something that will make me happy.. though i dun really like him now.. but i was hopeful in the past.. mayb you all might luff.. but i was really hopeful last yr.. till the beginning of this yr that he and i will get together.. just that i need to make the confession to him when the time is right.. but then.. now my hopes are dash.. i no longer feel that we will get together.. the fact is.. my encounter wif him is only a short one.. and at that short moment.. because i get to see him everything.. i was sure.. very sure that we will get together.. but time does not heal ppl...nor will it make him miss me even more.. it will drift us more and more apart.. when we werent even close to each other in the past.. now the distance between us are like north pole and south pole.. and we will just stay at the respective poles.. sad rite.. sometime i really wonder what if tings really turn out differently.. what if i really confessed to him and get together with him.. will i be happy??... one ting for sure.. i dun really love him anymore.. but the fact that i go around telling ppl that i will want to remain single for the rest of my life show that i have not totally let him go.. Now that is the joke.. when will i ever learn to let him go.. i guess not in this life.. Then come the part whereby i will say hopefully if there is a next time i will learn to let go of him rite.. but then one part of my heart hestitated.. it seems that, that part of my heart is not prepared to let go of him.. still habouring hopes of mittin him if there is a next life.. oh tis is so sad..
Okie here come the ending part.. wake up!!... i noe v. well that me and him are not fated.. so get on wif life.. in the meantime.. just try and learn to let go of him.. perhaps the next time when i blog about him again.. it is when i say that i haf totally learn to let go of him...