Sylvia's World...

Hmm... today is another sunday... and i am at home slacking again... and today is April fool's day... well nthing much.. life still goes on.. speaking of April.. it is the mth that i am look forward to... come BT birthday.. i will only be left to serve one more mth of my contract before it end in May... woo hoo!!.... you noe what that means... freedom!!!.... i lurve april.. i lurve lurve lurve april 2007.. lalalala~~~

Okie enuff said bout that.. a little update about myself... nthing much happened.. i am still coughing like mad.. i am still nt talkin to my mum.. i still wanna bash iey iey up everytime i see him.. i still watch sponge bob sq pants with lkk.. Anyway.. went to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle yesterday with lkk... iey iey and my sis... well i can say that it is not a bad show.. quite nice.. because it is TMNT what... and i lurve this cartoon.. watch it when i was in say... primary 2 and i remember that the cartoon is shown every friday at about 6pm.. so i lurve tis cartoon... oh oh and i just finished my assignment.. which mean that i have about one more mth before my exam.. and i can officially slack for another one wk before i start studying for my exam...yeah!.... and i am dead broke tis mth.. with all the temptation of buying clothing.. i buy and buy and buy... until i am broke.. oh my.. i dunno how to survive till my next pay.. *faint*

Title copied frm my sis's blog.. if it is wrong.. it is her chi that is bad.. nt mine.. hahaha anyway... my sis in law said that i am pretty free these days.. and asked me to blog more.. so here i am blogging.... muahaha..

well.... i seriously dunno if that will happen... working towards it??.... haha... i dun even tink that the shore towards it is anywhere near to far.... it is further than near to far... which is very far...

Well... told the world the two goin to be aunties.. erm.. two mdm ngs about what happened... hehehe.... well... i did try to chit chat with him lah.. but seems like the response nt too good.. and the truth is that... when i become interested in another person.. the wu long tu phrase will come out again.. mayb i am just to coward to step into a new phrase.. that is why everytime when something begin to progress i will hid back into my wu long tu phrase and slip into the comfort zone.. nvm that it is a sad phrase.. but i am just to coward to come outta my comfort zone...

Went to zouk last nite.. with my cousin and my bro and my sis in law.... well... it was okie.. because this time we went earlier.. so there was nobody there or rather not much peps there... so we managed to get some seats at the bar counter...

Hm... it was really not bad.. because we have handsome bartender to look at hahaha.. but i got drunk... really bad... because there was one for one.. and tze order like that is no tomorrow... so in the end.. we had 10 glasses of lychee martini... 6 cup of illusion... 2 cup of VOLKA SUPERNOVA... 2 cup of volka orange... two jug of volka redbull... i tink six glasses of tequila and three glasses of i dunno what... and i drink and drink because there is too much until i really give up... but oh well.. at least i get a glass of ice water frm the handsome bartender.. hahaha

Anyway.. we passed by St James powerstation tonite.. and i was telling my dad that we will book the place to throw him a bday bash on his 70th birthday.... hehehe... so yeah 6 yrs later.. St James here we come!.. hahahaa..

Hmm... today is already sunday.. and tomorrow is monday... wkend seems to pass by so fast.. but in another sense i did alot this wkend.. managed to plan out my schedule for what i wanna do for the wk after wk after wk after wk.. hahaha basically is a weekly schedule...

I found out that actually waking up early during wkend can let you finish doing so much things... and best part is that you dun feel that you are losing out precious wkend time not doin anytime or feeling that the wkend is unhealthy.... i went for dim sum on sat in the morning.. and find it great.. i tink i should start doin this on a wkly basis.. of course.. i cannot anyhow spend money le lah.. then i can do this... and then today i went to sungei buloh.. and you dun have to know i went with... it was great.. minus the part that we got lost.. and we panicked.. hahaha... other than that... the trip was great.. the morning trip there was great.. very refreshing and good.. nt rushing like time is ticking so fast that we have to rush and rush and rush and before you noe it the wkend is gone...

My wkend are very very zen nwadays.. it involve.. resting... sleeping... exercising... getting enuff mental and physical rest.. to ensure that i felt rested.. hahaha

WELL.... was shopping with my friend... a short shopping trip... and she was grumbling to me that she nd to purchase a dress for her work... and i show her these dress that i thot would look great on her... but she keep on saying dun wan dun wan dun wan... and i shown her another dress.. and she keep on saying dont want dont want dont want again... she has told me that she envy those who dress nicely... and changed since in the past till nw.. and she wants to be like that.. i would want that person to be like that too... everyday.. when you go out... you see those peps ard you dressing nicely.. naturally for a girl's basic instinct.. you would wanna look good too... but some are restrained by their low self confidence.. but at least give peps a chance to help you to change.. and try on something nw.. MIND YOU.. i din let her try on a sexy or sleazy dress.. it is a very DECENT AND NICE dress... which she refused to try on because she ASSUME THAT it will look bad on her....

To the lady in question in my blog... pls... if you wanna grumble and envy.. then you should try to take the first step out.. life is short.. it is not full of restriction.. why do you wanna envy peps when you can achieve what you envy of them?? and pls... help yourself by letting peps help you... i found out that if you only grumble and doesnt let other peps help yourself it is no point telling me every single time that okie you are inspired to change and want me to help then when i go out with you i say till i puke blood and suddenly your stupid belief pop out and you revert back to nt wanting to change urself again.... if you wanna be a hermit.. dun envy and grumble.. because it is not that you cannot achieve it nor is it because peps are not willing to help you.. but it is because you are not willing to help yourself...

Heh.. i guess is the effect of the med... i am tinking about nonsense again... i am tinking boutall the wat if... tinking about my poly life... tinking bout the sweet and sour period.. when i could be on the moon one moment and fall on earth and wanting to die another moment....

Lookin back... the me in the past never thot that i coud get outta this... i thot that i would be stuck in this forever... i mean the mess of liking him.... wishing that he will get married with me... and we will live happily ever after.. with my prince to come and pick me up.... For a period of time.. this was my life... wishing and hoping for all that i wish for to come true... Nw looking back.. it seems like i have never lead this part of life before.... De purple box stayed up... for more than half a yr.. and nope.. i have no urge to take down and read...

Everybody come into ur life for a reason... his reason... as i finally ack... is to truly let me slim down.. and love myself... for myself.. not for anybody else... waking up the really girl side of me.. and realising that i should live for myself... tell the world what i truly like.. dress as i truly like.. and not restricted by what peps thot of me... I used to be rather restricted because some friends of my commented that i never wear skirt... so i never wear skirt.... never thot of dolling myself up... because i look 'great'... i hold on to the thots.. that i wish that he his main purpose is not just to do this.. but to take care of me for the rest of my life... but as i go on.. i realise that there are somethings in life that you have to let go... no matter how much you love it... because as you hold on... things get ugly and feeling turn sour... all the things that are originally beautiful will turn ugly.. fairy tale became non fairy like anymore..

If you ask me... will i still cry for him nw... my answer is yes... for... i truly love him... but that was him in 2004 the one that will look at me with warm in his eye... nt the one that gave me cold hard stare without any feeling in 2006... Sylvia will always love the him in 2004 and cry for him... but Sylvia has still ultimately gave up on the him in 2006 when she mit his cold and feelingless glance..

Either case.. this or that... my heart is buried together with that purple box in the deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep corner of somewhere... i no longer love... no longer touched... no longer wish and hope... Sylvia can never love again.... because she is heartless... in case any heros out there that think that i am a challenge and you should never give up on me and wanna make me have feeling and love again.. you can forget bout it... because i seriously dun wan to love anybody anymore... nobody for me... i am for nobody.. i live for myself..

You have my heart... you took it... you smash it... just like how you smash a piece of tissue paper...

The question on my mind...

Nt that i am desperate... in fact... i am fine with nt getting married.. but i just wanna get out of this house... My house which used to be my shelter.. when the whole world doesnt want it.. my house will always nurture me... care for me... due to the fact that i have quarralled with my mum.. and i am no longer on talking term to her due to some stupid relatives... i have decided that the best way out is to get out of the house... and i have decided that the best way to do this.. is to get married... i will never have the courage to move out.. because that is really obvious that i am walking out... so i have decided that getting married is the best way out...

I always wonder... why is it that the when a quarral happen.. and a kid doesnt talk to the parents... the quarral always occurs between the fav child and the parent.. and it is always the fav child that doesnt talk to the parent... i thot that it wun happen in my family.. but it did.. and i am seriously no longer on talkin term with my mum anymore...

If you ask me if it is worth it?.. nt talkin to my mum because of some stupid fatty... i tell you it is nt worth it... but i just cant stand the fact that she would rather side with them than her own kids.. always hurting her kids in the process of siding those fatty... i m just sorely disppointed with her...

haiz.....