Anyway.. some updates on my life.. started my new job for three weeks le.. today i am on mc.. coz i am suffering from a 'package' illness that is inclusive of giddiness, cough, sore throat and flu.. that is how the doc term it.. it all comes in a package when i told him i feel giddy.. My neph.. LKK is in hospital.. some doc say he got pneumonia.. some say otherwise.. nt too sure yet what is wrong wif him.. but he cant be discharge yet.. coz doc say that they had to monitor that he does not have fever for 24 hr first then he can be discharged.. he was admitted into the hospital yesterday morning at ard 3am.. then i wanted to go and visit him.. and really meant to visit him.. spend time there with him.. accompany him..
Then i realise something... i am cold blooded.. i nv know how it felt like when you attend the funeral of somebody that you love deeply.. feel that heart pain feeling.. i always thot that when friends surrounding me lost their grandparents they will feel sad and the type of heartpain that i have nv felt before.. afterall i was nv close to my grandparents.. so when they pass away.. i was okie.. no heart pain.. not really griefing.. and i realise that i nv know what it meant like to really whole heartly wants to visit somebody in the hospital either.. coz i was thinking yesterday.. i am going to stay at the hospital for a longer time wif LKK.. then i thot what was i goin to do while staying there wif him.. then i thot of what i used to do when i was young and in the past when i visit a person.. then i realise that everytime when i goes to the hospital to visit somebody else in the hospital.. the impact is not that great.. cant really get connected to the patient.. i will feel sorry for them.. but then the concern lvl is never really very great...
Conclusion: I am cold blooded.. once i give up on somebody.. i can really be feelingless...
Today was a very bad day.. initially yesterday when i planned for the outin with karen.. today still seems to be a not bad day.. till the morning i wake up.. then everything starts to go wrong.. firstly i quarralled with my sis in maplesea.. and she cried.. and i tink the whole world is goin to think i am the big bully.. because this is always the case.. the chili padi would always be the big bully and the one who is wrong.. in any case i dun feel like explaining.. coz when i TRIED explaining to her inside maple why am i so pissed off.. i tink the idea din get into her mind.. all she does was keep on sayin 'Then'.. which make me even more irriated.. so i logged off.. because i also need to go out le.. and she thot that i dun wan her to come over to stay that is why i come up with some crap ting like this.. how laughable.. after all that i have done.. to bring her and her kids back into our family.. now she is sayin that i am coming up with some crap excuse to nt let her stay over.. it is sooooo funny that it seems like a joke to me.. So sian about coming back today, but still has to.. to make things worse.. my house gate was locked.. so i cannot enter.. and my leg automatically bring me to take bus 88.. to a place.. and this is like just the rite moment to think bout him again rite??.. when all sad things happened together.. sittin at the bus stop opp that place i went to.. i started to think bout all the thing that had happened.... Tears start to swell up in my eyes.. why izzit that everytime i am down.. i will start to tink bout him again.. and think bout how much better thing would be and how comforting it would be if he right beside with me.. but he is not there.. to top things off i read thru two blog of my friends'.. know that they are also having some problem with their life.. what a day..i am not on talking term with my mother because of ugly and disgustin relatives of hers.. i quarralled with my sis because she thot i am masterminding this major plan to prevent her from stay over at my house... just at this moment memories of him had to pop up.. and i noe that two of my friends are feeling down.. It seems like the world is in down mode today.. haizz...
Third day at work.. second day of forgetting to bring out my hp.. seems like life is bored here.. currently lor.. and i have been feeling rather stressed up... dunno why.. i just feel stressed... mayb it is the fact that nobody talks to me.. sometime i really missed workin upstairs.. due to the human contact... i can tok to my colleague... i felt so well protected.. but nw i am all alone down here... it felt rather sad and depressed... okie enuff.. yesterday i played maple and just lvl up to lvl 28.. i had this fairy top and fairy dress that can only be wore by magician of lvl 28 and above... initially i was really looking forward to wearing it.. coz it really look nice... but who noes... when i really get to wear it.. it is like yuck!... The dress made my character Bevia look plump... and yi dian dou bu hao kan.... it doesnt have the v. impressive look... in fact it look like a tea dress with translucent shelves on a plump girl.. Ke lian de Bevia would have to wear that for the rest of her time till she lvl again to lvl 33 then she has something else to wear... Haizz... anyway i am v. tired.. coz i have been mapling for the past two nites and have nt enuff sleep.. really very tired.. i guess due to the depression and stress that i am suffering.. i have not been eating well this two days too... will feel full.. then later will feel hungry and yesterday even worse.. after i had eaten myh dinner.. immediately i feel so very full that i feel like vomittin.. really worried leh.. dunno what is wrong with my body... it just gets this way... i feel depressed.. no strenght... my facial expression is always a frown... i have migraine... and i dun feel like eatin... haizz...
Well... yesterday we had a jedi council meeting.. haha this thing actually came up just a few days before.. coz all our parents were out of town.. so we cousins (including me, my bro, my sis, tze, LD and gangee) form up this council... actually at my maternal side.. there are seven of us.. but we were super anti this youngest cousin of ours coz of his snobbish behavior and his parent's (oh we are so high and mighty high up and you ppl are our poor slaves behavior) as well.. so we really dun like him.. so when our parents were out of town, we actually went over to my tze's house.. and we din ask him to join us.. in fact.. we din even inform him.. when me and gangee discussed this with LD on sunday.. he was saying.. for wat!.. he is not even in the Jedi Council.. so here it is.. a new grouping formed.. it is called The Jedi Council.. The Mission: To anti Winky because of his snobbish behavior The Vision: To create a great environment full of fun peace and happiness w/o Winky and Winky's parents.
Well.. ah fa is angry and ignorin me.. further details i shall nt discuss here.. but i really want her to know that i really din mean to make her go thru watever she went thru and i am really sorry for making her go thru the issue...
At this moment.. i felt alone.. not lonely.. but alone.. seems like there is nobody with me.. when you have no family mber or friend you can turn to.. what will happen??.. when you have a long list of friends online on msn but nobody seems to understand your problem who do you turn to??.. I have lost my ability to express myself when i am sad.. because i feel that nobody care to listen to me.. so what is the point of expressin??.. Or when you get the feelin that ppl feels that ur problem is minor what is the point of expressin again..
The box with the purple lid is on the floor again.. tat would signified that i am thinkin bout him again.. as of always.. i am still hoping that i can see him again.. zai jian yi mian.. but it is sooo difficult.. i guess i had observed so much things that every little thing will remind me of him.. sometime really wonder if this is really a good thing or a bad thing.. mayb from the beginning when i started liking him it is a mistake.. ever wonder if that Sylvia at that point of time sees what will happen will she still embark on the path of liking him??.. mayb everything would be different.. or mayb i dont like him anymore.. it is just that i am too selfish to admit that my standard for my partner is too high.. so rather than being seen as the picky bitch.. i would rather hide in the shadow of being a foolish girl who cant get over a guy that she cant get.. i er really have this doubt about myself.. if i am really a picky bitch.. but then sometime it is really hard to walk out of this shadow.. the thot of going out with somebody is actually harder than forgettin him not to say that anybody wants to go out with me.. nobody wants to go out with me.. but then i would rather stay this way until i really get over him which is i dont know when.. i mean can you imagine this that when i am out with somebody.. then something just happen that trigger of the thot of him wat am i goin to do?!?!... seriously i dont know how can he be so cruel.. how can he go on with life??.. i am sayin as if someting really did happen.. but nthing happen.. i am still deeply trapped in this memories and i am still unwilling to let go.. i really cant imagine what will happen when my friend tell me that he is gettin married.. but tat day will come sooner or later.. i just hope that when the day comes i am over him already...
Notice that i put those instead of my in the title.. i really hope that they are not my relatives.. not even related to me by anyway.. this relatives belonged to my mum.. especially her third sister and her husband.. they are a shame to us.. it is the way they behave.. since my grandmother passed away.. they had been coming to my house for free meals during sunday since... i was in sec one.. that is like when i am 13 and now i am 21 le.. it is like a whole freaking 8 yrs that they had came to my house to eat.. if this ppl eat and keep quiet and in fact praise my mother.. i am fine with the idea of them coming to my house for meals.. but the fact is that thought they come here for meals every sunday.. they bad mouthed about my mother behind her back.. i mean what type of sister would do that??... I mean okie lah i admit i bad mouth my sister but not malicious type of remark.. it is not as if we own them one mountain of debts so that we had to be grateful to them and when they come every weekend we had to bow to them.. in fact NO... we do not own them any freaking thing.. the fact of why i am so strongly against them is because most of my childhood consist of being laughted by them... i had a funny childhood and not that i dont like my childhood.. i love my childhood.. and it is this childhood that made me such a strong person.. my mum, sis and bro worked as waiteress and waiter when i was young.. and i had to follow them to the place they work in and stay there for the whole night.. and these so call sister of my mother din even bother as to where am i where are we where is my mother's three kids.. and when we visited my grandmother's house.. they made us felt as if we were the lowest being ever to be around in earth.. i mean imagine tolerating that.. and we did.. that is why we are strong.. because of this.. i told myself.. i want to be successful and i dont want anything to do with all this relatives.. now.. finally.. we had all started workin.. life is not a bed of rose but at least better than the past.. then this relatives started creeping back.. to bother us.. treating my mother and father like maid.. throwing their kids at our house every weekend.. my mother had to cook expensive food for them or they will not even touch those mere mortal food that my mum cook.. every week because they treated my mum like maid i would had to quarral with her asking her why this ppl are coming to our house and every week she had to tell me to behave myself or i would be a shame.. today is the final straw.. i dont understand why izzit that for caring for my mum we had to quarral with her every week.. to mit wif her silence and her ignoring us.. breaking the bond with us.. because we CARE for her.. i dun understand.. today that third uncle in law's son (my cousin came) and then my mum cook.. and that cousin din like what my mum cooked.. so he didnt want to eat.. and being the ever trying to be nice person.. my mum invited his parents to come up for dinner.. that freaking stupid jerk came.. my mum ask him to eat.. he say he need to go and drive his wife.. then ask my mum to dao bao.. i mean you got no hands arh!!.... WAH!!!!!....i had enuff lor.. are they disable or what.. if that is the case what is the use of their hands.. chop it off and donate it to somebody else who need it or will put it to better use than them.. what is their freaking problem... then he go enough already enough already.. i am like WTF.. so i purposely say v. loudly to my mother that she is hafing hand pain why still do this thing.. and i take the thing and throw into the rice.. my mother scolded me sayin that i am rude.. and i just scream at her.. i ask her why is the freaking problem.. if i dont do this ppl would also critize me behind my back.. so why not.. given that a little critize is critize and alot of critize is also critize i dont care about what they say.. and she say i cant do this.. i mean WTF.. i do whatever i like not caring about what other ppl say.. why do i have to care about what a few worms say behind my back and quarral wif her every weekend.. initially she say that siblings are only for this lifetime not the next life.. and now she say that watever we want to do we can only do it after she died.. i mean is there really such a need to get so drama and ignore your kids because of a few parasites that even parasites are ashame of them??... i dont know.. everything we brought up this subject we will only be greeted by silence by my mum or she will just scream the hell out of us.. if this is the way she chose to ignore whatever we say.. fine.. i will also chose to ignore whatever she say... be it that it is her third sister or her husband or her cousin purple who come and leech on us again.. i am going to just say whatever is on my mind.. i dont give a damm!!.. i mean compare to the other few who are the same age as me i believe i am the most sensible coz my brain function in a normal way.. yet this is the type of shit that i get coz i am poor.. fine then i am poor and i will behave poorly too.. that is for whoever who crossed my path and make me cross to suffer their own consequences...
I bet with karen that i am not goin to play maple today.. so i am controlling myself nt to play maple..so here i am sittin in the dark bloggin about today.. well nothing much.. to begin with.. i actually din wan to go out.. in the end i went out wif karen.. go shopping.. brought this v. nice blouse at giodano.. thinking of goin back to purchase the black one.. coz it is really v. nice... can also wear as office wear.. that is why i like.. haha..
Listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi.. re-encountering about all the past events.. i still love the feeling of liking him... it is like when you noe that you can love somebody and everything around you turn beautiful because of him.. it is v. hard to find another person to replace that type of feeling.. it is like when i like ss... that was in sec one lah.. it is like i started to appreciate things more.. that type of feeling is not replacable.. then as years goes by.. i no longer experience that type of feeling anymore.. i really like that type of feeling.. but it is really hard to find.. i no longer experience that type of feeling.. when i like him.. that is another type of feeling.. another type of beautiful feeling that is gradually leaving too.. and i guess nobody can ever replace this type of feelin like how nobody can ever replace that type of feeling that i had when i like ss.. but compare.. i believe i like this type of feeling better that the type of feelin i got when liking ss... it is like this feeling is lighter.. more comfortable.. haha who noes.. in the future when i fall deeply for another person again.. i might say that i like that type of feeling better.. haha.. seems like i am describing perfume.. which one is more intense which more is more light and which one is flora.. haha..
Before i goes into any updating.. i better post this up first before i get killed by grievances... Happy Belated 21th Birthday Bee Ting... I really hope that the the future will be one gigantic bed of roses for you... Lastly... faster find a bf.. i really dun wan to be mistaken as a lesbian..
Some updates bout myself.. i dunno why.. i am feeling so freaking tired and sleepy tis few days.. really lack of sleep sia... so tired... *yawnz* this is the result of excessive mapling.. i am sooo focused on level up that i just ignore sleeping.. and play and play and play... anyway it is a nt bad game lor.. coz the fact that you can level up is more interesting than anything else.. anyway this week has three off day(includin public hol and weekend) so can stay at home and play maple for day and nite.. muahahahaa...
These few days has been rushful and confusing for me.. with the lack of sleep.. my judgement was not very good..... i just dun feel like thinking.. too tired lah.. anyway my cousin say that she wants to intro this guy to me.. or rather initially she told me that he wants to noe me.. then later i sense sumting fishy... after askin her then i know that she actually wanted to intro me to this guy.. so i told her forget it... not because i am tryin to be difficult or anything.. even my sister told me to try... telling me that there is no harm in starting a relationship but i beg to defer.. i mean for me.. when you get into a relationship with somebody.. it will forever stays in ur memories.. being in a relationship is something that is beyond friends.. which means you are closer to this person... it cannot be just try try casually.. mayb i am stubborn.. but i feel that you cant just jump into a relation blindly or casually.. i am only 21.. my love life mayb sad.. but i dun tink it is sad till the extend that i need matchmaking or anything.. after all this thots.. i just feel that i am not prepared to jump into a relationship.. i am still too used to being alone by myself... like i always say.. how can you go out with another person when you obviously know that he is not the person that you loved the most or the person in the deepest corner of your heart??....... I am not trying to imply anything.. before you all start smacking ur forehead.. he is no longer an issue.. it is just that so occasionally he will still jump into my memories from the deepest corner of my heart.. i had to work out things with myself first.. i had came to conclusion that i just love the feeling of liking him at that point of time.. so for this i will need to work out for myself before i can proceed on.. otherwise i just feel that i am too selfish to the opp party..
Today is a very bad day... so this is how it feels like when you go on cold war wif everybody in the world.. you basically feel alone and depressed.. and tears wun stop.. it just keeps on flowin.. i had enuff.. i finally scream at my mother today.. i just keep on screaming at her.. askin her if she had actually heard what i say.. i have been saying things for so long.. had she ever put her heart into listening to what i say??... it didnt work.. she scream back at me.. tellin me she did.. but it nv seems that she did before.. when i am tokin to her complaining.. she nv seems to listen.. then is that call listening??..that she ask me then now she body pain who should she tell.. i mean shouldnt tings be one tings at a time??... i just cried and cried... i am really upset.. i am very tired le.. really very tired.. from supporting so many tings.. who can support me??.. nobody..
Hmm... recently my hm got cold war..shall nt mention who and who given that it is a v. political issues and i have declared that i am washing my hand off this issue because the reasoning that both party gave is reasonable but there seems to be no way to resolve the issue because both reason given conflict each others... being the nice middleman i am stuck in the middle and not able to move to either side to resolve the problem because both sides make sense!!.... Anyway i am not here to try and tok bout the cold war today...but to get some ideas into ppl's mind..
Family ties How much do you understand bout this word??... does it means that it is just some sickening ting that relate you to your family mber??.. or is this ties formed because out of fate you are born to this family and that this bond is only truly established when there is love, care and concern add into this tie... thought i am a very negative person.. i always have this believe that family ties is not form just because you are born to be related to this person, but it is truly established when there is love, concern and care is added into this ties... For this believe.... i will never give up on any of the family i love... ESPECIALLY my immediate family... I would like to remind everybody that if they truly love their family members, nv give up on them... no matter what they have done.. though i always say that i give up on my mother and her relatives because i feel that this is a losing war.. i nv truly give up... try askin one of those idiotic relatives of hers to bully her lor.. i will jump on that person's neck and tear off all his/her hair..
In life, sometime we are so busy tat our family members fade into the background.. and we never realise it that this are the few ppl on earth that we truly care and will truly feel heartbroken when they are hurt.. so today onwards... try to appreciate your family more... Life is short.. by the time you realise that you should start appreciating somebody mayb it is too late le.. you may nv get that chance... why not start today??... I would love to end this blog by imitating the very cute Stitch in say this sentence "Ohana means family, and family means nobody is left behind.... or forgotten"
Hmm.. recently someting inside my heart is making me start tinkin sumting that had been botherin me for a v. loong time.. okie i noe some of you esp bt.. is goin to slap your forehead and say oh no.. nt again.. er... yes.. er.. i started tinkin bout him again... er.. nt that bad lor.. at least this time around.. i only feel a mild heartache.. not a serious heartache.. that threaten to tear my heart apart.. sounds v. violent hor.. well.. i am listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi now.. this is my fatal song.. i will definately tink of him whenever i hear this song.. i count count and count.. it seems like i had not seen him for eight mth le.. goin to be one yr soon le hor?? Mayb soon enuff i will start to forget how he looks like.. i am tellin myself that nothing about him is goin to brin me down again.. but it seems like sometime it is really hard.. i am sure that definately i have moved out of waiting.. my life is no longer pending on hold anymore.. i have step out of that period of time le.. moving on and on.. but occasionally... these memories would come to visit me.. Sometime.. i am really confused.. whether i still like that person or izzit that i like the feelin that i had when i like him at that period of time.. Durin that period when i like him.. though sad.. everything seems so beautiful... my surrounding seems so peaceful.. How can you continue to like a person whom you had nv communicate or seen for nearly half a yr.. Okie if that person had loved you too.. mayb you will.. that is love.. but mine is a sad case whereby he dun like me.. i am a one sided affair.. that is not love.. that is foolish.. yet this heartache comes back once in a while to visit me.. Here comes the million dollar question that i have always asked on my blog.. how will he react when he sees my blog accidentally... and accidentally know that he is the main topic on my blog and he is the one that i had like for nearly two yr.. and he is the one who made me changed so much??..Will he feel honoured?.. i dunno.. all these questions can only be answered by one person.. and i doubt i will ever get a answer.. I am startin to suspect that my sis and bro will view my blog every now and then when they are in the kaypo mood.. haha.. anyway.. in case they are wonderin what is inside the plastic box with a purple lid.. it had a purple lid.. so you can guess lah it is sumting associated to him.. My sis once told her kids not to play with that box coz it contain my project.. well she is half correct.. coz i had stored everything about him.. including the tape interview we had with him and the dvd inside the box.. SO.. that box is not my project box.. that is my memory box.. it contain everything that i had hold on dearly about him..all the tiny little tings that i can collect that had somehow associated to him.. i kept everything in the box.. just like how i kept all my feelings for him inside a box in my heart too.. so when i keep that box high up on the cupboard.. that means that i am alrite.. when i take down that box.. that means that i am missin him again.. and the feelings is out of the box in my heart too.. I had this hope in my heart that i had nv admit to.. i really hope to see him again.. mayb i just wan to be sure that i had no more feelin for him.. or mayb i really do miss him.. or mayb i just wan him to see the prettier me.. i dunno.. one ting for sure.. he is no longer my prince.. but sumbody who had left such a deep inprint in my heart that nobody else can replace ever again...
Okie... yesterday i mit up wif bee ting.. to celebrate our 3 8 fu nui jie.. well we took this day as our friendship anniversary day.. we had known each other for eight yr le.. very long time hor??... Hmm.. we been thru sec school.. poly.. now work life.. and were there for each other while nursing a broken heart... We are not lesbian hor.. and i know that we will never be lesbian.. but just that we have already been friend for such a long time that we are so comfortable with each other that we are like sisters.... no hiddin of anyting.. Oh ya something to deepen the misunderstanding.. i received a bouquet of flower from her and she also received a bouquet of flower from me~~.. but as i maintained.. we are not lesbian... will try to post a image of the flowers on the blog sumday okie....
Valentine day... i tink it start from either tis yr or last yr.. i am startin to hate this day.. haha.. this is the day where you see lovey dovey couple goin out.. at least 99.99999% of the girls on the street will have a boquet of flowers in their hand.. guess who is that missing person??.. me.. that is correct.. every year without fail.. that percent will be me.. Like i told ning yesterday.. i am nt afraid of being left alone or anything.. but i am just scare that i might turn into my auntie's clone.. yeah.. you all have seen it.. i am scare of turning into my auntie's clone coz nobody like her.. and she is unbalanced because she is being left on the shelf.. And i get friends who ask me.. 'that kind of chemistry".. " that kind of feeling that he is the rite one for you coz the feeling together with him is just rite".. I DUNNO!!.. stop askin me if i noe .. because i dunno... i have never had that kind of feelings before in my life... never... so stop tellin me that i dunno if this is okie.. because when we are together i dun have that kind of feelin...
But to come to think of it.. remember all the anti climate show that we watch whereby this girl will do lot of things for the guy then in the end when the guy finally like the girl and wants to be together with her.. she chose to leave him??.. i noe that this shows are rare and but they do exist.. i really wonder... if i will continue to like a particular sumbody only to find that in the end i had wasted alot of time because actually i dun like him.. i used to think that such show is a pity coz the guy and the girl dun end up together.. but then i finally understand why.. when you are numb.. and you dunno that you had no longer liked that guy... you will just wish and hope and pray that he will one day be together with you.. but when he finally does (not sayin that in any of my situation it will) you find that it is all meaningless because the pure and true love that you had develop for him initially is gone!... Well i do have a uncanny liking for ppl who treat me like dirt.. i remembered that i once took a love test and the result is that i am just a wall paper flower waiting for bloom with love... i think if i take the test again.. i will be a dead fish.. numb and feelingless.. worse and feeling bitter too.. why am i feeling bitter??... when you give true love and find it in a dump.. you will most pro feel bitter too.. unbalanced??.. that is the reason why i am sayin that i am turning more and more like my auntie... so no worries my dear relatives... there is definately sumbody who will take over the position of Doc Lee.... but in the meantime do give me a break and let me lead a normal life and stop remindin me of this cruel reality before i take over the throne and be Doc Ng...
Last yr tis period.. this used to be my favorite song.. at that point of time.. it seems like this will be my favorite song for the rest of my life... no matter how many time i hear it.. i will never get tired of it... but now it is no longer really my favorite song.. at least this is nt the first song that i want to heard when i get up... at every moment of the day.. ppl who noes me very well will know where this blog posting is heading.. eh no.. i am not falling into depression because of him again.. i do admit that heartache do come occasionally.. every now and then.. but i asked myself... in the past, when i picture him.. i really miss him alot..just wish to be able to see him instantly.. when i picture him now.. the feeling is gone.. he is just another human being who had stepped into my life.. I used to picture him as my prince charming.. but the image is totally gone le.. i have once told bee ting.. that.. no matter how he changed.. i will still like him.. so long as he is not a jerk.. and i mean it okie.. but i am just totally disappointed..
Then i found out that actually being in my shoe for the last two yr is not chi qing.. is lan qing.. is stupidity.. i also kept a dairy bout him.. take down every event that happened between the both of us... huggin the book and cry when i really cant stand it anymore.. thinkin back.. it is really stupid.. how can i feel so much heartache for a person who never know my feelin or worse know about it but dump my love for him into a dumping ground.. BT says that we have no rite to hate sumbody... i dun hate him.. i am just disappointed with him..
But i believe... step by step.. i will stand up firmly and get on with my life completed again.. till that time.. he will really be a human being who had come into my life before and left a very deep footprint in my life's journey... no longer the man whom i love the most..
Happy Happy Lunar New Year to everybody... mayb everybody have a fruitful year ahead and collect alot of hongbao.. haha
Anyway.. i was chatting with my bro yesterday... then i was telling him that if i want to get scolded on the first day of new year.. i will just have to go to my parent's room, wake my dad up and greet him Happy New Year.. nt because he is a grumpy old man or because he dun like new year.. is because he kena wake up by moi so he will be grumpy.. then i suddenly remember an incident that happened when i was in pri school.. tis ting really happened.. but it was reversed... i remember that year my mum was workin and she assigned the task of prayin to my dad... since young i was fancinated by prayin during CNY nite.. so i told my dad that he muz wake me up when he is going to start praying... and i fall asleep.. then when he wake me up.. i was in a super grumpy mood... and when he gif me the hongbao.. i say i dun wan and throw the hongbao on the floor... i was sooooo guilty for throwin the hongbao that he gave me on the floor.. that also reminds me why i was so close to my dad.. coz he always held me close to his heart... i was like super nice to my dad after that coz i feel that he had made the effort to give me the hongbao yet a rude girl like me just dump the hongbao on the floor and vent my anger during CNY..
I suddenly remember this fact.. and why my moto is to be a filial daughter.. but looking back after i started workin.. somehow because of the change of environment as well as the stress blah blah blah... i start to forget about this.. and start being extremely rude to them sometime.. when i am in bad mood and when they step on my tail... i really dun understand why.. sometime straight after i quarral with them i will immediately feel bad about it... but just cant bring myself to tok to them anymore...
SO... in this lunar new year.. i have grown stronger... i have come to agree that nobody... NOBODY can push me around like a pushover.. coz my parents held me close to their heart.. nobody have the rite to taunt me.. bully me.. step over my life.. or even ruin my life because my life is reserved for my parents.. only they have the rite to do the.. the rest who want to bully me blah blah.. please scram aside... and i will try to be nicer to my parents from now on...
This is a type of fish that ppl usually eat when they are recoverin from a wound.. it aid in healing of the wounds... but i have never eaten tis type of fish before.. and if i had in the past then i felt ashame that i have eaten them.. coz they way that they are being killed is way tooooo cruel... i always know how they were being killed. since i went to market one time with my mum and saw a man take a stick and keep on hammering the poor fish's head till it is dead.. today i saw this scene again.. and it is not just one fish you noe.. it is a few fishes at the same time that the man is hammering.. i mean image this scene, the man have a few sheng yu around him, then he hammer this one and turn around to hammer another one while the other one tried desperately to slide away only to be push back to the original spot by the man's feet and kena hammer on the head again.. i mean each time i hear a thump sound.. my heart jus skip a beat.. i felt the pain in my heart each time i hear the thump sound..
I mean.. is there really such a need to go to such extend to kill the fish??.. the poor fish... why muz it be hammered to death??... when a human get hammered to death.. we pity the human tinkin that ohh he/she muz have suffered a great deal of pain before he/she died.. but why when this is applied to animals... human are so cruel??.. tink of tis at the fish's last few moment.. it would be in such great pain for nothing!!!.... izzit because that this would keep the fish fresher that is why they have to do this.. for the price of being a bit more tasty, the fish would have to suffer such terrible fate before it die!!... I remember that i watched a documentary before about how those kind of tian ji(frog) are being killed.. they are being literally chopped into half when they are still alive!.. then the head will go to the rubbish bin and you can still see it moving... i used to love tian ji.. but ever since i saw that documentary.. i no longer eat it.. no matter how much i love to eat it.. i decide to gif up because i feel that just to satisfy my own taste bud.. i have to cause the poor frog to suffer like tis is really nt worth it.. ppl want to kill that is not within my control but at least i cant control myself and dun eat them.. at least it make a diff that not so many of the suffer...
I really feel very sad for all these animals who died a painful/slow/agony death in the name of delicacies.. i mean it is really nt worth it!!... I really hope that all this animal that died a painful/slow/agony death would be able to find peace in their afterlife and not suffer anymore.. and hope ppl will stop killing animals in such a sick way...
Well.. i have alot of doubts this few days hor.. first i doubt about love.. nw i doubt about family.. nt that i am a problem kid.. but then just that sometime the reaction that ppl gif you is makes you really very sian... and you just get totally disappointed with them.. why do you need to do so much for them when in the end you just get scoldin??... suanin??... ppl sayin that you are bo liao??... i guess it is really alot better to live for myself.. because without helpin ppl automatically there is no expectation and i am able to protect myself better... look.. i am really sick and tired of gettin scolded... when i did nothing wrong... another freaking ppl who scold me without any valid reason is goin to get it from me... and i am really tired.. so dun expect any help frm me anymore... coz i am sick and tired of planning, helpin and all i get in the end is that i am bo liao.. i shouldnt have help... and some more scolding..
