Sylvia's World...

The dog waiting for someone who will not be spending the night with us....

On a cold cold night like this, it is suitable to listen to this song.... 寂寞公路...

I ran away from home... from our matrimonial room to be exact... it's been too drama filled and like what i told TFB, i dont know how long can we maintain this...

The threat goes from bad to worse.. the action goes from bad to worse.. and the way he handle me while trying to get me to calm down goes from bad to worse too...

Barely less than one year into our marriage, i am talking about divorce like it is such a normal thing that we should go thru.... Note that i did not mention it casually because there is nothing casual about it... I know that i have talk about it alot of times... but none of them were casual...

I have never viewed marriage lightly and is never a supporter for divorce.. because i believe that you can only find one soulmate in your life.... I think i have found mine... so why cant i live with my soulmate?

Because we have all changed.... i realised that my twisted world is far more twisted than it is... no thanks to my refusal to get out of it and he's just getting tired of the constant struggle that goes on with life....

I really dunno what is going to happen from here.... Usually when we do quarral, and most of the times when i do mention about divorce, i am usually quite half hearted about it and dont intend to push thru with it... this time... it is really different... I am not going to go back just because he coax me... i really need to take the time to think about it... he need to show me that we can make it work...

Giving him one month time does not mean that he will be extremely nice to me during this one month to prove to me that he can be like that and then after the one month when we conclude that we can carry on, he would go back to his old ways....

If a person said that she wants people to see that she is pretty, she has to make an effort to upkeep her appearance everyday.. not just for one day to show the world that actually she can be pretty if she upkeep then return to her usual way of not maintaining her look and expect people to bear in mind that she is pretty because she can be if she wants to...

TFB came yesterday night at 12am in the morning to apologise to me because he feels that this thing cannot wait and deep down.. i am very grateful for his sincerity but is not grateful for his ego for trying to destroy everything... He stayed over last night and the dog was extremely happy to see him...

The dog was restless today because he wasnt around.... i came to realise that the dog is deeply affected by the lack of one party in his life.. I thot of letting TFB bring him back but realise that the dog will miss me too... and will be restless too... the truth is the dog's world consist of the two of us and without any of us inside, he just doesnt feel right..

I am really not hesitating to let it all go just so that you can go and get another chance at finding happiness because you screw up the first... but if you are so insistent about the vow that you have taken previously... i really hope that you could take the marriage more seriously.

I am not saying that i have no fault... but i am aware that a marriage is not a walk in the park and therefore i am constantly trying to do my part in making it work.. i hope you can too...