Sylvia's World...

Notice the question mark instead of exclaimation mark.. it is another unhappy cny.. yes another one...

It all started with CNY eve when my mum got angry over i dunno what issues... but i do suspect is because we did not have reunion dinner with her on CNY eve.. BUT she was the one who said that we should have reunion dinner earlier so that the rest of us can proceed to our in-law (for those who are married) place to eat... And i suspect is also because this year she did not get to ask her relatives to come and eat so she is unhappy... so she got angry...refuses to function properly like how a mum should function... and i had to rush down to chinatown at 11pm to buy one of the item for her prayer... and then spend money to get a yu sheng to come back and lou hei with her so that she will be happy for CNY and my dad wun suffer and all of us wun have to suffer...

Then she is happy and everybody is happy yesterday.. but there was some small issue because there is a nian gao frm crytal jade that i have purchased originally for TFB's family... and since that nian gao cannot be kept for more than a week... so i decide to purchase a new one for them when i go over on new year eve so that they can keep longer and at the same time asked my mum to cook the nian gao during one of the friday when everybody is coming over for dinner but she did not do it.. okay fine... then i told her in the car yesterday that please cook the nian gao tomorrow when all her relatives are visiting so that everybody can eat the nian gao.. and then.. her son... has to add in a statement saying that who is gonna eat the nian gao.. Isnt it kinda stupid to asking this question given that nian gao are being sold during CNY.. OBVIOUSLY it is for eating during CNY right?.. and OBVIOUSLY if you have a big bunch of peps visiting ur house you should cook the nian gao for this bunch of relatives because itis a CNY food and since you nd to cook for them then it is no harm in cooking the nian gao right?... It is a stupid, senseless and just trying to find problem with me questions... OBVIOUSLY i dunno what did i oh sorry.. we because eat bread kena from his bitch fits quite often too.. did to offend him so seriously that he has to menopause on us all the time.. then you see him being very nice to his cousin... because i think he felt that his cousin is nicer to him??.. but whatever lah.. i am sick and tired so dun expect me reach him during leisure time..

So today.. second day of CNY... ONCE AGAIN she did not cook the nian gao.. and what did i do?.. i throw it away.. because she told me to keep it in the fridge and if i really do... she will complain to her son in the near future and i can sense that her son is gonna take out the whole set of menopause and scold the bloody hell out of me.. and lecture me on whatever thing that he can lecture me on.. mayb even lecturing me that my face is of the wrong arrangement?.. Given that he can pick on me on soooo many things nowadays then he even said that the number one wrong thing that TFB has done is to know me and get into a relationship with me?... so i threw the fish away... yes... to some extend it is my fault that i should push things that are meant for other people to them because i am gonna buy a new one for them... but it is not that i have not done anything for this family and just anyhow push second hand cheap stuff to them all the time.. So why this lousy attitude from them all the time?... I am tired... i have money.. i am willing to share... i have problem i am willing to hide... i have happiness... i try to spread it around... i have ability i try to gel the family together... so what in the freaking world have i actually freakingly done wrong to deserve such lousy attitude?... i dunno... and i dun care ANYMORE..

But from this and past lesson.. i realise that it might be in the gene of my mum to create trouble during CNY given that her side also always have problem during CNYwhen my grandparents are still alive.. so i realised that given that my temper is so like my mum.. i might just create trouble for my kids and husband in the future!...

I really dun want my kids to be unhappy in the future... like how unhappy i am with the feeling that i am feeling that i have try for all i can to creat happiness and yet i failed.. and all the arrow shoot towards me.. I really dun wan these to happen... i want to give my kids and my husband a normal family.. i dun wanna be a malfunctioning mum to my kids and let them have a bad impression of me.. sigh...

hmm.. as the CNY approaches... it is time to dye my hair again... so what colour shall i dye?.. This is a no brainer question because the number one colour that i would chose is red... for.. once you have dyed red.. and saw the superb end result.. you will never settle for anything less or less red in my case... so every year without question.. it is a struggle of dying my hair red.. then losing the colour gradually over a loooong period of ONE WK...

I am determined that this year.. my redness will stay longer... well.. given that CNY is on 26 Jan.. there seems like nearly two wks more for me to laze around before dying my hair because i really dun wan my hair to look like some type of washed out red on CNY itself... so i have decided (after securing a low price with the hair saloon auntie) that i will dye my hair closer to CNY.. say mayb the Friday just before CNY?... But then eat bread ask me to dye my hair this saturday.. oh man... you noe eat bread.. the temptation of dying my hair this wkend is great because newly dyed hair always give people a very fresh look and in the name of vanity who wun wanna look good and feel good all the time right?.. Like can stand in front of the mirror for fifteen min to admire my own beeeautiful rrrrrrrred hair...

But the million dollar question here is if i dye my hair now... will it look washed out on CNY.. haiya haiya i really dun wanna look like i have a head of washed out hair on CNY leh.. but i really wanna dye my red too... then how... i also dunno... shall struggle until wkend and update again next wk on this issue...

After much promo by didi and his mum... i have finally watched ming zhong zu yi wo ai ni.. and fell in love with this song...

Have you ever have that type of feeling when you hear a song and you tell yourself.. mm.. i think this is the saddest song that i have ever heard?... I do... and i think my song always outsad the previous song... so exactly which song is the saddest?.. But who cares if the song is nice right?..

半情歌

花接受凋零
风接受追寻
心的伤还有一些不要紧
我接受你的决定

你将会被谁抱紧
唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱着一半的歌

你将会被谁抱紧
唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐
不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌时
间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱着一半的歌

我的明天快不快乐
都是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌

时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
另一半的歌

Okay.. this entry is late by *see calendar* six days.. but it is better late than never right?...

Well... i have to say that 2008 actually fly by faster than a bullet train and before i really really got a chance to sink into the fact that it is 2008... it is already nov!!!... gosh.. where did all the months went too??...

Major happening in 2008... hmm.. hmm.. think.. think.. think...

I got myself a proposal.. that should be the MAJOR happening ba... for those of you who think that once you get a proposal it is happily ever after.. i am sorry to burst your bubble by telling you that NO!.. it doesnt function that way... yes true enuff getting a proposal is good because you are gonna get married, be somebody else mrs and not gonna stay single for the rest of your life.. but then my proposal happiness lasted for like one weeks then after that it is down to looking through wedding packages, getting worried over money issues and housing issues....
BUT i have never regret it because it is the way it is... the proposal and getting married is the main issue here... the money issues lah, all the negative issues are all obstacles for you to overcome so that your love for each other will grow and be stronger...

My best buddy got married... ^_^ okay.. actually.. he and his mrs got married two years ago.. but they just held their wedding banquet like two months ago (please dun slap me if i got the month wrongly okay??.. right.. as if he will ever read this blog in the first place since he doesnt even noe i have a blog!... ahahahahahhaha) i am soooooooo happy for them... i think i must have repeated that i am sooo happy for them phrase for so many times to them that i think they think that i am drunk both at their rom ceremony and at the wedding dinner... but still i am REALLY happy that the both of them are married.... My buddy actually went through alot when we were still in constant contact and even though we have not been contacting each others alot nowadays since we dun really have a gang of friends anymore and we have gone on to know other new friends, made other buddies and form other regular group of hanging out friends... i still care for him alot... and i am really glad that his other half who completed him as a human being.. haha.. is a very very sunshine lady... ^_^ I really hope to hear baby crying soon ~

Third happenings will be... i successfully declare war with my cousin!... and when i mean war.. i mean real war... it is actually a very person thing that happened because of our wedding dates clashes... but hopefully and i really mean HOPEFULLY we have truly resolved all conflict now...

Seems like alot of stuff happened in 2008 hor?.. like i said that nt much happen but then still alot of stuff happened right?.... 2007 was a phrase of self discovering for me.. when i went thru a mind blowing phrase... i dun wanna talk about it... but i went through a mind blowing phrase and 2008 is a year for me to stable down... and get in touch with all things that are important to me...

So for 2009... what do i really wanna do??

1) Be less bitchy and get more in touch with my family.... i used to be like the central communication station but in the recent years.... i am not taking this position anymore.. nt that i really want the central communication station but i hope tht i can spend more time with them...

2) Be a good wife to TFB?.. but that will only be applicable after nov onwards.. haha

3) SLIM DOWN!! I desperately need to slim down to look pretty on my ROM date.. i dun wan eat bread to out shine me (if she managed to slim down)!!

4) Save more money...

5) LOVE DIDI.... (i am a nice yiyi who love didi despite all circumstances)

6) Maintain a tidy room...

Okay.. so i have say it.. now it is time to PROVE IT!.. when we revisit again next year... lets see how many of the items above have i fulfill.. even though point number five is pretty hard to fulfill because it is really freaking hard to love didi despite all circumstances.. but.. PROVE IT!

P.S. I actually quite hate the coming of 2009 because this is the year i turn 24 and it is officially where i am nt young anymore because you see from 12 to 20 people said that you are teenager and from 21 to 23 people will recognise you as a adult but is ohh so young!... but when you tell people that you are 24.. people will just go.. oh okay you are 24... and then 25 and then 26 and people will start telling you at 27... oh you are 27 arh!.. that is quite old.. oh man!

Yep... recently there has been a string of unhappiness.. but can see my life picking up before me... erm how does this work? Dont ask.. only krever people noe...

Work has been busy for me.... getting more stuff to do.. which is good because more stuff means more responsibility which might means higher performance opportunity and more chances... okay i think i am not make sense.. but in summary just more work = Happy Sylvia

Postponed my wedding.. dont ask... if you are someone close to me.. you would have known the reason.. if you do not know the reason.. you are somebody who is not close to me.. and i probably wun tell you regardless of how many times you ask... What did you said?.. I am very dao?.. yar i am very dao.. i have a attitude problem.. and i dont intend to solve it.. hahaha

Went to Malacca over the weekend.. for one day only lah.. haha but enjoyed myself even though i have not went to alot of places.. in fact it is NOT REALLY loh and the only highlight of the trip is SUPER GOOD FOOD.. but it is good... really good to be going out on a trip with your parents... and siblings and nephew and sis in law and boyfriend.. even when i am overseas the whole place suddenly doesnt seems to be that scary and unsafe.... I really feel happy and good to be out with them.. and i hope we can go on another trip again.. (=

经过这几天想了这件事情后我终于落下了第一滴眼泪...
我才知道原来我这么伤心
人生走到这一步我真的很累了
我真的不知道为什么事情会变得这个样子
我真的错得很厉害吗?
对不起.. 我真的不想这个样子的
我不想让你烦恼也不想让你不开心
你的大喜之日我也真的很想出席
我好想像今年这样开开心心的帮你办喜事
为什么事情会变得这个样子
到底是天意还是人为
我只想开开心心的嫁人
我也希望你可以开开心心的嫁人
我真的是无心让你难过
我很开心能够看到我们俩人能够有幸福
可是唯一让我感到伤心的是我们不可以参加比此的婚礼
对不起....我真的对不起你

Was talking to TFB yesterday and somehow the topic linked to my fav quote of Ohana means family and family means nobody get left behind... or forgotten... so i told him that is the reason why i will always be there to help my sis or at least try to be there to help her whenever she needs help.. and something he told me really made me very happy.. he said that he dun mind helping my sis... because he felt that she is really very poor thing... okay.. this portion made me happy because i found somebody who is willing to help my family when they are in trouble.. esp my sister nt that she is a trouble maker... but she more or less attracts trouble to her all the time..

And talking and talking and i nearly cried... because i think what he said make alot of sense.. she tried very hard to make the family work she really tried very hard on her part to make the whole family work... but unfortunately the jerk gets away with everything... while she has to suffer with her two noisy kids while the jerk get to dress in branded every single day and just do whatever he wants and carry on life as if there has no chances, as if he has all the freedom in the world and as if he is not a father except that he has two sons who bear his surname but other than money (which is frankly not alot and not given the least bit willingly as well) and nothing else.. oh yar.. i forgot he does give them stuff... things like TROUBLE, SADNESS, TEARS AND DISAPPOINTMENTS

I can only said that this has to do with my sister's life lah... it is really nthing but the way her life is loh.... we cant blame anybody for this but at least dun make the kids suffer for the adult's decisions...

I still stick to my belief every single day that tat jerk will get his retribution... now or future.. he will get it... and he wun get away with it..

Okay..... finally some updates...................

Have some very very big news that i need to announce.. actually by now... i think almost the whole world would have known about it.. (the power of multiply) but i would still like to officially announce it on my personal blog.. for reference purpose.. for whatever purpose lah.. TFB has proposed to me... He proposed to me on 1 Oct 08 while we were having sky dining to celebrate his birthday... though i have already expected the proposal because he told me before that when he wanna propose he will bring me to sky dining and he was looking for rings before that and he wanted to go to sky dining for dinner for his birthday so with all these hints put together... i can correctly said that he was gonna propose to me that day and so he did... but then i still felt very touched when he said the sentence "Will you marry me?" my heart just melted...

So i cried he cried and it was a touching moments with Little Green De being our witness, ring inspector, entertaintment etc etc...

Our wedding date is set on 29 Nov 09 it all seems like a dream or unconfirmed thing that till now... i dun really dare to go and action on alot of things for fear that half way thru somebody will cut out and stop us to inform us that there is a change in dates etc etc... this is due to the fact that my cousin is getting married on 25 Dec 09 and being the traditional chinese that we are.. We cant attend each other's wedding because it is less than three mth apart.. for whatever reason that i am not sure but then marriage is a once in a lifetime thingy so better dun risk it... It doesnt help even more that my cousin's mum is currently fuming and when i say fuming i mean fuming that she said tat she will not talk to me anymore for this whole lifetime.. so i really dunno how tis problem is gonna be resolved and i am really sorry about this but getting married at that date is not a rash decision that we blindfold each others and point on the same date simultaneously but more of a calculation thingy that saids that that is a date that is good for us... i really hope that my cousin's mum can forgive me..

Hopefully all will turn out well..

I have officially joined in the bling bling club!.... ^_^

Well... apparently eating too much cough med will really make you high lor... i got this high high feeling now...

BUT please dun think that i am a druggie hor.. it just so happened that my super blur sotong mum.. pointed to tablet and told tfb that the tablet is for flu and the syrup is for cough.. somore drink the syrup le cannot drink water for super effect... So i took two tablet and one table spoon of syrup.. then mum told us.... that both items that i have taken is for cough... and she die die die die refuses to admit that she said the wrong thing citing that we heard wrongly.. - -"'

Two person four ears can hear wrongly meh? Somemore i got supersonic hearing... can hear wrong one meh?... wah kao... mayb she did it on purpose hor?... i suspect so too.. my mum is evil... tsk tsk tsk...

How man... feel like sleeping it off... how to get up for work tomorrow man.. HOW TO SURVIVE WORK TOMORROW MAN? argh............................................................................................

I must must remind Toffee not to disturb my mum too much or i might find him overdosed with drugs when i come home one day...

I need to clarify that it is not sad okay... nor izzit depressed.. it is the ah beng and ah lian style of what you not happy arh?.. yar i not happy!... why not happy arh.. figh lah! that type of not happy...





The feeling is like.... the not happiness is a bottomless pit with cushion... and your heart keep falling downwards in this not happy bottomless pit then you hit a cushion but you cant get up because it is soft cushion so as you lie down there.. you sink further into the not happy pit feeling...





So the emotion expression is something like this:

Yar... looks super not happy right?...

I guess it is just me being grumy on a monday due to monday blues.... having to wake up early after two days of slacking is never a good thing for me... always wonder where did the eagerness to work went to.. i remember there was a period where i was never affected by monday blues.. haiz... hopefully that period can come back soon...

Clean, happy, well rested (well they are well rested all the time) bears who just came home from a bear spa...

That we are actually all playing a game of hide and seek.... in a sense..

Up till now... i really did not realised that one of my friend are suffering so much in silence... all the while.. me and my other friend thot tat she will not be victimised... but we are wrong man!... She gets push around all the time too...

So we really dunno how to do.... The thing is... i never realised that in a group of human.... with all of them being victimised by the same person.... but yet none of them would voice it out... for the sake of peace.... i guess that is why there is this phrase He Ping De Dai Jia.... i just find it very sick when a person doesnt have basic social skills at all..

Haiz... shall not mention more... To us.. all the best.. we shall hu xian fu chi...

Today is a very sad day...

Bluey and Sugar went for a shower together... Originally i thot that money can solve all problem.. i seriously think this way when i brought them out for their shower.. I thot that if i paid extra... i will be able to get them back within a day...

Today then i learned that it is not that way.... Bluey and Sugar will be gone for one week.... )=

I feel so sad!... I think the auntie muz have thot that i am a psycho because i was crying when i pay her the money and handed the both of them to her... but but... to me they are not just soft toys.. they are part of my family... Bluey was so freaked out by the idea of me leaving him that he thot i am leaving him for good.... Sugar din tell me much but i knew that he dun really wanna stay there but have no choice...

My heart hasnt felt so sore for a very long time and today i felt the heart pain again when i hand them over to the auntie.... booo hooo hooo... six long days to saturday before i can get them back..... )=

If i have not mentioned it before... I will mention it now.. even though my career path has not been the ideal career path... I am glad that i have been meeting very great colleagues..

I am serious!.... I think that i am really very fortunate to have very nice colleagues who truly want to teach me something for my future... Like Fifi.. who has acted like a big sister to me all these while... teaching me to be brave and matured... I am really glad to meet her... and I really admire her selflessness for being always so willing to teach me...

Then.. there is Lao Da and Mdm Koh... whom i met from NLB...

Lao Da may scold me sometime.. but i know that she does that from her bottom of her heart to guide me onto the correct path... I really misses her alot.. and i tried going back to NLB a few times but i just couldnt bump into her working hours... )=
Mdm Koh on the other hand is like this really really really really super duper nice lady who is forever there helping me to cover my ass.... She is forever willing to drop whatever she has to save me from whatever shit hole that i have fallen into and I have to said that these two ladies really helped me alot when i was in NLB... (Muz date them out one day and treat them to dinner)

Then there is Zhou Ah Mu.. hahaha.. okay lah... Zhou Ah Mu is somebody whom i already noe when i was doing my internship... and i have always known that he is a very nice person...

So when i went back to the company to work.. he has extended his kindness to me... There are four of us (girls) in the office whom Zhou Ah Mu look after alot.. oei.. dun think he is doing it for anything okay... Zhou Ah Mu really look after us like his daughter hor... And i really felt very pai seh at time because i think that i couldnt help Zhou Ah Mu much but he has been helping us all along.. that is why we call him Zhou Ah Mu (Mother Chow)

So thank you very much hor Zhou Ah Mu

So i am really glad that i have been meeting nice people at work all these while and i really thank them from the bottom of my heart... (=

Is a very good show!!...

It is such a good show that.... i think i will buy the DVD when it is out.. (notice i mention DVD and no longer VCD?.. Because Tofubrain has kindly donated his DVD player to me... so now i have a DVD player... YAY!)

The whole show is really good and you dun nd to try and figure things out too much... just go along with the show and you will understand the whole thing... I would really have expect Harvey Dent to be more handsome because according to the comic, he is supposed to be very good looking... but the joker's acting is really good.. pity that he passed away..

Hopefully he can rest in peace knowing that his final work is being praised by so many people in the world for such good acting...

Okay.. i actually have alot of nonsense to blog about... but.. before i blog about those nonsense..

I tink i need to blog about something else that is really bothering me... bothering me like a giant ulcer in my mouth.. in this case.. it is a ugly ulcer that is in my heart...

对不起妈妈... )=

I think i have been really nasty to her for this period of time... esp when i was having a sore throat... Well.. i can explain that she know that i have a sore throat but she still get me to make phone call.. and that irriates me to no end.. but that is no excuse to be nasty to her...

In case you are wondering why i am blogging here since my mum will never read my blog... this is to serve as a reminder to me to be nice to her regardless of how unreasonable she is (in this case she was not always unreasonable to me)...

No matter what happened in the past.. hw she bully somebody i love the most on this earth... it gives me no right to be so rude to her...

No matter what it is..... i dun have the right to be rude or nasty to my mum..

Sylvia you are the worse nasty mean bean i have encountered... You better think about your action and stop being so rude...

Yeah.. Marilyn saved my life today by giving me that life saving packet of instant campbell soup... okay.. she didnt give me.. i took it frm her drawer but that was because she was busy talking on the phone with the 'IT God' aka my ex boss tryin to resolve some IT problem.. But seeing that 5pm is ticking away every single min (my med time is supposed to be at 5pm) i had no choice but to be rude... I am usually a nice girl *show angel smile*

So i managed to drink the soup and eat my med before 5pm is over... yay!... *Bow* and say Xie Xie Marilyn. Seriously i think that Marilyn Auntie is a very nice lady... she is generous de lor.... forever sharing her food with other people and helping people and will try to take care of people when they are sick.. So yar.. it is very nice to have Marilyn Auntie aka SYGYM around all the time.. that is why hor.. whenver her boyfriend bully her.. i will volunteer to use my slipper to slap him.. okay okay.. kidding.. but Marilyn Auntie is a nice girl.. so the boyfriend muz be nice to her... ^_^

Ohh Ohh.. Marilyn Auntie is flying to Bangkok tomorrow morning aka later 3am plus she has to go to the airport le... so you have a nice and safe trip hor... Dun miss Shu Pian and Da Le because i will take good care of the both of them...

There is another thing that Tofubrain told me yesterday that bugs me alot... There is this toad (unfortunately this toad is his colleagues... i wonder why company will hire toad in marketing department)...

The toad will always luff at Tofubrain whenever Tofubrain wear his SPCA tee... which.. i dun understand what is the funny part... it is supposed to be for a good cause seriously.. and it really takes a toad with a very hideous looking heart and look to oversee the good cause and luff at Tofubrain..

To the toad.. respect urself, respect others... if you are totally incapable of being socially correct or nice.. just keep quiet.. nobody will miss your worthless suggestion or feel bothered at all if you keep quiet.. in fact you are doing the world a deed by not contributing a huge amount of noise pollution to the already polluted earth.. Help us to help you by keeping quiet so that you dun cause any further damage to ur super hideous image..

P.S. To Marilyn Auntie if you are reading the entry:
Sorry Marilyn Auntie that the entry i wrote about you have to end with a small segment about hideous toad.. just that the toad is really too much.. i muz blog and shame the toad..

Have been sick since last last wk ago, suspect is kena from tofubrain and my dad... so i dragged on illness (no big deal, just flu, cough and sore throat) until thursday evening then i went to see doctor... Doctor gave me med for me to finish and along the way... as i didnt really see myself as a sick person, i had choclate and durian.. X=

So the med is supposed to make me a healthy person within three days but i am still having a sore throat, slight cough and flu..... the amount of mucus that i blow out is enough to make me suspect that there is nothing in my head except for mucus... So i went back to see the doctor who gave me a $2 per pill antibiotics... So for this month i am dead broke because i spend about $80 seeing doctors for a simple infection....

And doctor warned me that if i dun recover within three days... I have to go back and see him.. no dragging until on month then go back and tell him that i have not recovered yet... because.. if it is a simple infection and if i dun recover within three days... then something must be wrong )=

Oh man.. that doesnt sound good at all!!!... So now.. i will be a good kid, stay away from durian, chocolate, deep fried food, shouting.. and talking too much... but the phone at my office has been ringing since this morning!!!... No good sign at all!! I hope i dun have to resort to taking mc just to stay away from the phone... haiz..

So in the meantime... if you wanna chat with me.. you are still welcome to do so over msn... dun talk to me in real person unless you wanna get ignored.. or see a really angry face from me....

Sylvia and soft toys cannot talk for this period of time.... )=