Let me side track a bit first... I am listening to Super Woman from Cao Ge nw.. erm.. haha the thot just side track to whose super woman do i belong to.. but then.. mayb i am my own super woman.. and my own only.. sad~ ... but mayb it is better this way...
Anyway get back to today's topic.. my dad was discussing with me about alighting and boarding bus prob when we were on our way back home from dinner.. He was telling me that the other time when he and my mum was boarding a bus.. they were first in the q.. and behind them were a bunch of students who were seated.. when the bus was here.. immediately all the students started rushing forwarded and my mum managed to get thru, but my dad was 6th to 7th in the q.. until he voiced out to respect elderly then those students let him get thru the bus.. this is soo funny.. i mean i am not saying this because this happened to my dad.. i will voice out the same for any elderly that was being treated this way.. let us recap.. why does ppl have to rush up a bus.. there are only two reason... first because it is rush hr and if you dun rush you will nv make it.. second you want a seat.. for those who rush up the bus for the second reason, dont you think it is shameful?.. I mean youngsters who are healthy should always give up their seats to elderly who needs them more than those youngsters do.. so why in the world is there a need to rush up the bus then?... I have seen many cases of elderly in the MRT standing.. really old ppl.. and those youngsters, will just cuddle with their other half and pretend nt to see... some will indulge in their music as if they are deaf or the others will chose to sleep.. all in all they will all pretend nt to see anything.. and i felt very surprise by this.. i mean why dun they feel every a bit of feeling towards this grp of elderly ppl who needs seats more than they do.. nt because they are plain lazy, but it is very dangerous for elderly ppl to fall down and they are not as agile as youngsters so standing firm in a MRT might be a difficult task for them.. yet this youngster just refused to see them and pretend that nothing had happened.. What are this ppl doin??.. I really dont understand.. and sometime i really feel v. angry toward this ppl who refused to give up their seats..seriously i dun understand.... what are young ppl nowadays thinking??.. Are their health really that bad that they will injured themselves by giving up their seats to elderly ppl?...
Well.. you noe the feelin when you desperately wants something and couldnt get it, then when you doesnt want that thing anymore, you keep on getting it?.. That is the feeling that i am having nw.. you noe in the past when i was in secondary school.. i always hope tat i could get a fever and hope and hope and hope.. and seriously.. for the four yrs that i was in sec school.. i was only seriously really sick for one time!!!..... Then nw that i have started workin.. i desperately hope that i wun get sick.. and guess what.. within 3 mth of my work... i was sick for four time!... and everytime is high fever de lor...
I really dunno what is wrong with my body nwadays man... the fever just come and go like nobody's business.. completely no way to trackle now the fever comes by... i used to be so healthy that i can just eat anything i want.. go under the rain and sun also no prob.. nw my body really very bad lor..!!!.... I cant let this goes on.. I tink i muz live healthily nw... more fruits.. no more chocolate.. and more exercise.. and no more late nights.... sigh~
Wo zhi dao shang xin bu neng gai bian she mer Na mer, rang wo cheng shi yi dian Cheng shi na mian you bu neng kong zhi de xian xian Zhi yao kuan sheng le men, bu bi li shui
Yi ge ren zuo zai kong dang bao xiang li mian Shou ji rang da xiu xi yi ye Nan xiang qie ge qie tiao hui yi de hui mian Yan lei bu neng liu guo shi er dian
Sheng ri kuai le, Wo duai zi ji shou La zu dian le Ji mo liang le Sheng ri kuai le Lei ye rong le Wo yao xie xie ni gai de, ni nan zou de yi qie
Hai ai ni, Dai yi dian heng, Hai yao shi jian Cai neng ping heng Re lian sheng heng Huan mia zhong sheng Zu wo sheng ri kuai le...
A sudden surge of sadness just engulf me while i was listening to this song... i am speechless... i miss him... very badly...
Sigh~.. went jogging today.. and i automatically went to tpy park.. looking at the place.. and listening to low zhi qiang - mei you ni.. brought up alot of memories.. mostly sad.. i muz say i am over him le.. but then.. the memories is just overbearing.. majority of the time nowadays.. i dont think of him anymore... just occasionally when i ki siao.. then i start thinkin again.. i think this is a vicious cycle.. i guess i am fallin into the picking up period.. whereby i like a person very easily.. just like that period of time after i start to forget bout ss... i start to like alot of person.. but shall not mention names.. i guess nw i am in that stage again.. and it is not good.. because i dun like this stage.. coz i ma chiam like hua chi like that.. but of course i am not lah!...
Whatever it is.. whatever stage that i am in.. i know that i am always in total control of myself.. no matter in what situation.. some of you might say.. chey... that is nt fun if you are always in control of urself.. but why nt?.. I mean you noe that being too out of control will get you killed.. make you vunerable and easy target.. in life.. i dun like to be the easy target.. i dun like to be the prey.. i dun like to be manipulated.. SO i want to be in control.. nt to be manipulated.. nw i understand why i cant be with anybody.. coz much as i want to be a xiao nu ren.. the rebelious side of me cannot stay asleep for too long.. it would be matter of time before she will be awaken and take over... Mayb sometime in my system is aware.. that is why much as i give out signals that i do like another half.. i also give out signals that i jolly well and very much keep to myself..
Whatever it is..today wasnt a good day.. i got reminded of him.. and that is nt good... because i dun wan to be in this dreamy stage again!!....
My body is tired... i can sense it.. it is v. tired from the battle from the viral virus... i have not recover yet.. i tink is going to take a loooong time to recover.. how do i noe that my body is tired??.. coz it is no longer as hyper as before.. no strenght to do anything.. feel very tired all the time.. feel sleepy all the time too.. you all might say due to lack of sleep.. but then i have been sleep more than 8 hr everyday leh.. how can be lack of sleep??.. that is why lor.. my body muz be very tired... very very tired from the battle from the viral virus.. Haizz..
Before i starts on my blog.. i need to add this in to remind myself constantly..
Sylvia - dun cry... never cry for the sake of this type of issue again.. it is not worth even a single of ur effort.. so long as you have already done ur best.. even if ppl scold you.. it is their fault.. dun use ppl's mistake to punish urself.. hang on.. tis is not the end.. it is not even the beginning.. it is just a passing stage.. ultimately.. you will find ur beginning..
Okie.. alot happened today.. but shan tell.. not that convenient to tell.. anyway i am down with a fever two days ago.. i have not had a fever since... erm.. secondary school?.. so i was kinda excited when i noe that i had a fever.. haha sick rite??.. i noe but then.. it is been a long time mah.. that two day i really certify myself ask sick and really treat myself as a sick patient lor.. sleeping all day long.. resting all the way.. why am i bloggin this??.. I also dunno.. so tired.. just had my med.. i guess is the med taking effect causing me to blabber nonsense.. but then the first part is really meant for myself.. to allow myself to go on.. no matter what.. this second part is just to blabber nonsense.. haha.. Feel sad.. Nobody can tell, my face is smiling yet my heart hurts so much it seems as if it had been torn apart.. nobody noes.. only me.. only i noe that my heart hurts...
Today is monday............ i am not gettin monday blue.. it is too hot and sunny to be blue.. i mean imagine this.. the weather today is going to be around 32 degree...so it is goin to be a hot hot hot day.. plus that it is bright and sunny... haha so sorri.. i am not a sunny person... i prefer rainy season.. dun like sunny weather... and this is making me sleepy.... *yawnz* and i am workin today.. so this makes me even more sianz.. dunno why yesterday went to SBW.. after that on the way home i was feeling ultra sleepy.. fell into deep slumber.. i nearly miss my stop... so when i reach home.. i was thinkin that this time die.. i need to stay awake to finish my website work how to stay awake, managed to finish portion of it.. but then when i try to sleep i am nt able to sleep.. was wide awake.. strange.. today i am nt goin to stay back anymore.. goin to go home straight at 6pm.. dun care... haha..
Yesterday went back to Ang Mo Kio lib.. the place that i used to be working in... is quite happy to be back.. relax.. everybody seems to be very happy to see me back.. at that moment of time.. i derive a theory.. who says it is not good to change job??... At least you get more ppl who likes you.. of course you have to be lucky like me to be trf to a place whereby all the ladies are mummies and you have to be cute friend and nice like me.. haha then you will be liked by them... i miss them.. all of the staff of AMCL... saw a few of them yesterday and left a prank notes at my sup's table to remind them that though i had left i had not forget them.. they are always on my mind...
Obviously somebody dun wan me.. coz he still havent replied to my sms... any case... gave my mind and soul a rest on saturday.. went to esplanade and sat by the river side at the highway there with Jessica Choy Mun Ling.. the sky was very nice... cloudy with grey clouds... my type of weather.. saw there and thot of everything.. all the beautiful memories and of course that dream that i had of him.. the dream.. is more of something that i dreamt of because i tink of him too much.. Nevertheless that is still a nice dream... the dream leave me with a sweet feeling after i wake up.... but then it is mixed with a tinge of sourness...
Remember the medicine that i mentioned in my previous blog??.. Appparently apart from making me feel sleepy.. it makes me feel high as well.. it makes my heartbeats beat faster, make me feel super disorientated, cant tink properly.. so is that counted as high??.. haha well for somebody as good as me that is already considered the high lvl... haha... okie loggin off... bb....
Today... not too good... have been coughing like hell last few days.. went to see a doc two days ago.. doc say that i did not have enough rest.. so had to rest more.. gave me two type of cough medicine one for day (non drowsy) one for nite (super drowsy)... but apparently the morning one also will feel drowsy de... very disorientated now... dunno what to do... but there is piles of work waiting for me to clear.. take one step at a time ba... Today's weather.. is my fav.. gloomy cool with a hint of rain coming the way...actually it rained tis morning and i was caught in the rain.. was drenched from head to toe.. suspect that i am goin to be super sick coz after i was drenched i went to air con room immediately... a day like this is v. good to tink of a particular person... anyway send him a sms yesterday wanting him to be happy always... Suddenly this song An Shi from Coco Lee came into my brain... Ting jian xin xin tan xi Yong ji mo de u qi Gao shu bu mien de yu Shi fo fang qi r ye Zui xun feng de dong jing
Xin shi bu ting lei ji Bian chen lian jia de lei di Ni shi zhong mei liu yi Wo te bie zai hu ni Ni que xiang feng yi yang Zuo ku you pan er xing.......
Quan shi jie zhi you ni bu dong wo ai ni Wo gei de bu zhi shi hao peng you er yi Mei ke yu yan you zhi qian qian xiao rong li Nan dao ni mei fa xian wo ke wang xun xi
Wo ying kai ru he rang ni zhi dao wo ai ni Lian xin xin dou zhi dao wo xin zhong mi mi Jing ye zai ni zhuan wai xia de yi chang yu Shi wo an shi ni wo you dou mo wei qui...............
Seriously speaking i am not sure if i am sad because of him or izzit because i am sleepy... anyway just feel like putting this song down.. my colleague just pass by and ask if anybody would understand since it is in han yu ping ying.. i told her that anybody who dun understand can come and look for me.. i will sing for the person.. hahaha!! Such a depressing blog must end with a depressing phrase...
*MiSs My PrInCe* - starting to forget how he looks like and everything.. but will never forget his voice, the way he talk, the way he walk or the memories that i remember of him....
Yup.. he did that.. according to his msn nick... i really feel sad.. because of him.. i have develope a special feeling for that car... that car is sort of like his personal symbol.. you can never describe how happy i am when i see that car.. that is because i know that he is around nearby... you can never describe how happy i am when i am sittin inside that car because i know that he is driving... yet he is selling that car away... i told myself two days ago.. it is enuff le.. for this 'emotional fling' with myself to end.. it has lasted too long and on the wrong end.. for two years.. it nv has changed.. his position in my heart.. i morphed into his type... type that i tink he will like.. but i dont dare to meet him.. i cant... just cant bring myself to.. i just keep on telling myself i am not good enuff for him.. i still has to change.. still has to slim down alot more.. but another part of me noe that most pro when i finally reached that stage... he already has another Mrs by his side..
What exactly make him sell his car?.. Seems like he is experiencing some difficulties in his life??.. Dont ask how i know.. i sense, pick out some details, put them together and guess.. i hope my guess is wrong.. but i just has this feeling that something is wrong..
For him to know if he ever comes here.. you noe i am always there somewhere thinking and caring bout you... do you noe that if you have any trouble you can always approach me??.. I may not help but at least i can try to help you lighten ur mood??.. You noe i will always stay by you.. no matter what??.. You doesnt know.. you never will know... because you never bother??... Even though so.. mayb this is my life.. just when the image of you is going to vanish from my heart.. the pain is finally going to ease something along the way will appear to strenghten the image make the pain noticable again... Mayb it is a part of me which made me like you in the first place refused to give up... so she will always be out looking for hints and memories.. and magnify something once that feeling starts to die down??..
Anyway.. some updates on my life.. started my new job for three weeks le.. today i am on mc.. coz i am suffering from a 'package' illness that is inclusive of giddiness, cough, sore throat and flu.. that is how the doc term it.. it all comes in a package when i told him i feel giddy.. My neph.. LKK is in hospital.. some doc say he got pneumonia.. some say otherwise.. nt too sure yet what is wrong wif him.. but he cant be discharge yet.. coz doc say that they had to monitor that he does not have fever for 24 hr first then he can be discharged.. he was admitted into the hospital yesterday morning at ard 3am.. then i wanted to go and visit him.. and really meant to visit him.. spend time there with him.. accompany him..
Then i realise something... i am cold blooded.. i nv know how it felt like when you attend the funeral of somebody that you love deeply.. feel that heart pain feeling.. i always thot that when friends surrounding me lost their grandparents they will feel sad and the type of heartpain that i have nv felt before.. afterall i was nv close to my grandparents.. so when they pass away.. i was okie.. no heart pain.. not really griefing.. and i realise that i nv know what it meant like to really whole heartly wants to visit somebody in the hospital either.. coz i was thinking yesterday.. i am going to stay at the hospital for a longer time wif LKK.. then i thot what was i goin to do while staying there wif him.. then i thot of what i used to do when i was young and in the past when i visit a person.. then i realise that everytime when i goes to the hospital to visit somebody else in the hospital.. the impact is not that great.. cant really get connected to the patient.. i will feel sorry for them.. but then the concern lvl is never really very great...
Conclusion: I am cold blooded.. once i give up on somebody.. i can really be feelingless...
Today was a very bad day.. initially yesterday when i planned for the outin with karen.. today still seems to be a not bad day.. till the morning i wake up.. then everything starts to go wrong.. firstly i quarralled with my sis in maplesea.. and she cried.. and i tink the whole world is goin to think i am the big bully.. because this is always the case.. the chili padi would always be the big bully and the one who is wrong.. in any case i dun feel like explaining.. coz when i TRIED explaining to her inside maple why am i so pissed off.. i tink the idea din get into her mind.. all she does was keep on sayin 'Then'.. which make me even more irriated.. so i logged off.. because i also need to go out le.. and she thot that i dun wan her to come over to stay that is why i come up with some crap ting like this.. how laughable.. after all that i have done.. to bring her and her kids back into our family.. now she is sayin that i am coming up with some crap excuse to nt let her stay over.. it is sooooo funny that it seems like a joke to me.. So sian about coming back today, but still has to.. to make things worse.. my house gate was locked.. so i cannot enter.. and my leg automatically bring me to take bus 88.. to a place.. and this is like just the rite moment to think bout him again rite??.. when all sad things happened together.. sittin at the bus stop opp that place i went to.. i started to think bout all the thing that had happened.... Tears start to swell up in my eyes.. why izzit that everytime i am down.. i will start to tink bout him again.. and think bout how much better thing would be and how comforting it would be if he right beside with me.. but he is not there.. to top things off i read thru two blog of my friends'.. know that they are also having some problem with their life.. what a day..i am not on talking term with my mother because of ugly and disgustin relatives of hers.. i quarralled with my sis because she thot i am masterminding this major plan to prevent her from stay over at my house... just at this moment memories of him had to pop up.. and i noe that two of my friends are feeling down.. It seems like the world is in down mode today.. haizz...
Third day at work.. second day of forgetting to bring out my hp.. seems like life is bored here.. currently lor.. and i have been feeling rather stressed up... dunno why.. i just feel stressed... mayb it is the fact that nobody talks to me.. sometime i really missed workin upstairs.. due to the human contact... i can tok to my colleague... i felt so well protected.. but nw i am all alone down here... it felt rather sad and depressed... okie enuff.. yesterday i played maple and just lvl up to lvl 28.. i had this fairy top and fairy dress that can only be wore by magician of lvl 28 and above... initially i was really looking forward to wearing it.. coz it really look nice... but who noes... when i really get to wear it.. it is like yuck!... The dress made my character Bevia look plump... and yi dian dou bu hao kan.... it doesnt have the v. impressive look... in fact it look like a tea dress with translucent shelves on a plump girl.. Ke lian de Bevia would have to wear that for the rest of her time till she lvl again to lvl 33 then she has something else to wear... Haizz... anyway i am v. tired.. coz i have been mapling for the past two nites and have nt enuff sleep.. really very tired.. i guess due to the depression and stress that i am suffering.. i have not been eating well this two days too... will feel full.. then later will feel hungry and yesterday even worse.. after i had eaten myh dinner.. immediately i feel so very full that i feel like vomittin.. really worried leh.. dunno what is wrong with my body... it just gets this way... i feel depressed.. no strenght... my facial expression is always a frown... i have migraine... and i dun feel like eatin... haizz...
Well... yesterday we had a jedi council meeting.. haha this thing actually came up just a few days before.. coz all our parents were out of town.. so we cousins (including me, my bro, my sis, tze, LD and gangee) form up this council... actually at my maternal side.. there are seven of us.. but we were super anti this youngest cousin of ours coz of his snobbish behavior and his parent's (oh we are so high and mighty high up and you ppl are our poor slaves behavior) as well.. so we really dun like him.. so when our parents were out of town, we actually went over to my tze's house.. and we din ask him to join us.. in fact.. we din even inform him.. when me and gangee discussed this with LD on sunday.. he was saying.. for wat!.. he is not even in the Jedi Council.. so here it is.. a new grouping formed.. it is called The Jedi Council.. The Mission: To anti Winky because of his snobbish behavior The Vision: To create a great environment full of fun peace and happiness w/o Winky and Winky's parents.
Well.. ah fa is angry and ignorin me.. further details i shall nt discuss here.. but i really want her to know that i really din mean to make her go thru watever she went thru and i am really sorry for making her go thru the issue...
At this moment.. i felt alone.. not lonely.. but alone.. seems like there is nobody with me.. when you have no family mber or friend you can turn to.. what will happen??.. when you have a long list of friends online on msn but nobody seems to understand your problem who do you turn to??.. I have lost my ability to express myself when i am sad.. because i feel that nobody care to listen to me.. so what is the point of expressin??.. Or when you get the feelin that ppl feels that ur problem is minor what is the point of expressin again..
The box with the purple lid is on the floor again.. tat would signified that i am thinkin bout him again.. as of always.. i am still hoping that i can see him again.. zai jian yi mian.. but it is sooo difficult.. i guess i had observed so much things that every little thing will remind me of him.. sometime really wonder if this is really a good thing or a bad thing.. mayb from the beginning when i started liking him it is a mistake.. ever wonder if that Sylvia at that point of time sees what will happen will she still embark on the path of liking him??.. mayb everything would be different.. or mayb i dont like him anymore.. it is just that i am too selfish to admit that my standard for my partner is too high.. so rather than being seen as the picky bitch.. i would rather hide in the shadow of being a foolish girl who cant get over a guy that she cant get.. i er really have this doubt about myself.. if i am really a picky bitch.. but then sometime it is really hard to walk out of this shadow.. the thot of going out with somebody is actually harder than forgettin him not to say that anybody wants to go out with me.. nobody wants to go out with me.. but then i would rather stay this way until i really get over him which is i dont know when.. i mean can you imagine this that when i am out with somebody.. then something just happen that trigger of the thot of him wat am i goin to do?!?!... seriously i dont know how can he be so cruel.. how can he go on with life??.. i am sayin as if someting really did happen.. but nthing happen.. i am still deeply trapped in this memories and i am still unwilling to let go.. i really cant imagine what will happen when my friend tell me that he is gettin married.. but tat day will come sooner or later.. i just hope that when the day comes i am over him already...
Notice that i put those instead of my in the title.. i really hope that they are not my relatives.. not even related to me by anyway.. this relatives belonged to my mum.. especially her third sister and her husband.. they are a shame to us.. it is the way they behave.. since my grandmother passed away.. they had been coming to my house for free meals during sunday since... i was in sec one.. that is like when i am 13 and now i am 21 le.. it is like a whole freaking 8 yrs that they had came to my house to eat.. if this ppl eat and keep quiet and in fact praise my mother.. i am fine with the idea of them coming to my house for meals.. but the fact is that thought they come here for meals every sunday.. they bad mouthed about my mother behind her back.. i mean what type of sister would do that??... I mean okie lah i admit i bad mouth my sister but not malicious type of remark.. it is not as if we own them one mountain of debts so that we had to be grateful to them and when they come every weekend we had to bow to them.. in fact NO... we do not own them any freaking thing.. the fact of why i am so strongly against them is because most of my childhood consist of being laughted by them... i had a funny childhood and not that i dont like my childhood.. i love my childhood.. and it is this childhood that made me such a strong person.. my mum, sis and bro worked as waiteress and waiter when i was young.. and i had to follow them to the place they work in and stay there for the whole night.. and these so call sister of my mother din even bother as to where am i where are we where is my mother's three kids.. and when we visited my grandmother's house.. they made us felt as if we were the lowest being ever to be around in earth.. i mean imagine tolerating that.. and we did.. that is why we are strong.. because of this.. i told myself.. i want to be successful and i dont want anything to do with all this relatives.. now.. finally.. we had all started workin.. life is not a bed of rose but at least better than the past.. then this relatives started creeping back.. to bother us.. treating my mother and father like maid.. throwing their kids at our house every weekend.. my mother had to cook expensive food for them or they will not even touch those mere mortal food that my mum cook.. every week because they treated my mum like maid i would had to quarral with her asking her why this ppl are coming to our house and every week she had to tell me to behave myself or i would be a shame.. today is the final straw.. i dont understand why izzit that for caring for my mum we had to quarral with her every week.. to mit wif her silence and her ignoring us.. breaking the bond with us.. because we CARE for her.. i dun understand.. today that third uncle in law's son (my cousin came) and then my mum cook.. and that cousin din like what my mum cooked.. so he didnt want to eat.. and being the ever trying to be nice person.. my mum invited his parents to come up for dinner.. that freaking stupid jerk came.. my mum ask him to eat.. he say he need to go and drive his wife.. then ask my mum to dao bao.. i mean you got no hands arh!!.... WAH!!!!!....i had enuff lor.. are they disable or what.. if that is the case what is the use of their hands.. chop it off and donate it to somebody else who need it or will put it to better use than them.. what is their freaking problem... then he go enough already enough already.. i am like WTF.. so i purposely say v. loudly to my mother that she is hafing hand pain why still do this thing.. and i take the thing and throw into the rice.. my mother scolded me sayin that i am rude.. and i just scream at her.. i ask her why is the freaking problem.. if i dont do this ppl would also critize me behind my back.. so why not.. given that a little critize is critize and alot of critize is also critize i dont care about what they say.. and she say i cant do this.. i mean WTF.. i do whatever i like not caring about what other ppl say.. why do i have to care about what a few worms say behind my back and quarral wif her every weekend.. initially she say that siblings are only for this lifetime not the next life.. and now she say that watever we want to do we can only do it after she died.. i mean is there really such a need to get so drama and ignore your kids because of a few parasites that even parasites are ashame of them??... i dont know.. everything we brought up this subject we will only be greeted by silence by my mum or she will just scream the hell out of us.. if this is the way she chose to ignore whatever we say.. fine.. i will also chose to ignore whatever she say... be it that it is her third sister or her husband or her cousin purple who come and leech on us again.. i am going to just say whatever is on my mind.. i dont give a damm!!.. i mean compare to the other few who are the same age as me i believe i am the most sensible coz my brain function in a normal way.. yet this is the type of shit that i get coz i am poor.. fine then i am poor and i will behave poorly too.. that is for whoever who crossed my path and make me cross to suffer their own consequences...
I bet with karen that i am not goin to play maple today.. so i am controlling myself nt to play maple..so here i am sittin in the dark bloggin about today.. well nothing much.. to begin with.. i actually din wan to go out.. in the end i went out wif karen.. go shopping.. brought this v. nice blouse at giodano.. thinking of goin back to purchase the black one.. coz it is really v. nice... can also wear as office wear.. that is why i like.. haha..
Listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi.. re-encountering about all the past events.. i still love the feeling of liking him... it is like when you noe that you can love somebody and everything around you turn beautiful because of him.. it is v. hard to find another person to replace that type of feeling.. it is like when i like ss... that was in sec one lah.. it is like i started to appreciate things more.. that type of feeling is not replacable.. then as years goes by.. i no longer experience that type of feeling anymore.. i really like that type of feeling.. but it is really hard to find.. i no longer experience that type of feeling.. when i like him.. that is another type of feeling.. another type of beautiful feeling that is gradually leaving too.. and i guess nobody can ever replace this type of feelin like how nobody can ever replace that type of feeling that i had when i like ss.. but compare.. i believe i like this type of feeling better that the type of feelin i got when liking ss... it is like this feeling is lighter.. more comfortable.. haha who noes.. in the future when i fall deeply for another person again.. i might say that i like that type of feeling better.. haha.. seems like i am describing perfume.. which one is more intense which more is more light and which one is flora.. haha..
Before i goes into any updating.. i better post this up first before i get killed by grievances... Happy Belated 21th Birthday Bee Ting... I really hope that the the future will be one gigantic bed of roses for you... Lastly... faster find a bf.. i really dun wan to be mistaken as a lesbian..
Some updates bout myself.. i dunno why.. i am feeling so freaking tired and sleepy tis few days.. really lack of sleep sia... so tired... *yawnz* this is the result of excessive mapling.. i am sooo focused on level up that i just ignore sleeping.. and play and play and play... anyway it is a nt bad game lor.. coz the fact that you can level up is more interesting than anything else.. anyway this week has three off day(includin public hol and weekend) so can stay at home and play maple for day and nite.. muahahahaa...
These few days has been rushful and confusing for me.. with the lack of sleep.. my judgement was not very good..... i just dun feel like thinking.. too tired lah.. anyway my cousin say that she wants to intro this guy to me.. or rather initially she told me that he wants to noe me.. then later i sense sumting fishy... after askin her then i know that she actually wanted to intro me to this guy.. so i told her forget it... not because i am tryin to be difficult or anything.. even my sister told me to try... telling me that there is no harm in starting a relationship but i beg to defer.. i mean for me.. when you get into a relationship with somebody.. it will forever stays in ur memories.. being in a relationship is something that is beyond friends.. which means you are closer to this person... it cannot be just try try casually.. mayb i am stubborn.. but i feel that you cant just jump into a relation blindly or casually.. i am only 21.. my love life mayb sad.. but i dun tink it is sad till the extend that i need matchmaking or anything.. after all this thots.. i just feel that i am not prepared to jump into a relationship.. i am still too used to being alone by myself... like i always say.. how can you go out with another person when you obviously know that he is not the person that you loved the most or the person in the deepest corner of your heart??....... I am not trying to imply anything.. before you all start smacking ur forehead.. he is no longer an issue.. it is just that so occasionally he will still jump into my memories from the deepest corner of my heart.. i had to work out things with myself first.. i had came to conclusion that i just love the feeling of liking him at that point of time.. so for this i will need to work out for myself before i can proceed on.. otherwise i just feel that i am too selfish to the opp party..
Today is a very bad day... so this is how it feels like when you go on cold war wif everybody in the world.. you basically feel alone and depressed.. and tears wun stop.. it just keeps on flowin.. i had enuff.. i finally scream at my mother today.. i just keep on screaming at her.. askin her if she had actually heard what i say.. i have been saying things for so long.. had she ever put her heart into listening to what i say??... it didnt work.. she scream back at me.. tellin me she did.. but it nv seems that she did before.. when i am tokin to her complaining.. she nv seems to listen.. then is that call listening??..that she ask me then now she body pain who should she tell.. i mean shouldnt tings be one tings at a time??... i just cried and cried... i am really upset.. i am very tired le.. really very tired.. from supporting so many tings.. who can support me??.. nobody..
Hmm... recently my hm got cold war..shall nt mention who and who given that it is a v. political issues and i have declared that i am washing my hand off this issue because the reasoning that both party gave is reasonable but there seems to be no way to resolve the issue because both reason given conflict each others... being the nice middleman i am stuck in the middle and not able to move to either side to resolve the problem because both sides make sense!!.... Anyway i am not here to try and tok bout the cold war today...but to get some ideas into ppl's mind..
Family ties How much do you understand bout this word??... does it means that it is just some sickening ting that relate you to your family mber??.. or is this ties formed because out of fate you are born to this family and that this bond is only truly established when there is love, care and concern add into this tie... thought i am a very negative person.. i always have this believe that family ties is not form just because you are born to be related to this person, but it is truly established when there is love, concern and care is added into this ties... For this believe.... i will never give up on any of the family i love... ESPECIALLY my immediate family... I would like to remind everybody that if they truly love their family members, nv give up on them... no matter what they have done.. though i always say that i give up on my mother and her relatives because i feel that this is a losing war.. i nv truly give up... try askin one of those idiotic relatives of hers to bully her lor.. i will jump on that person's neck and tear off all his/her hair..
In life, sometime we are so busy tat our family members fade into the background.. and we never realise it that this are the few ppl on earth that we truly care and will truly feel heartbroken when they are hurt.. so today onwards... try to appreciate your family more... Life is short.. by the time you realise that you should start appreciating somebody mayb it is too late le.. you may nv get that chance... why not start today??... I would love to end this blog by imitating the very cute Stitch in say this sentence "Ohana means family, and family means nobody is left behind.... or forgotten"
Hmm.. recently someting inside my heart is making me start tinkin sumting that had been botherin me for a v. loong time.. okie i noe some of you esp bt.. is goin to slap your forehead and say oh no.. nt again.. er... yes.. er.. i started tinkin bout him again... er.. nt that bad lor.. at least this time around.. i only feel a mild heartache.. not a serious heartache.. that threaten to tear my heart apart.. sounds v. violent hor.. well.. i am listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi now.. this is my fatal song.. i will definately tink of him whenever i hear this song.. i count count and count.. it seems like i had not seen him for eight mth le.. goin to be one yr soon le hor?? Mayb soon enuff i will start to forget how he looks like.. i am tellin myself that nothing about him is goin to brin me down again.. but it seems like sometime it is really hard.. i am sure that definately i have moved out of waiting.. my life is no longer pending on hold anymore.. i have step out of that period of time le.. moving on and on.. but occasionally... these memories would come to visit me.. Sometime.. i am really confused.. whether i still like that person or izzit that i like the feelin that i had when i like him at that period of time.. Durin that period when i like him.. though sad.. everything seems so beautiful... my surrounding seems so peaceful.. How can you continue to like a person whom you had nv communicate or seen for nearly half a yr.. Okie if that person had loved you too.. mayb you will.. that is love.. but mine is a sad case whereby he dun like me.. i am a one sided affair.. that is not love.. that is foolish.. yet this heartache comes back once in a while to visit me.. Here comes the million dollar question that i have always asked on my blog.. how will he react when he sees my blog accidentally... and accidentally know that he is the main topic on my blog and he is the one that i had like for nearly two yr.. and he is the one who made me changed so much??..Will he feel honoured?.. i dunno.. all these questions can only be answered by one person.. and i doubt i will ever get a answer.. I am startin to suspect that my sis and bro will view my blog every now and then when they are in the kaypo mood.. haha.. anyway.. in case they are wonderin what is inside the plastic box with a purple lid.. it had a purple lid.. so you can guess lah it is sumting associated to him.. My sis once told her kids not to play with that box coz it contain my project.. well she is half correct.. coz i had stored everything about him.. including the tape interview we had with him and the dvd inside the box.. SO.. that box is not my project box.. that is my memory box.. it contain everything that i had hold on dearly about him..all the tiny little tings that i can collect that had somehow associated to him.. i kept everything in the box.. just like how i kept all my feelings for him inside a box in my heart too.. so when i keep that box high up on the cupboard.. that means that i am alrite.. when i take down that box.. that means that i am missin him again.. and the feelings is out of the box in my heart too.. I had this hope in my heart that i had nv admit to.. i really hope to see him again.. mayb i just wan to be sure that i had no more feelin for him.. or mayb i really do miss him.. or mayb i just wan him to see the prettier me.. i dunno.. one ting for sure.. he is no longer my prince.. but sumbody who had left such a deep inprint in my heart that nobody else can replace ever again...
Okie... yesterday i mit up wif bee ting.. to celebrate our 3 8 fu nui jie.. well we took this day as our friendship anniversary day.. we had known each other for eight yr le.. very long time hor??... Hmm.. we been thru sec school.. poly.. now work life.. and were there for each other while nursing a broken heart... We are not lesbian hor.. and i know that we will never be lesbian.. but just that we have already been friend for such a long time that we are so comfortable with each other that we are like sisters.... no hiddin of anyting.. Oh ya something to deepen the misunderstanding.. i received a bouquet of flower from her and she also received a bouquet of flower from me~~.. but as i maintained.. we are not lesbian... will try to post a image of the flowers on the blog sumday okie....
Valentine day... i tink it start from either tis yr or last yr.. i am startin to hate this day.. haha.. this is the day where you see lovey dovey couple goin out.. at least 99.99999% of the girls on the street will have a boquet of flowers in their hand.. guess who is that missing person??.. me.. that is correct.. every year without fail.. that percent will be me.. Like i told ning yesterday.. i am nt afraid of being left alone or anything.. but i am just scare that i might turn into my auntie's clone.. yeah.. you all have seen it.. i am scare of turning into my auntie's clone coz nobody like her.. and she is unbalanced because she is being left on the shelf.. And i get friends who ask me.. 'that kind of chemistry".. " that kind of feeling that he is the rite one for you coz the feeling together with him is just rite".. I DUNNO!!.. stop askin me if i noe .. because i dunno... i have never had that kind of feelings before in my life... never... so stop tellin me that i dunno if this is okie.. because when we are together i dun have that kind of feelin...
But to come to think of it.. remember all the anti climate show that we watch whereby this girl will do lot of things for the guy then in the end when the guy finally like the girl and wants to be together with her.. she chose to leave him??.. i noe that this shows are rare and but they do exist.. i really wonder... if i will continue to like a particular sumbody only to find that in the end i had wasted alot of time because actually i dun like him.. i used to think that such show is a pity coz the guy and the girl dun end up together.. but then i finally understand why.. when you are numb.. and you dunno that you had no longer liked that guy... you will just wish and hope and pray that he will one day be together with you.. but when he finally does (not sayin that in any of my situation it will) you find that it is all meaningless because the pure and true love that you had develop for him initially is gone!... Well i do have a uncanny liking for ppl who treat me like dirt.. i remembered that i once took a love test and the result is that i am just a wall paper flower waiting for bloom with love... i think if i take the test again.. i will be a dead fish.. numb and feelingless.. worse and feeling bitter too.. why am i feeling bitter??... when you give true love and find it in a dump.. you will most pro feel bitter too.. unbalanced??.. that is the reason why i am sayin that i am turning more and more like my auntie... so no worries my dear relatives... there is definately sumbody who will take over the position of Doc Lee.... but in the meantime do give me a break and let me lead a normal life and stop remindin me of this cruel reality before i take over the throne and be Doc Ng...
Last yr tis period.. this used to be my favorite song.. at that point of time.. it seems like this will be my favorite song for the rest of my life... no matter how many time i hear it.. i will never get tired of it... but now it is no longer really my favorite song.. at least this is nt the first song that i want to heard when i get up... at every moment of the day.. ppl who noes me very well will know where this blog posting is heading.. eh no.. i am not falling into depression because of him again.. i do admit that heartache do come occasionally.. every now and then.. but i asked myself... in the past, when i picture him.. i really miss him alot..just wish to be able to see him instantly.. when i picture him now.. the feeling is gone.. he is just another human being who had stepped into my life.. I used to picture him as my prince charming.. but the image is totally gone le.. i have once told bee ting.. that.. no matter how he changed.. i will still like him.. so long as he is not a jerk.. and i mean it okie.. but i am just totally disappointed..
Then i found out that actually being in my shoe for the last two yr is not chi qing.. is lan qing.. is stupidity.. i also kept a dairy bout him.. take down every event that happened between the both of us... huggin the book and cry when i really cant stand it anymore.. thinkin back.. it is really stupid.. how can i feel so much heartache for a person who never know my feelin or worse know about it but dump my love for him into a dumping ground.. BT says that we have no rite to hate sumbody... i dun hate him.. i am just disappointed with him..
But i believe... step by step.. i will stand up firmly and get on with my life completed again.. till that time.. he will really be a human being who had come into my life before and left a very deep footprint in my life's journey... no longer the man whom i love the most..
Happy Happy Lunar New Year to everybody... mayb everybody have a fruitful year ahead and collect alot of hongbao.. haha
Anyway.. i was chatting with my bro yesterday... then i was telling him that if i want to get scolded on the first day of new year.. i will just have to go to my parent's room, wake my dad up and greet him Happy New Year.. nt because he is a grumpy old man or because he dun like new year.. is because he kena wake up by moi so he will be grumpy.. then i suddenly remember an incident that happened when i was in pri school.. tis ting really happened.. but it was reversed... i remember that year my mum was workin and she assigned the task of prayin to my dad... since young i was fancinated by prayin during CNY nite.. so i told my dad that he muz wake me up when he is going to start praying... and i fall asleep.. then when he wake me up.. i was in a super grumpy mood... and when he gif me the hongbao.. i say i dun wan and throw the hongbao on the floor... i was sooooo guilty for throwin the hongbao that he gave me on the floor.. that also reminds me why i was so close to my dad.. coz he always held me close to his heart... i was like super nice to my dad after that coz i feel that he had made the effort to give me the hongbao yet a rude girl like me just dump the hongbao on the floor and vent my anger during CNY..
I suddenly remember this fact.. and why my moto is to be a filial daughter.. but looking back after i started workin.. somehow because of the change of environment as well as the stress blah blah blah... i start to forget about this.. and start being extremely rude to them sometime.. when i am in bad mood and when they step on my tail... i really dun understand why.. sometime straight after i quarral with them i will immediately feel bad about it... but just cant bring myself to tok to them anymore...
SO... in this lunar new year.. i have grown stronger... i have come to agree that nobody... NOBODY can push me around like a pushover.. coz my parents held me close to their heart.. nobody have the rite to taunt me.. bully me.. step over my life.. or even ruin my life because my life is reserved for my parents.. only they have the rite to do the.. the rest who want to bully me blah blah.. please scram aside... and i will try to be nicer to my parents from now on...
This is a type of fish that ppl usually eat when they are recoverin from a wound.. it aid in healing of the wounds... but i have never eaten tis type of fish before.. and if i had in the past then i felt ashame that i have eaten them.. coz they way that they are being killed is way tooooo cruel... i always know how they were being killed. since i went to market one time with my mum and saw a man take a stick and keep on hammering the poor fish's head till it is dead.. today i saw this scene again.. and it is not just one fish you noe.. it is a few fishes at the same time that the man is hammering.. i mean image this scene, the man have a few sheng yu around him, then he hammer this one and turn around to hammer another one while the other one tried desperately to slide away only to be push back to the original spot by the man's feet and kena hammer on the head again.. i mean each time i hear a thump sound.. my heart jus skip a beat.. i felt the pain in my heart each time i hear the thump sound..
I mean.. is there really such a need to go to such extend to kill the fish??.. the poor fish... why muz it be hammered to death??... when a human get hammered to death.. we pity the human tinkin that ohh he/she muz have suffered a great deal of pain before he/she died.. but why when this is applied to animals... human are so cruel??.. tink of tis at the fish's last few moment.. it would be in such great pain for nothing!!!.... izzit because that this would keep the fish fresher that is why they have to do this.. for the price of being a bit more tasty, the fish would have to suffer such terrible fate before it die!!... I remember that i watched a documentary before about how those kind of tian ji(frog) are being killed.. they are being literally chopped into half when they are still alive!.. then the head will go to the rubbish bin and you can still see it moving... i used to love tian ji.. but ever since i saw that documentary.. i no longer eat it.. no matter how much i love to eat it.. i decide to gif up because i feel that just to satisfy my own taste bud.. i have to cause the poor frog to suffer like tis is really nt worth it.. ppl want to kill that is not within my control but at least i cant control myself and dun eat them.. at least it make a diff that not so many of the suffer...
I really feel very sad for all these animals who died a painful/slow/agony death in the name of delicacies.. i mean it is really nt worth it!!... I really hope that all this animal that died a painful/slow/agony death would be able to find peace in their afterlife and not suffer anymore.. and hope ppl will stop killing animals in such a sick way...
Well.. i have alot of doubts this few days hor.. first i doubt about love.. nw i doubt about family.. nt that i am a problem kid.. but then just that sometime the reaction that ppl gif you is makes you really very sian... and you just get totally disappointed with them.. why do you need to do so much for them when in the end you just get scoldin??... suanin??... ppl sayin that you are bo liao??... i guess it is really alot better to live for myself.. because without helpin ppl automatically there is no expectation and i am able to protect myself better... look.. i am really sick and tired of gettin scolded... when i did nothing wrong... another freaking ppl who scold me without any valid reason is goin to get it from me... and i am really tired.. so dun expect any help frm me anymore... coz i am sick and tired of planning, helpin and all i get in the end is that i am bo liao.. i shouldnt have help... and some more scolding..
Well.. went to watch I Not Stupid Too yesterday.. the show is nt bad.. the issue is something that is very close to home and very close to heart.. and it is quite funny... so a watchable show afterall.. then went home.. my sis wanted to go back to her home.. and requested for either her hubby or her mother in law to come and drive her.. unfortunately to her expectation.. they turn her down.. coz her hubby as irresponsible as ever was busy with other freaking things.. and her mother in law as usual lmwna (refer to me if you wan to noe what is the meaning) did not want to come and drive her.. so we have to wait at the taxi stand there for taxi.. and there was a looooong q of ppl at the tai stand waiting for taxis while i was at the side there calling for cab.. and there is nt even a single cab available for calling.. i am amazed.. anyway.. as i was call a cab.. a thot pop up in my mind.. how good will it be.. if i have a prince charming that drives a car... if i am caught in this type of situation.. then my prince charming will definately be there to save me.. then another thot pop up.. reality check.. suddenly i thot of my sis.. she is.... married her husband... drive her husband... have a car but she is now.... waiting for a cab and her husband.... refused to come and drive her this thot push me back to reality.. then i suddenly realise that even if you have a bf or prince charming or blah.. that doesnt mean that they will come and drive you or save you out of dangerous situation you noe.. they might go out and drive the whole singapore but they will NEVER drive you ard.. i shall nt mention who.. otherwise later my sis get a divorce then i am dead coz i am still nt financially stable enuff to support my sis and her two son.... so.. the moral of this story is that i am super pissed off.. with some inconsiderate idiots whom brain is smaller that those of germs (a new phrase i learnt from my colleague yesterday... =D) and i realise that doesnt mean that you have bf/husband/fiance/prince charming/ blah blah blah you will live happily ever after you noe.. mayb you might end up leaving happily ever after you noe.. so i still think that rather than a prince charming.. why not have tons and tons of money.. at least if you have tons of money you can purchase a car urself and get the freakin license.. that day you wan to travel to jb and come back to singapore at 12am in the morning also can.. coz you are freaking rich.. you have the transport urself.. you dun have to rely on other idiots.. money vs bf.. i feels that money is still the best.. so give me money anytime.. i will welcome them...
*Disclaimer: i am not tryin to say that there is no nice guys around in the whole world but just that i have not met any and doubt that i will met any in my life. I believe that there are still nice guys around in the world okie..... and i believe that there ARE girls out there who truly meet their prince charming who is REALLY charming and live happily ever after...
Yeah!!.. finally my new computer is here.. that means that i can surf the net again.. this should be a happy thing.. but somehow my heart felt v. heavy.. I should be feeling v. happy now.. coz tis is my weekend off.. next week is cny that means that i can slack.. and i just applied for a degree course that means that i will be able to obtain my degree and my new computer is here that means that i am able to use the new computer again.. but i still dun feel good.. today i just sort of quarralled with my bro over the computer issue again.. because i have quarralled with him over this issue for a lot of time.. Haizz initially is about purchasing of the computer because he dragged his feet on helpin me purchase a computer and is only when i nag and nag and scream at him then he help me to order the computer.. then he told me this.. i own you one izzit.. then i noe that mayb i am really too much already.. then today the computer arrived.. i was waiting for him to help me assemble the computer and remove the big monitor that i originally have.. but he told me that he will ask me to use the big monitor again.. fyi that one is goin to be spoilt and i seriously dun like using use a big monitor.. so once again i flared up.. and told him that he will NEVER help me to put on the small monitor after cny until the big monitor really break down first then he will come after a long time and help me to put on the small monitor.. and once again he told me that i own you one izzit.. somehow i just feel bad.. coz mayb they all meant good for me.. that they will really keep to their promise but it was my selfish bitchy character that make me not trust them.. the unhappiness that things dun go my way make me flare up.. and scream at him.. i feel really guilty for that.. because of this it pratically spoilt my mood that i had enrolled into a uni as well as gettin a new computer... i am so sick and tired of my bitchy selfish way.. i guess it is time to be nicer to my love ones and control my temper and not flare up at them...
21-01-06 in memory of my old big poor monitor which i have dumped away.. good bye monitor...
Well.. first of all.. i would like to thank all friends who bother to come for my 21th bday party.. hehe it is a bit early lah holding it at 13 Jan06 when my birthday falls inFeb... i myself also dun feel like in the bday mood that day... but seeing all of you really makes me v. happy and i thoroughly enjoyed myself that day... thanks for all the presents that you all have given me.. i really like all of them alot.. not because i gain something new or anyting but because it symbolise your care for me.. meaning that a friend actually bother to take the effort to get me something.. get headache over what to buy for me.. shows that you all care for me.. i believe that the gift come from the bottom of the heart of each and everyone of you.. that was the reason why i like the gift so much.. and i hope that the gift din burn a big hole ur pocket.. hehe
For those that cannot make it and bother to call and explain to me why you all cannot come.. you are forgiven.. after all i can expect the world to stop just because it is my birthday.. and the fact that you bother to call to inform me that you cannot come is already enough for me to forgive you... HOWEVER those that din turn up and din bother to gif me a call... well i had enough of this kind of rubbish.. so for those that say will come and din come and definately din sms or call me to inform me.. you noe who you are and definately you wun be hearing from me again.. because i dun see the need in contacting somebody who does not bother/care bout me...
Well some of you might have thot.. wah lau y so petty... ppl only din come.. well i nv say that i am nice in the first place and this ppl should at least inform me.. instead of not coming and not telling.. this is v. disappointing you noe.. Okie enough of all this tok bout this ppl who din even bother about me..
Once again i would like to thank everybody who attended my party because i am really v. happy that day... have nv really enjoyed myself so much for a loooong time.. Special thanks to Bee Ting for helping me out after she come.. she is basically like the maid that day coz she help me to serve my secondary school friend.. Secondly want to thank my family for helpin me.. hehe comein to my aid at the snap of my finger... in case you all wonder why i say thank to Bee Ting first then my family is because.... Bee Ting is my friend mah.. she is not blood related to me.. therefore actually she does not need to help me one.. while the rest are my family mah.. so due to the blood relation they have to help me.. but i do really appreciate the help because they actually also dun really need to help me one.. hehe... Kie kie turning 21 yet i am still as nonsenscial as ever and as childish as ever... think that i might grow up a bit after i turn 21??.. Fat hope.. i will never want to grow up.. being childish is good.. of course in time of need you can definately count on me.. if you are not in my hated list.. haha... Kie kie will blog about my 21 reflection on 3 Feb.. in the meantime keep checking in.. i doubt i will blog again till 3 feb coz my computer is down!.. so i have to wait till my new computer arrive first then i will be active again.. Haha Tata
P.S Chan Mei Ling who also mia from my party that day i noe that this is unlike you given that you have informed your supervisor before hand, so please give me a call to tell me what happened...
Well.. here we are at 2006.. suddenly i feel sad.. erm.. well sorta tinkin bout him again.. okie you all are going to do nt again!!... but i really dunno why... if i know why mayb i wun haf to suffer from heartache again and again like nobody's business.. that day i was plannin for what i want to do in the future.. study and blah.. and it will be another 3 -4 yr before i will obtain my degree.. then this question pop up my mind.. 4 yrs later.. will i still suffer from heartache when i think of him??.. something that i dunno.. when you have a heartache because you are thinkin of sumbody.. how do you ease the pain??... Haizz...
Had a catfight with my bro.. nt just one.. in fact it is a few catfights in a few days time... i feel that it is nt that i am gettin too bitchy or anyting.. but then it is that the way he say things and blah sometime it is a bit funny and that is when i wil start to argue with him and then we will end up in a verbal catfight.. I mean image this situation.. this shop is closing at 8.. i called them to beg them to close at 8.15 so that we can reach there to purchase sometime.. and the time when i called is ard 7.40 and he is finishing his food lor... then he say you go urself hor.. you will be angry rite... after beggin the shop and blah.. then he just sit down there and say you go urself lor.. and after tat he told my sis that he is just kiddin wif me.. i mean this kind of thing is nt funny lor.. so please nv kid bout this kind of things again in the future.. like later part when i say i dun wan to go he also pissed off.. so it is actually the same what the situation if he is also pissed off then he should know that it is nt a nice joke... so please dun do tis in the future....
Yes.. i went to another weddin dinner tonite.. my cousin's.. well there was such a coincident that me and my youngest auntie( who is nt married) is wearin the same pattern clothing... as in wear a black shawl over our clothing... then i am like a bit... /=
But i din say anyting.. and in any case.. i would like to clarify this matter... HMW..LTL.. and whoever who try to associate me to doc lee.. i seriously know that i am goin to face the same fate as her... so life is actually more bearable if you all can stop associating me to her.. nt to the extend that you muz sms each other and gossip about me and her wearing the same kind of clothing... It is nt making me feel anywhere near better... i am already feeling bad enuff that this kind of ting haf to happen and even though my fate is sealed and i am goin to be left on shelf.. i seriously dun wish to have a characteristic like hers.. so i seriously hope you all can stop the associating coz this will make me feel better and i am able to control myself better..
My family members are all weird.. or at least today i confirm that my dad and i are weirdos... i intended to start cleaning my room frm 6 onwards today and in the end i dragged till ard 10.30 then i start cleaning my room.. and i clean my room all the way till ard 12 midnite.. and i found it refreshing and energetic.. and my dad came out at ard 11.45 and start boiling milo.. haha and our typical conversation will start with suaning and end in suaning too!!.... Well basically my whole family noe that i am on diet.. and i did managed to slim down.. so my dad shown me an article on girls having eating disorder coz they skipped their meals.. so he told me " I hope one day you dun turn to be like them you noe"... so while he was happily hafin his milo for supper.. i went over and told him "How to nt be fat like that??" and he widen his eyes and told me "I din had lunch you noe!!".. so i digged out the article that he shown me that day and show it back to him and tell him.. "I hope you dun one day turn into them you noe..".. haha.. an eye for an eye... haha.. well what happen when you haf an acid generating machine for a dad??.. you turn into a acid generating machine too.. haha and i am glad that i have an acid generating machine for a dad so that i can be a successful and good spitfire.. haha...
This is a v. good phone... it is a v. old phone.. but a v. good one.. why did i say so??.. Coz i have reverted back to using this good old trustworthly phone of mine... the last i used it was like erm.. 2003.. now is goin to be the end of 2005 bout two yr le.. and i have dropped it a lot of time.. but it is still usable!!.. imagine this.. all new phone that i purchase cant fight with V8088... the usability duration of all my phone cant fight with V8088!!.. it actually outlasted all the phone.. can you believe it??... That is the reason why it deserved to be kept in my room instead of selling away... I love my V8088.. it is still the most trustworthly phone of mine!!...
Yup.. i confirm that.. coz i was browsing thru net today.. and i decide to search for Little Mermaid.. That was one of my fav cartoon, and i remember that i went to cinema to watch it and remember part of the details.. Then i realise that Little Mermaid was actually shoot in 1989, that means, that i was only 4 at that point of time, yet i remember the details of the movie quite clearly. Haha so you see.. actually when you are 4 onwards you remember things... so i have to stop bullying my big nephew coz he is already 4 and he will start to remember things.. certainly i dun wan him to remember all the negative things that i have done to him... haha... q= While in the meantime.. i still have three more year to bully my younger nephew.. yeah!!... haha sicko rite.. dun be sad!
Kie kie.. before i start blabbering nonsense.. Today is my bro birthday.. So this is for him.. Happy birthday to you You are born in the zoo There are lions and tiger And the monkey is you.. Haha Dun be sad!!
Kie back to earth.. well had a talk with my colleagues today.. two of them in fact.. they were telling me that cuming here is a waste of time.. i shouldnt be here at all.. In fact with the chance i should get out of tis job should i have the opportunity... In fact.. i should RUN out of here the moment there is a chance to get out of the job.. then i am confused.. what am i supposed to do now.. seems like there is no place that i can go to.. *sob* *sob*... i am sooo sad... i really want to study.. but then i dunno what to study.. seems like there is no help available for me to study.. to me currently my hope is that studying will get me to a greener pasture on the other side.. but then what if after i studied and get my degree and still cant find greener pasture??.. Then wat am i supposed to do??.. I really dunno... now i am aimless.. i used to haf this big plan in my mind.. a plan for me to suceed.. but ultimately will i??... Haizz....
Well had been hafin isomia for the past few days.. dunno why.. just cant sleep then when i wake up in the morning i will regret not sleepin earlier last nite... this is like cursed rite.. haizz... when will i stop hfin isomia... my stupid sister is squatting next to me seein me blog and tell me that the freaking bottle of mayo in my house is expired and ask me go and buy.. what the!!...... she is a bitch sia... just noe how to scream and scream mayb she had inherit my mum's gene... well stop here shall continue when i reach the office otherwise i will lose my life... now that she is bigger size than me..
Kie kie before i continue with anything, today is the birthday of my nephew, so here is for you LKK... Happy Birthday to you.. Happy Birthday to you.. Happy Birthday to LKK Happy Birthday to you.. May all the blessing be with you always.. muz grow up to be a smart and sensible boy.. Yi love you..
Well.. yes i want to go back to studying.. i want to get a degree.. I want to climb to the top and get a high paid salary.. i am just fedup wif everything.. curse the idiot who cheat my dad of his money.. curse him.. mayb he burn in hell...
I am just fedup.. i somehow know what i should do with my life le.. i will go and study and study and study.. i just cant bear the thot that my dad still had to go out to work every now and then.. if i had money he wun need to go out to work.. i am fedup and sad at the same time.. sometime i really feel that i am useless.. he always tell me stories of his younger days.. when he go to sch.. go to poly.. he was a sucessful young man.. hafin been to poly in the kampung days.. his dad wanted him to enter a english school.. i guess he hope to see his son being successful one day.. sometime i really tink.. did he regret.. does he wish to go back to his past when he is successful.. but now at a old age.. he still had to go out to work.. i really feel that i am useless.. as a daughter... i did not study hard enuff to bring him honor nor get a high paid job to let him haf a comfortable retired life..
I hate myself.. i really do.. i hate myself for being so selfish.. my parents can give me their world.. what haf i given them all this while??.. nothing.. nothing at all!!.... i will nt tink of anyting more in the future.. i will only tink of studying.. earning money and giving them a comfortable life.. i am not goin to tink of anyting anymore..
Hey havent been bloggin about a certain topic for a v. long time.. since i blog that i no longer liked him anymore.. anyway last yr tis day.. sumting happened.. haha not sumting significant okie.. but something happened that made me liked him even more.. haha shall not further elaborate here.. but sumhow this day made me like him even more.. it is been one yr.. alot of tings had changed.. suddenly it just occur to me how horrible it is... as in only within a yr.. but alot of tingy can change... time is horrible.. in fact a lot of things can change in a day too.. like a married couple can be a divorced couple in a day.. You can be happy today and sad the other day.. the person next to you can be alive and kicking today and die tomorrow.. erm okie.. i am not being sad or opmistic.. but then this is just some of my tinking.. i haf realise tis long ago.. and i know that i should cherish everything around me because in a flash of time everything will be gone.. you haf to haf the courage to do tings.. but i dun haf that kind of courage.. luckily i dun haf that kind of courage.. otherwise i would have confessed to him long ago and be made the butt of the joke.. or mayb tings will turned out differently.. i dunno.. haha sometime how nice it would be if you haf a object that can tell you what will happen if you do this and what will happen if you do that??.. Okie.. i shall not deny that i am depressed today.. afterall my love was not fake.. one yr plus of liking him.. and remembering today is the day whereby i fell deeply for him.. it isnt something that will make me happy.. though i dun really like him now.. but i was hopeful in the past.. mayb you all might luff.. but i was really hopeful last yr.. till the beginning of this yr that he and i will get together.. just that i need to make the confession to him when the time is right.. but then.. now my hopes are dash.. i no longer feel that we will get together.. the fact is.. my encounter wif him is only a short one.. and at that short moment.. because i get to see him everything.. i was sure.. very sure that we will get together.. but time does not heal ppl...nor will it make him miss me even more.. it will drift us more and more apart.. when we werent even close to each other in the past.. now the distance between us are like north pole and south pole.. and we will just stay at the respective poles.. sad rite.. sometime i really wonder what if tings really turn out differently.. what if i really confessed to him and get together with him.. will i be happy??... one ting for sure.. i dun really love him anymore.. but the fact that i go around telling ppl that i will want to remain single for the rest of my life show that i have not totally let him go.. Now that is the joke.. when will i ever learn to let him go.. i guess not in this life.. Then come the part whereby i will say hopefully if there is a next time i will learn to let go of him rite.. but then one part of my heart hestitated.. it seems that, that part of my heart is not prepared to let go of him.. still habouring hopes of mittin him if there is a next life.. oh tis is so sad.. Okie here come the ending part.. wake up!!... i noe v. well that me and him are not fated.. so get on wif life.. in the meantime.. just try and learn to let go of him.. perhaps the next time when i blog about him again.. it is when i say that i haf totally learn to let go of him...
Not in a good mood now.. everything is coming apart.. sumhow sometime i feel that i am a lucky person.. sometime i feel that i am a unlucky person lame rite who dun think this way.. just celebrated bday for one of my friend.. perhaps i am a sensitive person.. sumhow one way or another i feel that we are drifting apart... dunno why dun wish to find out why.. just wish to leave it this way as it is.. said hi to her today on msn.. but she just told me that she is hafing a bad mood and dun wish to tok.. i just kep quiet.. coz i dun wish to say anyting.. she had already indicated the pt that she dun wish to tok to me.. so there is no pt in saying anyting anymore.. coz it will just make me feel like a clown.. in a friendship.. what is right and what is wrong.. i dunno and dun wish to find out anymore.. in any case i haf already settled on the fact that bee ting will be my only closest secondary friend.. the rest.. those that used to be close wif me.. ultimately will be the ones who hurted me the most.. hmm mayb you cannot blame them.. coz it might be my problem.. given that all my sec school close friend are doin this.. but i am really tired.. i always asked myself.. did i stand by them when they are upset or when i know that they are down.. the ans is yes.. a firm yes.. i will stand by them when i noe that they are upset.. but i am feelin tired now.. the more i tried to stand by them, the more i feel that i am being treated like dirt and a clown.. I shall not mention who is that friend.. but if that friend so happened to be looking at this blog.. i am not trying to be mean by bloggin this down.. you noe me.. i never like to go to sore part like why are we drifting apart or why are we no longer as close to each other as before.. but i just wish to let you know that we are drifting apart.. i understand that this is part and parcel of time.. you get to know new ppl at diff stage of life and you drift apart from old ones.. but i am just upset wif the way conversation are goin nowadays.. seems like you are always angry when you tok to me.. and it seems like you are channeling your anger towards me.. for no reason.. Seriously i am tired.. i am not goin to do anyting anymore or say anyting anymore.. becoz the more i say it will just makes me hate myself even more for being a clown..
Well.. i noe that i seldom say this.. but then i haf to say it.. Thanks HMW and HBL.. i noe that the both of you purposely came back to accompany me for dinner... i noe it okie.. coz i am ATC mah.. so i am supposed to see thru tings and analyse tings at a faster speed.. I noe that the both of you noe that i am upset..that is why you all make the effort to accompany me for dinner.. though one haf to bring two kids in toll and another one had to waste his petrol to fetch me home.. see it is all this little little tings that keep me going.. coz i noe that ren jian you wen qing. Anyway i had a wonderful dinner.. it is been a loong time since the three of us had dinner and i really dun remember when was the last time.. thought it is just instant noodle.. and it tasted weird.. and i had to go to ntuc wif you all to buy ingredient in my pandan cake uniform.. but it was nice... and let me repeat another time.. i am not stupid till i dunno hw to cook noodle.. just that i like my noodle nice, soft and bloated like udon mee.. wahahahah... Overall i had a nice evening.. and it sort of lighten up the gloomy weather in my heart..
Yes.. i created a blogspot for my younger nephew, Rey... before you all start to say that i am biased and only do a website for Rey and nothing for Rex (my elder nephew), he haf a friendster and neopets a/c hor... so in order to be fair also haf to created sumting for Rey rite.. so i created a blogspot for him... and i haf to use excellent customer service also hor.. coz the mummy is super duper picky.. firstly i use a bugs bunny background for the website then she say that it is not good coz they dun like bugs bunny.. so i change it to a cartoon angel and cartoon devil background.. then she say that it is nt good again because anyting is better than tis.. (picky rite.. first bugs bunny cannot.. then cartoon angel and cartoon devil she say anyting is better)... so i finally found the background that fit them to a T... i found a Incredible background... wif music summore... if she still say that it is not nice.. i will *slap* *slap* her.. Anyway if you all want to view my master creation.. just go to link and click on Rex and Rey.. Kie kie a little update about myself... recently had been pretty fulfilling.. work.. play.. enjoy myself and created a little blog for my nephew.. life have once again started moving for me.. i am no longer stagnant at one stage of my life.. but then i heard some news about him again.. this news sort of created a wave of emotion in my heart.. i noe that i dun really like him anymore.. like what i had blogged previously.. but now i noe of this.. it is sad that i didnt get this update.. but this just tell me that we are just friend.. or worse just x-colleague.. i will be fine again in a few days.. before you all go oh no.. the depression period is cuming again.. nope it is not.. just a v. bland feelin in my heart that is a little bit sour.. that is all.. the depression period wun come back.. because i noe that he does not know anyting about my feeling and it is not worth it to dwell on somebody who will never be able to know about your feeling and whom you noe that you will never be together with him and whats more a future wif him... No worries i will be fine in a few days time... Kie kie that is all for now.. when i haf anyting mor i will blog again...
Hmm.. let see havent been bloggin for like three weeks.. wow tat seems like so long i last blog since when i hafin my two week hols.. then after that i started working, alot of tings happened but all seems to be happening at a v. fast speed.. now i am already third week into my job.. and trust me.. time flies...
Hmm did not really did alot of reflection this few days.. coz i am super duper tired... but anyway.. life is pretty much still the same for me.. no chances, still gettin bullied by my nephew, quarral with my mum as and when i like... still luffin at my sister for being a bimbo.. haha.. bullying beeting as and when i like.. life is pretty much the same.. nothing change.. one ting for sure i am happier now.. after i left my previous job.. i seem to have put down a v. big burden.. Anyway mittin karen and linda for dinner tonite.. so haf to go.. till then stay happy..=D
Hmm nothing to do.. so here i am to enter a blog.. notice i dun call this nonsense because what i am goin to say in the following paragraph is serious okie.. haha.. Well i had a gathering wif Ah Fa, Linda, Kai Ren and Tom on tuesday.. it was really wonderful... i really enjoyed myself that day.. it had really been a looooong time since i last saw them and going out with them really make me very happy... Then i suddenly realised that i miss poly life alot.. alot alot alot.. i came to realise that i wun really be seeing them so often anymore.. coz everybody haf already gone out of poly and will be leading their own life.. i mean when you graduate from secondary school and you go to either poly or jc thought ppl are leading their own life but the feeling is different because you noe that thought your sec school friends had their own friends but they are still studying.. now that we had graduated from poly and jc, friends are really going to go different path.... some will be like me... start working.. some will still be studying.. some are going to get married le and some had gone into NS.. i guess this is really a horrible feeling when you noe that you and ur friends are really going to go different path in life.. it is a sad feeling.. but life still haf to go on.. though you are going different way from ur friends.. at least there are happy memories that you can take out once in a while and tink about it..
Anyway.. guys.. i really had a great time on tuesday.. i really miss those days in poly whereby we will all sit at mensa canteen and gossip.. laze around and while me and ah fa will fight like kids.. haha... i was truly happy on tuesday.. and though we are going different path in life.. we muz still keep in contact okie.. (=
It is two in the morning and i haf decided to blog some nonsense here.. well this few days alot of things had happened.. I had already left my previous job.. on a break before i move onto my new job.. I am fine le.. really fine.. i no longer like him anymore.. those who noe who is he should noe who is he.. haha.. actually he was the one who made me realise that i dun like him anymore.. something that he did made me realise that he is not the guy that i thot he is.. like i told those who noe that i like him.. i will like him and fall sooo deep for him is because the feeling not anyting else.. now i realise that mayb the feeling is not rite from the beginning.. it is just that all along i had thot that it is the rite feelin.. so i allow myself to fall deeper and deeper.. nw and then i still feel a little bit of heartache.. but after a while it will be okie.. i haf decided that i will never fall in love.. because i feel that i will never be prepared.. mayb i am really searching for my prince charming.. the perfect guy for me.. which in real life.. how could anybody find the prefect guy she had been tinking about.. it is near to impossible.. i noe that i am dreaming.. tat is why i prefer not to fall in love.. it is better tat way.. there are still alot of things in the world for us to do oher than falling in love.. I decided to adopt a child in third world country not those that i brin back lah.. as in those that stay wif their parents but then i will pay a sum of money to them every mth for the kid's basic needs like food, clothes as well as food.. i had decide i want to do more meaningful things in life.. (= Life had not been so light and easy to carry on for a long time.. when i like him.. the thot that we cannot be together constantly drag me down and made life a heavy ting to carry on.. i have decide to enjoy this moment to the fullest...
Second ting of the day.. just had a chat wif my friend(if you are wondering how cum i blog at 2pm is because i was chatting wif him till now).. he can be considered as one of my bestest friend in secondary school.. never did i thot that he can be my good friend.. haha anyway.. had a chat wif him.. catch up with him a bit.. did not see him for a v. long time.. Well he nagged at me to contact another of my friend.. haha *opps* hopefully he du get to see my blog otherwise he is goin to kill me for sayin that he nagged at me.. anyway he really did nagged at me to contact this friend of mine whom i am no longer in contact wif and is not on good term wif her.. but he feel that i should contact her because we used to be like the best bestest friend in secondary school.. yet we fall out with each other.. the reason behind it.. it is too long to explain.. but i guess none of my poly friend except zhuang hui hui noe about this story.. in any case.. i promise my friend that i will send her an email then the rest is up to her to see if she wish to contact me.. well but it is already so late.. so i guess that i will email her again tomorrow.. argh~ why do i always had to do tis kind of tingy.. It is 2.06am in Singapore.. goin to sleep soon.. Gd nite!
Hmm.. havent been really maintaining my blog for a v. looooong time.. ever since i changed the skin to this butterfly tingy... then i maintain for a while and blog consistently then ignore the whole blog totally... kie kie i noe previous few time i blog on some crap then stop.. kie kie some REAL updates about myself.. erm.. definately i am still abit upset... a little bit only.. not really tat much that i will fall into depression.. anyway i quit my job le.. okie before you all jump into conclusion that i am a bad youngster who waste her life.. i found a job before i quit my current job.. Well i really cant stand this job anymore le.. it is getting more and more crappy as days goes by.. so i decide i need to loook for a new job.. hey i am already a v. crappy person if i stay in a crappy job i will turn even more crappy.. haha... but i am still confused over my feelings.. i mean i should have felt v. happy when i leave this job rite considering how much i hate it.. yet in my heart i felt a bit upset.. i noe why lah.. coz my colleagues are v. nice.. I really cant bear to leave them..
Actually i should consider myself lucky that my colleagues are nice.. BUT fish got to swim, birds got to eat.. so Sylvia had to change job.. Or i stayed in this job, ee my mood is really very horrible.. it flutuate like nobody's business (thought it is really nobody's business) but this shouldnt be the case!... I will just flare up when some small irritating issue happen.. One person that i truly appreciate is Bee Ting.. she had been v. patient with me throughout this period of time when my mood is so horrible to face.. thought i reallly flare up she still patiently follow me home and tell me to tell her what happened because i will die of anger if i dun tell anybody.. which is true lah and to make tings worse she send me an greeting sms the day after telling me that she appreciate me as a friend.. Hey Bee Ting if there is anybody to be appreciated it will be me tellin you that i appreciate you as my friend..Hopefully the new job is sumting that i like.. then i will be happy everyday.. =D
Okie some updates at home.. erm actually not much updates.. here is some character that you will encounter at my home.. My mum who behavior like the empress dowager who will eliminate anybody who dares to challenge her(haha just kidding).. My dad who is the acid generating machine who will now and then generate some high acidity content conversation with us ( i am toking about the truth, never will you see a dad like mine who will stop at nothing to suan us.. haha).. My bro who is the big sister(coz every now and then he will bitch with us).. My sister who is as veggie life as ever (imagine getting food poisoning after eating uncooked canned food) Me who is the brat of the family (coz i am the only one who will challenge the empress dowager, suan back the acid generating machine, bitch back at my da jie like nobody's business and luff at my veggie life sister for the food poisoning that she gets)..
haha okie i am just kidding.. my family is actually not tat weird.. i am really glad to be born into this family.. each and everytime when my mood reached the lowest point, i will tink of them and i am able to brace myself up again for whatever that may comes coz i noe that i definately dun wan to see them truly unhappy and worried for me over some really serious issue.. and i noe that i want to live my every single day knowing that they are safe and sound..
Today is a v. special day.. i tink only Bee Ting will noe what i meant.. one yr ago today sumting happened.. though it is a v. small ting but i still remember it.. it is a piece of memory that i cerish and hold close to my heart always... i noe some of you might think that really got so serious?.. yes it is tat serious in fact it is not serious.. it is just something that i guess only i will remember the other party will not remember and something that only a idiot like me will cerish and hold this memory dear to my heart.. Din do anyting today.. just idle my time away.. doing nothing.. i am too sad at the moment to do anything.. and i dun wish to cry anymore.. after all this time of crying.. i found out that actually you wun feel better after crying... ppl always say that if you are upset.. cry out loud.. after that you will feel soooo much better.. in the past it did work.. now it dun anymore.. no matter how many time i cry or how loud i cry.. i will still feel that lousy after crying.. but the next time tears will still flow freely.. i noe that tears are free, but after all this crying it just make my tears seems worthless.. if a woman's tears is really precious.. i guess mine had already lost its value over time.. I feel like confessing to him.. but i dun haf the courage and i dun want to lost him as my friend.. but life is already unbearable.. it is getting really sad for me to move on.. everything around me reminds me of him.. but i noe that it is impossible between the two of us.. mayb i will do a confession here.. then one day while he is surfin the net and he will so happened to come across this blog and see this confession and start luffin at how silly it is.. but i still wish to tell you.. yes you the idiot.. who made me suffered so long.. i really like you.. really really like you.. sometime i really hope that i can be together with you.. but i noe that it is impossible.. among so many girl that you have met i am just somebody who had cross path with you.. i will just blend into the crowd and fade into the background as time goes by.. you will never know how big a impact you made on my life.. you gave me a heartache that is so big that i find life unbearable.. but i had never regret knowing you.. because it is you who made me change.. knowing you is a memory that i wish to remember as much as i wish to forget.. it is amazin how you can just stand or sit beside me and my heart will feel as it is goin to jump out any moment or my emotion will be riding a roller coaster.. yet all this while you noe nothing though you are just beside me.. if given a choice i really dun mind following you to any part of the world.. but i am also aware that even if you are really goin to any part of the world you will never chose me as ur companion.. i am just day dreaming... I always wonder what are you doing now.. are you happy??.. dun be unhappy okie.. I will always support you in the decision you make okie..
I have having a super bad headache today.. coz i slept late last nite.. was watching My Date With A Vampire 3.. this is my least favorite among the three series.. because Wang Zhen Zhen is not inside!!... okie i noe that Wang Zhen Zhen is super irritating because she always come in between Ma Xiao Ling and Kuang Tian You, but why this show is so nice because in the first series.. it talks about the fate between Wang Zhen Zhen and Yamamoto Katsuo. It is sooo nice.. though Wang Zhen Zhen does not like him but then he still loves her and utimately they both of they sort of get together thought they died.. but it is because they are fated to be together and that is one of the point that make this how so nice.. because they have qian shi qing yuan.. THEN suddenly in this third series, there is no more Wang Zhen Zhen to be together with him.. instead the Wanyuan Bupo is in love with Yue YinPing and in the end with Goddness of Yaochi.. argh~ what happened to the qian shi qing yuan between him and Wang Zhen Zhen... i dun like!.. But being a My Date With A Vampire Encyclopedia i will still watch it.. haha...
Anyway i went out with my poly friend during saturday.. had dinner with them.. enjoyed myself thought some of the members are not there.. and there is only the two of us.. Fahee and me clowning around.. well it is always the two of us clowning around since nw Zhuang Hui Hui is in australia studying.. Really hope that there is more of this kind of outing the future.. I really miss poly life whereby life has not tat much worries and we can just slack at TP campus..
While i was going home i was super unhappy.. i found that Singaporean are super unpolite.. i was standing at the bus stop there and yet they cant see me.. have to knock me.. i was so frustrate that i tell myself i will scream at the next person who is goin to knock me again.. i really dun understand what is wrong with this ppl.. at least if they had not do this kind of ting the world will be a more pleasant place to live in.. and when i take mrt i see that youngsters are sitting and pretending to not see anything while old ppl are standing.. are this youngsters blind or anyting?.. or mayb they dun have a brain to think... are they so desperately in need of the seat?... i dun believe they are.. this is so stupid.. no matter how smart this ppl are so long as they have not basic manners to give up their seats to old people they are still stupid...
Hmm.. i found that i have been complaining alot in the two para that i had typed above.. what to do.. haha i had observed this behavior for a v. long time... been tinking of bloggin it down for a looong but i was too lazy.. since now i am bloggin.. why not just blog everything down.. haha...
Kie kie no more complain le.. complain somemore and i will turn into a grumpy old lady even before i turn old.. haha
Haiz.. this few days... i keep on tinking.. tink and tink and tink.. yet i still cant come to a conclusion.. i guess i had really killed alot of brain cells this few days... i really really really dunno what to do... i guess when life ends up like mine.. it can get pretty sad.. when i am stuck at my this job.. i keep on grumbling that i wan to get out.. fine now i have a chance to get out.. and yet my tinking swing from one pt to another day and nite.. at work i m so determine to get out of my current job.. then when i am at home or alone.. i tink that mayb tat new job offer is not suitable for me...
Argh~ can sumbody tell me.. is there something wrong wif my life or am i just trying to be funny by torturing myself day and nite tinking about this issue.. on top of all the endless frustrating issue that i had to tink about.. now i noe.. that responsibilities is really something that is v. difficult to handle.. I used to tink responsibilities arh.. okie lor no matter how big the responsibilites is.. so long as i am strong willed i am able to handle it.. NO i am wrong!!.. it is only when i start working then i know.. responsiblities is something that is very difficult to handle.. i something really wish that i had no responsiblities.. i am really v. tired from all this issue at hand.. i really dun wish to tink about anything anymore... my colleague asked me did i asked my parents what do i want to do.. i told her no.. my life is my own i should handle it.. actually somehow i wish that they could help me to solve all my problem.. but i know that i shouldnt be adding problem to their life.. therefore i chose not to tell them.. whatever decision i make i will bear the responsiblities and miseries that come along with it.. i shouldnt add this problem to my parents and let them face it just because i dont wish to face it myself..
Well after typing so much rubbish.. i still had not come to a decision.. my friend will always look be v. impressed with me because i will always resolve decision like where to go with a scissor paper stone game.. they feel that i am too childish, but sometime wun it be nice to just tink of something to come out with a decision even if it is a v. childish way.. wat matter is that at the end the problem is solved in a v. simple way.. seriuosly i really thot of coming to a decision of staying at my current job or going to the new one with a scissor paper stone game.. but then i noe that i cant do it.. life is not always tat simple.. but seriously what should i chose??...Stay or Go i really dunno.... argh~.. somebody please help me....
Hmm.. once again i had not been bloggin for a v. long time.. sickening.. i am sick... i cough like mad and my eye itch like hell... argh~.... i had been coughing for 1mth and at this rate i am goin on i sometime really wonder if i will get phenumonia.. it is horrible okie.. and my cough dun really come in the daytime.. it comes in the nite time... i will cough till i wake up and wonder why is my cough so serious.... and Karen got a shock by my cough when we went out that day.. haha she keeps on asking if i am okie.. and i will tell her i am okie.. but Karen, hw could anybody really be okie if she is coughing so badly like how i did tat day??... never underestimate my cough okie.. overall it had been a okie week... i did nothing.. accomplish nothing..
The only ting that i am looking forward to is that i had received a call frm nlb for a interview.. i received the call when i was on my way home together with Karen.. and after receving the call.. i keep on smiling to myself like a mad woman.. haha i tink after the outing on Friday.. Karen would not go out wif me again in the future.. either i cough like mad or i keep on smiling to myself.. haha... Kie kie that is all for now...there is nothing that i feel like writing le..
