Sylvia's World...

终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己最怕你忽然说要放弃

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

如果我的坚强任性会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒我虽然心太急更害怕错过你

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

Yeah i noe that i was complaining in my previous blog that i am gonna fall sick soon... but i still have to write this blog entry down... because i just nd to get it out...

This is entirely dedicated to a couple... never have i ever thot that i would blog bout such a filty creature and his beautiful wife in my blog... but then the filty creature has seriously pushed me to the limit that i have to write something about him to add him into my hall of shame... (just beside Ah Yan)...

Seriously.. hw does it feel... when you are so freakingly ugly yet you have women who throw themselves at you like bees to honey.. and yet everyday you are denying and blabbering nonsense like you are the person who created all the principle of life.. the law and everything.. creating stupid and ridiculous situation which are hell deep for your wife to confuse her... so that she will stay home to be ur maid??.... or do you tink she really look stupid enuff that you just nd to blabber somethings and that will cloud her judgement?.... Dont you tink you are too much??.... oh yeah i forgot.. if you ever have a brain to think.. a heart to feel... then you be able to feel that you are too much.. otherwise.. you are just a piece of junk... dressed in branded clothing and driving a ultra flashy car...

But think bout it... do you seriously think that all these are enuff to cloud the judgement of all the peps ard you??.... like i have always told ur wife and i will repeat again.. dun swear that the lightning will strike you.. For... if you really do.. even if it is a ultra hot day with no water vapour in the air... somehow somewhat a rain will definately be created just to strike you...

Do you seriously think that her family are dead??... or you tink that her family dun care??... well.. you are wrong you jerk... it is just that her family dun tink that it is worth it degrading themselves to stand at the same lvl as you.. but you tink her family dun love her??.. well you are wrong again you jerk... it is not that they dun care... it is just that they are reasonable and peaceful peps who tink that marriage problem should be resolved between the couple themselves and not involve other peps.... but think bout it again jerk... her family will always support her.... she can always go back to her family...

Remember you imposed the rule that your kid can only got to his maternal grandparents side for three time per mth??... and remember hw close he is to one of ur wife's sibling??..... and subsequently.... ur wife was accepted back into her family again??... Please dun underestimate kinship... if her sibling have the ability to tolerate all nonsense and let ur wife gain acceptance into the family.. the same could be done to ensure that she can get a life when she get a divorce frm you...

Seriously... i pity your mum... for ur mum's love has gotten her into alot of trouble.. what do you tink??... that having a flashy car and dun nd her to work is a good thing??.. You are wrong... the most comforting thing that a kid can bring to his/her mum is that they dun no longer need to worry bout their kids.. yet.. because of your you se wu yong behavior... she has to clear the mess that you have created every single time.... filial??.. i doubt.. i challenge and doubt your filial piety.... dun tell me that you are filial.. you are just a jerk who has no guts and nd to hid under ur mum's back everything you create a mess....

Bottomline... you are just a ugly fat loser who needs to hid behind his mum everytime he create a mess... putting you beside a jerk makes the jerk feel ashame of himself too....

Falling sick... i am tired... neck pain.. spine pain... sign that i am falling sick (definately nt sign that i am aging)

Feeling really tired nw.. can i pls have a one month holiday??.. then after that dun nd to go back to work??... hehehehe....

Anyway the purpose of today's blog is to complain that i am sick.. and to discuss about something.. you see.. i seriously seriously seriously want to get a tattoo... (i am not a baddie, just like a tattoo that is all) so i was just wondering what am i supposed to tattoo... THEN.. i just realise something... i can actually tattoo the butterfly on my blog hor??... that butterfly on this box's right top corner, perched there de that one... nice hor??... initially i chose this blog skin because of that butterfly and the description said that it is a butterfly tattoo.. so why nt... hehehe.. i can tattoo butterfly on myself.. and somemore is a nice butterfly!.. what do you tink??... should i or should i not??.. heh heh heh heh heh...

I m having a very confused state of mind right nw.... sigh....

A nw beginning.... as you can see frm my previous blog... i am troubled by something.... haha all i can tell is that.. the cannot really process fact part of me is out again.. and i am playing with fire.... muz i go thru that vicious cycle again?? i hope nt...

Okie back to the sentosa trip.. i went to sentosa today with a few friends.. and we basically spend the whole day there playing and slacking.... i met a very cute dog call Ah Boy that belong to my friend's friend... aw.. he is such a cute dog and he is just a puppy!! he really remind me of Sugar... as anyway anything white and cute always remind me of Sugar and i feel a sense of closeness to them... hahaha... i tink i will miss this cute dog....

Went for the Luge ride... it is fun but the before part is not fun at all.. we had to take the sky ride to the beginning of the Luge ride and that is horrible!!!..... As per what i have said.. i kena cheated by two uncle to go and take the ride.. it was so horrible that i hold tight to the safety bar thru out the whole ride and close my eyes tightly... i was so scared that they say my face was as white as pau (white bun)... okie no matter hw they deny it.. i still see it as kena cheated by two uncle to go and sit that thing... but then the Luge ride is fun!... Though i kena overtaken alot alot alot alot of time.. and i drove that thing like a auntie driving it.. but then it was really fun... if i dun have to take that sky ride.. i tink i would like to try that Luge ride again.. hehehe

But the after taking the ride i definately ban it for LKK and LFL.. because it is too dangerous... because to get to the beginning you have to take the sky ride.. which is definately horrible... so i dun tink they are suitable for it... mayb when they are older ba.. then they can take it... for nw it is definately a no no for them.... and i went home shortly after that because we have to celebrate my dad's birthday today.... feeling so tired nw... *yawnz*

PS... Eat Bread and MMYY... i am playing with fire nw... it is definately one of option given... mayb you all would be interested to guess which one.... my life is not that messy.. at least my characteristic is not... so i am very focus.. it is one of the option.. hahaha.....

Once again.. let me remind you once more time... he is not five dragon... he is a total different person.... pls dun do this.... he is not five dragon....... he is NOT....

Silver, you are Balanced-brained

That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation. When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over. While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker. The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.

I really do.... why???... up till nw.... i will still cry for you??.. despite the many promises that i made to BT that i wun cry for you again??... every person that i have met in my life... i still try to look out for characteristic that resemble you.... and seek comfort in that characteristic that the person have... trying to pretend as if i am still at a place close to you...

Worse... if i see a person that resemble you in alot of way.. i will be drawn to that person like moth to fire... i keep on telling myself... telling other peps that i have kept my heart in that purple box... kept deep deep away.. but i noe that my heart is just waiting.. waiting for you to find it... but i noe too that you will never start finding it... nor be able to find it... then why am i doin this??... It take time to get outta this shadow... but exactly how long do i nd to get outta this shadow... this pretending and waiting phrase is even worse than the first phrase because there is a emptiness and total silence... which is scary.... because you never know what is this person doin again.. so you hope to get his news again... the waiting part is so scary... i will noe better than anybody as to what i have done...

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进
何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情
还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还想你
我很不服气
也开始怀疑
眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进
何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你
写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

in case you all wonder that this is about me and a guy... you all are wrong.. it is about me and a sum of money that is destinated not to be mine... sigh~

Hmm.. today is good friday.. and it feels like saturday.. i have to keep on reminding myself that today is only friday and there is still two more days to slack!....
Nthing much today.. went out to eat sakae sushi with my siblings... mmyy... and the two kids.... then my bro keep on goin the wrong way today.. so we end up spending quite some time on the road.. wanted to go to sugei buloh... but was stopped by strong objection by hbl and mmyy... so din go.. on the way.. we passed by mandai zoo... and we okie.. i wanted to put lfl there.. to lure crocs... hehehe.... but of course i din succeed in getting it done... i will try harder next time... and hbl said that she wanted to get a car.. which is a good idea.. so long as she can afford it.. because she can drive her kids ard.. and we can FINALLY all go out together... and bring lfl to sugei buloh.. throw him into the mud to skip with the mud skipper or get pinched by horse shoe crab.. or if there is a crocs can throw him into the water... hehehe...
And we played maple today... and we have to help mmyy's ultra noob char to lvl up.. and you noe what.. hbl's internet was slow and she was lag for er.... 2 - 3 minute??.. she just stayed in the mid air... hanging there while we start at her character... we have photographs as evidence....

Once again.. i became the ugly duckling who have accidentally wandered into the swam grp.. Sylvia arh sylvia... why do you always have to do this??... why do you always have to wander into the beautiful and high class swam grp just to find that you stick out like a sore thumb and get upset.... because this grp of swam has never wanted you in... they just want to either make use of you.. pity you or mayb they are truly friendly.. but then there is ultimately the cast problem...

Can you pls... do urself a favor.. by sticking to yourself or duckling from your own cast in the future??.. pls do not wonder ard again.. sometime being helpful or nice will only let urself get hurt.. because there is no way you can blend in with them...

So hw does it felt??... to have used me like the way you did??.... you thot that i dunno... and i am stupid... enuff not to sense anything... it is not that i am stupid.. nor that i din sense anything... it is because i dun see the need in acting clever when people want to keep things from me... there is no point in asking... because i am frm the lowest level... i noe i din do much.. but i am just upset at the fact that i was being used like a piece of tissue paper and thrown away when the new tissue paper arrive... is the tissue paper better?? made of better quality??... then this inferior piece of used tissue paper was treated like dirt..... low class item... belong to the lower cast?... ya i think so... if you ask me why i dun bother to strive on.. i tell you because it is no pt... i am never the type of person who will blame the world but myself... but this time... I AM.. i have already tried my best... in all that i have done... but what to do when life decide that i have to end up like a piece of used tissue paper to be thrown away... and view as dirt subsequently?...

I will definately leave when it is time to... if you wanna question me why.. question my endurance... let me tell you this.. what i have gone thru so far.. is nthing compared to the hurt that you two of you have caused.... because i care for you two of you.. i chose to remain silent.... and not hurt the two of you... so that you two can go on.. as if nthing have ever happen.. because you will never realise that i have realise and notice...

P.S... pls dun ask me who is that two person.. people who should noe.. have already known who is this two person.. for the rest.. pls dun ask me... because at least this is the least RESPECT and human right that i can show to these two person.. who have caused me so much hurt...

Okie... recently a series of thing happen... and after all this happening.. i realise something... i dun have lownut life.... erm okie.. let me explain first... donuts are sweet... because they either have a coat of sugar.. or chocolate or chocolate with peanuts... either case.. they are sweet... so there are alot of young girls out that who have lownut life... sweet and no matter who they mit.. the person who mit them will have this 'aiyo so cute.. so weak.. muz protect her' tinking popping outta the mind... be it.. their friends... their bosses.. their colleagues etc etc etc... will try their best to protect them... AND there are peps like me.. who have well mayb a sugarless black coffee life... dark.. and bitter... pep see pep avoid... thinking that coffee can hold themselve.. dun nd a single protection nor help.. this type of peps.. are usually the type who are seen/assumed that will protect the lownut life peps...

So i have decide that i have enuff... if i dun have donut life then dun have donut life lah... but you muz remember.. if i have black coffee life.. then i will be strong and hang on.. but i will never protect the donut life peps.. for.. what for??.. i am a cup of black coffee that has turn bad... beside being dark and bitter.. i am sour too... so blah blah ... i hate peps with lownut life.. because no matter hw hard the dark coffee life peps work... their effort will always be outshined by the lownut life peps by a mere smile or sweet talk...

Orh.. how sweet.... shut up and get outta my blog you lownut life peps...

Hmm... today is another sunday... and i am at home slacking again... and today is April fool's day... well nthing much.. life still goes on.. speaking of April.. it is the mth that i am look forward to... come BT birthday.. i will only be left to serve one more mth of my contract before it end in May... woo hoo!!.... you noe what that means... freedom!!!.... i lurve april.. i lurve lurve lurve april 2007.. lalalala~~~

Okie enuff said bout that.. a little update about myself... nthing much happened.. i am still coughing like mad.. i am still nt talkin to my mum.. i still wanna bash iey iey up everytime i see him.. i still watch sponge bob sq pants with lkk.. Anyway.. went to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle yesterday with lkk... iey iey and my sis... well i can say that it is not a bad show.. quite nice.. because it is TMNT what... and i lurve this cartoon.. watch it when i was in say... primary 2 and i remember that the cartoon is shown every friday at about 6pm.. so i lurve tis cartoon... oh oh and i just finished my assignment.. which mean that i have about one more mth before my exam.. and i can officially slack for another one wk before i start studying for my exam...yeah!.... and i am dead broke tis mth.. with all the temptation of buying clothing.. i buy and buy and buy... until i am broke.. oh my.. i dunno how to survive till my next pay.. *faint*

Title copied frm my sis's blog.. if it is wrong.. it is her chi that is bad.. nt mine.. hahaha anyway... my sis in law said that i am pretty free these days.. and asked me to blog more.. so here i am blogging.... muahaha..

well.... i seriously dunno if that will happen... working towards it??.... haha... i dun even tink that the shore towards it is anywhere near to far.... it is further than near to far... which is very far...

Well... told the world the two goin to be aunties.. erm.. two mdm ngs about what happened... hehehe.... well... i did try to chit chat with him lah.. but seems like the response nt too good.. and the truth is that... when i become interested in another person.. the wu long tu phrase will come out again.. mayb i am just to coward to step into a new phrase.. that is why everytime when something begin to progress i will hid back into my wu long tu phrase and slip into the comfort zone.. nvm that it is a sad phrase.. but i am just to coward to come outta my comfort zone...

Went to zouk last nite.. with my cousin and my bro and my sis in law.... well... it was okie.. because this time we went earlier.. so there was nobody there or rather not much peps there... so we managed to get some seats at the bar counter...

Hm... it was really not bad.. because we have handsome bartender to look at hahaha.. but i got drunk... really bad... because there was one for one.. and tze order like that is no tomorrow... so in the end.. we had 10 glasses of lychee martini... 6 cup of illusion... 2 cup of VOLKA SUPERNOVA... 2 cup of volka orange... two jug of volka redbull... i tink six glasses of tequila and three glasses of i dunno what... and i drink and drink because there is too much until i really give up... but oh well.. at least i get a glass of ice water frm the handsome bartender.. hahaha

Anyway.. we passed by St James powerstation tonite.. and i was telling my dad that we will book the place to throw him a bday bash on his 70th birthday.... hehehe... so yeah 6 yrs later.. St James here we come!.. hahahaa..

Hmm... today is already sunday.. and tomorrow is monday... wkend seems to pass by so fast.. but in another sense i did alot this wkend.. managed to plan out my schedule for what i wanna do for the wk after wk after wk after wk.. hahaha basically is a weekly schedule...

I found out that actually waking up early during wkend can let you finish doing so much things... and best part is that you dun feel that you are losing out precious wkend time not doin anytime or feeling that the wkend is unhealthy.... i went for dim sum on sat in the morning.. and find it great.. i tink i should start doin this on a wkly basis.. of course.. i cannot anyhow spend money le lah.. then i can do this... and then today i went to sungei buloh.. and you dun have to know i went with... it was great.. minus the part that we got lost.. and we panicked.. hahaha... other than that... the trip was great.. the morning trip there was great.. very refreshing and good.. nt rushing like time is ticking so fast that we have to rush and rush and rush and before you noe it the wkend is gone...

My wkend are very very zen nwadays.. it involve.. resting... sleeping... exercising... getting enuff mental and physical rest.. to ensure that i felt rested.. hahaha

WELL.... was shopping with my friend... a short shopping trip... and she was grumbling to me that she nd to purchase a dress for her work... and i show her these dress that i thot would look great on her... but she keep on saying dun wan dun wan dun wan... and i shown her another dress.. and she keep on saying dont want dont want dont want again... she has told me that she envy those who dress nicely... and changed since in the past till nw.. and she wants to be like that.. i would want that person to be like that too... everyday.. when you go out... you see those peps ard you dressing nicely.. naturally for a girl's basic instinct.. you would wanna look good too... but some are restrained by their low self confidence.. but at least give peps a chance to help you to change.. and try on something nw.. MIND YOU.. i din let her try on a sexy or sleazy dress.. it is a very DECENT AND NICE dress... which she refused to try on because she ASSUME THAT it will look bad on her....

To the lady in question in my blog... pls... if you wanna grumble and envy.. then you should try to take the first step out.. life is short.. it is not full of restriction.. why do you wanna envy peps when you can achieve what you envy of them?? and pls... help yourself by letting peps help you... i found out that if you only grumble and doesnt let other peps help yourself it is no point telling me every single time that okie you are inspired to change and want me to help then when i go out with you i say till i puke blood and suddenly your stupid belief pop out and you revert back to nt wanting to change urself again.... if you wanna be a hermit.. dun envy and grumble.. because it is not that you cannot achieve it nor is it because peps are not willing to help you.. but it is because you are not willing to help yourself...

Heh.. i guess is the effect of the med... i am tinking about nonsense again... i am tinking boutall the wat if... tinking about my poly life... tinking bout the sweet and sour period.. when i could be on the moon one moment and fall on earth and wanting to die another moment....

Lookin back... the me in the past never thot that i coud get outta this... i thot that i would be stuck in this forever... i mean the mess of liking him.... wishing that he will get married with me... and we will live happily ever after.. with my prince to come and pick me up.... For a period of time.. this was my life... wishing and hoping for all that i wish for to come true... Nw looking back.. it seems like i have never lead this part of life before.... De purple box stayed up... for more than half a yr.. and nope.. i have no urge to take down and read...

Everybody come into ur life for a reason... his reason... as i finally ack... is to truly let me slim down.. and love myself... for myself.. not for anybody else... waking up the really girl side of me.. and realising that i should live for myself... tell the world what i truly like.. dress as i truly like.. and not restricted by what peps thot of me... I used to be rather restricted because some friends of my commented that i never wear skirt... so i never wear skirt.... never thot of dolling myself up... because i look 'great'... i hold on to the thots.. that i wish that he his main purpose is not just to do this.. but to take care of me for the rest of my life... but as i go on.. i realise that there are somethings in life that you have to let go... no matter how much you love it... because as you hold on... things get ugly and feeling turn sour... all the things that are originally beautiful will turn ugly.. fairy tale became non fairy like anymore..

If you ask me... will i still cry for him nw... my answer is yes... for... i truly love him... but that was him in 2004 the one that will look at me with warm in his eye... nt the one that gave me cold hard stare without any feeling in 2006... Sylvia will always love the him in 2004 and cry for him... but Sylvia has still ultimately gave up on the him in 2006 when she mit his cold and feelingless glance..

Either case.. this or that... my heart is buried together with that purple box in the deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep corner of somewhere... i no longer love... no longer touched... no longer wish and hope... Sylvia can never love again.... because she is heartless... in case any heros out there that think that i am a challenge and you should never give up on me and wanna make me have feeling and love again.. you can forget bout it... because i seriously dun wan to love anybody anymore... nobody for me... i am for nobody.. i live for myself..

You have my heart... you took it... you smash it... just like how you smash a piece of tissue paper...

The question on my mind...

Nt that i am desperate... in fact... i am fine with nt getting married.. but i just wanna get out of this house... My house which used to be my shelter.. when the whole world doesnt want it.. my house will always nurture me... care for me... due to the fact that i have quarralled with my mum.. and i am no longer on talking term to her due to some stupid relatives... i have decided that the best way out is to get out of the house... and i have decided that the best way to do this.. is to get married... i will never have the courage to move out.. because that is really obvious that i am walking out... so i have decided that getting married is the best way out...

I always wonder... why is it that the when a quarral happen.. and a kid doesnt talk to the parents... the quarral always occurs between the fav child and the parent.. and it is always the fav child that doesnt talk to the parent... i thot that it wun happen in my family.. but it did.. and i am seriously no longer on talkin term with my mum anymore...

If you ask me if it is worth it?.. nt talkin to my mum because of some stupid fatty... i tell you it is nt worth it... but i just cant stand the fact that she would rather side with them than her own kids.. always hurting her kids in the process of siding those fatty... i m just sorely disppointed with her...

haiz.....

Well.. as usually.. CNY came and go just like this.. today is already the third day of CNY... and majority of the things have quieten down...

I am nw alone at my house.. actually usually i am okie with the idea of stayin at home alone.. with no interuption/disturbance or etc... but today seems to be a very heavy day... er dun really wish to talk about the reason here.. content can get really sensitive when said here.. anyway just sad... and i have given up all hope.. it is really quite depressing.. and i really dunno why am i goin thru this... perhaps only like tis can i truly understand what my auntie is tinking.. and learn to care about her feeling... I really pity her.. and though i seriously dun like what she has done when she is young.. i kinda feel like reaching out to her.. because nw then i realise that she damn poor thing...

Haiz...