Sylvia's World...

Well.. ah fa is angry and ignorin me.. further details i shall nt discuss here.. but i really want her to know that i really din mean to make her go thru watever she went thru and i am really sorry for making her go thru the issue...

At this moment.. i felt alone.. not lonely.. but alone.. seems like there is nobody with me.. when you have no family mber or friend you can turn to.. what will happen??.. when you have a long list of friends online on msn but nobody seems to understand your problem who do you turn to??.. I have lost my ability to express myself when i am sad.. because i feel that nobody care to listen to me.. so what is the point of expressin??.. Or when you get the feelin that ppl feels that ur problem is minor what is the point of expressin again..

The box with the purple lid is on the floor again.. tat would signified that i am thinkin bout him again.. as of always.. i am still hoping that i can see him again.. zai jian yi mian.. but it is sooo difficult.. i guess i had observed so much things that every little thing will remind me of him.. sometime really wonder if this is really a good thing or a bad thing.. mayb from the beginning when i started liking him it is a mistake.. ever wonder if that Sylvia at that point of time sees what will happen will she still embark on the path of liking him??.. mayb everything would be different.. or mayb i dont like him anymore.. it is just that i am too selfish to admit that my standard for my partner is too high.. so rather than being seen as the picky bitch.. i would rather hide in the shadow of being a foolish girl who cant get over a guy that she cant get.. i er really have this doubt about myself.. if i am really a picky bitch.. but then sometime it is really hard to walk out of this shadow.. the thot of going out with somebody is actually harder than forgettin him not to say that anybody wants to go out with me.. nobody wants to go out with me.. but then i would rather stay this way until i really get over him which is i dont know when.. i mean can you imagine this that when i am out with somebody.. then something just happen that trigger of the thot of him wat am i goin to do?!?!... seriously i dont know how can he be so cruel.. how can he go on with life??.. i am sayin as if someting really did happen.. but nthing happen.. i am still deeply trapped in this memories and i am still unwilling to let go.. i really cant imagine what will happen when my friend tell me that he is gettin married.. but tat day will come sooner or later.. i just hope that when the day comes i am over him already...

Notice that i put those instead of my in the title.. i really hope that they are not my relatives.. not even related to me by anyway.. this relatives belonged to my mum.. especially her third sister and her husband.. they are a shame to us.. it is the way they behave.. since my grandmother passed away.. they had been coming to my house for free meals during sunday since... i was in sec one.. that is like when i am 13 and now i am 21 le.. it is like a whole freaking 8 yrs that they had came to my house to eat.. if this ppl eat and keep quiet and in fact praise my mother.. i am fine with the idea of them coming to my house for meals.. but the fact is that thought they come here for meals every sunday.. they bad mouthed about my mother behind her back.. i mean what type of sister would do that??... I mean okie lah i admit i bad mouth my sister but not malicious type of remark.. it is not as if we own them one mountain of debts so that we had to be grateful to them and when they come every weekend we had to bow to them.. in fact NO... we do not own them any freaking thing.. the fact of why i am so strongly against them is because most of my childhood consist of being laughted by them... i had a funny childhood and not that i dont like my childhood.. i love my childhood.. and it is this childhood that made me such a strong person.. my mum, sis and bro worked as waiteress and waiter when i was young.. and i had to follow them to the place they work in and stay there for the whole night.. and these so call sister of my mother din even bother as to where am i where are we where is my mother's three kids.. and when we visited my grandmother's house.. they made us felt as if we were the lowest being ever to be around in earth.. i mean imagine tolerating that.. and we did.. that is why we are strong.. because of this.. i told myself.. i want to be successful and i dont want anything to do with all this relatives.. now.. finally.. we had all started workin.. life is not a bed of rose but at least better than the past.. then this relatives started creeping back.. to bother us.. treating my mother and father like maid.. throwing their kids at our house every weekend.. my mother had to cook expensive food for them or they will not even touch those mere mortal food that my mum cook.. every week because they treated my mum like maid i would had to quarral with her asking her why this ppl are coming to our house and every week she had to tell me to behave myself or i would be a shame.. today is the final straw.. i dont understand why izzit that for caring for my mum we had to quarral with her every week.. to mit wif her silence and her ignoring us.. breaking the bond with us.. because we CARE for her.. i dun understand.. today that third uncle in law's son (my cousin came) and then my mum cook.. and that cousin din like what my mum cooked.. so he didnt want to eat.. and being the ever trying to be nice person.. my mum invited his parents to come up for dinner.. that freaking stupid jerk came.. my mum ask him to eat.. he say he need to go and drive his wife.. then ask my mum to dao bao.. i mean you got no hands arh!!.... WAH!!!!!....i had enuff lor.. are they disable or what.. if that is the case what is the use of their hands.. chop it off and donate it to somebody else who need it or will put it to better use than them.. what is their freaking problem... then he go enough already enough already.. i am like WTF.. so i purposely say v. loudly to my mother that she is hafing hand pain why still do this thing.. and i take the thing and throw into the rice.. my mother scolded me sayin that i am rude.. and i just scream at her.. i ask her why is the freaking problem.. if i dont do this ppl would also critize me behind my back.. so why not.. given that a little critize is critize and alot of critize is also critize i dont care about what they say.. and she say i cant do this.. i mean WTF.. i do whatever i like not caring about what other ppl say.. why do i have to care about what a few worms say behind my back and quarral wif her every weekend.. initially she say that siblings are only for this lifetime not the next life.. and now she say that watever we want to do we can only do it after she died.. i mean is there really such a need to get so drama and ignore your kids because of a few parasites that even parasites are ashame of them??... i dont know.. everything we brought up this subject we will only be greeted by silence by my mum or she will just scream the hell out of us.. if this is the way she chose to ignore whatever we say.. fine.. i will also chose to ignore whatever she say... be it that it is her third sister or her husband or her cousin purple who come and leech on us again.. i am going to just say whatever is on my mind.. i dont give a damm!!.. i mean compare to the other few who are the same age as me i believe i am the most sensible coz my brain function in a normal way.. yet this is the type of shit that i get coz i am poor.. fine then i am poor and i will behave poorly too.. that is for whoever who crossed my path and make me cross to suffer their own consequences...

I bet with karen that i am not goin to play maple today.. so i am controlling myself nt to play maple..so here i am sittin in the dark bloggin about today.. well nothing much.. to begin with.. i actually din wan to go out.. in the end i went out wif karen.. go shopping.. brought this v. nice blouse at giodano.. thinking of goin back to purchase the black one.. coz it is really v. nice... can also wear as office wear.. that is why i like.. haha..

Listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi.. re-encountering about all the past events.. i still love the feeling of liking him... it is like when you noe that you can love somebody and everything around you turn beautiful because of him.. it is v. hard to find another person to replace that type of feeling.. it is like when i like ss... that was in sec one lah.. it is like i started to appreciate things more.. that type of feeling is not replacable.. then as years goes by.. i no longer experience that type of feeling anymore.. i really like that type of feeling.. but it is really hard to find.. i no longer experience that type of feeling.. when i like him.. that is another type of feeling.. another type of beautiful feeling that is gradually leaving too.. and i guess nobody can ever replace this type of feelin like how nobody can ever replace that type of feeling that i had when i like ss.. but compare.. i believe i like this type of feeling better that the type of feelin i got when liking ss... it is like this feeling is lighter.. more comfortable.. haha who noes.. in the future when i fall deeply for another person again.. i might say that i like that type of feeling better.. haha.. seems like i am describing perfume.. which one is more intense which more is more light and which one is flora.. haha..

Before i goes into any updating.. i better post this up first before i get killed by grievances...
Happy Belated 21th Birthday Bee Ting...
I really hope that the the future will be one gigantic bed of roses for you... Lastly... faster find a bf.. i really dun wan to be mistaken as a lesbian..

Some updates bout myself.. i dunno why.. i am feeling so freaking tired and sleepy tis few days.. really lack of sleep sia... so tired... *yawnz* this is the result of excessive mapling.. i am sooo focused on level up that i just ignore sleeping.. and play and play and play... anyway it is a nt bad game lor.. coz the fact that you can level up is more interesting than anything else.. anyway this week has three off day(includin public hol and weekend) so can stay at home and play maple for day and nite.. muahahahaa...

These few days has been rushful and confusing for me.. with the lack of sleep.. my judgement was not very good..... i just dun feel like thinking.. too tired lah.. anyway my cousin say that she wants to intro this guy to me.. or rather initially she told me that he wants to noe me.. then later i sense sumting fishy... after askin her then i know that she actually wanted to intro me to this guy.. so i told her forget it... not because i am tryin to be difficult or anything.. even my sister told me to try... telling me that there is no harm in starting a relationship but i beg to defer.. i mean for me.. when you get into a relationship with somebody.. it will forever stays in ur memories.. being in a relationship is something that is beyond friends.. which means you are closer to this person... it cannot be just try try casually.. mayb i am stubborn.. but i feel that you cant just jump into a relation blindly or casually.. i am only 21.. my love life mayb sad.. but i dun tink it is sad till the extend that i need matchmaking or anything.. after all this thots.. i just feel that i am not prepared to jump into a relationship.. i am still too used to being alone by myself... like i always say.. how can you go out with another person when you obviously know that he is not the person that you loved the most or the person in the deepest corner of your heart??....... I am not trying to imply anything.. before you all start smacking ur forehead.. he is no longer an issue.. it is just that so occasionally he will still jump into my memories from the deepest corner of my heart.. i had to work out things with myself first.. i had came to conclusion that i just love the feeling of liking him at that point of time.. so for this i will need to work out for myself before i can proceed on.. otherwise i just feel that i am too selfish to the opp party..

Today is a very bad day... so this is how it feels like when you go on cold war wif everybody in the world.. you basically feel alone and depressed.. and tears wun stop.. it just keeps on flowin.. i had enuff.. i finally scream at my mother today.. i just keep on screaming at her.. askin her if she had actually heard what i say.. i have been saying things for so long.. had she ever put her heart into listening to what i say??... it didnt work.. she scream back at me.. tellin me she did.. but it nv seems that she did before.. when i am tokin to her complaining.. she nv seems to listen.. then is that call listening??..that she ask me then now she body pain who should she tell.. i mean shouldnt tings be one tings at a time??... i just cried and cried... i am really upset.. i am very tired le.. really very tired.. from supporting so many tings.. who can support me??.. nobody..

Hmm... recently my hm got cold war..shall nt mention who and who given that it is a v. political issues and i have declared that i am washing my hand off this issue because the reasoning that both party gave is reasonable but there seems to be no way to resolve the issue because both reason given conflict each others... being the nice middleman i am stuck in the middle and not able to move to either side to resolve the problem because both sides make sense!!.... Anyway i am not here to try and tok bout the cold war today...but to get some ideas into ppl's mind..

Family ties
How much do you understand bout this word??... does it means that it is just some sickening ting that relate you to your family mber??.. or is this ties formed because out of fate you are born to this family and that this bond is only truly established when there is love, care and concern add into this tie... thought i am a very negative person.. i always have this believe that family ties is not form just because you are born to be related to this person, but it is truly established when there is love, concern and care is added into this ties... For this believe.... i will never give up on any of the family i love... ESPECIALLY my immediate family... I would like to remind everybody that if they truly love their family members, nv give up on them... no matter what they have done.. though i always say that i give up on my mother and her relatives because i feel that this is a losing war.. i nv truly give up... try askin one of those idiotic relatives of hers to bully her lor.. i will jump on that person's neck and tear off all his/her hair..

In life, sometime we are so busy tat our family members fade into the background.. and we never realise it that this are the few ppl on earth that we truly care and will truly feel heartbroken when they are hurt.. so today onwards... try to appreciate your family more... Life is short.. by the time you realise that you should start appreciating somebody mayb it is too late le.. you may nv get that chance... why not start today??...
I would love to end this blog by imitating the very cute Stitch in say this sentence "Ohana means family, and family means nobody is left behind.... or forgotten"

Hmm.. recently someting inside my heart is making me start tinkin sumting that had been botherin me for a v. loong time.. okie i noe some of you esp bt.. is goin to slap your forehead and say oh no.. nt again.. er... yes.. er.. i started tinkin bout him again... er.. nt that bad lor.. at least this time around.. i only feel a mild heartache.. not a serious heartache.. that threaten to tear my heart apart.. sounds v. violent hor.. well.. i am listening to Xiang Qi from Jiang Mei Qi now.. this is my fatal song.. i will definately tink of him whenever i hear this song.. i count count and count.. it seems like i had not seen him for eight mth le.. goin to be one yr soon le hor?? Mayb soon enuff i will start to forget how he looks like.. i am tellin myself that nothing about him is goin to brin me down again.. but it seems like sometime it is really hard.. i am sure that definately i have moved out of waiting.. my life is no longer pending on hold anymore.. i have step out of that period of time le.. moving on and on.. but occasionally... these memories would come to visit me..
Sometime.. i am really confused.. whether i still like that person or izzit that i like the feelin that i had when i like him at that period of time.. Durin that period when i like him.. though sad.. everything seems so beautiful... my surrounding seems so peaceful.. How can you continue to like a person whom you had nv communicate or seen for nearly half a yr.. Okie if that person had loved you too.. mayb you will.. that is love.. but mine is a sad case whereby he dun like me.. i am a one sided affair.. that is not love.. that is foolish.. yet this heartache comes back once in a while to visit me.. Here comes the million dollar question that i have always asked on my blog.. how will he react when he sees my blog accidentally... and accidentally know that he is the main topic on my blog and he is the one that i had like for nearly two yr.. and he is the one who made me changed so much??..Will he feel honoured?.. i dunno.. all these questions can only be answered by one person.. and i doubt i will ever get a answer..
I am startin to suspect that my sis and bro will view my blog every now and then when they are in the kaypo mood.. haha.. anyway.. in case they are wonderin what is inside the plastic box with a purple lid.. it had a purple lid.. so you can guess lah it is sumting associated to him.. My sis once told her kids not to play with that box coz it contain my project.. well she is half correct.. coz i had stored everything about him.. including the tape interview we had with him and the dvd inside the box.. SO.. that box is not my project box.. that is my memory box.. it contain everything that i had hold on dearly about him..all the tiny little tings that i can collect that had somehow associated to him.. i kept everything in the box.. just like how i kept all my feelings for him inside a box in my heart too.. so when i keep that box high up on the cupboard.. that means that i am alrite.. when i take down that box.. that means that i am missin him again.. and the feelings is out of the box in my heart too.. I had this hope in my heart that i had nv admit to.. i really hope to see him again.. mayb i just wan to be sure that i had no more feelin for him.. or mayb i really do miss him.. or mayb i just wan him to see the prettier me.. i dunno.. one ting for sure.. he is no longer my prince.. but sumbody who had left such a deep inprint in my heart that nobody else can replace ever again...

Okie... yesterday i mit up wif bee ting.. to celebrate our 3 8 fu nui jie.. well we took this day as our friendship anniversary day.. we had known each other for eight yr le.. very long time hor??... Hmm.. we been thru sec school.. poly.. now work life.. and were there for each other while nursing a broken heart... We are not lesbian hor.. and i know that we will never be lesbian.. but just that we have already been friend for such a long time that we are so comfortable with each other that we are like sisters.... no hiddin of anyting.. Oh ya something to deepen the misunderstanding.. i received a bouquet of flower from her and she also received a bouquet of flower from me~~.. but as i maintained.. we are not lesbian... will try to post a image of the flowers on the blog sumday okie....

Kie kie that is all for today.. bye bye!!.....

Valentine day... i tink it start from either tis yr or last yr.. i am startin to hate this day.. haha.. this is the day where you see lovey dovey couple goin out.. at least 99.99999% of the girls on the street will have a boquet of flowers in their hand.. guess who is that missing person??.. me.. that is correct.. every year without fail.. that percent will be me.. Like i told ning yesterday.. i am nt afraid of being left alone or anything.. but i am just scare that i might turn into my auntie's clone.. yeah.. you all have seen it.. i am scare of turning into my auntie's clone coz nobody like her.. and she is unbalanced because she is being left on the shelf.. And i get friends who ask me.. 'that kind of chemistry".. " that kind of feeling that he is the rite one for you coz the feeling together with him is just rite".. I DUNNO!!.. stop askin me if i noe .. because i dunno... i have never had that kind of feelings before in my life... never... so stop tellin me that i dunno if this is okie.. because when we are together i dun have that kind of feelin...

But to come to think of it.. remember all the anti climate show that we watch whereby this girl will do lot of things for the guy then in the end when the guy finally like the girl and wants to be together with her.. she chose to leave him??.. i noe that this shows are rare and but they do exist.. i really wonder... if i will continue to like a particular sumbody only to find that in the end i had wasted alot of time because actually i dun like him.. i used to think that such show is a pity coz the guy and the girl dun end up together.. but then i finally understand why.. when you are numb.. and you dunno that you had no longer liked that guy... you will just wish and hope and pray that he will one day be together with you.. but when he finally does (not sayin that in any of my situation it will) you find that it is all meaningless because the pure and true love that you had develop for him initially is gone!... Well i do have a uncanny liking for ppl who treat me like dirt.. i remembered that i once took a love test and the result is that i am just a wall paper flower waiting for bloom with love... i think if i take the test again.. i will be a dead fish.. numb and feelingless.. worse and feeling bitter too.. why am i feeling bitter??... when you give true love and find it in a dump.. you will most pro feel bitter too.. unbalanced??.. that is the reason why i am sayin that i am turning more and more like my auntie... so no worries my dear relatives... there is definately sumbody who will take over the position of Doc Lee.... but in the meantime do give me a break and let me lead a normal life and stop remindin me of this cruel reality before i take over the throne and be Doc Ng...

Last yr tis period.. this used to be my favorite song.. at that point of time.. it seems like this will be my favorite song for the rest of my life... no matter how many time i hear it.. i will never get tired of it... but now it is no longer really my favorite song.. at least this is nt the first song that i want to heard when i get up... at every moment of the day.. ppl who noes me very well will know where this blog posting is heading.. eh no.. i am not falling into depression because of him again.. i do admit that heartache do come occasionally.. every now and then.. but i asked myself... in the past, when i picture him.. i really miss him alot..just wish to be able to see him instantly.. when i picture him now.. the feeling is gone.. he is just another human being who had stepped into my life.. I used to picture him as my prince charming.. but the image is totally gone le.. i have once told bee ting.. that.. no matter how he changed.. i will still like him.. so long as he is not a jerk.. and i mean it okie.. but i am just totally disappointed..

Then i found out that actually being in my shoe for the last two yr is not chi qing.. is lan qing.. is stupidity.. i also kept a dairy bout him.. take down every event that happened between the both of us... huggin the book and cry when i really cant stand it anymore.. thinkin back.. it is really stupid.. how can i feel so much heartache for a person who never know my feelin or worse know about it but dump my love for him into a dumping ground.. BT says that we have no rite to hate sumbody... i dun hate him.. i am just disappointed with him..

But i believe... step by step.. i will stand up firmly and get on with my life completed again.. till that time.. he will really be a human being who had come into my life before and left a very deep footprint in my life's journey... no longer the man whom i love the most..

Happy Happy Lunar New Year to everybody... mayb everybody have a fruitful year ahead and collect alot of hongbao.. haha

Anyway.. i was chatting with my bro yesterday... then i was telling him that if i want to get scolded on the first day of new year.. i will just have to go to my parent's room, wake my dad up and greet him Happy New Year.. nt because he is a grumpy old man or because he dun like new year.. is because he kena wake up by moi so he will be grumpy.. then i suddenly remember an incident that happened when i was in pri school.. tis ting really happened.. but it was reversed... i remember that year my mum was workin and she assigned the task of prayin to my dad... since young i was fancinated by prayin during CNY nite.. so i told my dad that he muz wake me up when he is going to start praying... and i fall asleep.. then when he wake me up.. i was in a super grumpy mood... and when he gif me the hongbao.. i say i dun wan and throw the hongbao on the floor... i was sooooo guilty for throwin the hongbao that he gave me on the floor.. that also reminds me why i was so close to my dad.. coz he always held me close to his heart... i was like super nice to my dad after that coz i feel that he had made the effort to give me the hongbao yet a rude girl like me just dump the hongbao on the floor and vent my anger during CNY..

I suddenly remember this fact.. and why my moto is to be a filial daughter.. but looking back after i started workin.. somehow because of the change of environment as well as the stress blah blah blah... i start to forget about this.. and start being extremely rude to them sometime.. when i am in bad mood and when they step on my tail... i really dun understand why.. sometime straight after i quarral with them i will immediately feel bad about it... but just cant bring myself to tok to them anymore...

SO... in this lunar new year.. i have grown stronger... i have come to agree that nobody... NOBODY can push me around like a pushover.. coz my parents held me close to their heart.. nobody have the rite to taunt me.. bully me.. step over my life.. or even ruin my life because my life is reserved for my parents.. only they have the rite to do the.. the rest who want to bully me blah blah.. please scram aside... and i will try to be nicer to my parents from now on...

This is a type of fish that ppl usually eat when they are recoverin from a wound.. it aid in healing of the wounds... but i have never eaten tis type of fish before.. and if i had in the past then i felt ashame that i have eaten them.. coz they way that they are being killed is way tooooo cruel... i always know how they were being killed. since i went to market one time with my mum and saw a man take a stick and keep on hammering the poor fish's head till it is dead.. today i saw this scene again.. and it is not just one fish you noe.. it is a few fishes at the same time that the man is hammering.. i mean image this scene, the man have a few sheng yu around him, then he hammer this one and turn around to hammer another one while the other one tried desperately to slide away only to be push back to the original spot by the man's feet and kena hammer on the head again.. i mean each time i hear a thump sound.. my heart jus skip a beat.. i felt the pain in my heart each time i hear the thump sound..

I mean.. is there really such a need to go to such extend to kill the fish??.. the poor fish... why muz it be hammered to death??... when a human get hammered to death.. we pity the human tinkin that ohh he/she muz have suffered a great deal of pain before he/she died.. but why when this is applied to animals... human are so cruel??.. tink of tis at the fish's last few moment.. it would be in such great pain for nothing!!!.... izzit because that this would keep the fish fresher that is why they have to do this.. for the price of being a bit more tasty, the fish would have to suffer such terrible fate before it die!!... I remember that i watched a documentary before about how those kind of tian ji(frog) are being killed.. they are being literally chopped into half when they are still alive!.. then the head will go to the rubbish bin and you can still see it moving... i used to love tian ji.. but ever since i saw that documentary.. i no longer eat it.. no matter how much i love to eat it.. i decide to gif up because i feel that just to satisfy my own taste bud.. i have to cause the poor frog to suffer like tis is really nt worth it.. ppl want to kill that is not within my control but at least i cant control myself and dun eat them.. at least it make a diff that not so many of the suffer...

I really feel very sad for all these animals who died a painful/slow/agony death in the name of delicacies.. i mean it is really nt worth it!!... I really hope that all this animal that died a painful/slow/agony death would be able to find peace in their afterlife and not suffer anymore.. and hope ppl will stop killing animals in such a sick way...

Well.. i have alot of doubts this few days hor.. first i doubt about love.. nw i doubt about family.. nt that i am a problem kid.. but then just that sometime the reaction that ppl gif you is makes you really very sian... and you just get totally disappointed with them.. why do you need to do so much for them when in the end you just get scoldin??... suanin??... ppl sayin that you are bo liao??... i guess it is really alot better to live for myself.. because without helpin ppl automatically there is no expectation and i am able to protect myself better... look.. i am really sick and tired of gettin scolded... when i did nothing wrong... another freaking ppl who scold me without any valid reason is goin to get it from me... and i am really tired.. so dun expect any help frm me anymore... coz i am sick and tired of planning, helpin and all i get in the end is that i am bo liao.. i shouldnt have help... and some more scolding..

Well.. went to watch I Not Stupid Too yesterday.. the show is nt bad.. the issue is something that is very close to home and very close to heart.. and it is quite funny... so a watchable show afterall.. then went home.. my sis wanted to go back to her home.. and requested for either her hubby or her mother in law to come and drive her.. unfortunately to her expectation.. they turn her down.. coz her hubby as irresponsible as ever was busy with other freaking things.. and her mother in law as usual lmwna (refer to me if you wan to noe what is the meaning) did not want to come and drive her.. so we have to wait at the taxi stand there for taxi.. and there was a looooong q of ppl at the tai stand waiting for taxis while i was at the side there calling for cab.. and there is nt even a single cab available for calling.. i am amazed.. anyway.. as i was call a cab.. a thot pop up in my mind.. how good will it be.. if i have a prince charming that drives a car... if i am caught in this type of situation.. then my prince charming will definately be there to save me.. then another thot pop up.. reality check.. suddenly i thot of my sis..
she is.... married
her husband... drive
her husband... have a car
but she is now.... waiting for a cab
and her husband.... refused to come and drive her
this thot push me back to reality.. then i suddenly realise that even if you have a bf or prince charming or blah.. that doesnt mean that they will come and drive you or save you out of dangerous situation you noe.. they might go out and drive the whole singapore but they will NEVER drive you ard.. i shall nt mention who.. otherwise later my sis get a divorce then i am dead coz i am still nt financially stable enuff to support my sis and her two son.... so.. the moral of this story is that i am super pissed off.. with some inconsiderate idiots whom brain is smaller that those of germs (a new phrase i learnt from my colleague yesterday... =D) and i realise that doesnt mean that you have bf/husband/fiance/prince charming/ blah blah blah you will live happily ever after you noe.. mayb you might end up leaving happily ever after you noe.. so i still think that rather than a prince charming.. why not have tons and tons of money.. at least if you have tons of money you can purchase a car urself and get the freakin license.. that day you wan to travel to jb and come back to singapore at 12am in the morning also can.. coz you are freaking rich.. you have the transport urself.. you dun have to rely on other idiots.. money vs bf.. i feels that money is still the best.. so give me money anytime.. i will welcome them...

*Disclaimer: i am not tryin to say that there is no nice guys around in the whole world but just that i have not met any and doubt that i will met any in my life. I believe that there are still nice guys around in the world okie..... and i believe that there ARE girls out there who truly meet their prince charming who is REALLY charming and live happily ever after...

Yeah!!.. finally my new computer is here.. that means that i can surf the net again.. this should be a happy thing.. but somehow my heart felt v. heavy.. I should be feeling v. happy now.. coz tis is my weekend off.. next week is cny that means that i can slack.. and i just applied for a degree course that means that i will be able to obtain my degree and my new computer is here that means that i am able to use the new computer again.. but i still dun feel good.. today i just sort of quarralled with my bro over the computer issue again.. because i have quarralled with him over this issue for a lot of time.. Haizz initially is about purchasing of the computer because he dragged his feet on helpin me purchase a computer and is only when i nag and nag and scream at him then he help me to order the computer.. then he told me this.. i own you one izzit.. then i noe that mayb i am really too much already.. then today the computer arrived.. i was waiting for him to help me assemble the computer and remove the big monitor that i originally have.. but he told me that he will ask me to use the big monitor again.. fyi that one is goin to be spoilt and i seriously dun like using use a big monitor.. so once again i flared up.. and told him that he will NEVER help me to put on the small monitor after cny until the big monitor really break down first then he will come after a long time and help me to put on the small monitor.. and once again he told me that i own you one izzit.. somehow i just feel bad.. coz mayb they all meant good for me.. that they will really keep to their promise but it was my selfish bitchy character that make me not trust them.. the unhappiness that things dun go my way make me flare up.. and scream at him.. i feel really guilty for that.. because of this it pratically spoilt my mood that i had enrolled into a uni as well as gettin a new computer... i am so sick and tired of my bitchy selfish way.. i guess it is time to be nicer to my love ones and control my temper and not flare up at them...

21-01-06 in memory of my old big poor monitor which i have dumped away.. good bye monitor...

Well.. first of all.. i would like to thank all friends who bother to come for my 21th bday party.. hehe it is a bit early lah holding it at 13 Jan06 when my birthday falls inFeb... i myself also dun feel like in the bday mood that day... but seeing all of you really makes me v. happy and i thoroughly enjoyed myself that day... thanks for all the presents that you all have given me.. i really like all of them alot.. not because i gain something new or anyting but because it symbolise your care for me.. meaning that a friend actually bother to take the effort to get me something.. get headache over what to buy for me.. shows that you all care for me.. i believe that the gift come from the bottom of the heart of each and everyone of you.. that was the reason why i like the gift so much.. and i hope that the gift din burn a big hole ur pocket.. hehe

For those that cannot make it and bother to call and explain to me why you all cannot come.. you are forgiven.. after all i can expect the world to stop just because it is my birthday.. and the fact that you bother to call to inform me that you cannot come is already enough for me to forgive you... HOWEVER those that din turn up and din bother to gif me a call... well i had enough of this kind of rubbish.. so for those that say will come and din come and definately din sms or call me to inform me.. you noe who you are and definately you wun be hearing from me again.. because i dun see the need in contacting somebody who does not bother/care bout me...

Well some of you might have thot.. wah lau y so petty... ppl only din come.. well i nv say that i am nice in the first place and this ppl should at least inform me.. instead of not coming and not telling.. this is v. disappointing you noe.. Okie enough of all this tok bout this ppl who din even bother about me..

Once again i would like to thank everybody who attended my party because i am really v. happy that day... have nv really enjoyed myself so much for a loooong time..
Special thanks to Bee Ting for helping me out after she come.. she is basically like the maid that day coz she help me to serve my secondary school friend..
Secondly want to thank my family for helpin me.. hehe comein to my aid at the snap of my finger... in case you all wonder why i say thank to Bee Ting first then my family is because.... Bee Ting is my friend mah.. she is not blood related to me.. therefore actually she does not need to help me one.. while the rest are my family mah.. so due to the blood relation they have to help me.. but i do really appreciate the help because they actually also dun really need to help me one.. hehe...
Kie kie turning 21 yet i am still as nonsenscial as ever and as childish as ever... think that i might grow up a bit after i turn 21??.. Fat hope.. i will never want to grow up.. being childish is good.. of course in time of need you can definately count on me.. if you are not in my hated list.. haha...
Kie kie will blog about my 21 reflection on 3 Feb.. in the meantime keep checking in.. i doubt i will blog again till 3 feb coz my computer is down!.. so i have to wait till my new computer arrive first then i will be active again.. Haha
Tata

P.S Chan Mei Ling who also mia from my party that day i noe that this is unlike you given that you have informed your supervisor before hand, so please give me a call to tell me what happened...

Well.. here we are at 2006.. suddenly i feel sad.. erm.. well sorta tinkin bout him again.. okie you all are going to do nt again!!... but i really dunno why... if i know why mayb i wun haf to suffer from heartache again and again like nobody's business.. that day i was plannin for what i want to do in the future.. study and blah.. and it will be another 3 -4 yr before i will obtain my degree.. then this question pop up my mind.. 4 yrs later.. will i still suffer from heartache when i think of him??.. something that i dunno.. when you have a heartache because you are thinkin of sumbody.. how do you ease the pain??...
Haizz...

Had a catfight with my bro.. nt just one.. in fact it is a few catfights in a few days time... i feel that it is nt that i am gettin too bitchy or anyting.. but then it is that the way he say things and blah sometime it is a bit funny and that is when i wil start to argue with him and then we will end up in a verbal catfight.. I mean image this situation.. this shop is closing at 8.. i called them to beg them to close at 8.15 so that we can reach there to purchase sometime.. and the time when i called is ard 7.40 and he is finishing his food lor... then he say you go urself hor.. you will be angry rite... after beggin the shop and blah.. then he just sit down there and say you go urself lor.. and after tat he told my sis that he is just kiddin wif me.. i mean this kind of thing is nt funny lor.. so please nv kid bout this kind of things again in the future.. like later part when i say i dun wan to go he also pissed off.. so it is actually the same what the situation if he is also pissed off then he should know that it is nt a nice joke... so please dun do tis in the future....