Sylvia's World...

Hmm... today is already sunday.. and tomorrow is monday... wkend seems to pass by so fast.. but in another sense i did alot this wkend.. managed to plan out my schedule for what i wanna do for the wk after wk after wk after wk.. hahaha basically is a weekly schedule...

I found out that actually waking up early during wkend can let you finish doing so much things... and best part is that you dun feel that you are losing out precious wkend time not doin anytime or feeling that the wkend is unhealthy.... i went for dim sum on sat in the morning.. and find it great.. i tink i should start doin this on a wkly basis.. of course.. i cannot anyhow spend money le lah.. then i can do this... and then today i went to sungei buloh.. and you dun have to know i went with... it was great.. minus the part that we got lost.. and we panicked.. hahaha... other than that... the trip was great.. the morning trip there was great.. very refreshing and good.. nt rushing like time is ticking so fast that we have to rush and rush and rush and before you noe it the wkend is gone...

My wkend are very very zen nwadays.. it involve.. resting... sleeping... exercising... getting enuff mental and physical rest.. to ensure that i felt rested.. hahaha

WELL.... was shopping with my friend... a short shopping trip... and she was grumbling to me that she nd to purchase a dress for her work... and i show her these dress that i thot would look great on her... but she keep on saying dun wan dun wan dun wan... and i shown her another dress.. and she keep on saying dont want dont want dont want again... she has told me that she envy those who dress nicely... and changed since in the past till nw.. and she wants to be like that.. i would want that person to be like that too... everyday.. when you go out... you see those peps ard you dressing nicely.. naturally for a girl's basic instinct.. you would wanna look good too... but some are restrained by their low self confidence.. but at least give peps a chance to help you to change.. and try on something nw.. MIND YOU.. i din let her try on a sexy or sleazy dress.. it is a very DECENT AND NICE dress... which she refused to try on because she ASSUME THAT it will look bad on her....

To the lady in question in my blog... pls... if you wanna grumble and envy.. then you should try to take the first step out.. life is short.. it is not full of restriction.. why do you wanna envy peps when you can achieve what you envy of them?? and pls... help yourself by letting peps help you... i found out that if you only grumble and doesnt let other peps help yourself it is no point telling me every single time that okie you are inspired to change and want me to help then when i go out with you i say till i puke blood and suddenly your stupid belief pop out and you revert back to nt wanting to change urself again.... if you wanna be a hermit.. dun envy and grumble.. because it is not that you cannot achieve it nor is it because peps are not willing to help you.. but it is because you are not willing to help yourself...

Heh.. i guess is the effect of the med... i am tinking about nonsense again... i am tinking boutall the wat if... tinking about my poly life... tinking bout the sweet and sour period.. when i could be on the moon one moment and fall on earth and wanting to die another moment....

Lookin back... the me in the past never thot that i coud get outta this... i thot that i would be stuck in this forever... i mean the mess of liking him.... wishing that he will get married with me... and we will live happily ever after.. with my prince to come and pick me up.... For a period of time.. this was my life... wishing and hoping for all that i wish for to come true... Nw looking back.. it seems like i have never lead this part of life before.... De purple box stayed up... for more than half a yr.. and nope.. i have no urge to take down and read...

Everybody come into ur life for a reason... his reason... as i finally ack... is to truly let me slim down.. and love myself... for myself.. not for anybody else... waking up the really girl side of me.. and realising that i should live for myself... tell the world what i truly like.. dress as i truly like.. and not restricted by what peps thot of me... I used to be rather restricted because some friends of my commented that i never wear skirt... so i never wear skirt.... never thot of dolling myself up... because i look 'great'... i hold on to the thots.. that i wish that he his main purpose is not just to do this.. but to take care of me for the rest of my life... but as i go on.. i realise that there are somethings in life that you have to let go... no matter how much you love it... because as you hold on... things get ugly and feeling turn sour... all the things that are originally beautiful will turn ugly.. fairy tale became non fairy like anymore..

If you ask me... will i still cry for him nw... my answer is yes... for... i truly love him... but that was him in 2004 the one that will look at me with warm in his eye... nt the one that gave me cold hard stare without any feeling in 2006... Sylvia will always love the him in 2004 and cry for him... but Sylvia has still ultimately gave up on the him in 2006 when she mit his cold and feelingless glance..

Either case.. this or that... my heart is buried together with that purple box in the deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep corner of somewhere... i no longer love... no longer touched... no longer wish and hope... Sylvia can never love again.... because she is heartless... in case any heros out there that think that i am a challenge and you should never give up on me and wanna make me have feeling and love again.. you can forget bout it... because i seriously dun wan to love anybody anymore... nobody for me... i am for nobody.. i live for myself..

You have my heart... you took it... you smash it... just like how you smash a piece of tissue paper...

The question on my mind...

Nt that i am desperate... in fact... i am fine with nt getting married.. but i just wanna get out of this house... My house which used to be my shelter.. when the whole world doesnt want it.. my house will always nurture me... care for me... due to the fact that i have quarralled with my mum.. and i am no longer on talking term to her due to some stupid relatives... i have decided that the best way out is to get out of the house... and i have decided that the best way to do this.. is to get married... i will never have the courage to move out.. because that is really obvious that i am walking out... so i have decided that getting married is the best way out...

I always wonder... why is it that the when a quarral happen.. and a kid doesnt talk to the parents... the quarral always occurs between the fav child and the parent.. and it is always the fav child that doesnt talk to the parent... i thot that it wun happen in my family.. but it did.. and i am seriously no longer on talkin term with my mum anymore...

If you ask me if it is worth it?.. nt talkin to my mum because of some stupid fatty... i tell you it is nt worth it... but i just cant stand the fact that she would rather side with them than her own kids.. always hurting her kids in the process of siding those fatty... i m just sorely disppointed with her...

haiz.....

Well.. as usually.. CNY came and go just like this.. today is already the third day of CNY... and majority of the things have quieten down...

I am nw alone at my house.. actually usually i am okie with the idea of stayin at home alone.. with no interuption/disturbance or etc... but today seems to be a very heavy day... er dun really wish to talk about the reason here.. content can get really sensitive when said here.. anyway just sad... and i have given up all hope.. it is really quite depressing.. and i really dunno why am i goin thru this... perhaps only like tis can i truly understand what my auntie is tinking.. and learn to care about her feeling... I really pity her.. and though i seriously dun like what she has done when she is young.. i kinda feel like reaching out to her.. because nw then i realise that she damn poor thing...

Haiz...

In another two hr time.. it is hitting CNY... well... dun feel that much of a CNY mood tis yr... perhaps it is because i have not been talkin to my mum yet since the last quarral... Lets not go into further details about that...

My mind is in a very confused state nw... as per what my title suggest... i mit somebody... nthing happen yet... but i was just wondering if something will... i have this feeling that if this particular person is with me.. he will be my ultimate destination... but well... i am still hesitant about this... dun wan to fall heads down into love or anything... i dun wanna get hurt again... and waste another three yr of my life... thinking of this person.. and wondering about all the wat if...

Lets not spoilt CNY... we will spend CNY in a happier mood.. and nt care about anything.. my fate has not been working hard.. so lets let fate work tis time...

I m listening to a sad song nw.. my heart is sinking.. but the worse thing is that i dunno why it is sinking.. sigh~

It is my birthday today... my cousin promised me a baby G... i am still waiting for that Baby G from him...

Glenn Ng Han Wei.. you still own me MY BABY G.. i give you one wk to give me that Baby G before i hang pig head at ur doorstep....

Heard this song tis afternoon.. find that it suits the current state that i am in.. Peps out there who are tryin to matchmake me.. pls dun try to do anything funny again.. i really dun wanna feel like a lay long goods... perhaps you all are doing this outta good intention.. but i feel like that little dignity that i have work so hard to save all these years are getting destroyed by this act too.. it seems as if i am a desperado... mayb my action did say something.. but seriously i am not that desperate.. i am really alright... let's just let the song do the talking...

你问在我心中　是否还苦恼
那次受伤　否决了爱的好
谢谢你的关照　我一切都好一个人　不算困扰
爱虽然很美妙　却不能为了寂寞　又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待　仔细寻找　感觉很重要
宁可空白了手　等候一次　真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上　一定会遇到对的人出现(在眼角)

那次流过的泪　让我学习到
如何祝福　如何转身　不要
在眼泪体会到　与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要　是一种对照
爱虽然很美妙　却不能为了寂寞　又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待　仔细寻找　感觉很重要
宁可空白了手　等候一次　真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上　一定会遇到对的人出现

能愿意为了一份爱　付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候　我就算已经准备好放手去爱　海阔天高

爱要耐心等待　仔细寻找　感觉很重要
宁可空白了手　等候一次　真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上　一定会遇到对的人出现

Yeah yeah i am getting heartache again... because of a dream that i had.. but then oh well yeah i feel lousy nw... and i really feel lousy.. but it is not as if i can help it... there is nthing i can do too....

I wanna change the blog skin..... rushing to change my blogskin.... yet i cant bear to give up this blog skin.. because i really like this blogskin... so why the rush to change the blogskin then?... Is it because that it signify the new beginning?... I thot i have just blogged yesteday that i wun tink about prince charming again?.. why do i caught myself thinking about him again today... to clarify that thinkin bout him doesnt mean that i miss him till i wanna die le.. but rather... the going thru happy memories type of missing him... That explain the rush to change my blog.. the original title for the blog for this skin was.. Be my butterfly... that was when i hope that he can truly be my butterfly.. then it changed and changed and changed.... till nw... no more feeling le.. but just suddenly thot of him today...oh no i am goin thru that phrase again.. the phrase whereby no sad song sound sad to me..

Well.. a little update about myself since i have not bloggin for so long... life is kinda okie.. no big waves coming to distrupt my life which is a good thing... beginning to truly settle down.. coming to acceptance with life.. and truly trying to enjoy every single moment...

Well one more mth towards CNY which means that celebration!... well.. nt really celebration.. but then it is the time of the year where you have every single rite to dress nicely... hehehe... and less than two wk before my bday.. hitting 22 is a big phrase for me.. at least when i am 21 you can still consider me a teenager because 21 mah... 22 means that i am no longer young le... haiz... but then i have decided that i will accept aging gracefully and hopefully i will aged gracefully too.... My resolution for 2007 before my bday:

1) To slim down for another 15kg
2) To gain control of my life and not screw up again
3) Be way way way nicer to LFL and try to communicate more with LKK
4) Be nicer to grandma and wai gong.. (not that i am not nice to them.. but i will make a extra effort to be nice to them)
5) No more thinking about prince charming (when ya strong and working hard to build a better life.. who cares about prince charming?)
6) Keep my room!!!!
7) Study harder
8) Learn self defence art...

Well that is all i can tink about for the moment of time.....
But yeah.. i truly hope that life will take a better turn and keep on getting a better turn as each yr advance on.... (=

Well.. recently me and my sis invented a word..
Bimbo = beautiful woman without brains
BUT.. what if the person is not beautiful, not brainy and the only thing about her is that she is ultra skinny?..
We call her bonebo.. we cannot call her bimbo because that does nt do justification to bimbos because they are beautiful, but bonebo is diff that means that she is ugly and she is brainless...

Why am i so nasty today.. you may ask... that is because there is this particular bonebo in my life that is really pushing me to the verge that i wanna slap her.... It is just that too much.. i mean it is her behavior that is making me intolerable.. i have blogged once about her in this blog too.. about how too much she is how self centred she is and how selfish she is... i just forgot to add in about how wayang she is as well.. i seriously cannot stand her at all man.. she is stupid to the power of infinity... Argh~
And the best part is that she throw herself at all man that crosses her path so long as she is single.. doesnt matter who you are so long as you are willing to take her she is willing to be with you... I have finally figured out why she can always get hitched with a guy easily while i cant.. that is nt because she is way prettier or anything.. it is just because she is easy goin and i am not...

Recently.. if you have been following my blog, you will notice that i had just quarralled with my parents on seperate occasions... on christmas with my mum and new year eve with my dad...
Haiz... the quarral with my mum is over.. it is the quarral with my dad that is still goin on.. you see my dad is a retiree.. and my mum well being my mum will always quarral with him for idling at home... drinking with his friends.. and he should do all the housework... and yesterday i quarralled with him because i also find his drinking too much.. i noe that he is not totally drunk.. but i chose to said that to him at the point of time because he was saying tat for that few more years.. it doesnt matter.. the fact is that it does matter to us... I am the closest to my parents.. and though i really hate the way they do things sometime.. losing either of them will drive me to the end of world and stay there.. and losing both of them will make me lost all my sanity....
Why cant he see that everytime my mum flare up we are the POW.. and we have always form a liases with each others.. yet yesterday was the few rare time whereby i side my mum and quarralled with him because i reall dun wan him to drink so much???....

And nw he said that he want to go out to work again.. as a cleaner.. to clean bowls and cups in hawker centre... my heart broke... why does he has to do this??... i dunno.. i am feeling so miserable nw... i am really so upset.. and i really dunno from which point am i goin to take on this problem and resolve it....

Well... actually i have alot of things to blog about this few days.. but i tink i better start with this one in line with the yr end...

Haiz.. in case you all wonder why i sigh.. that is because i just quarralled with my dad.. anyway.. we will come to that later... You noe how it feels like.. when you and a grp of friends are playing in a playground... then as time goes by... slowly one by one... all of your friends left you to go and play with other friends at other place?.... That was what i feel when i knew that my cousin have a girlfriend.. it seems like all five of us (my two sibling, my two cousins and myself) used to play in the same playground... then slowly when each of them get attached and get married, they leave this playground... till the time when my this cousin have a girlfriend... i am left standing alone in the playground... i am seriously happy for the two of them.. because after so many years of zi bi.. they finally found their other half.... but i just cant help it but feel sad that i am the only one left... so i start to feel very miserable.. but after sometime... i realise that even though they all have their own partners nw.. they have never stopped to look back at me.. to see where is ah bee nw.. what is she doing and does she need help..
So my new year resoulution of the year.. is to stop gloating at my own situation.. and appreciate the beautiful things in life more.. life is short.. i shouldnt let sadness take over majority of my life...
PS... in case the two of you misunderstood i am really really really happy for the both of you.. just that at that point of time when i get to noe bout it.. i am just upset about my own situation.. but am still very happy for the both of you....

Year 2006 has been a very bad yr for me... yeah i noe every year is bad for me.. but this is a even worse year... yeah every yr is a even worse yr for me.. well you cant blame me because every year gets even worse than the previous year.. there is not a year whereby i can said that oh! this has been a fruitful year... but i see all this as test in life... there are many obstacle in life.. but if you will get stronger everytime you overcome one obstacle... life is tired for me at this moment.. i dun feel recharged at all.. and i really dunno how many obstacles muz i go thru.. but for the sake of living on.. i will overcome all this obstacles... afterall i am already very fortunate that majority of the peps in this world... i consider myself fortunate coz i have a loving family who loves me...

At this final stage before 2007 i am still crying in front of my computer while blogging because i just quarralled with my dad over his drinking.. he has this toopid friends who will always psycho him to drink alot.. and my dad has high blood pressure so he cant take tat much drinks.. and my mum quarralled with him the moment he stepped into the door.. in order to stop any further hurting between the two of them, i quarralled with him instead over his drinking problem.... if he wants to drink i will drink with him in the future... there is no pt in my living if anything happen to him.. so if he seriously wants to waste his life away as per what he told my mum.. i will waste my life with him...

Lastly i would wish all a very happy 2007... may all the bad thing be gone and i seriously hope that i will have a fruitful 2007......

Chirstmas yesterday wasnt good.. it was not even a bit good... first my parents quarralled... then my dad went off and ask us to celebrate christmas/my mum's birthday without him.. then i made the decision to ask my mum's youngest sister and her fav last son over for a party to make her happy.. it was fine initially.. everything was fine.. until she decide to invite my uncle who is stayin at lim family over.. and noeing that xiao pang is alone at home.. my mum invited xiao pang over as well.. that i can still tolerate... then came the ultimate... the whole freaking lim family came over... i was like bloody hell!!...
and that stupid da pang brought lkk down to buy chocolate for my mum saying that it was lkk giving the chocolate to my mum for his birthday... f off man... lkk has his parents and his auntie and uncle why in the world does he need da pang a distant relative that is not related to him in anyway by blood to bring him down to purchase chocolate for my mum?.. If lkk wants to buy a pressie for his grandma.. we will always bring him down to buy ourselves.... what is his freaking problem?.. and da pang ever scolded xiao pang before for following us downstairs.. asking him how can he following other people down... so i just quote exactly his phrase back to him... and gir leng dong said that i am being political.. what is his problem???.. xiao pang is a precious kid so he cannot anyhow follow peps down.. and lkk is not a precious kid?... he can just follow peps down like nobody's business??.. and you all are telling me he is the elder of lkk and what will he do to lkk.. let me tell you this... so what if he is a elder and relatives of lkk.. to me he is just a dirt... why should we respect him??.. just because he is our relative?.. no.. that doesnt work for me.. firstly he is not related to me by blood.. secondly he is just related by marriage... doesnt mean that when somebody became your relative he become good.. he is still the same.. and lastly what fucking thing has he done to ever gain my respect?? none.. so what is his freaking problem??... the ultimate line is I DUN TRUST HIM... he can always bring lkk down and ask him to help him pick 4D etc etc ec.. god noes what else he can do to lkk... i dun trust him... given his rotten character.. he has not creditiblity for anybody to trust him at all.. so what is the problem??.... and i had to quarral with my mum because of this too.. because apparently she noes that the whole freaking lim family is coming and did not tell us at all... i am so freakingly upset that all event had to be ruin by this family... and my mum is always taking the you jin sheng wu lai shi thing to overrule all our dislikeness for them... cant she open her eyes big big and see that they are not appreciative of what she do.. and they will only make use of her and they are a bloody selfish bunch of people that dun deserve any sympathy from us??... if we go back to our old life when we are in primary school when we are truly very poor.. they will never do anything to help us... so why should we help them when we noe that even if anything happen to us they will not help??.. this is call yang hu wei huan.. dun anybody understand??... it is like inviting rice bug into the rice tank and let them finish all the rice and this bunch of insect will go on to find other rice tank.. as least rice bug are fine because they dun talk.. this pep are worse because other than eating and leeching on us.. they talk and suan and behave as if they are beings that are way superior than us.. so why dun they just f off from our life?.. if they are so superior... then f off... dun come and step on my tail.. i will never let this thing off.. try asking da pang or xiao pang to step on my tail again.. i will chew off their head regardless of whatever...

Gir Leng Dong >> if you tink that you have out talk me yesterday you are WRONG... i stop because i give face to MMYY.. because she asked me to stop... but you are wrong if you think that you out talk me yesterday.. to a basic human what i said yesterday was rude.. to da pang.. what is said yesterday was not rude.. in fact it was already words in the nicest form to him.. so what is the problem??.. i am not afraid of offending them because i dun wanna have any connection or contact with them ever again.. they have never done anything to gain my goodwill so why should i bloodily be nice to them??.... I am just on the verge of asking them to fuck off from our lives and never every appear again... so what even if i offended Li Yi??... i dun care.... i dun have to do anything to gain their goodwill.. gaining their goodwill means that i have to take care of xiao pang for them when they die in the future and even worse we might have to take care of the two of them when they are old because i dun tink their son can make it.. so this type of goodwill is something that i dun wan.. life is already so intolerable why should i be nice to pep who will only give me trouble and dun appreciate anything done?.. if i have the time.. i would rather go to third world country and help pep there.... at least i am saving a life... so i dun give a damn...

I noe... there are somethings in life that are repeated and repeated and repeated like nobody's business... but mayb you all will allow me to repeat this again??... for repeating sake??... i dunno lah.. i am just feeling upset... and as you all can see from the title of my blog.. my heart has stop beating since then... i am sitting in my room now at evening 6+ without the lights on... the sunlight in my draw are decreasing... darkness is setting in as minutes goes by... i lurve this time.. because it is usually the most quiet moment of the day... whereby you can sit down and think... and take cover in the darkness... this few days.. i have been thinking of the past alot... if i believe that if there is a time machine that would transport a person back to the past.. i wil be the first to use it.. actually i have no more feelings left... but i miss him.. as in the him in 2004 nt the him now... i just hope that i can go back and enjoy cherish every moment even more... the sad and beautiful thing about life is that once the moment is pass.. it will never happen again.. and if it is a beautiful moment... you will keep on hoping and wishing that you can go back to the moment.. but you can never go back to that moment... basically there is a big hole in my heart thta can never be filled up again.. but i have really packed everything and keep into the small corner of my heart never to be open again... but i will noe for all my life that i love this man before.. deeply...

I used to love this man.. or rather the one that is in 2004 nt that man nw... i will always love that man in 2004 nt the man nw...

Okie this is blogged in my sister's blog and re-post in my cousin's blog so i shall blog it here as well...

A VERY BOH LIAO STORYhmm..... abit "politic" on today's blog.... but.. hmm... cannot figure out wei shen mo... so must blog it downbefore we go on... today's topic is not for
1.) tiggering any "wars" between the families
2.) hurting people involved
3.) insulting people involved
4.) deepen the dislikeness of people involved
5.) educational purpose......
once upon a time, there is a jedi academy... in this academy, there are a few jedi knights as follow:
xian cai
ku cai
watermelon
strawberry face
bai cai
sweet potatoal
thought wif xian cai (he is the OLDEST) always trying to LEAD the group wif his @#$%%^&*#@$# way out of any situations, this group of knights are quite closely knitted together... life goes on wif a little bickering here and there.. but they will always be there for each other if (SHOULD) problem arise...suddenly one day, a houseELF from HOGwards stumbled into this group of knights. After seeing the fun of being a jedi knight, the houseELF wanted to join in the group and become a knight too..but the houseELF was raised in HOGwards and had being taught of all "interesting" values of life, values that the jedi knights frowned upon.... the knights tried to teach him the jedi values of life, but the values were all rebutted and despised by him.. so the knights slowly distance themselves from him..using the 'interesting" values that he learned, he started to do all sort of funny things to get attention from the knights... he forced the youngest knight, sweet potato to mix wif him.. trying to control him using his childish and boh liao methods.. using the higher authorities to force sweet potato obey his commands...thinking that he had already gain control of sweet potato, he worked his way up and tried to clone bai cai.... without know that bai cai is actually a bitch.... will his evil plans success and took over xian cai's place eventually and lead the group?? will his head kana snap off by bai cai?? nobody knows the outcome yet~........we shall see....:D

anyway.... ku cai thinks that ...hmm.... after all, the jedi knights are a mixture of funny vegetables and weird behaving fruits... they dun belongs to the "normal" kind of ppl...so the jedis dun mind to have a strange houseELF joining their group... but is the houseELF willing to throw away his "interesting" values and accept the jedi values which he once stepped on??

to him:RESPECT YOURSELF, RESPECT OTHERSTHINK FOR YOURSELF, THINK FOR OTHERS

okie.. now for some updates about myself.. life hasnt been good.. because i was sick... because i got the virus from DIDI aka RLFL aka THE NAUGHTY BOY... sigh... basically the first two days i was a living dead and the third day i was a mute.. hope tomorrow will be a better day.. it is so bad that Wai Gong and Grandma was fussing over me the whole day... Anyway went out with them for dinner tonite.. because i got my bonus today so i decide to treat them to something nice.. it has been a long time since i went out with only the two of them.. and i found that i still like it alot... when we were together.. it is like hanging out with each other.. with laughing at Grandma to suaning Wai Gong... I am really glad to have them as my parents and if there is a next life.. i would still want them to be my parents... and because of them i will want to live my life to the fullest... and soar to great heights to do them proud.... =D

I am so tired nw.. the feeling is like dying... seriously i dunno why am i so tired... izzit because there is no more objective in my life... there is nthing for me to look forward to again that is the reason why i am so tired each day... mayb my body feels that it is better to just sleep thru every single day... and die on the day i should die... everyday seems to be a drag.. Actually the reason is very simple.. in order to prevent the previous accident of me confessing from happening again..and to have the same outcome... i have decided not to love anybody anymore... never to fall in love again... so i forbid myself frm falling in love.. i dun wanna live like a living dead person again just to have all my feelings rebutted because.. i also dunno why... i just feel that there is no pt.. as it is nw.. life is already a chore.. why go and look for more trouble?.. i would seriously prefer to keep to myself... than to get hurt again and end up with more chores...

It is two am in the morning on a thursday morning.... and i am crying in front of the computer.. dun ask me why am i crying.. but i am just crying... i guess i am just upset that i am a loser.. yes loser in everything... in all aspect of life... It is scary... very scary on how good i can control my emotions when i want to and how helpless sometime when i cannot control my emotions... when i am crying inside... when my heart is bleeding.. yet i can still show smiley face... what is wrong with me??... i am sleepy.. but i dun feel like sleeping... i am sad.. yet i dunno why am i sad.. i am very bothered.. but i dunno what am i being bothered by.. i am missing out on a huge chunk of life.. yet i dunno why am i missing this huge chunk and how can i get it back... i really really dunno what is wrong with myself... i desperately need help.. seems like i have no life at all... it seems like all along i live for other ppl.. so when all this people has their own life... i seems to be left with emptiness... i no longer have a life.... and when i am trying my best to get a life... pep start interferring with how i should lead my life... what is wrong with me.. what is wrong with my life and what is wrong with the ppl around me??... Just what is wrong?!?!?!

I dunno why.. but irritating pep just keep appearing in my life.. friend snatcher... who try to haolian that she has alot of ppl chasing after her...
alright alright.. i admit.. i am ugly.. i am fat... nobody wants me.. even the only time where i confessed that idiot dun wan me either... so i am a loser in life... a true purple loser.. but hor... if that particular person really luuuurve to snatch things from my life.. why nt.. snatch my problem??... snatch all my troubles and all the bad things in my life??... It is kinda stupid rite??.. You noe i am nice.. i try nt to be bitchy.. coz i would like to be more considerate towards other people.. BUT... why izzit that these people wanna trigger off the bitchy instinct inside me??.... And turn me into a bitch??.. nw it is too late to stop.. i try to be nice.. i try to oversee everything and not get even.. but it is too late.. you have just trigger off the bitch instinct in me... and that is just too bad...

Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you've done it?
So deliberate, so determined
And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
I'm wondering for days and hours
It's here, it isn't here where you belong

Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you dieAnd as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Next time if i ever open my mouth to give advice to a particular somebody again, pls remind me to mental slap myself on my mouth..... coz i dun like to give advice just in the end to be rebutted back that 'ya i noe..' or 'no because blah blah blah' you see when a person try to object to point A... then you explain to her why point A is like that.. then she will change her tune and said that she agree with point A all along arh.. she never said that she disagree arh.. waste your time rite?.. you make her see the light.. then she point the finger at you and said that she all along saw the light arh.. why are you wasting her bloody time being a smart alec and try to explain something that she noe or agree to her again.. Then why you are so upset.. you try to tell her something that upset you.. she listen to you for like one minute.. then she interupt you.. and said ya i noe.. you noe hor.. my situation hor.. and then from my upsetness become her upsetness then because her topic..
The most ridiculous thing is that... i cried and grumble to another friend.. then she interupt me one min into the talking and started dragging our conversation into her problem direction and started crying too... the problem is that she has been telling us her problem for 100 over time and she has never cried.. the moment she sees me cry she has to cry... I mean it is not that i am not sympathatic over her problem.. but sometime you have to noe when to stop.. you noe your friend is in a sad mood... you noe she needs to talk and a shoulder to cry on.. and yet you fuckingly cry on ur problem when you have already been given the opportunity to do that..

So nw i have already come to a conclusion.. i am not gonna give her anymore advice and i am gonna just ignore her.. best if i can stay far far far far far far far far away from her... life is already so unbearable and it is because of these ppl that makes life even more unbearable that you start complaining... She is like the type of person that does this.. if i complain that i have no money to eat.. she will complain yaya i understand what you mean because like you i have eating problem too.. i lurve to eat sharksfin.. but then i am being offer abalone to eat... sometime hor.. i really wish that i can lurve to eat abalone leh.. then i wun have such a headache over wanting to eat sharksfin when i am eating abalone.. such a agony hor?... why do i have to have this type of friend who is only capable of seeing herself and her own problem and nobody else'. No matter how jialat other ppl's problem is ... she will forever think that she is in a even worse situation.. isnt it good that you stay contended that when you see other ppl's poor situation?... What is so good about outwinning ppl with even worse situation?.. Why do you need to go ard wayang ing about your problem.. when ppl complain it is nt because they wants to compare it is because they just wanna pour their heart out.. why izzit that you will then have to show case your even worse situation try to outwin the other ppl because your situation is even worse.. no matter what situation you will always tink that it is a even worse situation and try to outwin the person who started complaining first... then wayang ard... you thot you really starin opera huh?... if you really wanna seek for so much attn why dun you just get urself a husband and go away?.. Then the husband can give you attn for 24/7 ... Are you having some problem with yourself or are you just tryin to act pity to gain the attn the whole world so that everybody will be nice to you??.. Please dun give me this type of bullshit... you are ke lian?.. Then those kids in third world country is what?.... she better stay far far away from me... argh!!!!!......