Sylvia's World...

Yay.. counting down another six more days to my trip to taiwan and boy am i excited about it! Well for one thing.. Taiwan has always been one of the county on my must visit list (the list is not very long actually) so i am really looking forward to my trip lah!... Secondly i have never been on a plane before (mountain tortise hor?) so i am a bit scared about that too!...

BT's birthday is coming up soon and we are gonna celebrate for her this coming saturday.. something dear said yesterday made me realised that i have no more energies to do all the stuff that i used to do.. like helping people celebrate birthday?... doing handicraft stuff for them.. going the extra miles to do stuff for them?.. The question is WHY?... why did i lose all my energies?.. was it because of all the disappointments that i have suffered all these while?... Was it because i have used up all my energies during my younger days and i have no more energies left to do it?.. Was i getting lazy.. I guess... it is a little of everything that causes me to become like that... so oh well... i am quite bothered by the fact that i am not that enthu anymore... but other than that... i am alright with my current situation..

If there is one thing that i would regret.. is that i have spend less time with my friends.. and by friends i dun mean big grp.. but only the two of them.. by one whom i have been to together to malaysia recently.. i felt that something has changed in her... and.. there is a past that she has not let go.. even though she has said that she has gotten over it (well sort of) but i can felt that she has not let go of that part... i am not that in touch with their feeling anymore and that makes me feel so bad... i really hope that i can touch their hearts again and make a differences in their life... making them feel more comfort... and happier... i dun like my friends to wear mask in front of me.. esp when they are sad.. because i noe how it feels like.. the mask that you have to wear.. and take off at the end of the day.. to face all the sadness in the world all by urself is not funny..

It is not like watching a show whereby you see the girl pretending to be happy and then after that she go home and cry then zoom to the next scene whereby it is another day or what.. but it is more of watching the scene where the girl pretend to be happy and then go home.. and face the heaviness of the sadness for the whole freaking time that she is by herself... and couldnt find a base to land on.. NOW that is sad....

I regret for all my action of not being able to comfort them.. and drift further and further away frm them.. and i hope that i can get them back into my life.. as themselves.. and not wearing masks...

Recently (actually not recently.. was a while ago) something happened... I had chose not to blogged about that incident because i dun wanna be viewed as a bitch who will come back and cry to the whole world when something happened and people view it as my fault..

However, based on my recently observation (mayb i was thinking too much) i start to believe that there might be some sort of things goin on behind my back to help the weaker party against the bitchy party (ME).. I dunno how true this is but it is just based on my observation...

Maybe they have form this against me committee that i didnt noe because everybody felt like i have been going around stepping on everybody's toes... well... i shall not try to explain if that is what everybody is thinking about.. i shall not explain my behavior because i have indeed been bitchy... but i hope before you condamn me.. think about it.. was i bitchy because i wanted to be... or was i bitchy because of the situation?... Was i treated fairly and not being bitched at as well?... Apparently my trying to care and set things rite attitude has been viewed as a form of bitchiness and people can take it in their own hands to be bitchy against me too... what?.. am i supposed to just be there and take their shit and smile to them after taking their shit?.. i may look stupid but i am not..

Or.... do i get wronged for something that i wasnt even at fault for?... After thinking about it for a long and hard time.. i have decided not to care anymore... why do i even care in the first place when things happened usually i am not the one who will get the support that i want?.. I guess this phrase "Aiya.. Ah Bee is just being a mad dog again" came out of alot of people's mouth for alot of time... well it is fine.. because i dun care anymore... Why would i wanna care when i cant set things straight because obviously white is back and black is white?... i have plenty of other stuff that i need to do.. SO it obviously doesnt pay to be caring at all.. so i dun care anymore... be it tsunami flood my house... people around me turning bad... people around me obviously gonna get hurt.. it is none of my business.. i dun wanna get hurt.. nor act like a mad dog ever again... so yeah.. take life easily.. things will still happened.. people will still try to cover their act in front of me or try to talk bad behind me.. people will still form support group behind me no matter what happened.. it is just another day.. so why not take it easy and dun care??..

Every year during this period of time... singapore will grow cooler with the daily dosage of rain.. following the cool wind and the decoration for christmas.. as well as the christmas carol that is being played everywhere.. people will feel the festive season of christmas... following the festive season.. came a wave of sha qi...

Why?... Because wong ah ma's birthday is approaching... every year.. it is a constant struggle when we are planning for her birthday because her big bunch of relatives will come every year during christmas under the pretext that they are here to celebrate her birthday for her but eat for free.. and when i say eat for free.. it meant literally stuffing themselves silly with all the food.. I mean it is really for them to come and eat for free and etc.. but the fact that they eat.. boss ard.. dirty the place.. make my dad clean up after that and treat our place like nthing more than a free of charge restaurant without any well intention of celebrating my mum's birthday is what makes us angry every year after her birthday...

It wasnt like this in the past as i remembered happier times when they will not come to my house and christmas were really meant to be a close family event and we were able to bring my mum to nice restaurant to eat... but then with the whole grp of them.. it is far too much for us to bring them all out.. you might think.. wun they pay for themselves.. no.. they wun.. no sense of shame... birthdays.. christmas.. chinese new years.. even mother's day and father's day they also want to come to my house to celebrate... I remembered my grandma only said during her death bed that my mum needs to look after them.. not operate free of charge restaurant for them to eat all they wan every single week and treat our house like some free child care centre to throw their intolerable kids to us..

Anyway back to the main topic.. every year during my mum's birthday.. we will be in major headache over what to do for her birthday because if we eat at home.. we will have to think of what to cook.. if we go out to eat then we have to object to her bringing all her relatives along... and every year it was always me to quarral with her over the endless bullying that her relatives are imposing on her but she chose to take it silently..

This year.. i chose to take a back seat by not quarraling with her anymore... i have come to the conclusion that it is her birthday and not mine.. so she can chose to do whatever nonsense that she want to do and i have no rights to interfere.. even though i am one of the sponsor for the food.. but then it is her birthday that we are giving her the money for the food so i have no rights to interfere over who she chose to invite... but then something else happened.. and now the argument is over what should be cooked during her birthday... and then there were suggestions that we should dine out instead and all end with my mum saying 'Aiya dun celebrate lah.. dun celebrate lah..' and trail off her sentence with ..... of course we know that her 'dun celebrate lah' meant 'if you dun celebrate i will show you how upset i am' so what shall we do?.. Take a backseat and relax also got problem.. dun do that also got problem.. eat in also got problem.. eat out also got problem? How eh.. why izzit that a simple birthday for wong ah ma has been spinned into a very complicated spider web.. since when did the spider web started spinning.. how come we did not realise it?..... There is only two ways to solve the problem... for wong ah ma to realise that we are not printing money.. or for her relatives to be more automatic and pay for their own shares when we dine out.. otherwise dine in.. also got problem on what to cook and might not be that nice either...

Sigh.. what do to?.. I really dunno.. it is a constant battle......

Since i started the multiply account and it couldnt be linked to this blogspot, i have not been blogging here very often... I think the last time that i blogged here was in months ago... Dont seems to have the 'feeling' to blog that often anymore nwadays... so oh well... haha.. anyway recently i found out that the link between my multiply account and my blogspot account is working again... So that means that the blog entry could be transferred frm blogspot to the multiply account...

Nthing much to update... as i am bored.. so i blog... haha.. what a way to put it.. but then oh well.. did something that i have not done in ages... had dinner with my parents in a coffee shop near my house here when i bump into them on my way home... still recovering frm a bad tummyache after i think we had some not so fresh lownuts yesterday... so today was feeling really lousy the whole day... headaches... stomaches... vomitting feeling... etc etc came by.. so i intend to go home cook a bowl of instant noodles.. eat le eat med then go to bed.. but then i bump into my parents.. so decide to have dinner with them instead...

The very blur me... went to take three days leave till tomorrow.. but went back to work today.. somemore when my sup saw me tis morning.. he was saying that he thot i took leave up till tomorrow.. n i told him no lah i took leave till yesterday.. oh man *whack head*... so i had one day uncleared leave... so try to see if i can ask for half day tomorrow..

The larling has not been online since tis morning... and he seems to be in a semi consious state during the few phonecall conversation that we had.. poor thing.. all because of me wanting to eat lownuts that causes him to eat dirty lownuts and suffer such serious illness... when i din managed to get hold of him tis afternoon.. i panicked and call the maid at home.. Luckily the maid told me that he is sleeping peacefully without waking up.. On MC tomorrow.. i hope he can recover fully... )=

I guess it is really a mixture of not talking to my mum for too long and hanging out with my parents for too long that nowadays i like to hang out with them again.. just to be near to them... talk to them.. about everything under the sun... and taking toffee to disturb my mum again.. well i guess i realised that i am very fortunate because my parents is here with me everyday.. so i have to learn to cherish them even more..

Met up with BT and ning over the last few weeks... the feeling was great... seeing them again just felt good.. That no good friend of mine by the name of BT finally made time to mit up with me... when i told my dad that i was goin out to mit her.. he looked at me with a shocked expression and said... 'I thot you forget all bout her!!!' and i told him in a equally wide eye expression that... 'She is the one who has forgetten bout me... not the other way round'..
Anyway.. we have plans to go to KTV as well as to learn roller blading...

Well.. in a way.. i should be in a very happy stage of life now... but i just cant help but feel unsettled.. well.. people who noes me well.. should know that i am rather paranoid... so when good things happen to me.. i would be worried about when will the good luck end rather than enjoy the good luck... so i am really unsettled.. because i felt that there is always a balance in things.. when there are good things happening.. there will be bad things happening as well... so this thinking cause me to not be able to settle down and just get very paranoid.. I guess what BT said is true.. i have to learn to let go sometime.. cannot hold on to things to tightly or i might destroy it... another thing is that i think i should learn not to think too much... because my brain work in a chain reaction method.. once i think about something i will keep on linking to other stuff and get myself all stressed up.. muz learn to let go.. and dont think too much into things.. another thing that i muz learn is not to be that paranoid anymore... amusing how a person who was not paranoid can turn into such a paranoid person.. i just felt that it is good to take pre caution someting rather than being caught off guard..

Anyway.. festive season is here with christmas ard the corner... this year's deco at orchard is very beautiful.. with all the icy blue white lights ard.. the whole orchard looks really cool!.. shall go there one day to take photographs of the place.. Muz pester dear dear to go there to take photo.. muahahahahahahahahaha....

The season also indicate that wong ah ma's birthday is rd the corner.. tis year due to the fact that i felt that i should be a nice daughter.. i would be contributing slightly more for her birthday thing... so while having dinner with them just now.. i told her my plan... since she wants to invite all her relatives over for dinner she can have it.. but within budgets.. and then she wanted steam boat.. and started to assign jobs for us to do.. poor hengby the white got the most job.. he is supposed to go marketing on christmas day to get all the ingredient.. so i guess once again we will all have to be house elves..

Anyway speaking of which.. Hengby the white has a rolex watch that needs to change the chain.. anybody is aware how much is the range to change a rolexd watch's chain?.. (Real de rolex chain hor.. the other time wong ah ma changed a fake chain for him.. he got so angry that he threw the rolex aside and never took it out again)

Wow blogging in blogspot really give me alot of blogging 'feeling' see how much nonsense i have blogged?.. Alright.. Toffee is pulling my sleeves to go and disturb wong ah ma.. =D

Long time... Loooooong time since i last blogged here... since that i have established a connection for the blog entry between multiply and blogspot, i thot that anything that i blogged into blogspot will be transferred into multipl, but i was wrong.. the thing just malfunction half way thru.. )= So i end up blogging more and more frequently in multiply and ignoring this little space of mine at blogspot... This little space that has been thru with me for a major heartache and that beautiful butterfly that i like.. and love and seriously consider to tattoo on myself.. oh well haha i wun go and get a tattoo.. i am afraid that the tattoo will turn ugly as i age or something like that...

Anyway.. life have been alright.. there are always ups and downs in life but what is most impt is that we are able to overcome everything and get on with life.. no matter hw low life is.. there will always be light so long as we stay strong... My cousin is getting ROM!... Yay!... Next year she will be getting ROM.. she ultra kiasu lor.. she booked us one year in advance lor... oh man.. but i will be going lah.. she asked dear dear to help her take photo.. i noe that dear dear will definately do a good job.. just that he is not confident of his own photo taking skill... so he keep on insisting that he might not do a good job.. but that is good also lah.. give a disclaimer before anything happen.. hehe... oh well till then.. i just had my med.. feeling very high nw.. need to sleep.. fall sick le.. due to nt enuff rest.. so shall rest more...

Till then.. hopefully i will blog here more often... lalala ~~

Hmm.... i used to be very amazed by my friend... because everyday after work.. she will wait for her other half to call her... and there was tis time where her other half told her that he cannot mit her because he has guard duty that day... but later on in the train.. he called and told her that they can meet... you should see her expression... she was sooo happy that she nearly jump up and down in the mrt train... at that point of time.. i asked myself.. will i do this in the future??... Nah.. i dun tink i will... well.. i was pretty wrong... nw i knew the reason as to why she does that... you see.. when you are with a person.. you tend to miss that person when he is not with you... so when he can mit you... you will feel very happy... it is sweet.. and in fact it is very sweet so sweet that you will smile in a silly way to urself.... love can make a woman stupid??.. i always agree with this sentence... ya i am stupid nw.. but it is okie.. i am feeling very very sweet too..... so it doesnt matter... To the person in question... you noe i love you dont you... =D

This blog is dedicated especially to my bestest bestest bestest friend of the world..... EBT.. since she nv like peps showing her full name on blog or anything like that...

Girl.. i wanna tell you.. no matter what happen... i will never forget you de... you will always be my bestest bestest bestest friend.. despite all the condition or anything that happen in my life.. you will forever remain as my bestest bestest bestest bestest friend.. i will never give up on you de.. never in my life...

这时候
最能让我想起你
多希望你在这里
你总是愿意把你的手心借给我握紧

往哪里
我总是依赖着你
你是我的方向感
我可以确定你会带着我朝对的方向前进

i'm thinking of you
我有你真好
你能让烦恼变得渺小
我遇见一个最懂我的人
我会提醒自己把这份爱收好

i'm thinking of you
我有你真好
只要牵着你的手就知
道我不是一个人在这世界停靠
因为我拥有你在我心里

i'm thinking of you
有你真好

thinking of you
因为有你我看见世界的美丽

i'm thinking of you
我有你真好只要牵着你的手就知道(我就知道)
我早已经没有任何缺少因为我拥有你在我心里

Went to botanic garden today... and i am feeling ultra tired nw... been walking ard the whole day... but was a nice experience.... haha i went to the orchid garden there.... the last time i went.. the cool climate orchid house was not ready yet... so din have a chance to see it... and today when i went.. the orchid house was ready... so i went in to take a look...

Saw alot of interesting things today.... botanic garden really changed alot frm the last time i truly visited it in secondary school.. P.S the other time i went with BT was not counted because we only stepped into botanic garden.. decide that it was a very hot day and get outta botanic garden.. haha... i brought bread to feed the turtles, fishes, ducks and swam... and a human too.. haha.... give you a very nice feeling when you are feeding them... and i saw this ultra cute white dog!!!.... awww.... he look like a polar bear.... so cute!!!........... but i recall hearing from eat bread that this type of dog.. looks cute... but is a rather fierce dog.... so i dun really dare to walk too near it... and it was eating grass because it has upset stomach.... and after a while.. it throw up... this is the first time that i see dogs throwing up.... and the things that the dog throw up is a bit yellowish then orange in color.... but it is still a cute dog.. hahaha alright... really very very very very very very very tired.. goin to sleep nw... z.z.z.z.zz.z.z.z.z.

终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己最怕你忽然说要放弃

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

如果我的坚强任性会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒我虽然心太急更害怕错过你

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

Yeah i noe that i was complaining in my previous blog that i am gonna fall sick soon... but i still have to write this blog entry down... because i just nd to get it out...

This is entirely dedicated to a couple... never have i ever thot that i would blog bout such a filty creature and his beautiful wife in my blog... but then the filty creature has seriously pushed me to the limit that i have to write something about him to add him into my hall of shame... (just beside Ah Yan)...

Seriously.. hw does it feel... when you are so freakingly ugly yet you have women who throw themselves at you like bees to honey.. and yet everyday you are denying and blabbering nonsense like you are the person who created all the principle of life.. the law and everything.. creating stupid and ridiculous situation which are hell deep for your wife to confuse her... so that she will stay home to be ur maid??.... or do you tink she really look stupid enuff that you just nd to blabber somethings and that will cloud her judgement?.... Dont you tink you are too much??.... oh yeah i forgot.. if you ever have a brain to think.. a heart to feel... then you be able to feel that you are too much.. otherwise.. you are just a piece of junk... dressed in branded clothing and driving a ultra flashy car...

But think bout it... do you seriously think that all these are enuff to cloud the judgement of all the peps ard you??.... like i have always told ur wife and i will repeat again.. dun swear that the lightning will strike you.. For... if you really do.. even if it is a ultra hot day with no water vapour in the air... somehow somewhat a rain will definately be created just to strike you...

Do you seriously think that her family are dead??... or you tink that her family dun care??... well.. you are wrong you jerk... it is just that her family dun tink that it is worth it degrading themselves to stand at the same lvl as you.. but you tink her family dun love her??.. well you are wrong again you jerk... it is not that they dun care... it is just that they are reasonable and peaceful peps who tink that marriage problem should be resolved between the couple themselves and not involve other peps.... but think bout it again jerk... her family will always support her.... she can always go back to her family...

Remember you imposed the rule that your kid can only got to his maternal grandparents side for three time per mth??... and remember hw close he is to one of ur wife's sibling??..... and subsequently.... ur wife was accepted back into her family again??... Please dun underestimate kinship... if her sibling have the ability to tolerate all nonsense and let ur wife gain acceptance into the family.. the same could be done to ensure that she can get a life when she get a divorce frm you...

Seriously... i pity your mum... for ur mum's love has gotten her into alot of trouble.. what do you tink??... that having a flashy car and dun nd her to work is a good thing??.. You are wrong... the most comforting thing that a kid can bring to his/her mum is that they dun no longer need to worry bout their kids.. yet.. because of your you se wu yong behavior... she has to clear the mess that you have created every single time.... filial??.. i doubt.. i challenge and doubt your filial piety.... dun tell me that you are filial.. you are just a jerk who has no guts and nd to hid under ur mum's back everything you create a mess....

Bottomline... you are just a ugly fat loser who needs to hid behind his mum everytime he create a mess... putting you beside a jerk makes the jerk feel ashame of himself too....

Falling sick... i am tired... neck pain.. spine pain... sign that i am falling sick (definately nt sign that i am aging)

Feeling really tired nw.. can i pls have a one month holiday??.. then after that dun nd to go back to work??... hehehehe....

Anyway the purpose of today's blog is to complain that i am sick.. and to discuss about something.. you see.. i seriously seriously seriously want to get a tattoo... (i am not a baddie, just like a tattoo that is all) so i was just wondering what am i supposed to tattoo... THEN.. i just realise something... i can actually tattoo the butterfly on my blog hor??... that butterfly on this box's right top corner, perched there de that one... nice hor??... initially i chose this blog skin because of that butterfly and the description said that it is a butterfly tattoo.. so why nt... hehehe.. i can tattoo butterfly on myself.. and somemore is a nice butterfly!.. what do you tink??... should i or should i not??.. heh heh heh heh heh...

I m having a very confused state of mind right nw.... sigh....

A nw beginning.... as you can see frm my previous blog... i am troubled by something.... haha all i can tell is that.. the cannot really process fact part of me is out again.. and i am playing with fire.... muz i go thru that vicious cycle again?? i hope nt...

Okie back to the sentosa trip.. i went to sentosa today with a few friends.. and we basically spend the whole day there playing and slacking.... i met a very cute dog call Ah Boy that belong to my friend's friend... aw.. he is such a cute dog and he is just a puppy!! he really remind me of Sugar... as anyway anything white and cute always remind me of Sugar and i feel a sense of closeness to them... hahaha... i tink i will miss this cute dog....

Went for the Luge ride... it is fun but the before part is not fun at all.. we had to take the sky ride to the beginning of the Luge ride and that is horrible!!!..... As per what i have said.. i kena cheated by two uncle to go and take the ride.. it was so horrible that i hold tight to the safety bar thru out the whole ride and close my eyes tightly... i was so scared that they say my face was as white as pau (white bun)... okie no matter hw they deny it.. i still see it as kena cheated by two uncle to go and sit that thing... but then the Luge ride is fun!... Though i kena overtaken alot alot alot alot of time.. and i drove that thing like a auntie driving it.. but then it was really fun... if i dun have to take that sky ride.. i tink i would like to try that Luge ride again.. hehehe

But the after taking the ride i definately ban it for LKK and LFL.. because it is too dangerous... because to get to the beginning you have to take the sky ride.. which is definately horrible... so i dun tink they are suitable for it... mayb when they are older ba.. then they can take it... for nw it is definately a no no for them.... and i went home shortly after that because we have to celebrate my dad's birthday today.... feeling so tired nw... *yawnz*

PS... Eat Bread and MMYY... i am playing with fire nw... it is definately one of option given... mayb you all would be interested to guess which one.... my life is not that messy.. at least my characteristic is not... so i am very focus.. it is one of the option.. hahaha.....

Once again.. let me remind you once more time... he is not five dragon... he is a total different person.... pls dun do this.... he is not five dragon....... he is NOT....

Silver, you are Balanced-brained

That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation. When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over. While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker. The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.

I really do.... why???... up till nw.... i will still cry for you??.. despite the many promises that i made to BT that i wun cry for you again??... every person that i have met in my life... i still try to look out for characteristic that resemble you.... and seek comfort in that characteristic that the person have... trying to pretend as if i am still at a place close to you...

Worse... if i see a person that resemble you in alot of way.. i will be drawn to that person like moth to fire... i keep on telling myself... telling other peps that i have kept my heart in that purple box... kept deep deep away.. but i noe that my heart is just waiting.. waiting for you to find it... but i noe too that you will never start finding it... nor be able to find it... then why am i doin this??... It take time to get outta this shadow... but exactly how long do i nd to get outta this shadow... this pretending and waiting phrase is even worse than the first phrase because there is a emptiness and total silence... which is scary.... because you never know what is this person doin again.. so you hope to get his news again... the waiting part is so scary... i will noe better than anybody as to what i have done...

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进
何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情
还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还想你
我很不服气
也开始怀疑
眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进
何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你
写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

in case you all wonder that this is about me and a guy... you all are wrong.. it is about me and a sum of money that is destinated not to be mine... sigh~

Hmm.. today is good friday.. and it feels like saturday.. i have to keep on reminding myself that today is only friday and there is still two more days to slack!....
Nthing much today.. went out to eat sakae sushi with my siblings... mmyy... and the two kids.... then my bro keep on goin the wrong way today.. so we end up spending quite some time on the road.. wanted to go to sugei buloh... but was stopped by strong objection by hbl and mmyy... so din go.. on the way.. we passed by mandai zoo... and we okie.. i wanted to put lfl there.. to lure crocs... hehehe.... but of course i din succeed in getting it done... i will try harder next time... and hbl said that she wanted to get a car.. which is a good idea.. so long as she can afford it.. because she can drive her kids ard.. and we can FINALLY all go out together... and bring lfl to sugei buloh.. throw him into the mud to skip with the mud skipper or get pinched by horse shoe crab.. or if there is a crocs can throw him into the water... hehehe...
And we played maple today... and we have to help mmyy's ultra noob char to lvl up.. and you noe what.. hbl's internet was slow and she was lag for er.... 2 - 3 minute??.. she just stayed in the mid air... hanging there while we start at her character... we have photographs as evidence....

Once again.. i became the ugly duckling who have accidentally wandered into the swam grp.. Sylvia arh sylvia... why do you always have to do this??... why do you always have to wander into the beautiful and high class swam grp just to find that you stick out like a sore thumb and get upset.... because this grp of swam has never wanted you in... they just want to either make use of you.. pity you or mayb they are truly friendly.. but then there is ultimately the cast problem...

Can you pls... do urself a favor.. by sticking to yourself or duckling from your own cast in the future??.. pls do not wonder ard again.. sometime being helpful or nice will only let urself get hurt.. because there is no way you can blend in with them...

So hw does it felt??... to have used me like the way you did??.... you thot that i dunno... and i am stupid... enuff not to sense anything... it is not that i am stupid.. nor that i din sense anything... it is because i dun see the need in acting clever when people want to keep things from me... there is no point in asking... because i am frm the lowest level... i noe i din do much.. but i am just upset at the fact that i was being used like a piece of tissue paper and thrown away when the new tissue paper arrive... is the tissue paper better?? made of better quality??... then this inferior piece of used tissue paper was treated like dirt..... low class item... belong to the lower cast?... ya i think so... if you ask me why i dun bother to strive on.. i tell you because it is no pt... i am never the type of person who will blame the world but myself... but this time... I AM.. i have already tried my best... in all that i have done... but what to do when life decide that i have to end up like a piece of used tissue paper to be thrown away... and view as dirt subsequently?...

I will definately leave when it is time to... if you wanna question me why.. question my endurance... let me tell you this.. what i have gone thru so far.. is nthing compared to the hurt that you two of you have caused.... because i care for you two of you.. i chose to remain silent.... and not hurt the two of you... so that you two can go on.. as if nthing have ever happen.. because you will never realise that i have realise and notice...

P.S... pls dun ask me who is that two person.. people who should noe.. have already known who is this two person.. for the rest.. pls dun ask me... because at least this is the least RESPECT and human right that i can show to these two person.. who have caused me so much hurt...

Okie... recently a series of thing happen... and after all this happening.. i realise something... i dun have lownut life.... erm okie.. let me explain first... donuts are sweet... because they either have a coat of sugar.. or chocolate or chocolate with peanuts... either case.. they are sweet... so there are alot of young girls out that who have lownut life... sweet and no matter who they mit.. the person who mit them will have this 'aiyo so cute.. so weak.. muz protect her' tinking popping outta the mind... be it.. their friends... their bosses.. their colleagues etc etc etc... will try their best to protect them... AND there are peps like me.. who have well mayb a sugarless black coffee life... dark.. and bitter... pep see pep avoid... thinking that coffee can hold themselve.. dun nd a single protection nor help.. this type of peps.. are usually the type who are seen/assumed that will protect the lownut life peps...

So i have decide that i have enuff... if i dun have donut life then dun have donut life lah... but you muz remember.. if i have black coffee life.. then i will be strong and hang on.. but i will never protect the donut life peps.. for.. what for??.. i am a cup of black coffee that has turn bad... beside being dark and bitter.. i am sour too... so blah blah ... i hate peps with lownut life.. because no matter hw hard the dark coffee life peps work... their effort will always be outshined by the lownut life peps by a mere smile or sweet talk...

Orh.. how sweet.... shut up and get outta my blog you lownut life peps...

Hmm... today is another sunday... and i am at home slacking again... and today is April fool's day... well nthing much.. life still goes on.. speaking of April.. it is the mth that i am look forward to... come BT birthday.. i will only be left to serve one more mth of my contract before it end in May... woo hoo!!.... you noe what that means... freedom!!!.... i lurve april.. i lurve lurve lurve april 2007.. lalalala~~~

Okie enuff said bout that.. a little update about myself... nthing much happened.. i am still coughing like mad.. i am still nt talkin to my mum.. i still wanna bash iey iey up everytime i see him.. i still watch sponge bob sq pants with lkk.. Anyway.. went to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle yesterday with lkk... iey iey and my sis... well i can say that it is not a bad show.. quite nice.. because it is TMNT what... and i lurve this cartoon.. watch it when i was in say... primary 2 and i remember that the cartoon is shown every friday at about 6pm.. so i lurve tis cartoon... oh oh and i just finished my assignment.. which mean that i have about one more mth before my exam.. and i can officially slack for another one wk before i start studying for my exam...yeah!.... and i am dead broke tis mth.. with all the temptation of buying clothing.. i buy and buy and buy... until i am broke.. oh my.. i dunno how to survive till my next pay.. *faint*

Title copied frm my sis's blog.. if it is wrong.. it is her chi that is bad.. nt mine.. hahaha anyway... my sis in law said that i am pretty free these days.. and asked me to blog more.. so here i am blogging.... muahaha..

well.... i seriously dunno if that will happen... working towards it??.... haha... i dun even tink that the shore towards it is anywhere near to far.... it is further than near to far... which is very far...

Well... told the world the two goin to be aunties.. erm.. two mdm ngs about what happened... hehehe.... well... i did try to chit chat with him lah.. but seems like the response nt too good.. and the truth is that... when i become interested in another person.. the wu long tu phrase will come out again.. mayb i am just to coward to step into a new phrase.. that is why everytime when something begin to progress i will hid back into my wu long tu phrase and slip into the comfort zone.. nvm that it is a sad phrase.. but i am just to coward to come outta my comfort zone...

Went to zouk last nite.. with my cousin and my bro and my sis in law.... well... it was okie.. because this time we went earlier.. so there was nobody there or rather not much peps there... so we managed to get some seats at the bar counter...

Hm... it was really not bad.. because we have handsome bartender to look at hahaha.. but i got drunk... really bad... because there was one for one.. and tze order like that is no tomorrow... so in the end.. we had 10 glasses of lychee martini... 6 cup of illusion... 2 cup of VOLKA SUPERNOVA... 2 cup of volka orange... two jug of volka redbull... i tink six glasses of tequila and three glasses of i dunno what... and i drink and drink because there is too much until i really give up... but oh well.. at least i get a glass of ice water frm the handsome bartender.. hahaha

Anyway.. we passed by St James powerstation tonite.. and i was telling my dad that we will book the place to throw him a bday bash on his 70th birthday.... hehehe... so yeah 6 yrs later.. St James here we come!.. hahahaa..

Hmm... today is already sunday.. and tomorrow is monday... wkend seems to pass by so fast.. but in another sense i did alot this wkend.. managed to plan out my schedule for what i wanna do for the wk after wk after wk after wk.. hahaha basically is a weekly schedule...

I found out that actually waking up early during wkend can let you finish doing so much things... and best part is that you dun feel that you are losing out precious wkend time not doin anytime or feeling that the wkend is unhealthy.... i went for dim sum on sat in the morning.. and find it great.. i tink i should start doin this on a wkly basis.. of course.. i cannot anyhow spend money le lah.. then i can do this... and then today i went to sungei buloh.. and you dun have to know i went with... it was great.. minus the part that we got lost.. and we panicked.. hahaha... other than that... the trip was great.. the morning trip there was great.. very refreshing and good.. nt rushing like time is ticking so fast that we have to rush and rush and rush and before you noe it the wkend is gone...

My wkend are very very zen nwadays.. it involve.. resting... sleeping... exercising... getting enuff mental and physical rest.. to ensure that i felt rested.. hahaha

WELL.... was shopping with my friend... a short shopping trip... and she was grumbling to me that she nd to purchase a dress for her work... and i show her these dress that i thot would look great on her... but she keep on saying dun wan dun wan dun wan... and i shown her another dress.. and she keep on saying dont want dont want dont want again... she has told me that she envy those who dress nicely... and changed since in the past till nw.. and she wants to be like that.. i would want that person to be like that too... everyday.. when you go out... you see those peps ard you dressing nicely.. naturally for a girl's basic instinct.. you would wanna look good too... but some are restrained by their low self confidence.. but at least give peps a chance to help you to change.. and try on something nw.. MIND YOU.. i din let her try on a sexy or sleazy dress.. it is a very DECENT AND NICE dress... which she refused to try on because she ASSUME THAT it will look bad on her....

To the lady in question in my blog... pls... if you wanna grumble and envy.. then you should try to take the first step out.. life is short.. it is not full of restriction.. why do you wanna envy peps when you can achieve what you envy of them?? and pls... help yourself by letting peps help you... i found out that if you only grumble and doesnt let other peps help yourself it is no point telling me every single time that okie you are inspired to change and want me to help then when i go out with you i say till i puke blood and suddenly your stupid belief pop out and you revert back to nt wanting to change urself again.... if you wanna be a hermit.. dun envy and grumble.. because it is not that you cannot achieve it nor is it because peps are not willing to help you.. but it is because you are not willing to help yourself...

Heh.. i guess is the effect of the med... i am tinking about nonsense again... i am tinking boutall the wat if... tinking about my poly life... tinking bout the sweet and sour period.. when i could be on the moon one moment and fall on earth and wanting to die another moment....

Lookin back... the me in the past never thot that i coud get outta this... i thot that i would be stuck in this forever... i mean the mess of liking him.... wishing that he will get married with me... and we will live happily ever after.. with my prince to come and pick me up.... For a period of time.. this was my life... wishing and hoping for all that i wish for to come true... Nw looking back.. it seems like i have never lead this part of life before.... De purple box stayed up... for more than half a yr.. and nope.. i have no urge to take down and read...

Everybody come into ur life for a reason... his reason... as i finally ack... is to truly let me slim down.. and love myself... for myself.. not for anybody else... waking up the really girl side of me.. and realising that i should live for myself... tell the world what i truly like.. dress as i truly like.. and not restricted by what peps thot of me... I used to be rather restricted because some friends of my commented that i never wear skirt... so i never wear skirt.... never thot of dolling myself up... because i look 'great'... i hold on to the thots.. that i wish that he his main purpose is not just to do this.. but to take care of me for the rest of my life... but as i go on.. i realise that there are somethings in life that you have to let go... no matter how much you love it... because as you hold on... things get ugly and feeling turn sour... all the things that are originally beautiful will turn ugly.. fairy tale became non fairy like anymore..

If you ask me... will i still cry for him nw... my answer is yes... for... i truly love him... but that was him in 2004 the one that will look at me with warm in his eye... nt the one that gave me cold hard stare without any feeling in 2006... Sylvia will always love the him in 2004 and cry for him... but Sylvia has still ultimately gave up on the him in 2006 when she mit his cold and feelingless glance..

Either case.. this or that... my heart is buried together with that purple box in the deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep corner of somewhere... i no longer love... no longer touched... no longer wish and hope... Sylvia can never love again.... because she is heartless... in case any heros out there that think that i am a challenge and you should never give up on me and wanna make me have feeling and love again.. you can forget bout it... because i seriously dun wan to love anybody anymore... nobody for me... i am for nobody.. i live for myself..

You have my heart... you took it... you smash it... just like how you smash a piece of tissue paper...

The question on my mind...

Nt that i am desperate... in fact... i am fine with nt getting married.. but i just wanna get out of this house... My house which used to be my shelter.. when the whole world doesnt want it.. my house will always nurture me... care for me... due to the fact that i have quarralled with my mum.. and i am no longer on talking term to her due to some stupid relatives... i have decided that the best way out is to get out of the house... and i have decided that the best way to do this.. is to get married... i will never have the courage to move out.. because that is really obvious that i am walking out... so i have decided that getting married is the best way out...

I always wonder... why is it that the when a quarral happen.. and a kid doesnt talk to the parents... the quarral always occurs between the fav child and the parent.. and it is always the fav child that doesnt talk to the parent... i thot that it wun happen in my family.. but it did.. and i am seriously no longer on talkin term with my mum anymore...

If you ask me if it is worth it?.. nt talkin to my mum because of some stupid fatty... i tell you it is nt worth it... but i just cant stand the fact that she would rather side with them than her own kids.. always hurting her kids in the process of siding those fatty... i m just sorely disppointed with her...

haiz.....

Well.. as usually.. CNY came and go just like this.. today is already the third day of CNY... and majority of the things have quieten down...

I am nw alone at my house.. actually usually i am okie with the idea of stayin at home alone.. with no interuption/disturbance or etc... but today seems to be a very heavy day... er dun really wish to talk about the reason here.. content can get really sensitive when said here.. anyway just sad... and i have given up all hope.. it is really quite depressing.. and i really dunno why am i goin thru this... perhaps only like tis can i truly understand what my auntie is tinking.. and learn to care about her feeling... I really pity her.. and though i seriously dun like what she has done when she is young.. i kinda feel like reaching out to her.. because nw then i realise that she damn poor thing...

Haiz...

In another two hr time.. it is hitting CNY... well... dun feel that much of a CNY mood tis yr... perhaps it is because i have not been talkin to my mum yet since the last quarral... Lets not go into further details about that...

My mind is in a very confused state nw... as per what my title suggest... i mit somebody... nthing happen yet... but i was just wondering if something will... i have this feeling that if this particular person is with me.. he will be my ultimate destination... but well... i am still hesitant about this... dun wan to fall heads down into love or anything... i dun wanna get hurt again... and waste another three yr of my life... thinking of this person.. and wondering about all the wat if...

Lets not spoilt CNY... we will spend CNY in a happier mood.. and nt care about anything.. my fate has not been working hard.. so lets let fate work tis time...

I m listening to a sad song nw.. my heart is sinking.. but the worse thing is that i dunno why it is sinking.. sigh~

It is my birthday today... my cousin promised me a baby G... i am still waiting for that Baby G from him...

Glenn Ng Han Wei.. you still own me MY BABY G.. i give you one wk to give me that Baby G before i hang pig head at ur doorstep....

Heard this song tis afternoon.. find that it suits the current state that i am in.. Peps out there who are tryin to matchmake me.. pls dun try to do anything funny again.. i really dun wanna feel like a lay long goods... perhaps you all are doing this outta good intention.. but i feel like that little dignity that i have work so hard to save all these years are getting destroyed by this act too.. it seems as if i am a desperado... mayb my action did say something.. but seriously i am not that desperate.. i am really alright... let's just let the song do the talking...

你问在我心中　是否还苦恼
那次受伤　否决了爱的好
谢谢你的关照　我一切都好一个人　不算困扰
爱虽然很美妙　却不能为了寂寞　又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待　仔细寻找　感觉很重要
宁可空白了手　等候一次　真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上　一定会遇到对的人出现(在眼角)

那次流过的泪　让我学习到
如何祝福　如何转身　不要
在眼泪体会到　与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要　是一种对照
爱虽然很美妙　却不能为了寂寞　又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待　仔细寻找　感觉很重要
宁可空白了手　等候一次　真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上　一定会遇到对的人出现

能愿意为了一份爱　付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候　我就算已经准备好放手去爱　海阔天高

爱要耐心等待　仔细寻找　感觉很重要
宁可空白了手　等候一次　真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上　一定会遇到对的人出现

Yeah yeah i am getting heartache again... because of a dream that i had.. but then oh well yeah i feel lousy nw... and i really feel lousy.. but it is not as if i can help it... there is nthing i can do too....

I wanna change the blog skin..... rushing to change my blogskin.... yet i cant bear to give up this blog skin.. because i really like this blogskin... so why the rush to change the blogskin then?... Is it because that it signify the new beginning?... I thot i have just blogged yesteday that i wun tink about prince charming again?.. why do i caught myself thinking about him again today... to clarify that thinkin bout him doesnt mean that i miss him till i wanna die le.. but rather... the going thru happy memories type of missing him... That explain the rush to change my blog.. the original title for the blog for this skin was.. Be my butterfly... that was when i hope that he can truly be my butterfly.. then it changed and changed and changed.... till nw... no more feeling le.. but just suddenly thot of him today...oh no i am goin thru that phrase again.. the phrase whereby no sad song sound sad to me..

Well.. a little update about myself since i have not bloggin for so long... life is kinda okie.. no big waves coming to distrupt my life which is a good thing... beginning to truly settle down.. coming to acceptance with life.. and truly trying to enjoy every single moment...

Well one more mth towards CNY which means that celebration!... well.. nt really celebration.. but then it is the time of the year where you have every single rite to dress nicely... hehehe... and less than two wk before my bday.. hitting 22 is a big phrase for me.. at least when i am 21 you can still consider me a teenager because 21 mah... 22 means that i am no longer young le... haiz... but then i have decided that i will accept aging gracefully and hopefully i will aged gracefully too.... My resolution for 2007 before my bday:

1) To slim down for another 15kg
2) To gain control of my life and not screw up again
3) Be way way way nicer to LFL and try to communicate more with LKK
4) Be nicer to grandma and wai gong.. (not that i am not nice to them.. but i will make a extra effort to be nice to them)
5) No more thinking about prince charming (when ya strong and working hard to build a better life.. who cares about prince charming?)
6) Keep my room!!!!
7) Study harder
8) Learn self defence art...

Well that is all i can tink about for the moment of time.....
But yeah.. i truly hope that life will take a better turn and keep on getting a better turn as each yr advance on.... (=

Well.. recently me and my sis invented a word..
Bimbo = beautiful woman without brains
BUT.. what if the person is not beautiful, not brainy and the only thing about her is that she is ultra skinny?..
We call her bonebo.. we cannot call her bimbo because that does nt do justification to bimbos because they are beautiful, but bonebo is diff that means that she is ugly and she is brainless...

Why am i so nasty today.. you may ask... that is because there is this particular bonebo in my life that is really pushing me to the verge that i wanna slap her.... It is just that too much.. i mean it is her behavior that is making me intolerable.. i have blogged once about her in this blog too.. about how too much she is how self centred she is and how selfish she is... i just forgot to add in about how wayang she is as well.. i seriously cannot stand her at all man.. she is stupid to the power of infinity... Argh~
And the best part is that she throw herself at all man that crosses her path so long as she is single.. doesnt matter who you are so long as you are willing to take her she is willing to be with you... I have finally figured out why she can always get hitched with a guy easily while i cant.. that is nt because she is way prettier or anything.. it is just because she is easy goin and i am not...

Recently.. if you have been following my blog, you will notice that i had just quarralled with my parents on seperate occasions... on christmas with my mum and new year eve with my dad...
Haiz... the quarral with my mum is over.. it is the quarral with my dad that is still goin on.. you see my dad is a retiree.. and my mum well being my mum will always quarral with him for idling at home... drinking with his friends.. and he should do all the housework... and yesterday i quarralled with him because i also find his drinking too much.. i noe that he is not totally drunk.. but i chose to said that to him at the point of time because he was saying tat for that few more years.. it doesnt matter.. the fact is that it does matter to us... I am the closest to my parents.. and though i really hate the way they do things sometime.. losing either of them will drive me to the end of world and stay there.. and losing both of them will make me lost all my sanity....
Why cant he see that everytime my mum flare up we are the POW.. and we have always form a liases with each others.. yet yesterday was the few rare time whereby i side my mum and quarralled with him because i reall dun wan him to drink so much???....

And nw he said that he want to go out to work again.. as a cleaner.. to clean bowls and cups in hawker centre... my heart broke... why does he has to do this??... i dunno.. i am feeling so miserable nw... i am really so upset.. and i really dunno from which point am i goin to take on this problem and resolve it....

Well... actually i have alot of things to blog about this few days.. but i tink i better start with this one in line with the yr end...

Haiz.. in case you all wonder why i sigh.. that is because i just quarralled with my dad.. anyway.. we will come to that later... You noe how it feels like.. when you and a grp of friends are playing in a playground... then as time goes by... slowly one by one... all of your friends left you to go and play with other friends at other place?.... That was what i feel when i knew that my cousin have a girlfriend.. it seems like all five of us (my two sibling, my two cousins and myself) used to play in the same playground... then slowly when each of them get attached and get married, they leave this playground... till the time when my this cousin have a girlfriend... i am left standing alone in the playground... i am seriously happy for the two of them.. because after so many years of zi bi.. they finally found their other half.... but i just cant help it but feel sad that i am the only one left... so i start to feel very miserable.. but after sometime... i realise that even though they all have their own partners nw.. they have never stopped to look back at me.. to see where is ah bee nw.. what is she doing and does she need help..
So my new year resoulution of the year.. is to stop gloating at my own situation.. and appreciate the beautiful things in life more.. life is short.. i shouldnt let sadness take over majority of my life...
PS... in case the two of you misunderstood i am really really really happy for the both of you.. just that at that point of time when i get to noe bout it.. i am just upset about my own situation.. but am still very happy for the both of you....

Year 2006 has been a very bad yr for me... yeah i noe every year is bad for me.. but this is a even worse year... yeah every yr is a even worse yr for me.. well you cant blame me because every year gets even worse than the previous year.. there is not a year whereby i can said that oh! this has been a fruitful year... but i see all this as test in life... there are many obstacle in life.. but if you will get stronger everytime you overcome one obstacle... life is tired for me at this moment.. i dun feel recharged at all.. and i really dunno how many obstacles muz i go thru.. but for the sake of living on.. i will overcome all this obstacles... afterall i am already very fortunate that majority of the peps in this world... i consider myself fortunate coz i have a loving family who loves me...

At this final stage before 2007 i am still crying in front of my computer while blogging because i just quarralled with my dad over his drinking.. he has this toopid friends who will always psycho him to drink alot.. and my dad has high blood pressure so he cant take tat much drinks.. and my mum quarralled with him the moment he stepped into the door.. in order to stop any further hurting between the two of them, i quarralled with him instead over his drinking problem.... if he wants to drink i will drink with him in the future... there is no pt in my living if anything happen to him.. so if he seriously wants to waste his life away as per what he told my mum.. i will waste my life with him...

Lastly i would wish all a very happy 2007... may all the bad thing be gone and i seriously hope that i will have a fruitful 2007......

Chirstmas yesterday wasnt good.. it was not even a bit good... first my parents quarralled... then my dad went off and ask us to celebrate christmas/my mum's birthday without him.. then i made the decision to ask my mum's youngest sister and her fav last son over for a party to make her happy.. it was fine initially.. everything was fine.. until she decide to invite my uncle who is stayin at lim family over.. and noeing that xiao pang is alone at home.. my mum invited xiao pang over as well.. that i can still tolerate... then came the ultimate... the whole freaking lim family came over... i was like bloody hell!!...
and that stupid da pang brought lkk down to buy chocolate for my mum saying that it was lkk giving the chocolate to my mum for his birthday... f off man... lkk has his parents and his auntie and uncle why in the world does he need da pang a distant relative that is not related to him in anyway by blood to bring him down to purchase chocolate for my mum?.. If lkk wants to buy a pressie for his grandma.. we will always bring him down to buy ourselves.... what is his freaking problem?.. and da pang ever scolded xiao pang before for following us downstairs.. asking him how can he following other people down... so i just quote exactly his phrase back to him... and gir leng dong said that i am being political.. what is his problem???.. xiao pang is a precious kid so he cannot anyhow follow peps down.. and lkk is not a precious kid?... he can just follow peps down like nobody's business??.. and you all are telling me he is the elder of lkk and what will he do to lkk.. let me tell you this... so what if he is a elder and relatives of lkk.. to me he is just a dirt... why should we respect him??.. just because he is our relative?.. no.. that doesnt work for me.. firstly he is not related to me by blood.. secondly he is just related by marriage... doesnt mean that when somebody became your relative he become good.. he is still the same.. and lastly what fucking thing has he done to ever gain my respect?? none.. so what is his freaking problem??... the ultimate line is I DUN TRUST HIM... he can always bring lkk down and ask him to help him pick 4D etc etc ec.. god noes what else he can do to lkk... i dun trust him... given his rotten character.. he has not creditiblity for anybody to trust him at all.. so what is the problem??.... and i had to quarral with my mum because of this too.. because apparently she noes that the whole freaking lim family is coming and did not tell us at all... i am so freakingly upset that all event had to be ruin by this family... and my mum is always taking the you jin sheng wu lai shi thing to overrule all our dislikeness for them... cant she open her eyes big big and see that they are not appreciative of what she do.. and they will only make use of her and they are a bloody selfish bunch of people that dun deserve any sympathy from us??... if we go back to our old life when we are in primary school when we are truly very poor.. they will never do anything to help us... so why should we help them when we noe that even if anything happen to us they will not help??.. this is call yang hu wei huan.. dun anybody understand??... it is like inviting rice bug into the rice tank and let them finish all the rice and this bunch of insect will go on to find other rice tank.. as least rice bug are fine because they dun talk.. this pep are worse because other than eating and leeching on us.. they talk and suan and behave as if they are beings that are way superior than us.. so why dun they just f off from our life?.. if they are so superior... then f off... dun come and step on my tail.. i will never let this thing off.. try asking da pang or xiao pang to step on my tail again.. i will chew off their head regardless of whatever...

Gir Leng Dong >> if you tink that you have out talk me yesterday you are WRONG... i stop because i give face to MMYY.. because she asked me to stop... but you are wrong if you think that you out talk me yesterday.. to a basic human what i said yesterday was rude.. to da pang.. what is said yesterday was not rude.. in fact it was already words in the nicest form to him.. so what is the problem??.. i am not afraid of offending them because i dun wanna have any connection or contact with them ever again.. they have never done anything to gain my goodwill so why should i bloodily be nice to them??.... I am just on the verge of asking them to fuck off from our lives and never every appear again... so what even if i offended Li Yi??... i dun care.... i dun have to do anything to gain their goodwill.. gaining their goodwill means that i have to take care of xiao pang for them when they die in the future and even worse we might have to take care of the two of them when they are old because i dun tink their son can make it.. so this type of goodwill is something that i dun wan.. life is already so intolerable why should i be nice to pep who will only give me trouble and dun appreciate anything done?.. if i have the time.. i would rather go to third world country and help pep there.... at least i am saving a life... so i dun give a damn...

I noe... there are somethings in life that are repeated and repeated and repeated like nobody's business... but mayb you all will allow me to repeat this again??... for repeating sake??... i dunno lah.. i am just feeling upset... and as you all can see from the title of my blog.. my heart has stop beating since then... i am sitting in my room now at evening 6+ without the lights on... the sunlight in my draw are decreasing... darkness is setting in as minutes goes by... i lurve this time.. because it is usually the most quiet moment of the day... whereby you can sit down and think... and take cover in the darkness... this few days.. i have been thinking of the past alot... if i believe that if there is a time machine that would transport a person back to the past.. i wil be the first to use it.. actually i have no more feelings left... but i miss him.. as in the him in 2004 nt the him now... i just hope that i can go back and enjoy cherish every moment even more... the sad and beautiful thing about life is that once the moment is pass.. it will never happen again.. and if it is a beautiful moment... you will keep on hoping and wishing that you can go back to the moment.. but you can never go back to that moment... basically there is a big hole in my heart thta can never be filled up again.. but i have really packed everything and keep into the small corner of my heart never to be open again... but i will noe for all my life that i love this man before.. deeply...

I used to love this man.. or rather the one that is in 2004 nt that man nw... i will always love that man in 2004 nt the man nw...

Okie this is blogged in my sister's blog and re-post in my cousin's blog so i shall blog it here as well...

A VERY BOH LIAO STORYhmm..... abit "politic" on today's blog.... but.. hmm... cannot figure out wei shen mo... so must blog it downbefore we go on... today's topic is not for
1.) tiggering any "wars" between the families
2.) hurting people involved
3.) insulting people involved
4.) deepen the dislikeness of people involved
5.) educational purpose......
once upon a time, there is a jedi academy... in this academy, there are a few jedi knights as follow:
xian cai
ku cai
watermelon
strawberry face
bai cai
sweet potatoal
thought wif xian cai (he is the OLDEST) always trying to LEAD the group wif his @#$%%^&*#@$# way out of any situations, this group of knights are quite closely knitted together... life goes on wif a little bickering here and there.. but they will always be there for each other if (SHOULD) problem arise...suddenly one day, a houseELF from HOGwards stumbled into this group of knights. After seeing the fun of being a jedi knight, the houseELF wanted to join in the group and become a knight too..but the houseELF was raised in HOGwards and had being taught of all "interesting" values of life, values that the jedi knights frowned upon.... the knights tried to teach him the jedi values of life, but the values were all rebutted and despised by him.. so the knights slowly distance themselves from him..using the 'interesting" values that he learned, he started to do all sort of funny things to get attention from the knights... he forced the youngest knight, sweet potato to mix wif him.. trying to control him using his childish and boh liao methods.. using the higher authorities to force sweet potato obey his commands...thinking that he had already gain control of sweet potato, he worked his way up and tried to clone bai cai.... without know that bai cai is actually a bitch.... will his evil plans success and took over xian cai's place eventually and lead the group?? will his head kana snap off by bai cai?? nobody knows the outcome yet~........we shall see....:D

anyway.... ku cai thinks that ...hmm.... after all, the jedi knights are a mixture of funny vegetables and weird behaving fruits... they dun belongs to the "normal" kind of ppl...so the jedis dun mind to have a strange houseELF joining their group... but is the houseELF willing to throw away his "interesting" values and accept the jedi values which he once stepped on??

to him:RESPECT YOURSELF, RESPECT OTHERSTHINK FOR YOURSELF, THINK FOR OTHERS

okie.. now for some updates about myself.. life hasnt been good.. because i was sick... because i got the virus from DIDI aka RLFL aka THE NAUGHTY BOY... sigh... basically the first two days i was a living dead and the third day i was a mute.. hope tomorrow will be a better day.. it is so bad that Wai Gong and Grandma was fussing over me the whole day... Anyway went out with them for dinner tonite.. because i got my bonus today so i decide to treat them to something nice.. it has been a long time since i went out with only the two of them.. and i found that i still like it alot... when we were together.. it is like hanging out with each other.. with laughing at Grandma to suaning Wai Gong... I am really glad to have them as my parents and if there is a next life.. i would still want them to be my parents... and because of them i will want to live my life to the fullest... and soar to great heights to do them proud.... =D

I am so tired nw.. the feeling is like dying... seriously i dunno why am i so tired... izzit because there is no more objective in my life... there is nthing for me to look forward to again that is the reason why i am so tired each day... mayb my body feels that it is better to just sleep thru every single day... and die on the day i should die... everyday seems to be a drag.. Actually the reason is very simple.. in order to prevent the previous accident of me confessing from happening again..and to have the same outcome... i have decided not to love anybody anymore... never to fall in love again... so i forbid myself frm falling in love.. i dun wanna live like a living dead person again just to have all my feelings rebutted because.. i also dunno why... i just feel that there is no pt.. as it is nw.. life is already a chore.. why go and look for more trouble?.. i would seriously prefer to keep to myself... than to get hurt again and end up with more chores...

It is two am in the morning on a thursday morning.... and i am crying in front of the computer.. dun ask me why am i crying.. but i am just crying... i guess i am just upset that i am a loser.. yes loser in everything... in all aspect of life... It is scary... very scary on how good i can control my emotions when i want to and how helpless sometime when i cannot control my emotions... when i am crying inside... when my heart is bleeding.. yet i can still show smiley face... what is wrong with me??... i am sleepy.. but i dun feel like sleeping... i am sad.. yet i dunno why am i sad.. i am very bothered.. but i dunno what am i being bothered by.. i am missing out on a huge chunk of life.. yet i dunno why am i missing this huge chunk and how can i get it back... i really really dunno what is wrong with myself... i desperately need help.. seems like i have no life at all... it seems like all along i live for other ppl.. so when all this people has their own life... i seems to be left with emptiness... i no longer have a life.... and when i am trying my best to get a life... pep start interferring with how i should lead my life... what is wrong with me.. what is wrong with my life and what is wrong with the ppl around me??... Just what is wrong?!?!?!

I dunno why.. but irritating pep just keep appearing in my life.. friend snatcher... who try to haolian that she has alot of ppl chasing after her...
alright alright.. i admit.. i am ugly.. i am fat... nobody wants me.. even the only time where i confessed that idiot dun wan me either... so i am a loser in life... a true purple loser.. but hor... if that particular person really luuuurve to snatch things from my life.. why nt.. snatch my problem??... snatch all my troubles and all the bad things in my life??... It is kinda stupid rite??.. You noe i am nice.. i try nt to be bitchy.. coz i would like to be more considerate towards other people.. BUT... why izzit that these people wanna trigger off the bitchy instinct inside me??.... And turn me into a bitch??.. nw it is too late to stop.. i try to be nice.. i try to oversee everything and not get even.. but it is too late.. you have just trigger off the bitch instinct in me... and that is just too bad...

Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you've done it?
So deliberate, so determined
And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
I'm wondering for days and hours
It's here, it isn't here where you belong

Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you dieAnd as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Next time if i ever open my mouth to give advice to a particular somebody again, pls remind me to mental slap myself on my mouth..... coz i dun like to give advice just in the end to be rebutted back that 'ya i noe..' or 'no because blah blah blah' you see when a person try to object to point A... then you explain to her why point A is like that.. then she will change her tune and said that she agree with point A all along arh.. she never said that she disagree arh.. waste your time rite?.. you make her see the light.. then she point the finger at you and said that she all along saw the light arh.. why are you wasting her bloody time being a smart alec and try to explain something that she noe or agree to her again.. Then why you are so upset.. you try to tell her something that upset you.. she listen to you for like one minute.. then she interupt you.. and said ya i noe.. you noe hor.. my situation hor.. and then from my upsetness become her upsetness then because her topic..
The most ridiculous thing is that... i cried and grumble to another friend.. then she interupt me one min into the talking and started dragging our conversation into her problem direction and started crying too... the problem is that she has been telling us her problem for 100 over time and she has never cried.. the moment she sees me cry she has to cry... I mean it is not that i am not sympathatic over her problem.. but sometime you have to noe when to stop.. you noe your friend is in a sad mood... you noe she needs to talk and a shoulder to cry on.. and yet you fuckingly cry on ur problem when you have already been given the opportunity to do that..

So nw i have already come to a conclusion.. i am not gonna give her anymore advice and i am gonna just ignore her.. best if i can stay far far far far far far far far away from her... life is already so unbearable and it is because of these ppl that makes life even more unbearable that you start complaining... She is like the type of person that does this.. if i complain that i have no money to eat.. she will complain yaya i understand what you mean because like you i have eating problem too.. i lurve to eat sharksfin.. but then i am being offer abalone to eat... sometime hor.. i really wish that i can lurve to eat abalone leh.. then i wun have such a headache over wanting to eat sharksfin when i am eating abalone.. such a agony hor?... why do i have to have this type of friend who is only capable of seeing herself and her own problem and nobody else'. No matter how jialat other ppl's problem is ... she will forever think that she is in a even worse situation.. isnt it good that you stay contended that when you see other ppl's poor situation?... What is so good about outwinning ppl with even worse situation?.. Why do you need to go ard wayang ing about your problem.. when ppl complain it is nt because they wants to compare it is because they just wanna pour their heart out.. why izzit that you will then have to show case your even worse situation try to outwin the other ppl because your situation is even worse.. no matter what situation you will always tink that it is a even worse situation and try to outwin the person who started complaining first... then wayang ard... you thot you really starin opera huh?... if you really wanna seek for so much attn why dun you just get urself a husband and go away?.. Then the husband can give you attn for 24/7 ... Are you having some problem with yourself or are you just tryin to act pity to gain the attn the whole world so that everybody will be nice to you??.. Please dun give me this type of bullshit... you are ke lian?.. Then those kids in third world country is what?.... she better stay far far away from me... argh!!!!!......

Well.. just received a call frm my sis... she had quarralled with her husband er.. sorry correction her mother in law...

Apparently, my sis's husband had scolded her (my sis's mother in law) and complain that he has no money to spend.. and yet my sister is still asking for money... FYI.... their family operate a furniture shop... and owns two car.. whom that bloody bastard is paying for.... additionally.. he also hired a bunch of useless fools in his shops... They wine and dine in restraunt while my sis eat porriage at home... and he only give my sis a pathetic monthly household income of $1000+ per mth to pay for electricity bills, maintenance fee, the kid's expenses, the school fee and the food. And he told his mother that if he gave her a detail breakdown of how he spend his money per mth, she will cry.. ya cry because she finally realise that his son is spending so much money on things that are not needed, that he spend so much month per mth, and nt because of the amt that he has to save per mth and spend wisely because he has no money... Bloodly hell... he has nothing when he mit my sister only one bloody mercz that only he being the frog in the well thot is a big deal... My sister slog her guts out together with him and nw that their business are good.. they are living like kings and queens while my sister and her two kids live in povety...

As if it is nt enuff.. they never cherish my sister, while the bloody bitch mother in law treated the other two daughter in law like queen, my sister is like a slave!... That whole family (excluding my sis and her two kids as well as the other two daughter in law) should be damn to hell.. and live there forever...

Argh!!... Fucker i dun believe that there is no way that we couldnt get back at him.. but of course i need to set my sister firmly on the ground and start her life all over again... she has to take care of the two kid for sure...

As for that bloodly bastard.. dying is a good way for him... i curse that he has to suffer all the emotional torment that he himself caused to so many people.... He will hug his mama and burn in hell together.. BASTARD....

Life... has two side... it just depend on how you wanna view it.. in the positive way.. or in the negative way.. i just found out that one of my friend is married.. or rather ROM.. his wife... is 21 yrs old.. same age as me... and i am still dangling here... nowhere ard... i remember telling BT once before izzit that my life has to be like so... i mean.. ppl has a bf.. they has a backend job... they dun have to get scolded by cust.. it seems like they are so loved... then.. me??... i get all the shit from life.. i am still single... and i have to work in CS.. whereby i risk getting scolded every single day... and as if it is nt enuff.. i have friends who are seems like foe rather than friend... it is really quite sad... then BT reminded me this.. you noe.. ppl may have all the above mentioned.. but because you dun have.. so you are able to view ur family's love for you clearer and cherish them even more...

Somewhere.. somehow.. i would need to find a balance in all this thing.. ppl always tell me.. yi ding hui you de... it is just that ur prince charming have nt appear... well... after 21 yrs of not having been in a relationship... i give up... i give up all hope... the guys i mit in my life??... feel nthing for me... so i give up all hope.. completely all hopes ever...

But i will always remember what BT told me... it is because of all this shit in life that make me sees the love my family member have for me in a clearer way and appreciate them...

Hmm havent been blogging for a while.. so decide to post something here.. updates.. i slim down again!!... yeah!!... erm... i have calm down alot.. and well the heart pain had subsided alot alot.. i no longer feel that painful le... but then i guess i am nt ready to take away the healing in process title.... this is the last remaining bit of feeling that i still hold on to.. the last remaining feeling that link me to him.... until i have totally forgot bout him.. when which ever person mention his name.. it wun bring any special feeling to my heart.. then i can declare that i had truly forgotten bout him and i can move on with my life leaving my love for him truly sealed.. Something happened last few days that makes me decide that i am numb... but dun wish to elaborate too much.... i just wish to keep all feeling and encounter with him inside my heart... i am afraid that if i share with too many ppl.. the feeling might get diluted.. and then the last remaing few bits of feeling will also be gone...

Anyway enuff about the above mention... some other updates.. next wk i am goin for a chalet!... really looking forward to it.. it is sorta truly a chalet held by the five cousins in the circle of trust without all the aunties.. ya the aunties are goin on the first day and i am goin on the second day.. so overall i wun really bump into them.. hahaha.... i wanna enjoy myself and play... muaha.. i noe that today's topic doesnt have much depth.. but then i guess this is the aftermath of my fairy tale like crush.. when the huge amt of feeling leave your heart.. it is just leave a big big empty space there with nothing but emptiness and numbness....

Hmm refer above.. that is the topic of the day.... recently a distant to the power of infinity cousin made a remark that is so stupid.. we wonder how he got his degree frm a ESTABLISHED SINGAPORE UNIVERSITY..... Anyway.. was not able to get his full name so consider himself lucky.... we noe his name is something yan.. and ppl call him Ah Yan (prounced as the first sound in hanyu pin ying).....

His auntie.. which so happened to be my mum's cousin.. got cancer... SO being the smart alec that he is.. he went to search the internet and found out that cancer is inheritary (OMG somebody kill me.. i really dun wish to be in anyway blood related to him... a simple info like this he need to go to internet to search?... Is he dumb or what?).... so he state that.. the reason why this cousin auntie of ours got cancer is because my Ah Ma (maternal side) got cancer!... Lets get the family tree correct before we continue... my Ah Gong (maternal side) and the father of this cousin auntie are siblings.. they are BLOOD RELATED... but my Ah Ma is somebody who my Ah Gong got married to.. in another word... they are only related by MARRIAGE.. nt BLOOD....

And this Ah Yan without figuring out anything.. went ahead to make the remark of the year... which of course causes alot of outcry and blood boil from my cousins, my siblings and me... You noe.. a person is dead... you should at least give them some respect.. somemore is a elder... what the f**k is he tryin to do when he point the finger at my late Ah Ma??.. There is no due respect paid to the dead... nt to mention to the elders as well as to US... because he insulted our heritage roots... Pls... if you cannot afford to do too much tinking.. then dun do the tinking.. nobody said that uni student need to make smart comment or even any comments at all.... so if there is anything that you are nt sure of.. pls ck.. do research before sayin the statement.. and we are not sure should we luff at ur low mentality or should we be angry that you insulted our roots...

I noe that we cannot do anything to him... so we decide to blog it down... at here.... at Tze and at LKK and LFL blog... Since he lurve to search the internet.. we will give him a little something to read about.. of course this time the topic is him and nt my Ah Ma...

FYI Ah Yan if ya reading... you are spared because of due respect given to your grandparents... because ur late Ah Gong is nice and your Ah Ma is nice too... so we decide that it is not worth it to upset the elderly for ur puny life... See we are gentlemanly enough to pay our respect to our elder even though our blood are boiling COZ YOU INSULTED OUR ROOTS... so pls.. if you cannot pay due respect... just stupid up... if you are nt able to shut up.. pls refer the forumla provided in LKK and LFL blog which teaches you how to shut up.....

Lastly.... here is the insult of the year.. 'You are even more stupid than Ah Yan'
*Sinister Laughter*

P.S. nw you noe.. 'hell halt no fury for women whom grandparents are insulted' ... pls also do us a favor as well.. in case that you are really reading this blog Ah Yan >>> pls inform whoever relatives who want to insult us in the future to tink twice before action... coz we are no longer the previous generation who are as soft as cotton wool and will only cry when bullied... definately we will strike back.. and make sure that the person gets it twice as hard.. COZ WE ARE NOT STUPID..... YOU DUMBASS....

Hmm this is a nice song... http://youtube.com/watch?v=S8yYT8dkfVM
it is a light hearted song which is v. sweet... but the strange thing is... i am crying while listening to this song.... my heart is just so painful...

But.. nevertheless..is a nice song.. go ahead and listen to it...

As the title read.. i am in the processing of healing... mending back my broken heart piece of piece.. so far as it seems... it is quite difficult to mend the pieces back together... it just refuse to stick back together... and is quite painful...

i really dont know why can the pain be so intense.. for somebody who i am nt really very close to....

I spend two yr getting outta this crying nonsense.. nw i am back in it again... crying as and when i hear a sad song.... and the heart is constantly in pain.. but i am able to describle the feeling exactly.. it is heart broken... that is the term... my heart is broken... and i really dont know what to do to stick it back...

Actually i am supposed to blog about something else.. but i am really in no mood to blog about that nw... so i will blog bout my bal pt nw first...

Well.. i saw him today... initially i opt to curl my hair... but i noe that he like ppl with straight hair.. so i opt to straighten my hair with the end curl a big inwards huggin my face instead... when i saw him.. my first reaction was he is here... and i saw a girl following behind him.. so i knew immediately that, the girl behind is his gf... When i got to sit down.. he said hi in a bright tone to my friend.. and then a lukewarm hello to me.. i thot that he din recognise me.. then after a while things warm up a bit.. then i understand something.. how can you get into somebody's world when the door is tightly shut against you??... it is nt ur fault.. nor were you nt tryin hard enuff.. just that.. the door remain shut against you.. so no matter how hard you try.. you can even try banging ur body against the door.. in the end you will end up with a injured body.. and a injured heart..

SO... fast forwarding the evening.. he is getting married... they even got the house already.. i was sadden for a moment.. the moment that i had hope wun happen had happened... actually the moment that i cfm that he has a girlfriend.. the painful feeling return... the one whereby it felt as if ppl are tearing ur heart apart.. then after a while it vanishes... until i got the news that they will be getting married lah.. i felt numb.. numb as in nt feelingless.. but is pain and confused and panic and everything add in together to get the feeing numb.. but somehow somewhere i felt a sense of relieve.. i noe that i really cannot pin for him anymore... so i no longer felt obligated to love him.. so i am sort of free.. but.. the pain remain.. afterall i am not cold blooded.. pls give me a few days.. for me to mourn over this.. and take a emotional break.. tonight had been a emotional roller coaster for me.. and i wanna take a break.. i am close shop for a few days.. shall not entertain anybody.. just wanna rest.. and find my bal pt.. so that i can carry on with life.. and no longer feel the pain.. down down down.. Sylvia's server is seriously down.. and will need a few days to resume operating....

What did i do wrong??... Question my own question on and on.... What did i really do wrong??..... i feel like i am a tight piece of string... ready to snap anytime... The topic that made me wonder this.. is sensitive... but i am really very angry and tired...

Lets just said it in this way.. a sorry is a sorry... it should be said in the form of a sorry.. nt make some other silly comments or jokes to overcover the mistakes and then save the sorry... Rules that had originally been made had been broken... and ppl who made those rules are trying to ignore it.. to their own convenience... after all.. breaking the rules in this case.. wun do any damage to them... i am the one who suffered the consequences of breaking this rules.. and i am the only idiot who had following this rules throught out....

Ppl may said that i am a bitch that is picky.. but then i am nt!!... i am just enforcing those rules that had been enforced on me originally.. so what the fuck is the problem??....

Ppl only care about their own comfort zone.. it doesnt matter that other places is a war zone.. afterall it is nt their confort zone.. they just need to ensure that everything is fine in their confort zone.. the other places.. is other ppl's business...

I really cannot take it anymore.. i am so fuckingly angry.... i really dunno why i have to suffer the consequences of ppl's mistake.. and i even more hate it when the bastard who deserve this are goin scott free... that bastard should go to hell.. before he goes there.. he should suffer what we are suffering nw....

As the title suggest.. i have 1001 things to blog.. but i forgotten all bout them.. what is the thing about.. what is my thot.. i found out that nowadays i have short term memories.. perhaps it is my brain trying hard nt to tink bout things... nt to remember too much... but i had a v. funny thot in my mind yesterday...

My Ah Gong... nt the maternal one.. is the paternal one..
Well.. i am close to neither of my ah gong.. and i always wonder hw can a grandchild be close to their grandparents.. i had never had the chance to be close to them.. or rather mayb it is the timing problem that deny me the chances of bonding with them... When i sees didi with my mum.. i am always v. touched, by the closeness that the two of the share.... the grandma-child relationship.. they are so close to each other that they have alot of mo qi.. when didi said something.. my mum noes what he wants.. and when my mum said something.. didi understand her.. that is the type of relationship that i nv had a chance to build with my grandparents... Anyway.. back to topic.. yesteday.. i was at recept.. when this elderly man came.. i felt so ashame of myself because he came in an greeted me good afternoon in a very nicely with a semi bow. I felt so bad for lettin a elderly do that.. whats more.. at the end of the day when he is about to leave.. he came up to me and said 'Thank you miss'... my immediate reaction was 'wow......this elderly man is so nice'.. and i thot that he resemble my grandfather.. then i thot i used to have a grandpa like that too... i mean their behavior is sort of the same.. very quiet... very calm and gentle feeling.. at least that is the feeling that i got from my grandfather... and i start to miss him.. i always wonder why dun i get a chance to bond with him?... Nw that he is gone.. all that is leave is the blood bond that he is my grandpa... and nothing else... why izzit tht this person who is supposely one of my closest relative seem so distance from me?.. It seems that we are just aquitances.. anyway.. i realise that from this uncle that humble is the best.. it make ppl's day and it get things done as well... so i should try to be more humble in the future...

Today i learn another lesson.. i took a cab from home to work.. no choice last nite was disco nite.. the taxi driver was rather friendly and i found myself talking to him.. apparently this taxi driver is a uni graduate.. and he is driving a cab because his previous company had fold... and he has been jobless for five mth.. Then i realise that actually i should be rather content with my current situation.. even though it is not a bed of rose.. and it is not as good as some others.. as least it is nt that bad.. i still has a job... and even though i am just a dip holder.. but least i hold a regular job that gives me a decent pay.. nt bad lah my pay.. i am quite contented with it as it is currently...

So two lesson in two days.. always be humble and be contented with your life because it is way better than others... and something that i had though about.. the pasture is not always greener on the otherside!!

i am so bloody angry nw...

you noe the type of feeling whereby you are so tired that you just wanna give up??.. That is what i am feeling nw.. i noe that a normal life is a blessed life.. i noe there are thousands or million of ppl out there who are way way worse than me... but you noe that type of feeling where you noe that there are ppl who are worse than you out there but you are just so tired tat you just dun feel like doing anything at all??.. That is the feeling that i am getting nw... When you tried your best to do something and in the end it doesnt turn out to be the way you want it to.. it is disappointing.. i wonder if my easy going attitude have anything to do with this.. mayb because i know how it feels like to be disappointed when you tried ur best to do something.. so i would rather nt try my best... and if the outcome is good.. as least i can tell myself that hey you see?.. you are lucky!.. if i din make it.. i will reprimand myself saying that.. hey! you see you din try yourbest... this is all better than.. you tried ur best and cannot make it and have to tink and tink and tink bout what went wrong and etc and izzit that when you tried ur best this type of things still happen in life...

I noe this type of attitude is nt good... to tink in my head over and over and over again.. that i dun wan to get up again.. i just wanna lie here and die.. i dun wan to get up and start over again... but to tink bout it.. in life how can you gauge what is good or what is bad?... if i were to stop here... and dun get up.. does it commit a crime?.. It doesnt.. so why cant i??... I have to tell myself again and again to be strong to be strong... but hw can i be strong?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Well.. blogged something.. saved as draft.. i wanted to display that.. just that i need to do some editing to that entry.. but i found that there is nothing that i can take away.. coz every single sentence is really from the bottom of my heart...

The feeling nw is lonely... very lonely and it is a deafening lonely.. like i told beeting.. it is like.. you are playing with a grp of friends in a play ground.. then one by one.. they leave you for other places.. and you are the only one left there.. yet you cant join them.. it is that type of feeling..

I tink i reflect what Bai He said in The Rose.. I am just a ugly duckling who had accidentally stumbled into the swam's herd..

I guess the duckling can only stay on earth while she sees all her fellow companionship flies away.. i am not sayin this with a hint of jealousy.. not even a single hint.. just my part of sadness noeing how much less companionship i am goin to get in the future...