Sylvia's World...

U're not happy arh?

2012-02-09T01:33:00.001-08:00

That is the question that I get all the time now that half of the department knows that I've resigned....

Well.. What do u expect me to tell them?... It is very obvious that I'm not happy right?... So difficult to see meh?

Whenever anybody ask me this question, I would have the urge to ask them back this question.. "well, how do u expect somebody who has no lunch kaki, goes to lunch herself, has nobody to talk to during department lunch and gets boycotted by her own team mates just because she is a few years older than them to be happy?"

But because my zodiac forecast asked me to stay calm and watch what I say this year, I decides to let it pass by just smiling politely at them and tell them that I'm leaving to pursue my happily ever after...

Oh hi 2012!

2012-01-11T02:50:00.000-08:00

Good bye 2011!

I dont think I will ever miss you...

Just like antibiotics that you need when you are sick, you need antibiotics to get well, but you definitely dont miss it, or even love it.

That is how I view 2011. It's a nasty year, left a nasty taste in the mouth, it's a year that I dont want to go through again. Yet, I chose to view it as a year necessary for me to grow up.

Loads happened in 2011 and I dont want to go into details, just as what people always like to tell me and I always dont like to listen to them, let bygones be bygones.

However, I am still thankfu to all the life lesson that 2011 has given me.

It taught me to

1) Love myself more - You use your money to buy people birthday present, when it is your birthday, you hope that the person will do the same. Love is abou the same. You spend that amount of love on other people during their birthday to make them feel loved and hoep that these people will return the favour and make you feel loved on your birthday too. But why do you have to give up your love and hope that you will be loved back? If the person truly love you, there is no need to hope for them to love you. You know they love you. The rest of the population who doesnt love you just simply dont deserve your love. Stop buying pressie for others and start loving yourself.

2) Ignore Others - There is no need to prove to these people that I am smart, capable or peaceful. Why? Because I do not get money out of proving myself to them. Will their accusation of me being stupid and bitchy kills me? No, it wouldnt, unless I let it affect me (which sadly, happened many times). Result of letting these fools affect me with their mindless content? Quicken aging, dull skin and not beautiful anymore. So why comproise my health and beauty for fools?

3) Love the parents.. UNCONDITIONALLY - I have said it many time, never done it before. At the end of 2011, I found peace with myself. For the first time in my life, I am no longer angry with mumzillan for giving too much to her relatives, or her relatives coming to show off all the tie. Mumzilla is mumzilla, those idiots are those idiots. They are not associated to mumzilla in anyway. End of story...

After some reflection, foolish me realised that 'whoever upstairs' did not let me go... Never!

2011 was hard and 'whoever upstairs' knew it, and sent Cottony to me. There is absolutely no reason why I would buy a dog suddently, after being afraid of dogs for my whole life.

This dog is the reason that I managed to get thru 2011 alive. Many times, during the multiple quarrels with the husband, Cotton will come to me with the "Are you alright?" look. I will get reminded that even if the whole world does notlove me, this little white dog here loves me and if i die, he will be very poor thing.. even if it is for a while, his heart will be broken.

I have always believe that Cotton is fated to appear in my life to be my pet at a point of my life, but "whoever upstairs" chose to send him down before the dark period of my life to accompany me.

I am really thankful for that. Cotton is a good dog who has done a good job in accompanying his owners, I beg "whoever upstairs" to let him lead a good ripe old age life and ides off peacefully in his sleep with no pain. By ripe old age, I mean 10 years and above okay?

Okay, in the year 2012, I wish to fulfil a few things and I am SERIOUS about fulfilling them...

1) Empower myself with more authority and not be treated as second class citizen and feel that it is alright anymore. For many years, I have gone with the flow of things and not question anything because I leave everything to life. However, I realised that to fully taste life, you have to take things into hand sometimes and not just go with the flow and accept life without even trying another alternative right? So I shall try and ask and question so that I am given full rights as equal as any other humans and If I am not given and reasons are provided, I wil treat it as the good or bad of life.

2) Be healthy and beautiful. I am serious about this. Perhaps the slimming down even more made me realised that there is a whole lot more stuff that I could do to myself to ensure that I stay healthy and beautiful instead of just relying on my own body to make things happen and maintain itself. Dont be lazy, be more hardworking.

3) Lead a happy life. As mentioned in the above two wishes, you know, to live for 26 years as a ugly second class citizen is no fun and I am definitely not happy. After trying to apply the above mentioned two goals for a while, I realised that I can actually be happy (of course this is inclusive of the changes that I have learnt in 2011) and I am really in a pretty happy state of mind now. I promise not to think too much because thinking will not prevent it and nothing will happen since iti s just thinking. As part of my to lead a happy life project, I am very very very determined to get my degree by this Oct too!

All in all, lets just say that I want to lead a carefree and beautiful life...

Lets work towards a carefree, beautiful and good 2012!

给与妈妈的祝福

2011-12-28T08:46:00.000-08:00

How many of you have heard of me mentioning about my mum in happy tone before?

Many times, when I mentioned about my mum, I am always complaining about her... scolding her... bad mouthing about her... and wondering what is exactly wrong with her...

How many of you know that I actually is a mummy's kid?....... I bet that nobody can could imagine that I'm a mummy's kid...

Did I ever tell you how fortunate I am that despite being born in a poor family, I live like a princess because my mum is willing to exchange everything that she has so that I can lead a better life?...

Did I ever tell you that she is the greatest mum that I can ever have... and I secretly wish that in the next life, I can still return as her pesky little kid and be loved by her like how she love me this life time?...

I used to stick to my mum so much that everybody around her mentioned that I have super glued myself to her.. and I will follow her everywhere she goes...

So, what exactly changed and what made me turn 180degree from somebody who sticked to her day and night to somebody who only knows how to complain about her, find trouble with her, quarral with her and scold her?

You want to know? I am not gonna tell... I promised I will press delete and delete all these bad memories and karma that should belonged to somebody else but was channelled onto her due to her selflessness....

My mum lead a bad life... In fact, if there is a gu cai first gen.. i bet she is that gu cai first gen... Never loved by anybody (except for my dad okay) in her first part of life... discriminated and isolated in the middle part of her life... and still gets discriminated and isolated plus getting bullied by her kids during the mid-later part of her life...

I have always seen myself as her protector, I must protect her from being bullied... I tried to be there for her... because nobody protect her for most of her life... so I try to... but I was so blinded by my act of protection that I hurt her.... really badly... most importantly... it hurt our relationship too...

Something happened to her this year... something really bad... she got hospitalised.. and it was my fault that she got hospitalised... I have never thot that I would see her in this way...

She felt into coma for two days.... and there are ten thousand needles plugged into her body... suddenly.... she look so small... the 'grandma' in my mind has always been a huge figure... and I realised that it is not because she is big... it is because the shadow that she casted over me to protect me is so huge that I have mistaken that as her...

The doctor came, and told me that her life is in danger... She might not be able to pull thru if we dont give her the scan and if we give her the scan, she might end up with permanent kidney failure... There was nobody there... and (in very small voice: old man went blank when i told him that his wife's life is in danger... for the first time in my life... old man's eyes was blank... cant see his processor moving at all)... I had to make a decision on what to do....

After the doctor is done telling me that my mum will either die or suffer kidney failure, I turn over and saw tears falling out of her eyes....

I studied her very intensively... I rubbed her hands for the first time in many years... and tell her 'it's okay... nothing bad will happen...' and I realised that she's REALLY aged alot.... I saw the HUGE brown patch across her nose bridge that I gave her as a hello gift when I was born.. and it drawn on me that I was nothing but trouble...

She had a difficult time while carrying me.... when I finally came out, although I proudly declared that I am born on a sunday, I destroyed her sunday... I gave her a HUGE brown patch on her nose bridge, effectively destroying her spotless face... I am a weak kid, I have tonsils the size of adult's tonsils and get fever when somebody just pat me on the back... threaten and force her to buy feathery fan from Chinatown everytime we go there, showed her doe eye look and emotionally threaten her to buy me all the latest toy in primary school and accused her of doting on somebody else more that me....

And now.... at the ripe old age of 26, I delivered the last blow by bringing her to buy that fatal bread which causes her to be hospitalised...

I have always tell TFB that parents can dedicate their whole life to their kids... but their kids can never dedicate their whole life to their parents up till the day they die... but I dedicate my life to creating trouble for her and I asked myself.... are you done? are you done with torturing her?... are you happy now?...

I called Eat Bread and she rushed down to the hospital.... she couldnt make the decision, so she called her elder brother.... while rushing to elsewhere, i told Eat Bread that if i ever make my mum angry again... she has all the rights in the world to slap me... and if i try to hit back.. she must remind me that I asked her to do so...

I reminded myself that when I see her doing things that I think will make her unhappy, I try to stop her from doing it, in the process of doing so, I quarral with her.. and I MADE her unappy.... if she ever want to do something, she must have done it willingly and happily but because of my own judgement, I assumed that she is unhappy and try to stop her and make her unhappy.... although truthfully speaking, I AM NOT the one who caused her misery... I became the one who caused her all the unhappiness... I stand by my new found belief that if she wants to do something, she can go ahead and do it... i will not stop her.. unless it will cause her injury or death... she has live to the ripe old age of 60.. she should know what she need to do, what to do and why she want to do it... I, have no right to interfere (except if it will cause death or injury)

If she is unhappy after that, I can luff at her..... and tell her not to do it in the future...

Of course of course, she recovered and is very well now except that she need to watch her diet as she has very mild diabetes... and I know those of you who know me very well will think that all these promises that i made will only last me for six months... but you know.... i am even determined to keep to my promises because I know very well that although she went thru these pain and etc.... and sustained mild diabetes... she felt that all these is worth it... if she can pull me back... and everything in the family is fine again...

She is willing to give up her life... subject her body to torture, so long as her family stay close....

If she is willing to do all these.. I think a little mental torture from her bunch of "i really dun like people" luffing at me secretly is fine... because there's always karma for everybody.. you can treat her as badly as you want.. her kids are not useless.... but her kids are more concern about her happiness... and you will be punished by karma, the harder you luff.. you more you will get...

I will not quarral with my mum ever again (minor bitchfitting doesnt count as quarraling, like if she throws toffee across the room, disturb cotton all the time and pester me non stop the whole day)... I will not quarral with her ever again... I will do what I can to fulfill what she wants me to fulfill for her with the rest of my years.... If she can dedicate that type of dedication to me... I believe I can too.....

丑小鸭

2011-12-15T18:36:00.001-08:00

原来丑小鸭从来都没有变成天鹅。。。她还是丑小鸭。。。一切都只是个梦。。。她没有白马王子，也没有会变成天鹅的一天。。。唯一不同的就是，丑小鸭等到老了，也已经不像以前那么开朗了。。。现在的她，喜欢用沉默来解决一切。。。

It will end here

2011-12-14T23:27:00.001-08:00

I cannot recall what happened that made me cry when you proposed to me... Is it the ring?... The love?.. Or the fact that that was the first time you put in so much effort to surprise me...

Neither do I want to remember what disappointments did I encounter that made the overwhelming feeling that I felt during the proposal disappeared within a year...

I am tired... and don’t want to go on anymore...

The bag that you owe me... it was being postponed to two years later, and two years later again... And all that I’ve told you is.. Nevermind it is okay... lets buy it two years later then...

The cookies and flower that you gave me... came three years too late. If I am still a 23 years old young girl, I would be over the moon to receive all that from you... Now that I am 26 and very jaded from all that you have done... The only thing that can please my numbed and broken hearts is big big bouquets of flowers, and I mean one big bouquet every time you make me angry... Branded bags and meals at expensive restaurants at places with good ambiences every single time you make me angry or during special occasions... And small nice things frequently to surprise me during normal days...

Can you afford it?... You cannot... That is why I need to find myself a rich husband...

You asked why do I say that I want to find a rich husband just to spike you? No, you are wrong... I am merely fulfilling the perception that you have forcefully imposed on me for all these years as a materialistic girl who would spend money like there’s no tomorrow, is not thrifty and is not sensible enough to know how to save money for my husband...

What’s wrong with it? Why are you in so much pain? You forcefully imposed that image on me... no matter how I explained or prove myself, you have already form that image of me like that... so I am merely following what you imagine me to be... so why are you feeling so painful now?... Shouldn’t you feel happy that I am finally listening to what you said and not fighting against you anymore and embraced what you wanted me to be finally?

Lets end this... You cannot afford to keep me as a wife as you imagined me to be... You refuse to let me backdown from that wife that you imagined me to be... and all these hurt that I am receiving is just too much...

I will need to be alone so that I can let my numbed and broken heart heal, or I will find another rich husband to heal it for me.. There is no way you can help me anymore...

This is the end of us.

Crack...

2011-10-24T00:41:00.001-07:00

Like I told him yesterday... I feel so bitter because from the beginning till now, there are always bad moments after bad moments and thanks to some unwelcome people, they together w him has not created a wedding experience uniquely mine, but created a bad wedding memory, that is uniquely targeted at me and all mine to taste the bad taste and suffer the unpleasant feelings....

Actually, there's only been 1 woman who has been sowing discord and constantly, deliberately giving lousy advice so that she will be able to prevent me from getting better things than she does including the amount of love my husband placed on me can never be more than the amount of love her husband gave her...

As a woman, u only wish that ur husband gives you the best that he can afford because that translate into how much you are actually worth in his heart...

He has never done anything to assure mr that I'm worth alot in his heart and definitely has not given me the best that he can afford to assure me either...

Which woman will dislike big diamonds?... Even if the world criticize that Katie holmes's diamond ring from Tom cruise is too big and not suitable, guess who is the happiest woman on earth staring at the big bling on her hand while the rest of the world has nothing to stare at and can only bitterly criticize that her diamond is too big for her?...

So tell me, when a woman tell her brother in law that diamond don't need to buy too big de because her so and so auntie's diamond is 0.7carat and is too big for her hand and looks ugly... Just buy 0.5 carat can liao.... If ur explanations is that u have a budget and that's the best u can afford, I am very happy that u valued me like that and gave me the most that u can afford... Not oh because my sis in law said that too big diamond is ugly and so I din get... Which really leaves a very bad aftertaste because I will wonder if ur proposing to her or to me since ur priority was not giving me ur very best but to listen to ur sis in law who btw, did not know me for very long...

My wedding dream, was imperfect because of a woman who is not my mum, my mil or his lover... It was single handedly destroyed by a bitch who couldnt stand to see his wife getting better stuff (irregardless of who his wife is).. So that she can comfort herself that she still has somebody worse off than her...

This woman is not even important to me than a piece of used tissue and yet she has the ability to make my wedding imperfect because he allows her to do so... Because he don't trust me....

Because I trust u as my husband, I put my life in ur hand, because you chose to trust somebody else rather than me, u let somebody of no importance screw me upside down and destroyed the memories of the most important event in my life....

Because I made a vow to u, I will never bluff you... Even if I do, it will always be for your own good... Because other people is not answerable for your life and u're not the most important person in their life, they can bluff u for all they want for their own benefits and not feel bad about it..

If u want to chose to trust somebody else rather than me, remember that I made a vow to care and make u happy for the whole of ur life... Not those other people who has unclear intentions...

Ego...

2011-10-20T18:10:00.001-07:00

Ego is something that everybody has... Even a meek person like ebt has ego...

I don't blame u, if u have ego unless u offend me so badly w ur ego.... Over evolution, humans have learnt to control alot of their emotion and people who are not able to control their anger has anger issue... People who cannot control their ego are referred to mostly as Mcp.. Yes ego is seen as a bad thing and if u have positive ego, it's call pride...

Then, there is targeted ego-ing which, i am a victim of... And I don't even know which of my behavior or things that I've said made me look stupid and thus when a person feels more superior than another person, then the ego will manifest it's ugly self in the many quarrels that we have....

U think I don't have ego?... I think I have mentioned this many times that I am turning more human like with my thinking geared towards caring for another being, trying to tolerate another family's nonsense and try to be more wife like....

All these are not natural progression of my personal development but is very carefully crafting of my mindset to achieve this type of results... I only have 1 friend for a reason... Simply because I don't see why I need to subject myself from anymore human nonsense.. Think my auntie, my cousin and more of such "wonderful" relatives and friends... I really don't want to get myself involved in people who don't like me, just want to use me or try me like dirt...

U have done nothing to assure me about this... U would have told me you are changing, you are changing.. But, are you?... If we quarrel every week because of the same old issue.. Then where is the change?...u would also tell me that change takes time and I can't expect u to change within a week, yes.. U are not expected to change within a week but after a quarrel, a person would try to be careful to not provoke the person whom they just pissed off REAL BADLY but ur always doing the same thing after a week just convey the message that u are either really badly forgetful or u can't be bothered... If u attribute it to being forgetful, it's only within a short spanish of 1 week.. If u cannot remember, how do I expect that you will change if you don't remember about the change ur supposed to slowly implement?...

He's a nice guy...

2011-10-19T05:04:00.000-07:00

Yep... I know that he's a nice guy... He's so nice but not just to me, but he is nice to the whole world.. The amount of care and concern he showed to the whole world is the same as the amount he showed me... The only difference betwee you (his normal friends, relatives and colleagues) and me?

He pms at me, retort without masking his unhappiness and ego, couldnt hear what I say and doesnt trust me... Yes, he trust his own in-law, friends, friends' other halves and colleagues more than he trust me..

I have always envy some of the gfs/wives in our circle because despite their hubby/bfs being mean bean to the whole world, these husband/bfs actually have these huge amount of love allocated for their other halves and they showed this love on their other halves and their body language tells you that they dont care what you think about them being mean because all that matters is they love their other halves and the other halves love them too...

You need example? Recently his friends had a chalet and the number of photo with me inside actually posing for his camera? (minus the compulsory group photo).... Zero... It so coincidental that we celebrated his birthday on that day too and I brought him a really nice cake and the number of photo with me and him posing for the camera? Zero... Am i even remotely near to him or did he even paid attention to where am I during the photo taking session?... No

Number of photographs of his friends' wives and their kids? Alot... Will these people's husband/boyfriend care to take photographs of me and my kid (if i ever have a kid)... No... Did he like those wives (as friends)? Cordial only...

I dont care about not being in the picture, I dont care about not taking photo w him and his cakes.. But to have proclaim that you love me sooo much but there isnt a single photo of me and soooooo many photo of these other people whom he dont really like.. Seriously.. what kind of message do you think I am catching?

Maybe he's disappointed when he read this and feel that after so long, I still dont understand him, I can only tell him that I am sorry but you dont have a good track record to drive the point thru to convince my heart that you really love me that much...

You think I am picky? What would you do if you see the person you love having a breakdown because of you? You hold the person and try to comfort her first above everything right? No.. that is not what he will do. He will still stand there, head held high by his ego and continue arguing with me till I get my second breakdown where I want nothing but to get out of the whole situation and most importantly, away from him and my body goes into a shut up mode... He will then try to pacify me and ask me what's wrong and when I dont say, he'll say that he is disappointed with me because he is TRYING to resolve the problem here for US while all I do wa shut myself up and not willing to HELP him resolve OUR problem and KEEP pushing him way...

We love each others, but it has really gotten to the point where I dont know how much is coming from him, if he can go from loving me to attacking me verbally in fifteen min..

I really dunno how much there is... If there isnt much, then I would rather we let this go now than to continue like this when I am always left wondering where is that great guy who would constantly try to do little things to surprise me and made me fall in love with went to...

It's a gesture to give flowers and it is with love if you give flowers and put much thots into writing a card to come with the flowers and put much effort into trying to choose which bouquet that the girl will like. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can give flowers, SO what's so special about yours? It's a world of differences between a bouquet gave willingly and happily and bouquet given everything year that is turning into a chore and needs reminder to purchase the bouquet.

以后。。。

2011-10-17T03:27:00.001-07:00

以后达escalator 的时候有可能没有人小心翼翼的扶我。。。
以后放工的时候有可能没有人会问我需要他来接我吗。。。
以后要吃饭时有可能没有人会问我要吃什么。。。
以后睡觉时有可能没有人跟我说晚安。。。
以后醒了的时候有可能时一可人在房里。。。
以后不管多害怕我都不能跟自己说幸好有人陪我睡。。。
以后不管多害怕有可能都是我一个人带可登倪去散步。。。
有很多的以后在以后都有可能不会再发生了。。。
享受过被人疼爱的滋味后，现在是时候要鼓起勇气自己走下去了。。。
让我最感动的是你对我说，你没有发现到你现在越来越依赖我吗？因为你跟我说你不依赖人，所以我要你依赖我，我就可以永远留在你身边。。。
可是当我相信原来真的有人可以这样疼爱我，而且想完全依赖你的时候，你却跟我说你累了。。。你不想再安慰我了。。。

Everybody wants to be a Cesar Milan...

2011-09-16T05:31:00.000-07:00

Everybody wants to be a Cesar Milan, but not everybody can be a Cesar Milan, and definately not everybody like Cesar Milan.

Like me, I do not agree with his training methods to a certain extend... I understand that he has to be aggressive towards some dogs, because they are dangerous. BUt i definitely do not agree that his methods should be applied on all dogs..

I am ike thoe foolish people who think that if you are attacked by an animal, it is fated lah and if an animal is killed, the humans are cruel! Geddit? I love animals more than humans.. so regardless of how dangerous the animal is, I get very offended when I see the poor thing being abused...

Anyway, I mentione about everybody wanting to be a Cesar Milan because Cesar Milan's teaching tells you that human is alpha male.. so that you are able to control your dogs....

Recently, when I go out for a walk with Cotton, people starts to whistle, make strange noises or try and call his name based on their own imagination (like Snowie lah... and etc.. like seriously.. why not try saying "Hi, your dog is cute, what's its name?" to me and I will tell you? What is your objective of standing there right infront of me (the owner) and try to guess the name? If you get the name correct, it shows that you all are fated arh?...

I really dun understand what these people are thinking about..

DO they think that they have such strong alpha male aura that when my dog (whom I raised up, feed, sayang him, clean him and been there with him thru thick and think) thru around and sees them, will make an instant connection with them and feel their 'awesome' alpha male aura and the dog will run away from me towards that person and together they will walk hand in hand into the sunset leaving me alone there like a dumbass with an empty leash?

Seriously, how posible do you think that is? Yes, as cheesy as it sounds, Cotton DID make eye contact with somebody before.. and the person is ME! yes.. that is why he is my dog.. he chose me as his owner...

Nobody is a born alpha male, unless you are their species... so why not try coming over insteadn say Hello to the owner and asked if you can have the dog's name, stroke the dog or play with it?

Maybe if you are nicer, have the decency to say hello to the owner instead of treating the owner as invisible and try to stroke the dog, you will get a chance to meet a obedient dog with nice owners.

Otherwise?

Cotton and myself does not hestitate and in fact, takes pleasure in ignoring these people, turn around and walk hand in hand into the sunset, leaving you there bitter and full of hatred wondering why is this dog owner so proud? the dog gold plated one arh?....

Tired.....

2011-08-20T22:36:00.001-07:00

Got attacked yesterday... mentally... and physically (well if you consider shouting against four person and getting a sore throat at the end of it)...

After the attack.... somethings got clearer.... things got clarified.... at least we are on cordial terms now (well, if that is what they say that all along, they were hoping that I would return and stop digging my own grave, then, hopefully when i mention cordial terms, i will not have people slam me in my face one day and tell me that is just part of my wishful thinking)..

Eight months worth of unhappiness.... i received feedback that they were unhappy... but hey.. you are unhappy with a group of people... i have to stay unhappy alone.... you all have group support, comforting each others that she's just being a mad dog.. and i am left with constantly telling myself that i will not be upset because i dun care about you guys anymore and refuse to face it at all....

You all said that it is not about me.... yeah! it was never about me.... but it really is better to be upset together in a group.. rather than being alone...

You all said you were waiting for me to tell you all what happened.. yeah right.... after being ignored all the time when i tried talking to you guys during the trip.. i would still wanna try and do that.... yep.. i am crazy.. but not that crazy....

You all said i turned my heads against you guys multiple times... how to not to after receiving such a sms?..... again.. i am crazy... but not that crazy...

After the whole trip... i waited and waited... alot of times... i flip up my msn.. to find you guys online.... but nobody bothers to talk to me.... i logged onto fb... all i see is you guys happily going on regular outings (seemingly getting on with life without me happily) or commenting on my replacement's status and photographs very happily too.... and i still waited.... no outcome? then i still want to keep your msn or your fb contact to make myself even more upset and hopefully one day really end my life because it is just so painful?

Really... during the wedding itself... there are already alot of unhappiness and alot of unwanted issues created (people saying that i am real damn selfish to ask my cousin to wear white because i want her to go thru the unhappiness that i went thru when i was asked to wear white when i took on jie mei roles... that is seriously... you all said he doted on me???... wow... where is his priorities?..... really?.. dote?? accusing me of things like i am some evil girl from some evil sect hell bend on bullying the angels around me and he's the great hero who are protecting these angels from me?.. If that is love.. i really love alot of people man)

I know you guys are reading my blog... and that is the reason why i have purposely not posted on why i behaved like that in Taiwan because i just wanted somebody to ask me why....

I am not writing this blog entry to start anothe war... but I would really like you guys to know (assuming what you all said is true that you all dote on me lah... we have very casual behaviour around each others lah.. you all listen to what i said lah...) i have not have a good eight months either after the taiwan trip... believe it or not.. it has really screwed me upside down...

I have not walked away from you guys feeling happy at all... never in a moment (whether you all believe it or not)... it is never my characteristic to walk away from my family.. if you all dont believe that... then i am sorely disappointed that you guys never understand me at all... to have me walk away like that.. would have meant that something really bad happened or i am possesed... so if you guys want to assume that i walk away because i am plain selfish.. think again....

Words are spoken, tears are flowed, i knew that you guys did not listen to what i said yesterday in your heated state... but that is what i really what you all to know.... i never did what i did for a bitchfitting moment... it was all done based on days and days of trying to communicate with you guys and could never get thru that made me thot that you guys are not interested in communicating with me and would lead a happier life without me and is getting even better without me.... which made me angry and left because seriously, i really dun want to be like grandma using my hot face to stick against people's cold buttocks....

If you guys are willing to... I am willing to mend this relationship too...

However, p.s to the guy in the group.... to be siblings with you.. should be bad karma accumulated in our previous life because we have not much going on between us in the first place.... your so call love for me comes in the form of constantly slapping me when i am young, not listening to me just because you think i am nine years younger than you and being more concerned about the cousin's dress colour for my wedding because you are afraid that i will bully her.. of course of course there are good times like when you buy me good food and buy me stuff... but i would believe that i have repay you enough with helping you avoid quarrals with your wife, trying to urge you to go and get your degree and etc.. so... lets maintain like this on a non talking term alright?... I am actually really going crazy and is in a very volatile state and yoyo between feeling angry and sad sometimes so to try and talk to you again will just reminds me how much i am trying to falsely feed you information that you are actually right about me being a bitch and i created all this trouble and in your word yesterday "YOU go and think of ways on how to amend this relationship because we dont own you living"... like.... what the hell?..... seriously... did i really create this trouble?? or i really need to own you a living?...... I HAVE to go and think of how to amend the relationship when i truly throw everything away because YOU sent that sms to me on a representation of all of you?.... or how you famously said that "you am nine years younger than me so why should i listen to you" but being nine years older than me did not give you the maturity to come and ask me what the fuck is wrong with me?..... oh right right... when things are not peaceful, there is no age gap and i am expected to be mature and when things are peaceful, suddenly the nine years age gap appear and i am expected to shut up and listen because nothing is about me is rigth?....

p.s. the above entry was not mentioned to start any war... i just want to express how i felt because i knew that you all were not listening to me yesterday and since black and white works better, i believe you would be able to understand what i am thinking about after reading thru this.. of course of course.. i totally understand what you all went thru... believe it or not.. being nine years younger does not make me nine years stupider.....

It's end soon.. So fast arh?...

2011-07-20T23:58:00.000-07:00

Countdown to 1 week before the start of a new beginning at another company and i am starting to suspect that the company is panicking because i sort of MIA from them.. i did not reply to their emails, went for medical checkup or send them the document that they needed to process my pay details and etc.

But i am really busy with this assignment and will get down to doing it over the weekend once i am done with this assignment..

Speaking of assignment, this is not the end, i still have another one due by next week... so next week is about projects again.... I totally agree with Old Man that procrastination is the killer of time... look at how much time i have wasted while procrastinating?....

I have not really done what i set out to do when i took this long break and is starting to regret doing it... But like it is always before... i get caught up with life and before i knew it, i was too much time dealing with life to be able to take a step back and reflect.... So i am going to plan out a schedule so that i am going to follow it thru next week as a form of reflection for myself...

This whole 1.5 months have been full of screw up after screw up and screw up after screw upsssssSSSS... i dun even know what happened.. i just knew that i had to get away from everything, not caring about what happened outside, not caring about what others think of me and not caring about anything.. just caring about me and i went away... went to my shelter of life... and hide inside.... It is relaxing.. Really refreshing.. can you believe that i sleep 12 hours per day now... and it is not force sleep okay? I just sleep and woke up and realised that it is already 12+ in the afternoon...

Why cant everyday be like that?....

I have not felt that my holidays were completely wasted as i have the freedom to do things that i like or go away from it all when it doesnt work out.... who is the most powerful person in the world? the one with the most money or the one with most times? i would say the one with the most time... with time, you can use it to earn money and one day take over the one with the most money.... so i would say that time is still the most important....

Lets hope that the new start is a good one...... Before that i would make the best out of the last week before work starts.. starting with sunday where i am determined not to suffer from any monday blues...

2011-07-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

The dog waiting for someone who will not be spending the night with us....

On a cold cold night like this, it is suitable to listen to this song.... 寂寞公路...

I ran away from home... from our matrimonial room to be exact... it's been too drama filled and like what i told TFB, i dont know how long can we maintain this...

The threat goes from bad to worse.. the action goes from bad to worse.. and the way he handle me while trying to get me to calm down goes from bad to worse too...

Barely less than one year into our marriage, i am talking about divorce like it is such a normal thing that we should go thru.... Note that i did not mention it casually because there is nothing casual about it... I know that i have talk about it alot of times... but none of them were casual...

I have never viewed marriage lightly and is never a supporter for divorce.. because i believe that you can only find one soulmate in your life.... I think i have found mine... so why cant i live with my soulmate?

Because we have all changed.... i realised that my twisted world is far more twisted than it is... no thanks to my refusal to get out of it and he's just getting tired of the constant struggle that goes on with life....

I really dunno what is going to happen from here.... Usually when we do quarral, and most of the times when i do mention about divorce, i am usually quite half hearted about it and dont intend to push thru with it... this time... it is really different... I am not going to go back just because he coax me... i really need to take the time to think about it... he need to show me that we can make it work...

Giving him one month time does not mean that he will be extremely nice to me during this one month to prove to me that he can be like that and then after the one month when we conclude that we can carry on, he would go back to his old ways....

If a person said that she wants people to see that she is pretty, she has to make an effort to upkeep her appearance everyday.. not just for one day to show the world that actually she can be pretty if she upkeep then return to her usual way of not maintaining her look and expect people to bear in mind that she is pretty because she can be if she wants to...

TFB came yesterday night at 12am in the morning to apologise to me because he feels that this thing cannot wait and deep down.. i am very grateful for his sincerity but is not grateful for his ego for trying to destroy everything... He stayed over last night and the dog was extremely happy to see him...

The dog was restless today because he wasnt around.... i came to realise that the dog is deeply affected by the lack of one party in his life.. I thot of letting TFB bring him back but realise that the dog will miss me too... and will be restless too... the truth is the dog's world consist of the two of us and without any of us inside, he just doesnt feel right..

I am really not hesitating to let it all go just so that you can go and get another chance at finding happiness because you screw up the first... but if you are so insistent about the vow that you have taken previously... i really hope that you could take the marriage more seriously.

I am not saying that i have no fault... but i am aware that a marriage is not a walk in the park and therefore i am constantly trying to do my part in making it work.. i hope you can too...

The struggle of having Offsprings...

2011-07-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

I had a talk with TFB the other day with regards to having children and told him that i came from a very lousy extended family whom people are so selfish that they are totally emotionally incapable of giving warmth to another human...

I am not even saying about support you know, i am saying about warmth.. basic warmth.... they are not able to provide any at all.

By extended family, i dont mean my paternal side, i mean my maternal side of relatives. You see the problem with my family is that my maternal side has this secret desire to keep all the people close to them.. even the daughters after they are married out so that maybe one day they are able to take over the world? They dont allow us to regard ourselves as extended grandchildren or extended niece or nephews but constantly remind us that our surname is not the same as theirs and we are not their immediate family circle because we dont share the same surname as them.

So in short, they dont allow us to treat them as extended family and want us to place them in our immediate family circle but also constantly remind us that we dont share the same surname so we have no rights to walk into their immediate family circle at all.

Unfortuately for me, my mum loves to bring us back to her side of the family every single weekend when we are young to spend the weekend there... i think it is her so call bonding with the family but to us or me at least... it seems more like a suffering.. it is a weekly suffering that sees no end and not sure when it would stop. You would have thot that oh maybe she is not loved that is why she mention that but like having a nine years old writing in her diary that she hates the maternal grandma's house and dont wish to go because everybody just treated her and her family like dumbass?

Nine years old should be the age where i worried about my weight increasing, worried about my friend not writing in my autograph books and start to worry about when is my menses coming and how would it feels like. But instead, i was having troubles coping with the fact that my mum is delusional and prefers to believe that her siblings are all very loving while i could see that they seriously dislike us and want nothing to do with us and treat us like dumbass...

So you cant blame me for being cold sometimes because i have learn long ago that if i dont put in any emotion to anybody, if the person turns bad, i would have no sadness and i could look back feeling glad that i did not waste my care and concern on someone lousy.

Okay okay, when ever i talk about them, my blood boils... so much for not getting emotionally involved.. but you get the point right?

The truth is when you have such emotionally handicap parents, chances are, you will get emotionally handicap children as well. Due to the fact that their parents have one piece less in their heart, the children will have to somehow evolve to deal with that and the evolve will also leave them emotionally handicap in one way or another...

Because these emotionally handicap children have now grown into adults, these are the adults that my offsprings will have to deal with if i ever have offsprings...

The truth is because i am emotionally detached from alot of things and i hate these so call relative alot, i have offended alot of them since i was young... and i think they would have seen my kids like dirt as much as they would see me as a piece of dirt and would treat my kids as nothing but air but lower than dirt.. which can be quite hurting for kids you know?

When i look at the way the kids are being treated and the way things turn out and the way some tried to fight for attention, i couldnt help but tell myself that enough is enought.. If what i went thru is what my kids have to go thru, i really couldnt bear to bring them into this world to go thru all this just to cultivate another batch of emotionally handicap adults who will do the same to their next generation.

I have always been a very fair auntie... because i have seen and felt what it feels like to be treated unfairly and not nicely... i have always been giving whatever i could to the two nephews at home.. thou i know that alot of people said that i love the elder one more than the younger one, but hey who can fault me for that? I spent a good three years with the elder one before the younger one came along so the bonds between us is really huge... but despite this, i have never make the younger one feel underpriviledge... He just has to be who he is, dont have to fight for my love because i am a lousy person and my love is not worth it...

But i couldnt say the same for my kids.... you see the problem with me is that i have alot of emotion.. i keep them within me.. but i know how each feeling feels like and i would not treat another human in the way that i know doesnt feels good unless this person pissed me off real bad...

I couldnt say the same for the assholes who grew up with me that they are able to treat my kids nicely... As i have mentioned, they are emotionally handicap and they are not able to seperate issues by issues to treat the kids as another being outside of me... they said hurt them where it hurts the most.. if i have offsprings.. of course they would assume that hurting the offsprings will hurt me the most right?

I am not saying that they would hurt the kid, i am just saying that they would not be smart enough to seperate the mother from the kid and will end up treating my kids just like how my aunties and uncles treated me in the past....

I am jumping into conclusion? Oh no! I am definately not... I have seen past cases where my elder nephew got treated like a extended family stranger by an asshole who is supposed to be one of the aww so important person in my nephew life... simply because? They dont share the same surname and the asshole bear a grudge against the family from the beginning so the nephew's surname piss him off so badly that he couldnt seperate the nephew as another being by himself...

What i am saying is that because of this, i seriously dont feel like giving birth because there are alot of things that are really not within my control and i really cannot control how people chose to treat my kids but if i ever have kids, i would really want to shield them from all this unnecessary unpleasant things that will not help them in their growing up stage but will leave them scarred for life...

You know what my mum always say when i told her i dont like my aunties and uncles because they dont love me and i dont see the need in caring or visiting them? She will say haiya we all love you can already lor! of course i know that my parents dote on me.. and because i am strong... i am able to grow up... but i have emotion scars... and what did she do to make it worse? she still brings us there weekend after weekend after weekend...

And you would have thot that why not just endure and bear with it? Hey it is no fun to go to a house and be trapped there for eight house with a house full of people who hates you, you know? It is no fun at all.. and why do we need to put ourselves thru this type of nonsense which does nothing beneficial to our life? You dont like a social gathering, you will also find excuse not to attend and there are no people there hating you, you just feel bored there.... What's more for a house FULL of people who hate you to the core?

Seriously.. no fun at all....

So i am really confused about this... on one hand... i am seeing more and more cute babies around.. i know my maternal clock has died... yes it is dead and no matter how many people tell me that wait till you give birth you will know lah... i will not know okay?.... it is dead....

But i know that naturally as a person i would love to have kids and love kids too.... so we will just have to take one step at a time and see if we could really build a conducive environment for kids before we talk about it....

祝福

2011-07-12T00:52:00.000-07:00

祝福是让被你祝福的人能够快乐的飞翔。

可是我永远都不会得到这种祝福。。。

如果你不是真的为他们开心，又何必为了一点点面子，假装祝福，然后用你一辈子诅咒被你祝福的人？

Lots of feelings

2011-07-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

Okie.. i have begun to neglect this area again..

Not on purpose... okie!

Brought Her World magazine recently and it is both inspiring and demoralising.... Inspiring because i read about the Badi caste in Nepal and how they value daughter more than son and the birth of a daughter is usually celebrated because they are born into a life of prostitution... Which is really sad because it is their parents who sort of manage them when they become prostitute. Not by choice, but rather the Badi Caste is an untouchable caste and it is not by characteristic of the people in the caste or their choice to be like that but rather it was some rules that forbidden them from doing other stuff and they have to do prostitution in order to survive. It is like a downward spiral for the caste. I mean, alright before the rules, they were roving entertainers, something like courtesans who provides entertainment like dancing and singing during private parties or to rich people for food and shelter and sometimes sex.. but i would have believe that prostitution was not their main job alright! They could have evolve and became a better caste of people involve in the arts and culture, but instead, because of some rules, they became a poorer caste.. sigh...

That is the inspiration that i have gotten, knowing very well that i am lucky that i am not born into a society that is divided by caste system and no matter how poor we are, i was given a choice to do whatever i wanted...

Second inspiration came from horoscope... Somehow the horoscope knew that i am at cross road now.. they asked me to look beyond the immediate future and understand that the changes that is happening now is for the further future or something like that... So i guess whatever changes there are, i will just bear with it and make the best out of the situation and hopefully have a good further future.. hahaha...

The demoralising part came from a very small comment in the book where they were interviewing some random lady about some stuff and you know how they will always display the age and the position that the person is holding? At 27, the lady is a general manager.... Sigh... my mentality is still stuck at 23, so to me, a general manager at 27 sounds logical right? But the sad thing is, my physical age is already 26.. And i have accomplished nothing at all...

Even more angry when the interview asked me that day... "so... it took you 6 years to study your degree"... After i hear that sentence... i can only think of a sentence that Eric Cartman loves to say.... "What the fuck?" Yar.. but not to the interviewer, but rather to me... YES 6 bloody years has passed which in between i spent 4 bloody years being sucked into political unrest situation in the office and other bo liao stuff....

I have really decided that since i have left the office, i will not get sucked into another political unrest situation and do what i am given ONLY... and since i have eliminated all the other bo liao tuff in my life.. i believe that i have more time to live and study now! Aug next year.. i expect an update here to inform that i have gotten my degree.. AUG next year....

That's all that i have to grumble about for now... i will be back again...

p.s. I miss home... i dont miss the people inside other than dad... i miss that home as in the place itself... take away the people except dad inside and i would really love to return there and stay there for the rest of my life...

p.p.s Yes, i dont miss my mum at all.. given that i am the minority who truly appreciates her and has not hestitation in taking the whole world down for her sake.. i think she should be the one missing me instead of me missing her...

I thot i saw myself....

2011-06-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

It was like a mini me!.. And i thot she is like a mini me because she is extremely cute... She has fair complexion with puffy, pinkish cheeks and a pair of puppy droopy eyes... She has bangs and shoulder lenght hair and her mummy was fussing over her and holding her hands tightly while they were waiting for taxi...

And to complete the resemblance, she was sulking when her mummy fuss over her.. I look around and sort of come to a conclusion on what she was sulking about... Up ahead of her, there were another two girls, they were all from the same group and these two girls are older than her.. they were holding hands and staying very close to each others constantly turning to talk to each others and grooming the hair and etc, completely ignoring this little cute girl behind them..

Well, this type of scenario happens very often when i was young and resulted in a very bitchy me that is me now... You see i have always been jealous of the close bond that my cousin and sister shared when they are young.. My cousin seems to be able to do all the right things to get compliment and liking from my sister while i am only the sickly trouble younger sibling who always gets her into trouble because she cant bully me nor boss me around to do things otherwise i would get a fever...

So from young, they have always just ignored me.. I am always the second choice of everything... the lame one whom nobody want to hang out with unless no choice... So back to now, where we are all grown up they actually went back to doing the same thing.. Just that this time, i was the one who wanted out of this whole drama and the cousin of course conveniently took over my place as the younger sibling hoping to reach the land of happiness where everybody dotes on her...

Today, i finally got it... while that little young girl pout and sulk at the corner, she did not realise that her mummy is actually showering love on her... and she did not realise that she was so cute, that she caught the attention of a stranger because she was too busy sulking....

I think maybe, i have lived like that for years too... maybe i was the star of the group... maybe in the past at a certain stage of my life when i was busy sulking, another stranger was looking at me telling herself "oh how cute is this little girl" but i have never realised that i am the star of the group because people were truly jealous of me and they said and do all the things to insult me and everything so that i believe i am the ugly duckling and shine no more...

The only revenge is to live better than the ones you hate and based on their behaviour, i truly believe that they did all that they have to make me believe that i am the ugly duckling so that they could outshine me easily... i will not let them have it so easy... from now on, i will live better... i will live a good and happy life... i will regain my shine and never let them outshine me again...

What's wrong w me?

2011-06-21T19:55:00.001-07:00

It started with trying to clarify to my friend on why I am so busy (
Because it took me 1 week to reply back to his SMS) and suddenly, I realized why am I so unhappy with my life now...

I wouldn't say that it's unhappy but more of a frustrating feeling like I am walking in circle n I don't feel at peace at myself at all.. I just don't feel peaceful lah.. No matter what I do or where am I, I just don't feel the inner peace n there seems to be something poking me, telling me that I should go out somewhere! But where????? Argh.....

But now, I know what's wrong with me.. I took on more than I can take... It has to be! I used to lead such a monotonous life with alot of spare time at hand for me to take a step back from life n live as a observer of life seeing things happened but now, I'm so suck into the vicious cycle of work n etc that I am being sucked into life itself n I don't like it!!!

I just keep having this feeling that I'm turning more n more human n it is not good at all..

I have decide that I will stop getting sucked into life n pull myself out of this whole situation before it drains me totally...

It's a peaceful day...

2011-06-13T04:52:00.000-07:00

It was an impromptu decision to get macaroons today... Woman monthly affair gave me the excuse to buy stuff to cheer myself up ... (=

Was thinking of dessert first... then macaroons and was searching for place that sells good macaroon when i found ET Artisan Sweets... It is hidden in 32 Holland Grove Road, Henry Park Apartments...

When i reached there, i realised that i really love that place! Not the bakery yet.. but as in the whole Henry Park Apartment area.. It is a sleepy little neighbourhood and it is just very quiet and peaceful....

There is a playground in the middle, where there were some kids playing and some shops around and you could see that there are customers buying cakes, repairing bicycles, doing nails and looking after their shops, quietly minding their own business and that makes this place peaceful and quaint...

You know? The type of lazy quiet afternoon, not like weekend lazy afternoon because you know the whole world is not working on that day too and it is official holiday that type of lazy afternoon. But this type of lazy quiet afternoon that i am talking about is the type of afternoon that you could only experience if you are a primary school student..

To you, the world is just the neighbourhood that you are in and you attend morning session in school and goes home at about 1+.. Showered, had lunch and quietly sitting there watching television while your mum works quietly behind on preparing dinner that type of lazy quiet afternoon.. Nothing matters in the world to you more than to sit in your home's living room watching your favourite cartoon on television and you are appreciative of the fact that you are in morning session so that you have more time in the afternoon to catch up with television, naps and playtime..

I think, it is age or it is all the things that i have went thru, that made me want to appreciate life.. I have a really not peaceful life recently and the only time where i felt that my soul is healing is when i went back to my dad's place... WITHOUT my mum or anybody else around... With dad, Cottony and me.. we could sit there for the whole afternoon, not talking at all... Dad playing computer, Cottony sleeping and me.. doing some baking or cooking... and after that let Dad try my cooking.. and even thou it was terrible, he just quiety ate it... and went back for second serving... That heals my soul... gave me inner peace... let me have some quiet moment and reaffirm the fact that somebody on earth could love me so much that my flaws is invisible to him, my good points are magnified and nothing matters to him more than my happiness...

With this random linkage of the serenity environment of Henry Park Apartment to Henry Ng the man... i have decided that i would name my son (if i ever have one) as Henrik..... I believe i would get along well with Henrik... (=

Leaving...

2011-05-30T21:55:00.001-07:00

I thot the only feelings that I have when I leave is happiness.. But as the notice is out informing all relevant dept that I'm leaving, the heaviness starts to set in... It's been barely two days that the notice was sent and I saw a couple of concerned face asking me why am I leaving...

Luckily for me, most of them expressed sadness when they knew that I am leaving n that gave me the "hey! Actually I ain't that bad!" feeling...

Then the sadness n can't bear to leave feeling start to set in...

But I have to leave... The truth is, I have hit the lowest point in my life n only I can pull myself outta it... Some people might say that it is good to stay stable when u hit a low point which I agree but I need to repaint my life with new stuff cope with learning new things so that I can rebuild my life again and forget about all the unhappy things...

Yes, I'm crazy.. I love to rock the boat in stormy sea.. But hey I might end up rocking the boat according to the rhythm of the stormy sea n walk out of the crisis alive n more experienced!

Project: My Life is HAPPY! 27 May 2011

2011-05-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

TFB went out today and got me this...

Thanks to the wonderful TFB who will always get me something nice when he knows that i am sick or feeling gloomy to cheer me up...

Blogskin

2011-05-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

Finally get to change my blogskin!!!

The reason for the talking and not doing is purely because i couldnt find a pretty blogskin and when i do find it, i am unable to apply it onto blogspot for technical reason that i am too lazy to go and resolve it....

So today i just went to search for it again and found this one which works!

And to be frank.. i really like this blogskin alot... it is green and the flowery effect on the top is something that i really like.

So yay! i finally found something that doesnt block up most of my blog space and is very very pretty... (=

Project: My Life is HAPPY! 26 May 2011

2011-05-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

End of a great trip full of food and fun!

Thanks for the great trip!... Lets have one more soon.. (=

Project: My Life is HAPPY! 25 May 2011

2011-05-27T07:37:00.003-07:00

Went for the long awaited Malacca Trip after giving up that idea about half a year ago...

I feel blessed that i had great travel mates for the trip!

Project: My Life is HAPPY! 24 May 2011

2011-05-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

Went for prayer today and brought ice cream because it is a very HOT day...

I am thankful that i have a loving hubby who drives me to and fro work when he is not working and buying the MooMoo ice cream to remind himself that he is my MooMoo...

Project: My Life is HAPPY! 23 May 2011

2011-05-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

Something happened today... pretty serious but i shall not mention this under my life is happy entry....

Brought TFB to Swensens for dinner tonight to lighten up his mood...

I am thankful that TFB came back in one whole bubbly piece and that i have the ability to treat him to Swensens to make him feel better...

Project: My Life is HAPPY! 22 May 2011

2011-05-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

On the way back from town when we witness this...

Mother Nature has never fail to amaze me with the beauty she could display... No matter how deflated is my day, so long as i get to see the sunset at the end of the day... i remind myself that i have to be strong and nothing can defeat me... not when i could still see the sunset... nothing gets me down...

Project: My Life is HAPPY! 21 May 2011

2011-05-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

Brought Cottony out to Botanic Garden for a run on a bright sunny Sat (note: I do not like sunny weather, because me and sun dont go too well, but at least it is dry and Cottony can run!)

And we ended up in K9 Kafe for brunch...

What's more pleasing than having two men who love you have brunch with you on a lazy Saturday morning....

Project: My Life is HAPPY! 20 May 2011

2011-05-27T03:11:00.000-07:00

TFB had his farewel dinner at Raffles City and did not forget to buy me this... (=

It's a blessing to have somebody who think of you all the time and is willing to carry something that you like to eat home for you

Project: My Life is HAPPY!

2011-05-27T02:41:00.000-07:00

Alot of things happened recently.... when i say alot, i meant really alot and it destroyed the world that i previously know and cherish...

For a long while, i felt really unhappy and lost the direction in life... But i've decide that some people are just not meant to be in your life and some relations are meant to be forsaken...

Since the life that i have known previously has been destroyed... i want to rebuild my life and the difference this time is.. i am not gonna appoint anybody as my life pillar.. this is for self protection so that my life will not come crashing down again if anybody leave my life...

Of course the man and the dog will always remain in my life...

I know that my life is happy... it is blessed and i should count my blessing... I am starting this Project: My Life is HAPPY to upload a picture that makes me feel that my life is blissful and happy every single day to remind myself that i actually have a happy life and should not waste it..

So.. here's my first day...

18 May 2011: Eating almond paste with hashima in vivo city while waiting for Cottony to be groomed... It's a blessing to have a person who loves you so much that he is willing to drive you around and spending the afternoon with him eating such delicious dessert with beautifying effect

What is Happiness???

2011-05-09T01:32:00.000-07:00

Happy... is a word that everybody loves to be associated with.....

Happiness... isnt it the thing you should pursuit after? People earn money, indulge in their hobbies, falling in love and working on things that they are passionated about... shouldnt all these be all done for happiness?

It should be the ultimate thing that people chase after right?

So why cant i have happiness? I know very well that i am unhappy now and i know why i am unhappy... yet, why do i chose to be unhappy?

Because being happy will mean making irrational decision? But.. that is what makes me happy right? So shouldnt it be the case?

Or i am holding out for a better outcome? But, this better outcome will take a long time to come if i am in my current state... so.. what am i supposed to do then?

I dont care.. i am serving my resignation letter tomorrow.... it is irrational, but at least it makes me happy... nothing matters more to me now than my sanity and happiness.. nothing else....

Scarlett Hair

2011-02-20T19:47:00.000-08:00

As we get more into the married life...

The vision of a future with Scarlett decreases... From thinking up names for Scarlett and being very certain that we will have Scarlett.. till maybe... if have is good lah.. to.. it is okay if we dont have lah.. to.. i think actually it is a better thing if we dont have Scarlett... to... I am pretty certain that we are not gonna have Scarlett....

Maybe it is the pressure.. maybe it is gotta do with everybody having a kid.. or maybe it is gotta do with the fact that it is so close to me (Just got to learn that one of my ex colleague, who got married around the same period as i did is pregnant)... which creates this very strange feeling in me... I am really amazed and fascinated at the same time.. and i feel really happy for her... it is an amazing feeling that a little life is growing in you... you change from the stage of being a girl.. to being a mother.. from cant take care of yourself, needing your mum to take care of you.. to being able to not just take care of yourself, but another beings...

A mother's body is an amazing thing.. it has the ability to nurture a life in her... but.. i think.. i dont have that amazing body.. i admit that it is my selfishness that prevents me from thinking of a future with Scarlett in it.. i am unwilling to give up my freedom.. unwilling to go thru the usual cycle of being a mom and etc... i dont wish to experience all this at all...

At least.. at the current moment of time... everything that i have done so far, i did it with my brain.. with time in consideration.. but this time.. i am gonna let my heart do the decision.. i feel that i dont want to be a mummy at this point of time (well, i have two kids already anyway) and i so i am not gonna be one.. maybe... who knows in the future down the road.. i might visualise a future with Scarlett in it again...

In the meantime, she will exist in my blog... as an entry.. just in case i really decides not to give birth at all.. at least we remember that our kid would have been called Scarlett Hair...

Supposing....

2011-02-16T05:40:00.001-08:00

Supposing u get secretly very excited when u see the job...
Supposing u know that u will get so excited doing this job...
Supposing this industry is actually very bitchy...
Supposing this job has no fixed hours.... Supposing u will meet very bitchy people in this job...
Supposing u might get heart attack everytime if u do this job...
Supposing despite the fact that u know all this, u are still very passionate about this job n ur hands will twitch uncontrollably when u see this job n u just wanna be part of it...
Supposing if u go on this road, it will be ur biggest gamble in life but u will look back with no regrets that u have tried it..

Will u still take on this job???

Setting Free....

2011-01-22T08:30:00.000-08:00

I am setting you free... because i think you deserve somebody normal....

For me... i live in a negative and blue world... i chose to shut myself in this world.. where everything is sad and unhappy... you said that everybody appears in a person's life for a reason.. maybe yours is just to let me know.. what it is like to be loved and be pampered by somebody..

I see the struggle.. the differences in thots... and most importantly.. your losing of patience... and iti s not lost because of things that i do.. it is lost.. because of something that both of us have no control over...

I am deeply frustrated... maybe you cant feel it... and you think.. i dont care.. but i do.. and everytime i just get very frustrated by it..

You really derseve a normal life... find another person who loves you and is willing to give up everything for you... find a normal girl.. a girl who gets happy easily... who will laugh with you.. and enjoy life's little things with you..

Sorry, i dont have the ability to enjoy anything happy... i only deserve to be alone...

Torn

2011-01-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

Spent the whole weekend at Yishun with TFB and Cotton and I had to admit, I really enjoyed it.

Staying at home, cooking for TFB, packing the place, trying to get it into a home, playing with Cotton and overall just making the whole place a better place to stay in… But, there is this very unrest feeling that I experienced… That is.. my kids and soft toys are not in this perfect weekend…

While I felt very settled down and happy that we get to spend a weekend doing all these stuff and not driving around, rushing around like mad people, I felt very torn that my kids and soft toys are not there with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t find them a chore, in fact, they are still a priority in my life… Without them, Sylvia will not be complete.. but I can’t move them in with me now… which is the worse part of this whole thing….

I would like to move to a place, where there is just TFB, the kids, soft toys and Cotton and I can stay there forever… but.. this place is not going to come so soon.

I feel so torn.. between the two places…. Sigh…

When is my flat gonna be completed?.......... When??????

P.S. But.. despite all this, i am still grateful for having a great life with a great husband and a krever dog...

Cotton

2011-01-07T21:29:00.001-08:00

He is the new love in my life.... Thou he is now a bit yellowish n smelly....

Been so long...

2011-01-07T21:14:00.001-08:00

It's been so long since I last posted an entry here.. Well here I'm trying out posting an entry via my iPhone n apparently it is really working!!! I think I'm really starting to explore how to use the phone fully.. (=

Some updates about myself.. Had my wedding on 13 November 2010 at Hilton hotel n I'm really grateful for the wonderful wedding.. Luckily there were no major problems n everything just ram by itself.. Shall blog bout the wedding another day..

Life seems to have taken a downwards spiral recently n everything just seems so hopeless when I found a speck of crystal in my office.. It is a really small speck n it falls off my nails that I did for my wedding day....

The crystal reminds me that it had seen the best of it's moment together with me n reminded me of my happy wedding day.. It is like a sign from whoever upstairs telling me not to give up on life as life has ups n downs.. Nothing last forever n the bad spell will not last forever too.. So long as I continue on with life.. I will see better moments...

Hello...

2010-10-05T19:56:00.000-07:00

Hello... are you there?

It's been a long time since i updated this blog (okie minus the unpleasant entry that i wrote last week)...... and i would really like to resume blogging if possible...

After all, this is my way of reflection and for me to look back at my life so far... which has been blank here for like ten thousand years...

I would also like to find some ways to change this blog skin... yes i love the skin, yes i really really love the butterfly and if possible i would like to tattoo that butterfly... but the.. this skin has been with me since the beginning.. and it definately carries some unpleasant memories with it that i would like to forget if possible... you! (pointing to TFB) i know that you will read, but i will not tell you what are the unpleasant memories, because it is not even worth my time to mention it...

So many things has happened over the years and if you realised that there has been very little updates on this place after *cough*i *cough* got *cough* together *cough* with *cough* somebody *cough*

Some happening updates about us! I am going on part time working arrangement soon ~~ when i say part time, i meant working ONLY 11 hours per week.. so it is like working one day, then slacking for the rest of the four days.. HA! you wish. I am gonna go back to study full time as i really cannot take the pain of doing part time studies as i will never be able to finish it if i continue to do my studies in such snail pace... zzz

It is something that i really appreciate, because i have the chance to go back to being a full time student, slacking and control my own time.. =D

I feel that i am really fortunate, because when i was a student, i never knew that being student is such a fortunate thing because i am a poor student... now that i am working, i want so badly to go back to being a student as i can control my own time and be available during odd timing like afternoon... and now i could really go back to being a student, i would really use the time better to appreciate life!

It feels like, i am taking a step back, to spring myself even further in the future... (=

Of course, with studies as full time, i hope to be able to blog more, post more photographs of interesting stuff that i encounter and focus more on baking and bake super powerful and edible stuff.. hahaha...

Next! we FINALLY got a q number that is within the number of flats offered... phew!

It is not exactly a good q number because it is 177 out of 252.. but then... we cant be too picky liao right? Since we have gotten a q number? Not that i am not disgrunted, or i feel that what i got such a good deal.. but it is more of what to do.. there are thousand of people who GOT THEIR Q CANCELLED and i got one q that can chose a flat then should not make noise right, not even glad that i got a q, but shouldnt make noise... because there are alot of UNFORTUNATE people out there who couldnt get a q...

Anyway.. enough of the bitching.. i am really looking forward to the selection in Nov/Dec period... hopefully we could get a good flat....

What's going on?

2010-09-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

I really dunno...

Why do i look at other bride.. and think that they looked so blissful.. yet i feel nowhere near?

What has happened? I just wanted to help.... i am really very tired..... Can i just take a knife, slit and end it all?...

I really wanna do that.. i dun wan to quarral anymore... i dun wanna ask anything anymore... i dont wanna care anymore.... i dun wan to do anything anymore...

Dejected Green Mushroom

2010-03-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

Currently... I feel like the dejected green mushroom....

I really dont know what do I want to do with life... sigh...

Leave the place or stay.. everyday.. i am getting more and more dejected and demoralised.... but what can i do after leaving that place then?.... nobody is willing to take me because I have no other experiences to speak of...

I guess this has to be the lousiest decision that I have ever made in my life to come here and waste my life away like that... yes.. i gained monetary gains... but i lost my time to build experiences and now... im just an empty shell...

Where can i go frm here? i dont want to be trapped in this place anymore and be treated like the second class citizen where i get no career advancement.... but if i leave this place.. what can i do?.... sigh...

So this is why people split their way?

2009-12-18T18:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a loooong time since i update this space.... well.. due to the fact that I have been caught up in alot of stuff, I have not been able to update there at all.. plus the fact that i am lazy and I am greedy so I have like four blogs to maintain. hahahaha..

Got married... and somethings that happened recently made me wonder if this is why people split up so fast after they get married.... Moral of the story... really dont rush into marriage... if you guys still have unsolved issues, resolve it first before getting married.. at least if the both of you really doesnt see eye to eye... you still have a option to go seperate way not involve any legal issues or the fact that you have announced the whole world that you are married blah blah blah.. and remain your status of single and not divorced...

Amazing how fast that a logical person like me... who look forward to wedding, marriage is thinking of divorce even before our customary and etc..

It is sad isnt it... i know that he is not a bad person.. i know that he loves me.. but what if the only thing that your husband can tell you when the both of you quarral is.. why are you harping on the past? but if you dont bring up the past, how can he know what exactly trigger off the quarral?... Dont let small thing eats you.. but what if it is a accumulative of small action? Let go of the past.. but what if this things is going to snowball to something bigger??... but this things has already past and cannot be undone so there is nothing we can do.. but you can make a effort to make sure that it doesnt happen in the future right?.. well.. this is the way it is you know? if you cannot take it anymore.. then no point sticking to the idiot.. but you have never try to make a big effort to make changes to make it worthwhile to stick to you...

End of the day... how could i ever be with you if all you are saying is why focus on the past? you know i am such a person why are you still sticking to me? if you cannot take it anymore.. then just go our seperate way.. but i dont want to go seperate way... i want us to work things out.. but how can i work things out in tears without you understanding me all the time and always just bringing seperate out and instead of alright.. i will make an effort to change this things and not just best effort huh.. best effort.. why cant you tell me okay i know that this is a problem.. i WILL make an effort to change?..

My relationship with Popiah...

2009-09-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

Popiah and i used to have a very intense relationship... it is so intense that we are almost inseperable everyday with me buying it for my dinner EVERY SINGLE DAY... If you peps still remember hai zi. shu, the boy in the show is call popiah because i guess he loves to eat popiah.. so if he is call popiah for his love of popiah, then i think i should be call popiah girl because Popiah and i go a long way back....

So during those days when i buy popiah every single day for dinner, that was when i was dieting... and successfully, i lost quite some kilos... then i started to stray away... not entirely my fault.. but then i discovered that Popiah left me.. and the nearest Popiah is like ten minutes' walk from my house... so gradually.. keeping a long distance relationship wasnt easy especially with the seduction of new interesting stuff like Yong Tau Foo and Fish Soup... so gradually... i was no longer interested in Popiah and found new love in Yong Tau Foo and Fish Soup.. but whenver i spot Popiah, I will still look at Popiah with a sense of sadness because Popiah can no longer revive the interest in me anymore...

Recently, however, I have seen more and more signs of Popiah everywhere i go.. estimating that almost all the places that i frequent for lunch would have signs of Popiah nearby.. and i start to think of the possiblity of rekindling my love for Popiah... it was not until the stomach flu on tuesday when i purchased the fish soup (not fried one hor) that i began to be sick of Fish Soup... and went back looking for Popiah... For the past two days.. I have been having Popiah and i think i can still handle more!.... So i hope with my new found love for Popiah again... I can hopefully look at a healthier and skinnier life... ^_^

Pretender!

2009-07-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

Dont pretend to be somebody else when you are not... you make me sick just by looking at you knowing very well that you are merely pretending..

I dont even know why such people exist... Xiao Ren YI DA DUI....!

What what happily ever after???.....

2009-06-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

Gosh!.. I just finished my ROM entry yesterday.. not the one on our ROM preparation progress so far but THE ONE that i will activate on the day before my ROM... yeah i am kiasu.. just that yesterday i had some inspiration so i thot it would be good for me to blog it down first....

And I just realised that my entry on my ROM and the turning from Miss to Mrs is not about yeah i am gonna be Mrs TFB tomorrow liao!.. yeah i believe that there will be a bright glaring future ahead of us with nothing but donuts, happiness and nothing nothing else and a big big happily ever after...

Of course it is nothing negative.. in fact it is a realistic, poetic and sensible way of writing a getting married entry... stay tune to my multiply for that entry.. in *look at clock* bout another three months time.. (;

"Bridal"

2009-06-08T04:12:00.000-07:00

Actually... after surfing the webbie for a few days.. i realised that anything that has the word "Bridal" inside means the amount for that item will increase by alot alot alot alot alot... just like bouquet.. suddenly.. when you add in the word 'bridal' bouquet.. people are willing to spend like a big sum of money for the flowers... or shoes.. when you add that word 'bridal' to shoes.. people are even more willing to spend another obscene amount of money on it...

I know of this... after being searching for 'bridal' stuff for a period of time.. and this is a trend that i've noticed.. i am not willing to be a 'bridal' victim in spending tons of money because it is 'bridal' so i will just have to try and dig and look for alternatives....

My life...

2009-05-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

My life is span in a web of lies, acting, some bitches here and there... force dieting.. dreaming of slimming down one day... very very hot days.. assholes here and there.. no future.. black eye rings...

BUT....

on top of that... my life also consist of.. loving family.. loving boyfriend.. loving kids.. loving soft toys.. rainy days... the super duper strong will power to get my life to work out the way i want to... cutie nephews (bleah).. timid buddy to let me bully.. q= nice people that i bump into in life who are constantly giving me good life advice FOC for me to lead my life correctly

So for all the negative stuff that happened in life.. there are bound to be good stuff that will happened too.. so for all these... i still feel that i lead a very blessed life... ^_^

So Sylvia... keep going on okay?.. come what may.. you have to be strong in life and not let anything get you down... NEVER!!!...

Room keeping again...

2009-05-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

For the tenth million times that i have applied leave to keep my room to such an extent that my supervisor asked me.. "Ng Poh Yan.. you keep on applying leave.. you got enuff leave or not?.."

So yeah.. and for the 9.999999999million times that i have failed in keeping my room after taking those leave... wasted efforts.. disappointed expression on boyfriend's face when he come into the house expecting to see a clean room but saw the same things all around...

Disturbed expression on his face when he has to shift all my clothes onto the chair so that he can sleep and be worried whole night about an impending clothes avalanche...

Not enough to tell you how disturbed he is?... then this will confirm plus guarantee and chop that he is disturbed... when i told him that i took leave on thursday to clean my room... he put his hands together firmly and started praying to the laptop.. and i asked him what is he doing... and his reply is.. "I am praying to the internet to be down on thursday so that there are no distraction... best for them to do their internet maintainence on that day..." and show me this expression... =D

Smelly boyfriend... -_-

Okay okay.. i know that i have not been keeping my promise to keep my room as per promised... i have been going online to play facebook, chit chat and it always seems like there are thousand and one interesting things to do on the internet on my day to clean the room.. or i will go out and play blah blah blah blah blah... okay.. but this time.. i will keep my promise and keep the room okay...

I will wake up at 6.30am in the morning to slog my guts away for the day working hard to clean my room so that my room will be ultra clean that you need to wear sunglasses when you enter okay...

bleah!

My agenda for life at the moment...

2009-05-18T19:57:00.000-07:00

Quite a few things happened during these period of time.. not bad stuff... some are pretty good stuff in fact.. like the $250 joke.. which turn out to be a blessing in disguise... the istana trip.. which i finally get to visit the Istana.. shake hand with the president.. and took alot of nice photographs there... or our anniversary which went pretty well despite the hot weather...

Life is... pretty on track now.. on the good track... so i truly appreciate this peacefulness and realise that.. sometime.. when you take a back step and dun think so much or dun be too calculative.. life can be pretty good.. just ignore and take whatever you have.. that way.. you will have a relatively easy going life and not get worked up over every single little thing... easier said than done.. i am still learning.. i am still learning..

There are a few things that i seriously hope to get it done and settled asap..
1) To scrub my dirty oven so that i can continue baking stuff
2) To bake a carrot cake after i am done with cleaning my dirty oven
3) Clean my room (the boyfriend's face is getting blacker and blacker everyday when he look at my room.. opps)
4) Revive the dead jewellery business that i have "con" my sis and sis-in-law to fork out money for joint collaboration..

The last thing to do.. is also a desperate option for me to lead a successful life.. I have been doing alot of thinking.. like thinking on every chance that i have about my current state of life.. i have no future at all doing what i am doing.. because.. there is just simply no future.. so i really need to break out of this and do something different so that i can get on the shore soon...

Hopefully.. the road ahead is tedious.. but i need to bear with it and move on.. no matter how hard it is.. so long as there are opportunities..

It is time.. to tell the truth..

2009-05-05T01:38:00.000-07:00

Yes.. after a internal battle with myself.. believe me.. it was a huge struggle.. between moral.. and universal sisterhood.. but finally.. moral won... so i have to say it out..

The other day... we found...

MMYY EATING CHICKEN RICE AND CUCUMBER.....

I know that she will feel betrayed if she read this.. but trust me mmyy.. i had a difficult battle with myself... but i feel that morally.. i am obligated to say it out that you EAT CHICKEN RICE WITH CUCUMBER while recovering from chicky pox...

I am really bored...

2009-04-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

I am really feeling bored as in i need to do something new and interesting so that i can feel a bit more refreshed... i am getting a type of brand new feelings that i have never get before in my life.. okay mayb in the past a little bit.. but now the feeling is super strong lah.. that is to get outta Singapore and go somewhere to tour.. and it doesnt help tat two of my colleagues are going overseas.. one week after the other...

Maybe it is the taiwan trip that started my desire to go overseas.. take a plane get outta singapore... blah blah blah... or just do something else different... but what to do?

Go to sungei buloh?.. hays goat farm?.. some farm farm thingy over at CCK?... I think i am getting drained.. as in spiritually... i need to be in nature once in a while to recharge myself or my spiritual self might drain away bit by bit... and going to nature place doesnt mean just a hiking but it is a hiking plus get to sit down somewhere quiet and sheltered and enjoy nature's company... enjoy the breeze.. see the animals get by.. look at the surroundings.. scold human beings for destroying the beautiful nature... yeah.. that is the thing that i wanna do..

Any suggestions as to where i can go?...

Sad...

2009-04-02T05:31:00.000-07:00

Perhaps is because i woke up this morning feeling a bit helpless in the situation that i am in.. as in my "i know will never advance on unless i did something really big despite that fact that i might be getting a degree soon and i wun wanna leave because i doubt i can find another job with such nice benefits" career...

Or it might be because my period is coming soon...

Or it might be because i so happened to listen to a very old and sad song..

Or it is because i read this lady's blog...

Which ever case... i am feeling really sad... well.. listening to the song doesnt help at all.. just made me more sad..

Either case.. i am blaming all my sadness on my pms... but i really feel sad after reading the blog... She is the girlfriend of Clifton Lam, the NS man who died in brunei last year during jungle training.. So you can imagine the shock, heartache and trauma that she went and is likely still going thru...

To wake up realising that the person you love is no longer around is the scariest things that can ever happened.. It different from that person no by your side because you know that this person has vanished from the face of this earth.. no matter how hard you try to search around, how loud you try to scream for him... and how hard you cry and cry... he is never gonna come back again.. This person.. is no longer there.. All there is left in his place is a void... that is so sad!

I admire her for her courage i really do...

Moral of the story.. cherish the person you love.. cherish every min you have with the person... because really you dunno when will the person or you vanish from this earth.. never take it for granted...

14 Days Later...

2009-03-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

Jang Jang Jang!!!... heh heh.. nothing scary.. just that da shao got chickenpox.. and she was given two weeks mc to stay at home and not go around spreading her germs (but according to Dr Tan, she has already started spreading the germs last week before her outbreak of chickenpox).. so i told her that i will blog about 14 days later to which she daggar stared at me..

It all started yesterday when i received a call from eat bread saying that da shao got chickenpox.. so coincidentally i was reaching home when da shao went to the clinic.. and trust me.. you cannot find another more 38 family like mine because... other than my dad and my nephews and tfb who did not go down because my dad and tfb is not 38 and my nephews wanna watch cartoon.. ALL of us actually went down to the clinic to kaypo.. and all of us actually packed into the doctor's room when it was da shao's turn.. so the actually quite poor thing chickenpox kena turned into something quite funny because my dad actually bluff us saying that chickenpox peps cannot go out because if they do, they will be caught by the police and throw into qurantine place... So yesterday while i was excitedly talking loudly about da shao's chickenpox.. the three of them (eat bread, da shao and hmw was telling me to shh shh shh dun say so loudly!)..

So the doctor actually clarified that this is not the case and chickenpox wun be caught by police.. ahaha.. then da shao got a lot of mixed advise from alot of people because of olden days' practice mixed with current days' practice.. so she is quite poor thing when i went to visit her today.. haiz..vhat to do when you are the second oldest to kena chicken pox in my clan (my dad was the oldest and i was the trigger point because i kena first and i triggered everybody in my family except my mum because she kena before liao to get chickenpox).. Hmm.. but to sum up everything that i think is logical, i think it will be better if da shao can jie kou for the next two weeks because food this type of things hor.. better dun play play.. but then shower hor... mm.. i think can shower lah since doctor said can shower but be more careful not to 'catch wind' when you come out loh... mmm...

But hor, despite the fact that da shao is a chickenpoker hor... we still went thru a tsunami yesterday with a destructive factor of 10 on the richer scale of 1 to 10.. this is because... my dad.. told us on thursday.. that he is going to thailand.. on saturday (which is yesterday).. This news triggered a series of bu shuangness from my mum and yesterday esp was really really bad that she started experiencing happiness and sadness and anger all in a short span of fifteen min.. and it doesnt help that all of us are stuck at home because it is raining.. *gulp* so even though da shao is a chickenpoker she still need to entertain my mum and we played mahjong and my sis sat beside my bro to fang pao for my mum.. - -"'

SO to applease the empress dowager, eat bread and me.. had to step into coach... and brought a bag with our hard earn money that is stained with sweat and blood for her... as a maler day gift and birthday pressie... haiz.. sad hor.. eat until so big liao.. my most branded bag is still the guess bag which only cost like 60+ that i brought this year.. hers is about 10 time more ex than mine loh..

BTW have i also mentioned that we have invested and brought Wiiii~ set?... Yes.. me and TFB has made the second commitment to life.. that is to buy a wii set and go on a diet campaign!...

He's just not that into you....

2009-03-04T18:10:00.000-08:00

I KNOW... i am slow... the whole world have watched this movie and gave raving reviews about it but i have not watched it until yesterday... Somemore it was a 9.35 show because i was blur and mistaken Orchard for AMK hub and i cant cancel the tics as they cant refund me the money. Not that i have an issue with it, i was really grateful to them for being able to transfer my tics from Orchard to AMK at a later timing and not tell me that there is nthing that they can do.. after all if you purchased the tics, and you forgot about the timing and you arrived at the place at say half an hours later you cant go back to the counter and ask them to change the time of the tics for you right?... So i am grateful...

Anyway back to the show... i thot that it is quite a nice show... i dunno.. seems like alot of women are watching it? Maybe because the title is "He is just not that into you" so it seems like alot of women are going with their female friends to watch it (including me of course but i was forcefully dragged to watch it.. ) but i thot that it was more of like a love story than a female friend type of show.. mayb the topic is more suitable for friends to watch together given that the topic is something that people (i mean female) discuss with their friends...

Generally, i think the part on Gigi and Alex is really sweet!.. It is so sweet when he made an effort to answer her calls all the time when she is just a friend to him.. I can relate to the part where Gigi was looking for a guy and got her hope dashed when Alex rejected her... It is like.. you have exhausted all your resources looking for your other half but he is still nowhere to be seen.. even the last hope was dashed and you will have to start all over again to look for a possible person but the question is, where do you start the search from? It is like every single aspect of your life seems impossible like Gigi where she went clubbing and etc but still couldnt find anybody.. It was a horrible type of hopelessness when all your hopes are taken away from you and you really dunno where else can you look at for more chance/hopes.. because it is not like prince charming will suddenly fall down from the sky in front of you one day when you are walking on the street... I once had that type of hopelessness so i know how it feels like... but yes it was said in the film that every girl will be a man's rule but there is one that is the exception and it is that exception that the man will want to be with.. So I guess i am TFB's exception?.. haha

However, i strongly disgree with the things that Mary told Anna when Ann told her that she like Ben (the married guy) that what happens when you find your true love only when you are already married?... Yes, you may find somebody else who click with you and is like your true love when you meet the person but i strictly dont believe that the person will be your true love because if the person is your true love, you will meet at the correct place at the correct time with the correct person. It is a decision that you have to make and there are no such excuses that you meet your true love after you are married and would like to leave your wife of dunno how many million of years for somebody that you barely knew for a few months... and then you may say.. mayb the husband have know that somebody else for a few years?.. That is even worse!... How can you when you know that there is this person whom you like more than your wife exist and yet you dun do something to resolve the problem between your wife and yourselves and simply let it slide in a downwards spiral for a few years and then come to the verdict that your wife and your marriage are simply not meant to be?...

I just dont agree with the fact that Ben know that there are some problem and yet refuses to rectify the problem by communicating and Anna has to sort of make a move on him even though she knew that he is a married man... I know that it is very old minded of me to say that.. but when you make a commitment to a person obviously you have already decided to spend the rest of your life with that person.. the worst thing that you can do is to get married but still half decided on whether is the person next to you the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you dont love that person, let the person go. Dont stay in a relationship because of convenience because i guess it is really painful when your partner tell you one fine day after your marriage that you are actually not the one for them.. er.. a bit hurtful right.. then you wonder what is on the person's mind when they were reciting the vows...

Anyway the above are just my point of views.. Overall i think that it is a very nice show and how they managed to show how human relationship is nowadays and how can something slide downwards in a very unintentional manner...

Go watch it if you have time... wouldnt really be a waste of money... =D

Amusing experience in Soo Kee at Vivocity

2009-02-28T04:44:00.000-08:00

Well well... during CNY eve i went to sentosa with TFB to look at the Garden Fest thingy... so after the whole trip.. we were pretty sweaty already... However, due to last min change of dress for CNY first day, I had to shop in Vivo City for a pair of BIG earrings....

I so happened to pass by Soo Kee at Vivocity and would like to get my diamond cleaned for CNY... So i walked up to them... There were two sales girls standing at the entrance of Soo Kee, and when i stand in front of them... the first lady (most pro is the more exp staff) just look away without look at me at all and the second lady (should be a relatively new staff) looked at me and looked away then look back at me away... based on their body language, they seems to have no intention of serving or entertaining me at all except for the fact that the new staff was looking at me uninterested..... Until.....

I lifted my finger and show them the diamond ring and said (in a very snobbish tone) i would like to wash my ring... immediately the two women's (esp the older staff) face brighten up with a very very big smile while saying "Oh you want to wash your ring arh"... then immediately they urshered me into the shop, I challenged their snobbish attitude by asking.. "Would you like to see my Soo Kee card?" They immediately said no and the younger girl took my ring promptly and went into the room to wash it... While that older staff saw the opportunity to ty and pitch some sales while i was looking at the wedding rings... And after the younger staff returned my ring to me.. the older staff said in friendly (but quite pretended like how it feels like when somebody pretend to be close to you when they are not) tone.. "I will see you again huh"...

Oh man.. see me again??... yes i need to buy a pair of wedding rings.. but i will never, ever go back to a shop and give money to a snobbish staff who doesnt even want to entertain me in the first place to spend you noe... - -"'

Happy Birthday to me...

2009-02-08T18:15:00.000-08:00

I guess.. this year is the most happy birthday i ever had for a long period of time because birthdays for the past few years except for last year... Last year TFB celebrated my birthday for me at sentosa thus starting the candle heart trend... but last year something happened too at my home resulting in me not really talking to my mum.. if i dun remember wrongly.. heh heh.. but anyway this year birthday due to some unforseen circumstances of the year... she still went ahead to do steamboat for my birthday but then not alot of people came.. so still not that bad..

Birthday celebration started on Saturday for a 'light' tea with smelly ebt at PS Cafe at harding road... Had to say that i was really excited about this because i heard that the environment there is really nice surrounded by greenaries and it really did not fail to disappoint me... the whole environment was casual and relaxed.. just nice for a relaxing and slacky saturday afternoon spend idling and chatting.. As the theme of the day is dress nicely... and i knew that ebt disappointed me time and again when we have this theme.. i decide to dress very nicely so that if she doesnt dress nicely i will smack her on her head... but luckily she did dress nicely too heh heh heh... i ordered a casar salad with grilled chicken and some herbs which is really nice!... then ebt came.. and she ordered like there is no tomorrow.. she ordered a slices of VERY fudgey brownie and fries... the brownie is really fudgey and i told her that if one person finishes this slice of brownie.. most pro the blood will explode from the nose.. and not just flow out... okay very violent graphic.. but the cake is really rich.. very very rich if i am as rich as the cake i think i will be a happy girl.. q=

So we finished the casar salad that i ordered and struggled to finish both the brownie and fries because it is just tooo rich and tooooo much.. so we sit there.. struggle to eat sloooowly loh.. while taking photographs of ourselves and the greeneries... then we decide that it was really too much for the both of us so we foot the bill and walk (*note i was in high heels) from demsey hill alllll the way down to civilization..

Then i proceed to TFB's friend house for CNY celebration and they brought me a lana cake... oh man i had wanted to try a lana cake since long time ago but due to a mixture of laziness and dunno where is the exact location.. i have never gotten the chance to try it.. so imagine not only do i get to try a lana cake... it was my birthday cake!

Then TFB brought me to sentosa the next next day to countdown to midnight for my birthday and to light up the heart candle that he has done with tea candles... and he baked me a cake too! It was really sweet of TFB to try and cook me a meal even though i was luffing at him thru out i am really appreciative of the gesture... but i need to clarify the reason why i was luffing was because he said that he will challenge my mushroom plus tuna plus cheese and do a drier and nicer version but in the end there was veggie salad and fruits salad... BUT i am very appreciative of the efforts okay?.. ^_^ he baked me a heart shape angel cake too.. with chocolate syrup all over it... Then we got a little bored after eating so we decide to take the train out of sentosa since we are islander or highlander as LGD pronounced it... we went around vivo to shop shop a bit... then went back to sentosa again at 11pm.. but as the wind was too strong... we were not able to light up the candle at all.. by then i was tired and a little bit disappointed because i thot that i wun get my heart candle this year..

I told TFB to forget it but he insisted on doing the candles so finally i got two hearts! Even thou it is a bit small and i blew out the candles seconds after it is lighted instead of taking alot of photographs.. i still felt very happy.. ^_^

I had a 'pleasant surprise' the next day because my 'nice' colleagues actually put a BIG notice beside my table informing everybody that it is my birthday and to wish me happy birthday if they see me... and if that is not enuff.. they printed the staff directory together with my photo out for easy recognising... and the wrapped grumpy up as my birthday pressie... and the next pleasant surprise came from my class (i was on course) when they bluff me out of the office then when i went in they had cakes with lighted candles and sang happy birthday song to me.. it was really a surprise and i felt really pai seh because i only knew them for two days and they would organise a birthday surprise for me.. and so i spend the rest of the night 'wii-ing' away with TFB...

It was a nice birthday.. nice, warm and cozy.. ^_^

Oh and i took three days leave after that to slack at home.... Shall update that again.. hehe

Happy New Year?

2009-01-27T05:49:00.000-08:00

Notice the question mark instead of exclaimation mark.. it is another unhappy cny.. yes another one...

It all started with CNY eve when my mum got angry over i dunno what issues... but i do suspect is because we did not have reunion dinner with her on CNY eve.. BUT she was the one who said that we should have reunion dinner earlier so that the rest of us can proceed to our in-law (for those who are married) place to eat... And i suspect is also because this year she did not get to ask her relatives to come and eat so she is unhappy... so she got angry...refuses to function properly like how a mum should function... and i had to rush down to chinatown at 11pm to buy one of the item for her prayer... and then spend money to get a yu sheng to come back and lou hei with her so that she will be happy for CNY and my dad wun suffer and all of us wun have to suffer...

Then she is happy and everybody is happy yesterday.. but there was some small issue because there is a nian gao frm crytal jade that i have purchased originally for TFB's family... and since that nian gao cannot be kept for more than a week... so i decide to purchase a new one for them when i go over on new year eve so that they can keep longer and at the same time asked my mum to cook the nian gao during one of the friday when everybody is coming over for dinner but she did not do it.. okay fine... then i told her in the car yesterday that please cook the nian gao tomorrow when all her relatives are visiting so that everybody can eat the nian gao.. and then.. her son... has to add in a statement saying that who is gonna eat the nian gao.. Isnt it kinda stupid to asking this question given that nian gao are being sold during CNY.. OBVIOUSLY it is for eating during CNY right?.. and OBVIOUSLY if you have a big bunch of peps visiting ur house you should cook the nian gao for this bunch of relatives because itis a CNY food and since you nd to cook for them then it is no harm in cooking the nian gao right?... It is a stupid, senseless and just trying to find problem with me questions... OBVIOUSLY i dunno what did i oh sorry.. we because eat bread kena from his bitch fits quite often too.. did to offend him so seriously that he has to menopause on us all the time.. then you see him being very nice to his cousin... because i think he felt that his cousin is nicer to him??.. but whatever lah.. i am sick and tired so dun expect me reach him during leisure time..

So today.. second day of CNY... ONCE AGAIN she did not cook the nian gao.. and what did i do?.. i throw it away.. because she told me to keep it in the fridge and if i really do... she will complain to her son in the near future and i can sense that her son is gonna take out the whole set of menopause and scold the bloody hell out of me.. and lecture me on whatever thing that he can lecture me on.. mayb even lecturing me that my face is of the wrong arrangement?.. Given that he can pick on me on soooo many things nowadays then he even said that the number one wrong thing that TFB has done is to know me and get into a relationship with me?... so i threw the fish away... yes... to some extend it is my fault that i should push things that are meant for other people to them because i am gonna buy a new one for them... but it is not that i have not done anything for this family and just anyhow push second hand cheap stuff to them all the time.. So why this lousy attitude from them all the time?... I am tired... i have money.. i am willing to share... i have problem i am willing to hide... i have happiness... i try to spread it around... i have ability i try to gel the family together... so what in the freaking world have i actually freakingly done wrong to deserve such lousy attitude?... i dunno... and i dun care ANYMORE..

But from this and past lesson.. i realise that it might be in the gene of my mum to create trouble during CNY given that her side also always have problem during CNYwhen my grandparents are still alive.. so i realised that given that my temper is so like my mum.. i might just create trouble for my kids and husband in the future!...

I really dun want my kids to be unhappy in the future... like how unhappy i am with the feeling that i am feeling that i have try for all i can to creat happiness and yet i failed.. and all the arrow shoot towards me.. I really dun wan these to happen... i want to give my kids and my husband a normal family.. i dun wanna be a malfunctioning mum to my kids and let them have a bad impression of me.. sigh...

What am i doing now?...

2009-01-22T21:26:00.000-08:00

I took one day leave.. so that i can stay home and keep my going to be rubbish centre room... so in the end what did i really do?... Let see.. i went back to work and left at about 11am.. then i came back.. put my comforter (which by the way.. i accidentally created a hole in it because i did not push it deep into the washing machine and with that hole chip away a corner of my heart.. haiz..).. then i started to fold my clothes.. and i end up... uploading photographs into multiply and now blogging!!!... Obviously you can see i dun really like to fold clothes alot!.. ahahaha..

Anyway... to the dye another day blog entry.. yes i went to dye my hair red... ang kong kong mah.. resulting in me dun dare to wash my hair because i noe the colourrr will fade once i wash it and then it will become washed out red or orange colour and i will be orang utan which btw eat bread has already turn into given that she wash her hair everything because she said she cannot stand the itchiness when she doesnt wash her hair for more than one day.... to give you a view of my RED hair...

So here it goes... ang enough right! I also think so.. q=

Dye another day...

2009-01-13T06:26:00.000-08:00

hmm.. as the CNY approaches... it is time to dye my hair again... so what colour shall i dye?.. This is a no brainer question because the number one colour that i would chose is red... for.. once you have dyed red.. and saw the superb end result.. you will never settle for anything less or less red in my case... so every year without question.. it is a struggle of dying my hair red.. then losing the colour gradually over a loooong period of ONE WK...

I am determined that this year.. my redness will stay longer... well.. given that CNY is on 26 Jan.. there seems like nearly two wks more for me to laze around before dying my hair because i really dun wan my hair to look like some type of washed out red on CNY itself... so i have decided (after securing a low price with the hair saloon auntie) that i will dye my hair closer to CNY.. say mayb the Friday just before CNY?... But then eat bread ask me to dye my hair this saturday.. oh man... you noe eat bread.. the temptation of dying my hair this wkend is great because newly dyed hair always give people a very fresh look and in the name of vanity who wun wanna look good and feel good all the time right?.. Like can stand in front of the mirror for fifteen min to admire my own beeeautiful rrrrrrrred hair...

But the million dollar question here is if i dye my hair now... will it look washed out on CNY.. haiya haiya i really dun wanna look like i have a head of washed out hair on CNY leh.. but i really wanna dye my red too... then how... i also dunno... shall struggle until wkend and update again next wk on this issue...

半情歌

2009-01-07T08:05:00.000-08:00

After much promo by didi and his mum... i have finally watched ming zhong zu yi wo ai ni.. and fell in love with this song...

Have you ever have that type of feeling when you hear a song and you tell yourself.. mm.. i think this is the saddest song that i have ever heard?... I do... and i think my song always outsad the previous song... so exactly which song is the saddest?.. But who cares if the song is nice right?..

半情歌

花接受凋零
风接受追寻
心的伤还有一些不要紧
我接受你的决定

你将会被谁抱紧
唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱着一半的歌

你将会被谁抱紧
唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐
不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌时
间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱着一半的歌

我的明天快不快乐
都是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌

时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
另一半的歌

Happy New Year!!!

2009-01-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

Okay.. this entry is late by *see calendar* six days.. but it is better late than never right?...

Well... i have to say that 2008 actually fly by faster than a bullet train and before i really really got a chance to sink into the fact that it is 2008... it is already nov!!!... gosh.. where did all the months went too??...

Major happening in 2008... hmm.. hmm.. think.. think.. think...

I got myself a proposal.. that should be the MAJOR happening ba... for those of you who think that once you get a proposal it is happily ever after.. i am sorry to burst your bubble by telling you that NO!.. it doesnt function that way... yes true enuff getting a proposal is good because you are gonna get married, be somebody else mrs and not gonna stay single for the rest of your life.. but then my proposal happiness lasted for like one weeks then after that it is down to looking through wedding packages, getting worried over money issues and housing issues....
BUT i have never regret it because it is the way it is... the proposal and getting married is the main issue here... the money issues lah, all the negative issues are all obstacles for you to overcome so that your love for each other will grow and be stronger...

My best buddy got married... ^_^ okay.. actually.. he and his mrs got married two years ago.. but they just held their wedding banquet like two months ago (please dun slap me if i got the month wrongly okay??.. right.. as if he will ever read this blog in the first place since he doesnt even noe i have a blog!... ahahahahahhaha) i am soooooooo happy for them... i think i must have repeated that i am sooo happy for them phrase for so many times to them that i think they think that i am drunk both at their rom ceremony and at the wedding dinner... but still i am REALLY happy that the both of them are married.... My buddy actually went through alot when we were still in constant contact and even though we have not been contacting each others alot nowadays since we dun really have a gang of friends anymore and we have gone on to know other new friends, made other buddies and form other regular group of hanging out friends... i still care for him alot... and i am really glad that his other half who completed him as a human being.. haha.. is a very very sunshine lady... ^_^ I really hope to hear baby crying soon ~

Third happenings will be... i successfully declare war with my cousin!... and when i mean war.. i mean real war... it is actually a very person thing that happened because of our wedding dates clashes... but hopefully and i really mean HOPEFULLY we have truly resolved all conflict now...

Seems like alot of stuff happened in 2008 hor?.. like i said that nt much happen but then still alot of stuff happened right?.... 2007 was a phrase of self discovering for me.. when i went thru a mind blowing phrase... i dun wanna talk about it... but i went through a mind blowing phrase and 2008 is a year for me to stable down... and get in touch with all things that are important to me...

So for 2009... what do i really wanna do??

1) Be less bitchy and get more in touch with my family.... i used to be like the central communication station but in the recent years.... i am not taking this position anymore.. nt that i really want the central communication station but i hope tht i can spend more time with them...

2) Be a good wife to TFB?.. but that will only be applicable after nov onwards.. haha

3) SLIM DOWN!! I desperately need to slim down to look pretty on my ROM date.. i dun wan eat bread to out shine me (if she managed to slim down)!!

4) Save more money...

5) LOVE DIDI.... (i am a nice yiyi who love didi despite all circumstances)

6) Maintain a tidy room...

Okay.. so i have say it.. now it is time to PROVE IT!.. when we revisit again next year... lets see how many of the items above have i fulfill.. even though point number five is pretty hard to fulfill because it is really freaking hard to love didi despite all circumstances.. but.. PROVE IT!

P.S. I actually quite hate the coming of 2009 because this is the year i turn 24 and it is officially where i am nt young anymore because you see from 12 to 20 people said that you are teenager and from 21 to 23 people will recognise you as a adult but is ohh so young!... but when you tell people that you are 24.. people will just go.. oh okay you are 24... and then 25 and then 26 and people will start telling you at 27... oh you are 27 arh!.. that is quite old.. oh man!

Malacca.....

2008-12-04T18:47:00.000-08:00

Yep... recently there has been a string of unhappiness.. but can see my life picking up before me... erm how does this work? Dont ask.. only krever people noe...

Work has been busy for me.... getting more stuff to do.. which is good because more stuff means more responsibility which might means higher performance opportunity and more chances... okay i think i am not make sense.. but in summary just more work = Happy Sylvia

Postponed my wedding.. dont ask... if you are someone close to me.. you would have known the reason.. if you do not know the reason.. you are somebody who is not close to me.. and i probably wun tell you regardless of how many times you ask... What did you said?.. I am very dao?.. yar i am very dao.. i have a attitude problem.. and i dont intend to solve it.. hahaha

Went to Malacca over the weekend.. for one day only lah.. haha but enjoyed myself even though i have not went to alot of places.. in fact it is NOT REALLY loh and the only highlight of the trip is SUPER GOOD FOOD.. but it is good... really good to be going out on a trip with your parents... and siblings and nephew and sis in law and boyfriend.. even when i am overseas the whole place suddenly doesnt seems to be that scary and unsafe.... I really feel happy and good to be out with them.. and i hope we can go on another trip again.. (=

Haiz..

2008-11-18T06:56:00.000-08:00

经过这几天想了这件事情后我终于落下了第一滴眼泪...
我才知道原来我这么伤心
人生走到这一步我真的很累了
我真的不知道为什么事情会变得这个样子
我真的错得很厉害吗?
对不起.. 我真的不想这个样子的
我不想让你烦恼也不想让你不开心
你的大喜之日我也真的很想出席
我好想像今年这样开开心心的帮你办喜事
为什么事情会变得这个样子
到底是天意还是人为
我只想开开心心的嫁人
我也希望你可以开开心心的嫁人
我真的是无心让你难过
我很开心能够看到我们俩人能够有幸福
可是唯一让我感到伤心的是我们不可以参加比此的婚礼
对不起....我真的对不起你

You no good jerk!.. You will get ur retribution one day!

2008-10-28T02:09:00.000-07:00

Was talking to TFB yesterday and somehow the topic linked to my fav quote of Ohana means family and family means nobody get left behind... or forgotten... so i told him that is the reason why i will always be there to help my sis or at least try to be there to help her whenever she needs help.. and something he told me really made me very happy.. he said that he dun mind helping my sis... because he felt that she is really very poor thing... okay.. this portion made me happy because i found somebody who is willing to help my family when they are in trouble.. esp my sister nt that she is a trouble maker... but she more or less attracts trouble to her all the time..

And talking and talking and i nearly cried... because i think what he said make alot of sense.. she tried very hard to make the family work she really tried very hard on her part to make the whole family work... but unfortunately the jerk gets away with everything... while she has to suffer with her two noisy kids while the jerk get to dress in branded every single day and just do whatever he wants and carry on life as if there has no chances, as if he has all the freedom in the world and as if he is not a father except that he has two sons who bear his surname but other than money (which is frankly not alot and not given the least bit willingly as well) and nothing else.. oh yar.. i forgot he does give them stuff... things like TROUBLE, SADNESS, TEARS AND DISAPPOINTMENTS

I can only said that this has to do with my sister's life lah... it is really nthing but the way her life is loh.... we cant blame anybody for this but at least dun make the kids suffer for the adult's decisions...

I still stick to my belief every single day that tat jerk will get his retribution... now or future.. he will get it... and he wun get away with it..

Updates

2008-10-21T07:08:00.000-07:00

Okay..... finally some updates...................

Have some very very big news that i need to announce.. actually by now... i think almost the whole world would have known about it.. (the power of multiply) but i would still like to officially announce it on my personal blog.. for reference purpose.. for whatever purpose lah.. TFB has proposed to me... He proposed to me on 1 Oct 08 while we were having sky dining to celebrate his birthday... though i have already expected the proposal because he told me before that when he wanna propose he will bring me to sky dining and he was looking for rings before that and he wanted to go to sky dining for dinner for his birthday so with all these hints put together... i can correctly said that he was gonna propose to me that day and so he did... but then i still felt very touched when he said the sentence "Will you marry me?" my heart just melted...

So i cried he cried and it was a touching moments with Little Green De being our witness, ring inspector, entertaintment etc etc...

Our wedding date is set on 29 Nov 09 it all seems like a dream or unconfirmed thing that till now... i dun really dare to go and action on alot of things for fear that half way thru somebody will cut out and stop us to inform us that there is a change in dates etc etc... this is due to the fact that my cousin is getting married on 25 Dec 09 and being the traditional chinese that we are.. We cant attend each other's wedding because it is less than three mth apart.. for whatever reason that i am not sure but then marriage is a once in a lifetime thingy so better dun risk it... It doesnt help even more that my cousin's mum is currently fuming and when i say fuming i mean fuming that she said tat she will not talk to me anymore for this whole lifetime.. so i really dunno how tis problem is gonna be resolved and i am really sorry about this but getting married at that date is not a rash decision that we blindfold each others and point on the same date simultaneously but more of a calculation thingy that saids that that is a date that is good for us... i really hope that my cousin's mum can forgive me..

Hopefully all will turn out well..

Bling Bling....

2008-10-01T07:45:00.001-07:00

I have officially joined in the bling bling club!.... ^_^

The accidentally over dose

2008-09-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

Well... apparently eating too much cough med will really make you high lor... i got this high high feeling now...

BUT please dun think that i am a druggie hor.. it just so happened that my super blur sotong mum.. pointed to tablet and told tfb that the tablet is for flu and the syrup is for cough.. somore drink the syrup le cannot drink water for super effect... So i took two tablet and one table spoon of syrup.. then mum told us.... that both items that i have taken is for cough... and she die die die die refuses to admit that she said the wrong thing citing that we heard wrongly.. - -"'

Two person four ears can hear wrongly meh? Somemore i got supersonic hearing... can hear wrong one meh?... wah kao... mayb she did it on purpose hor?... i suspect so too.. my mum is evil... tsk tsk tsk...

How man... feel like sleeping it off... how to get up for work tomorrow man.. HOW TO SURVIVE WORK TOMORROW MAN? argh............................................................................................

I must must remind Toffee not to disturb my mum too much or i might find him overdosed with drugs when i come home one day...

Not happy...

2008-08-24T20:00:00.000-07:00

I need to clarify that it is not sad okay... nor izzit depressed.. it is the ah beng and ah lian style of what you not happy arh?.. yar i not happy!... why not happy arh.. figh lah! that type of not happy...

The feeling is like.... the not happiness is a bottomless pit with cushion... and your heart keep falling downwards in this not happy bottomless pit then you hit a cushion but you cant get up because it is soft cushion so as you lie down there.. you sink further into the not happy pit feeling...

So the emotion expression is something like this:

Yar... looks super not happy right?...

I guess it is just me being grumy on a monday due to monday blues.... having to wake up early after two days of slacking is never a good thing for me... always wonder where did the eagerness to work went to.. i remember there was a period where i was never affected by monday blues.. haiz... hopefully that period can come back soon...

Bluey and Sugar are back

2008-08-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yep.. they are back.. cleaner, whiter and bluer...

I was so happy when i first saw the both them when auntie found them from the rack.. both of them look so fresh up and clean... esp sugar who has not have that type of bright baby pink on his cheek, feet and ears... Apparently they were sleeping through out the whole washing procedure so they are not aware of what happened.. when i went to fetch them.. they were still sleeping...

Glad to have the both of them back... Toffee was so excited that Sugar is back at home... So this is how Bluey and Sugar look like now..

Clean, happy, well rested (well they are well rested all the time) bears who just came home from a bear spa...

And so it goes......

2008-08-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

That we are actually all playing a game of hide and seek.... in a sense..

Up till now... i really did not realised that one of my friend are suffering so much in silence... all the while.. me and my other friend thot tat she will not be victimised... but we are wrong man!... She gets push around all the time too...

So we really dunno how to do.... The thing is... i never realised that in a group of human.... with all of them being victimised by the same person.... but yet none of them would voice it out... for the sake of peace.... i guess that is why there is this phrase He Ping De Dai Jia.... i just find it very sick when a person doesnt have basic social skills at all..

Haiz... shall not mention more... To us.. all the best.. we shall hu xian fu chi...

Bluey and Sugar went for a shower....

2008-08-10T07:39:00.000-07:00

Today is a very sad day...

Bluey and Sugar went for a shower together... Originally i thot that money can solve all problem.. i seriously think this way when i brought them out for their shower.. I thot that if i paid extra... i will be able to get them back within a day...

Today then i learned that it is not that way.... Bluey and Sugar will be gone for one week.... )=

I feel so sad!... I think the auntie muz have thot that i am a psycho because i was crying when i pay her the money and handed the both of them to her... but but... to me they are not just soft toys.. they are part of my family... Bluey was so freaked out by the idea of me leaving him that he thot i am leaving him for good.... Sugar din tell me much but i knew that he dun really wanna stay there but have no choice...

My heart hasnt felt so sore for a very long time and today i felt the heart pain again when i hand them over to the auntie.... booo hooo hooo... six long days to saturday before i can get them back..... )=

zhou ah mu

2008-08-03T01:58:00.000-07:00

If i have not mentioned it before... I will mention it now.. even though my career path has not been the ideal career path... I am glad that i have been meeting very great colleagues..

I am serious!.... I think that i am really very fortunate to have very nice colleagues who truly want to teach me something for my future... Like Fifi.. who has acted like a big sister to me all these while... teaching me to be brave and matured... I am really glad to meet her... and I really admire her selflessness for being always so willing to teach me...

Then.. there is Lao Da and Mdm Koh... whom i met from NLB...

Lao Da may scold me sometime.. but i know that she does that from her bottom of her heart to guide me onto the correct path... I really misses her alot.. and i tried going back to NLB a few times but i just couldnt bump into her working hours... )=
Mdm Koh on the other hand is like this really really really really super duper nice lady who is forever there helping me to cover my ass.... She is forever willing to drop whatever she has to save me from whatever shit hole that i have fallen into and I have to said that these two ladies really helped me alot when i was in NLB... (Muz date them out one day and treat them to dinner)

Then there is Zhou Ah Mu.. hahaha.. okay lah... Zhou Ah Mu is somebody whom i already noe when i was doing my internship... and i have always known that he is a very nice person...

So when i went back to the company to work.. he has extended his kindness to me... There are four of us (girls) in the office whom Zhou Ah Mu look after alot.. oei.. dun think he is doing it for anything okay... Zhou Ah Mu really look after us like his daughter hor... And i really felt very pai seh at time because i think that i couldnt help Zhou Ah Mu much but he has been helping us all along.. that is why we call him Zhou Ah Mu (Mother Chow)

So thank you very much hor Zhou Ah Mu

So i am really glad that i have been meeting nice people at work all these while and i really thank them from the bottom of my heart... (=

Dark Knight...

2008-07-30T00:02:00.000-07:00

Is a very good show!!...

It is such a good show that.... i think i will buy the DVD when it is out.. (notice i mention DVD and no longer VCD?.. Because Tofubrain has kindly donated his DVD player to me... so now i have a DVD player... YAY!)

The whole show is really good and you dun nd to try and figure things out too much... just go along with the show and you will understand the whole thing... I would really have expect Harvey Dent to be more handsome because according to the comic, he is supposed to be very good looking... but the joker's acting is really good.. pity that he passed away..

Hopefully he can rest in peace knowing that his final work is being praised by so many people in the world for such good acting...

对不起妈妈

2008-07-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Okay.. i actually have alot of nonsense to blog about... but.. before i blog about those nonsense..

I tink i need to blog about something else that is really bothering me... bothering me like a giant ulcer in my mouth.. in this case.. it is a ugly ulcer that is in my heart...

对不起妈妈... )=

I think i have been really nasty to her for this period of time... esp when i was having a sore throat... Well.. i can explain that she know that i have a sore throat but she still get me to make phone call.. and that irriates me to no end.. but that is no excuse to be nasty to her...

In case you are wondering why i am blogging here since my mum will never read my blog... this is to serve as a reminder to me to be nice to her regardless of how unreasonable she is (in this case she was not always unreasonable to me)...

No matter what happened in the past.. hw she bully somebody i love the most on this earth... it gives me no right to be so rude to her...

No matter what it is..... i dun have the right to be rude or nasty to my mum..

Sylvia you are the worse nasty mean bean i have encountered... You better think about your action and stop being so rude...

Marilyn save my life... in a way...

2008-07-23T19:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah.. Marilyn saved my life today by giving me that life saving packet of instant campbell soup... okay.. she didnt give me.. i took it frm her drawer but that was because she was busy talking on the phone with the 'IT God' aka my ex boss tryin to resolve some IT problem.. But seeing that 5pm is ticking away every single min (my med time is supposed to be at 5pm) i had no choice but to be rude... I am usually a nice girl *show angel smile*

So i managed to drink the soup and eat my med before 5pm is over... yay!... *Bow* and say Xie Xie Marilyn. Seriously i think that Marilyn Auntie is a very nice lady... she is generous de lor.... forever sharing her food with other people and helping people and will try to take care of people when they are sick.. So yar.. it is very nice to have Marilyn Auntie aka SYGYM around all the time.. that is why hor.. whenver her boyfriend bully her.. i will volunteer to use my slipper to slap him.. okay okay.. kidding.. but Marilyn Auntie is a nice girl.. so the boyfriend muz be nice to her... ^_^

Ohh Ohh.. Marilyn Auntie is flying to Bangkok tomorrow morning aka later 3am plus she has to go to the airport le... so you have a nice and safe trip hor... Dun miss Shu Pian and Da Le because i will take good care of the both of them...

There is another thing that Tofubrain told me yesterday that bugs me alot... There is this toad (unfortunately this toad is his colleagues... i wonder why company will hire toad in marketing department)...

The toad will always luff at Tofubrain whenever Tofubrain wear his SPCA tee... which.. i dun understand what is the funny part... it is supposed to be for a good cause seriously.. and it really takes a toad with a very hideous looking heart and look to oversee the good cause and luff at Tofubrain..

To the toad.. respect urself, respect others... if you are totally incapable of being socially correct or nice.. just keep quiet.. nobody will miss your worthless suggestion or feel bothered at all if you keep quiet.. in fact you are doing the world a deed by not contributing a huge amount of noise pollution to the already polluted earth.. Help us to help you by keeping quiet so that you dun cause any further damage to ur super hideous image..

P.S. To Marilyn Auntie if you are reading the entry:
Sorry Marilyn Auntie that the entry i wrote about you have to end with a small segment about hideous toad.. just that the toad is really too much.. i muz blog and shame the toad..

$2 antibiotics

2008-07-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

Have been sick since last last wk ago, suspect is kena from tofubrain and my dad... so i dragged on illness (no big deal, just flu, cough and sore throat) until thursday evening then i went to see doctor... Doctor gave me med for me to finish and along the way... as i didnt really see myself as a sick person, i had choclate and durian.. X=

So the med is supposed to make me a healthy person within three days but i am still having a sore throat, slight cough and flu..... the amount of mucus that i blow out is enough to make me suspect that there is nothing in my head except for mucus... So i went back to see the doctor who gave me a $2 per pill antibiotics... So for this month i am dead broke because i spend about $80 seeing doctors for a simple infection....

And doctor warned me that if i dun recover within three days... I have to go back and see him.. no dragging until on month then go back and tell him that i have not recovered yet... because.. if it is a simple infection and if i dun recover within three days... then something must be wrong )=

Oh man.. that doesnt sound good at all!!!... So now.. i will be a good kid, stay away from durian, chocolate, deep fried food, shouting.. and talking too much... but the phone at my office has been ringing since this morning!!!... No good sign at all!! I hope i dun have to resort to taking mc just to stay away from the phone... haiz..

So in the meantime... if you wanna chat with me.. you are still welcome to do so over msn... dun talk to me in real person unless you wanna get ignored.. or see a really angry face from me....

Sylvia and soft toys cannot talk for this period of time.... )=

I hate donut life

2008-07-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

I cant emphasis more...

I hate donut life.. I hate people who have a sugar coated life because these people just seems so wayang to me... They have not been thru the hard part of life and then they are oh so sweet all the time, so innocent most of the time and always kind and clear with no fault at all..

I lagi hate it when donut life obviously have a other half yet needs to rely on other people to get things done for them..

I even more hate it when the people who are being asked to do things are people cloest to me.. so.. if you are one of the people cloest to me.. and you are in touched with any particular donut life that i hate... you better better better stay far away frm that person and not help that person do anything in anyway and dun even chat with that person .................. otherwise i will take no chance in scolding you and slashing out at that donut life...

Kaleidoscope Emporium

2008-07-19T03:23:00.001-07:00

A jewellery webbie set up by my sis and sis in law: Kaleidoscope Emporium

The ladies specialises in selling jewelleries made of real crystal, be it you want crystal jewelleries to suit ur birth month, or to get crystal jewelleries for their natural function (healing, beauty, calming, etc etc) you wil definately be able to find something inside for you.

If you cant find anything that you like, you can always email them with your design or your requirements and they will try to customise the jewellery for you..

As all jewelleries are handmade, therefore, all piece are unique.. (=

So feel free to browse through their webbie for nice and affordable crystal jewelleries that is not only for beauty purpose but for other purposes as well!

Miss Misunderstood

2008-07-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

Well, it is not as if this is the first time that i am being misunderstood..

But i just noticed something quite scary.. that is whenever something happened, nobody stand on my side.. nobody.. this makes me think about it.. it is worth it to be helping people all the while then when something happened.. nobody bothered to ask me why am i feeling this way.. everybody just ignored me.. as if it is just right to ignore me..

Ohana means family?... mayb for an idiot like me.. ohana means family... i was never a ohana to anybody else.. because when something happened... everybody is always standing on other side.. nt my side.. be it whether i am rite or wrong... but life still goes on rite?... because i am the one who chose to be on the quieter side.. chose to retreat to my room side.. so i am WRONG

Nobody has ever thot of why i flared up.. everybody think i am just being a mad dog.. but has anybody every asked me why am i so angry?... over something that is so cheap?... i am not that materistic... my point of view is that i will never do experiment on other people's stuff... so i expect the same type of respect towards my stuff... same three items belonging to three different people... but why izzit that when it was mine item then it was used to do all sort of experiments?.... If all three were subject to the same type of experiements, i dun mind... BUT WHY MINE? I wun do experiment on other people's stuff.. because i RESPECT that the item belonged to somebody else and i have no right to do that... i will do experiment on my own stuff.. but why cant i get that type of respect?...

Is that too much to ask for??...... So ohana actually means selective family?.. not all... because i dun feel ohana at all.. mayb i was an idiot at the beginning all along?... Mayb i shouldnt go all out to help people sometime because the goodwill doesnt flow back....

The thing with me is that.....

2008-06-30T01:02:00.001-07:00

I dun noe when to let go....

friends... cca..... colleagues....

i never noe when to let go.. until things turned nasty then i start to feel really sad as to why is things like this now when it used to be better.. chatted with a friend recently and either he was busy.. or he cant really be bothered to chit chat with me..

We used to be good friends.. yet... nthing happened between us... we din quarral or disagree in anything.. we just drifted apart... and then.. we became just very basic friend.. instead of the very good friend that we used to be...

Why will this happen... everytime something like that happened.. i will feel very sad.. i tried my best to remain as i am.. but things changed and everything just drifted apart... must as i wanna keep the ties close... i just cant do it alone... i cherish my friendship with my friends.. but then i cant keep up the friendship by myself.. i do understand that people do have their own life to lead.. their own stuff to do.. but all i asked for is to maintain a friendship.. is that so hard?

Or mayb i am just too irritating to be true?... sigh...

Too much things going on....... at one time...

2008-06-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

Actually, it is not at one time.. but more of at one period of time.

So i have been feeling a huge surge of emotion but i dunno what type of emotion i am feeling actually. I just know that there is this huge feeling in my heart.

Found my ex-friend's blog a few days ago and read about what happened in her life during these few years.. Well, i am no longer in talking term with this friend of mine because our friendship did not exactly ended in the nicest way but i think it ended in most pro the ugliest way ever. It is amazing how you used to be the bestest friend around but can just turn into enemy overnight but that is life isnt it?

Anyway.. i have gone back to playing maplestory.. We managed to find a server that is like super sonic fast in level-ing up.. So all of us are back to playing maplestory once again..

And to end this off... I am getting fatter leh!.... I can feel it lor.. how??.. die lah die lah.. i wanna slim down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's wrong with didi?

2008-06-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

Watched a documentary about Monty Roberts recently and a sentence from his synopsis remain deeply rooted in my mind.... The meaning of the sentence is that to train a horse, you often have to break the will of this strong willed animals and often, the breaking of the will is done through cruel treatment...

Why am i mentioning about this?...

I had a conversation with my parents who told me that they noticed that didi is growing very skinny recently and then they tried to track the cause of didi being so skinny recently.. then my dad commented that mayb it is a psychological effect that causes didi to stop eating so much..

Didi is a person who is really stubborn.. I remembered that when he was a few months old, my sis tried to pat him to coax him to sleep but he refuses to sleep.. I took over from her and try to pat didi and he stubbornly keep sitting up even though he is sleepy and refuses to sleep.. So didi is a very stubborn person.. could it be that.. in order to make him obey them... some people tried to use scaring methods to make him obey?..

So much so that the frequent scaring causes him to be really afraid of all the things that even his own shadow scare him?... I feel really upset if didi really went thru all these of being frighten by people until he is so dan xiao... I really hope that i can find ways to help him....

Once again....

*I love didi*

I could hardly contain my excitment

2008-05-29T23:26:00.000-07:00

Yay! I got my letter today! The letter to inform me of my conversion to permanent staff and my bonus etc etc. I was so happy when i receive the letter!

Looking back, i felt that my hardwork has not been wasted and it has been recognised. Somewhere along the year, i really lose faith in life and felt ultra crappy and lousy. In fact, i felt that i am the lousiest person in the whole world sometime but now i am really appreciative to the fact that i have a blessed life and i will cherish it.

I felt happy that i have not gone off track even though i felt lousy and hang on so to it. Like what i believe, challenges are thrown to you to make you stronger when you overcome it. I will not let anything get me down anymore and i will be strong..

Animal Abuse...

2008-05-12T18:26:00.000-07:00

Found this in Straits Time:
http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest%2BNews/Singapore/STIStory_236642.html?vgnmr=1

I think it is really cruel and sick that somebody are killing cats like that... Not only cats, sometime dogs kena the same thing.. or birds or any type of animal that is not that threatening that people can find on the streets..

I certainly dun tink it is funny to stab the cats then pour thinner all over them..

I think this people are cowards... pure cowards who cant achieve anything in life and so they have the prove that they are stronger by killing or abusing animals..

No matter how dirty the cat is.. no matter how many of them are they, nobody has the authority to act as god and take the life of others... if human life are precious... how about animal's life?..

If people dislike cats so much shouldnt they do this, they should report to the authority about it and see if the authority can do anything.. even if the authority cant really do much, leave them alone.. What can the cats do?.. They fight with you for food?.. Fight with you for houses and jobs?... All they do is stay there and mind their own business.. I still believe that unless provoked they wun attack..

So i really hope that the pervert who did these will be caught earlier to prevent more cats frm suffering... I would hope that he can go thru the same thing that he has done to the cats but to do that is to go as low as the pervert.. So i hope that the law will deal with the pervert according..

Tidy Tidy Tidy up!

2008-05-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

Yay!.. I have cleared my mountain of clothes yesterday... *bow* but my room is not clean yet... in fact.. it is far frm clean.. since i have so much energy for cleaning my room up frm yesterday, i shall make full use of it to continue cleaning my room today..

Hopefully by the end of today, my room will be spotlessly clean. There are alot of stuff that i need to throw away, like i need to downsize my computer table to a small one, move my computer to one side and let TFB aka Tofu Brain help me fix it.. *Look down at my nicely done manicure nail... sniff sniff.. bye bye nice nail polish* Beside downsizing my computer table, i intend to move the TV table over as my computer table (it is something that my dad did for me.. so CANNOT throw away) and move out the TV and the sofa..

Hopefully by the end of tonight, i will have a clean and neat room.

Actually i always wonder.. I am somebody who studied categorizing, archiving etc.. how come all my documents and everything are in a mess???... Oh Man!...

Non-bake Oreo cheese cake

2008-05-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

I made non-bake oreo cheesecake over the wkend...

Apparently.. my cheesecake taste... salty... )=

Actually the cheesecake really came form up as a cake lah.. meaning that the cheese was not too creamy after freezing it... so the texture should be alright... just nd to work on it more.. and then it doesnt taste extremely salty.. a little bit sweet.. but definately not sweet by cheesecake standard... i guess i would nd to add more sugar into the cheesecake to make it sweeter..

Shall make oreo cookie base the next time instead of using digestive cookie...

Haha.. if i managed to make nice tasting and lagi nicer looking cheesecake then i post online for everybody to see okay?.. (=

Saving Sylvia's weight!

2008-05-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

Saw my colleague from another dept just now..

Conversation went like this:

Colleague: Hw is life?
Me: Good..
Colleague: Erm.. you like put on a bit of weight leh...
Me: I also think so!
Colleague: Ya.. inform you first...

*Sniff**Sniff* I am officially on a saving sylvia's weight programme... Popiah shall be my good friend again for the next countless no. of month until i hit my target of 55 kg...

Going to Taiwan soon!

2008-04-01T22:11:00.000-07:00

Yay.. counting down another six more days to my trip to taiwan and boy am i excited about it! Well for one thing.. Taiwan has always been one of the county on my must visit list (the list is not very long actually) so i am really looking forward to my trip lah!... Secondly i have never been on a plane before (mountain tortise hor?) so i am a bit scared about that too!...

BT's birthday is coming up soon and we are gonna celebrate for her this coming saturday.. something dear said yesterday made me realised that i have no more energies to do all the stuff that i used to do.. like helping people celebrate birthday?... doing handicraft stuff for them.. going the extra miles to do stuff for them?.. The question is WHY?... why did i lose all my energies?.. was it because of all the disappointments that i have suffered all these while?... Was it because i have used up all my energies during my younger days and i have no more energies left to do it?.. Was i getting lazy.. I guess... it is a little of everything that causes me to become like that... so oh well... i am quite bothered by the fact that i am not that enthu anymore... but other than that... i am alright with my current situation..

If there is one thing that i would regret.. is that i have spend less time with my friends.. and by friends i dun mean big grp.. but only the two of them.. by one whom i have been to together to malaysia recently.. i felt that something has changed in her... and.. there is a past that she has not let go.. even though she has said that she has gotten over it (well sort of) but i can felt that she has not let go of that part... i am not that in touch with their feeling anymore and that makes me feel so bad... i really hope that i can touch their hearts again and make a differences in their life... making them feel more comfort... and happier... i dun like my friends to wear mask in front of me.. esp when they are sad.. because i noe how it feels like.. the mask that you have to wear.. and take off at the end of the day.. to face all the sadness in the world all by urself is not funny..

It is not like watching a show whereby you see the girl pretending to be happy and then after that she go home and cry then zoom to the next scene whereby it is another day or what.. but it is more of watching the scene where the girl pretend to be happy and then go home.. and face the heaviness of the sadness for the whole freaking time that she is by herself... and couldnt find a base to land on.. NOW that is sad....

I regret for all my action of not being able to comfort them.. and drift further and further away frm them.. and i hope that i can get them back into my life.. as themselves.. and not wearing masks...

Somethings are meant to be.. ignored?

2008-03-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

Recently (actually not recently.. was a while ago) something happened... I had chose not to blogged about that incident because i dun wanna be viewed as a bitch who will come back and cry to the whole world when something happened and people view it as my fault..

However, based on my recently observation (mayb i was thinking too much) i start to believe that there might be some sort of things goin on behind my back to help the weaker party against the bitchy party (ME).. I dunno how true this is but it is just based on my observation...

Maybe they have form this against me committee that i didnt noe because everybody felt like i have been going around stepping on everybody's toes... well... i shall not try to explain if that is what everybody is thinking about.. i shall not explain my behavior because i have indeed been bitchy... but i hope before you condamn me.. think about it.. was i bitchy because i wanted to be... or was i bitchy because of the situation?... Was i treated fairly and not being bitched at as well?... Apparently my trying to care and set things rite attitude has been viewed as a form of bitchiness and people can take it in their own hands to be bitchy against me too... what?.. am i supposed to just be there and take their shit and smile to them after taking their shit?.. i may look stupid but i am not..

Or.... do i get wronged for something that i wasnt even at fault for?... After thinking about it for a long and hard time.. i have decided not to care anymore... why do i even care in the first place when things happened usually i am not the one who will get the support that i want?.. I guess this phrase "Aiya.. Ah Bee is just being a mad dog again" came out of alot of people's mouth for alot of time... well it is fine.. because i dun care anymore... Why would i wanna care when i cant set things straight because obviously white is back and black is white?... i have plenty of other stuff that i need to do.. SO it obviously doesnt pay to be caring at all.. so i dun care anymore... be it tsunami flood my house... people around me turning bad... people around me obviously gonna get hurt.. it is none of my business.. i dun wanna get hurt.. nor act like a mad dog ever again... so yeah.. take life easily.. things will still happened.. people will still try to cover their act in front of me or try to talk bad behind me.. people will still form support group behind me no matter what happened.. it is just another day.. so why not take it easy and dun care??..

It is a constant battle

2007-12-09T01:15:00.000-08:00

Every year during this period of time... singapore will grow cooler with the daily dosage of rain.. following the cool wind and the decoration for christmas.. as well as the christmas carol that is being played everywhere.. people will feel the festive season of christmas... following the festive season.. came a wave of sha qi...

Why?... Because wong ah ma's birthday is approaching... every year.. it is a constant struggle when we are planning for her birthday because her big bunch of relatives will come every year during christmas under the pretext that they are here to celebrate her birthday for her but eat for free.. and when i say eat for free.. it meant literally stuffing themselves silly with all the food.. I mean it is really for them to come and eat for free and etc.. but the fact that they eat.. boss ard.. dirty the place.. make my dad clean up after that and treat our place like nthing more than a free of charge restaurant without any well intention of celebrating my mum's birthday is what makes us angry every year after her birthday...

It wasnt like this in the past as i remembered happier times when they will not come to my house and christmas were really meant to be a close family event and we were able to bring my mum to nice restaurant to eat... but then with the whole grp of them.. it is far too much for us to bring them all out.. you might think.. wun they pay for themselves.. no.. they wun.. no sense of shame... birthdays.. christmas.. chinese new years.. even mother's day and father's day they also want to come to my house to celebrate... I remembered my grandma only said during her death bed that my mum needs to look after them.. not operate free of charge restaurant for them to eat all they wan every single week and treat our house like some free child care centre to throw their intolerable kids to us..

Anyway back to the main topic.. every year during my mum's birthday.. we will be in major headache over what to do for her birthday because if we eat at home.. we will have to think of what to cook.. if we go out to eat then we have to object to her bringing all her relatives along... and every year it was always me to quarral with her over the endless bullying that her relatives are imposing on her but she chose to take it silently..

This year.. i chose to take a back seat by not quarraling with her anymore... i have come to the conclusion that it is her birthday and not mine.. so she can chose to do whatever nonsense that she want to do and i have no rights to interfere.. even though i am one of the sponsor for the food.. but then it is her birthday that we are giving her the money for the food so i have no rights to interfere over who she chose to invite... but then something else happened.. and now the argument is over what should be cooked during her birthday... and then there were suggestions that we should dine out instead and all end with my mum saying 'Aiya dun celebrate lah.. dun celebrate lah..' and trail off her sentence with ..... of course we know that her 'dun celebrate lah' meant 'if you dun celebrate i will show you how upset i am' so what shall we do?.. Take a backseat and relax also got problem.. dun do that also got problem.. eat in also got problem.. eat out also got problem? How eh.. why izzit that a simple birthday for wong ah ma has been spinned into a very complicated spider web.. since when did the spider web started spinning.. how come we did not realise it?..... There is only two ways to solve the problem... for wong ah ma to realise that we are not printing money.. or for her relatives to be more automatic and pay for their own shares when we dine out.. otherwise dine in.. also got problem on what to cook and might not be that nice either...

Sigh.. what do to?.. I really dunno.. it is a constant battle......

It is end of the year!

2007-12-05T04:28:00.000-08:00

Since i started the multiply account and it couldnt be linked to this blogspot, i have not been blogging here very often... I think the last time that i blogged here was in months ago... Dont seems to have the 'feeling' to blog that often anymore nwadays... so oh well... haha.. anyway recently i found out that the link between my multiply account and my blogspot account is working again... So that means that the blog entry could be transferred frm blogspot to the multiply account...

Nthing much to update... as i am bored.. so i blog... haha.. what a way to put it.. but then oh well.. did something that i have not done in ages... had dinner with my parents in a coffee shop near my house here when i bump into them on my way home... still recovering frm a bad tummyache after i think we had some not so fresh lownuts yesterday... so today was feeling really lousy the whole day... headaches... stomaches... vomitting feeling... etc etc came by.. so i intend to go home cook a bowl of instant noodles.. eat le eat med then go to bed.. but then i bump into my parents.. so decide to have dinner with them instead...

The very blur me... went to take three days leave till tomorrow.. but went back to work today.. somemore when my sup saw me tis morning.. he was saying that he thot i took leave up till tomorrow.. n i told him no lah i took leave till yesterday.. oh man *whack head*... so i had one day uncleared leave... so try to see if i can ask for half day tomorrow..

The larling has not been online since tis morning... and he seems to be in a semi consious state during the few phonecall conversation that we had.. poor thing.. all because of me wanting to eat lownuts that causes him to eat dirty lownuts and suffer such serious illness... when i din managed to get hold of him tis afternoon.. i panicked and call the maid at home.. Luckily the maid told me that he is sleeping peacefully without waking up.. On MC tomorrow.. i hope he can recover fully... )=

I guess it is really a mixture of not talking to my mum for too long and hanging out with my parents for too long that nowadays i like to hang out with them again.. just to be near to them... talk to them.. about everything under the sun... and taking toffee to disturb my mum again.. well i guess i realised that i am very fortunate because my parents is here with me everyday.. so i have to learn to cherish them even more..

Met up with BT and ning over the last few weeks... the feeling was great... seeing them again just felt good.. That no good friend of mine by the name of BT finally made time to mit up with me... when i told my dad that i was goin out to mit her.. he looked at me with a shocked expression and said... 'I thot you forget all bout her!!!' and i told him in a equally wide eye expression that... 'She is the one who has forgetten bout me... not the other way round'..
Anyway.. we have plans to go to KTV as well as to learn roller blading...

Well.. in a way.. i should be in a very happy stage of life now... but i just cant help but feel unsettled.. well.. people who noes me well.. should know that i am rather paranoid... so when good things happen to me.. i would be worried about when will the good luck end rather than enjoy the good luck... so i am really unsettled.. because i felt that there is always a balance in things.. when there are good things happening.. there will be bad things happening as well... so this thinking cause me to not be able to settle down and just get very paranoid.. I guess what BT said is true.. i have to learn to let go sometime.. cannot hold on to things to tightly or i might destroy it... another thing is that i think i should learn not to think too much... because my brain work in a chain reaction method.. once i think about something i will keep on linking to other stuff and get myself all stressed up.. muz learn to let go.. and dont think too much into things.. another thing that i muz learn is not to be that paranoid anymore... amusing how a person who was not paranoid can turn into such a paranoid person.. i just felt that it is good to take pre caution someting rather than being caught off guard..

Anyway.. festive season is here with christmas ard the corner... this year's deco at orchard is very beautiful.. with all the icy blue white lights ard.. the whole orchard looks really cool!.. shall go there one day to take photographs of the place.. Muz pester dear dear to go there to take photo.. muahahahahahahahahaha....

The season also indicate that wong ah ma's birthday is rd the corner.. tis year due to the fact that i felt that i should be a nice daughter.. i would be contributing slightly more for her birthday thing... so while having dinner with them just now.. i told her my plan... since she wants to invite all her relatives over for dinner she can have it.. but within budgets.. and then she wanted steam boat.. and started to assign jobs for us to do.. poor hengby the white got the most job.. he is supposed to go marketing on christmas day to get all the ingredient.. so i guess once again we will all have to be house elves..

Anyway speaking of which.. Hengby the white has a rolex watch that needs to change the chain.. anybody is aware how much is the range to change a rolexd watch's chain?.. (Real de rolex chain hor.. the other time wong ah ma changed a fake chain for him.. he got so angry that he threw the rolex aside and never took it out again)

Wow blogging in blogspot really give me alot of blogging 'feeling' see how much nonsense i have blogged?.. Alright.. Toffee is pulling my sleeves to go and disturb wong ah ma.. =D

Long time...

2007-09-18T04:42:00.000-07:00

Long time... Loooooong time since i last blogged here... since that i have established a connection for the blog entry between multiply and blogspot, i thot that anything that i blogged into blogspot will be transferred into multipl, but i was wrong.. the thing just malfunction half way thru.. )= So i end up blogging more and more frequently in multiply and ignoring this little space of mine at blogspot... This little space that has been thru with me for a major heartache and that beautiful butterfly that i like.. and love and seriously consider to tattoo on myself.. oh well haha i wun go and get a tattoo.. i am afraid that the tattoo will turn ugly as i age or something like that...

Anyway.. life have been alright.. there are always ups and downs in life but what is most impt is that we are able to overcome everything and get on with life.. no matter hw low life is.. there will always be light so long as we stay strong... My cousin is getting ROM!... Yay!... Next year she will be getting ROM.. she ultra kiasu lor.. she booked us one year in advance lor... oh man.. but i will be going lah.. she asked dear dear to help her take photo.. i noe that dear dear will definately do a good job.. just that he is not confident of his own photo taking skill... so he keep on insisting that he might not do a good job.. but that is good also lah.. give a disclaimer before anything happen.. hehe... oh well till then.. i just had my med.. feeling very high nw.. need to sleep.. fall sick le.. due to nt enuff rest.. so shall rest more...

Till then.. hopefully i will blog here more often... lalala ~~

The sweet event in life??.....

2007-05-09T06:10:00.000-07:00

Hmm.... i used to be very amazed by my friend... because everyday after work.. she will wait for her other half to call her... and there was tis time where her other half told her that he cannot mit her because he has guard duty that day... but later on in the train.. he called and told her that they can meet... you should see her expression... she was sooo happy that she nearly jump up and down in the mrt train... at that point of time.. i asked myself.. will i do this in the future??... Nah.. i dun tink i will... well.. i was pretty wrong... nw i knew the reason as to why she does that... you see.. when you are with a person.. you tend to miss that person when he is not with you... so when he can mit you... you will feel very happy... it is sweet.. and in fact it is very sweet so sweet that you will smile in a silly way to urself.... love can make a woman stupid??.. i always agree with this sentence... ya i am stupid nw.. but it is okie.. i am feeling very very sweet too..... so it doesnt matter... To the person in question... you noe i love you dont you... =D

有你真好

2007-05-05T06:15:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated especially to my bestest bestest bestest friend of the world..... EBT.. since she nv like peps showing her full name on blog or anything like that...

Girl.. i wanna tell you.. no matter what happen... i will never forget you de... you will always be my bestest bestest bestest friend.. despite all the condition or anything that happen in my life.. you will forever remain as my bestest bestest bestest bestest friend.. i will never give up on you de.. never in my life...

这时候
最能让我想起你
多希望你在这里
你总是愿意把你的手心借给我握紧

往哪里
我总是依赖着你
你是我的方向感
我可以确定你会带着我朝对的方向前进

i'm thinking of you
我有你真好
你能让烦恼变得渺小
我遇见一个最懂我的人
我会提醒自己把这份爱收好

i'm thinking of you
我有你真好
只要牵着你的手就知
道我不是一个人在这世界停靠
因为我拥有你在我心里

i'm thinking of you
有你真好

thinking of you
因为有你我看见世界的美丽

i'm thinking of you
我有你真好只要牵着你的手就知道(我就知道)
我早已经没有任何缺少因为我拥有你在我心里

Trip to botanic garden.....

2007-05-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

Went to botanic garden today... and i am feeling ultra tired nw... been walking ard the whole day... but was a nice experience.... haha i went to the orchid garden there.... the last time i went.. the cool climate orchid house was not ready yet... so din have a chance to see it... and today when i went.. the orchid house was ready... so i went in to take a look...

Saw alot of interesting things today.... botanic garden really changed alot frm the last time i truly visited it in secondary school.. P.S the other time i went with BT was not counted because we only stepped into botanic garden.. decide that it was a very hot day and get outta botanic garden.. haha... i brought bread to feed the turtles, fishes, ducks and swam... and a human too.. haha.... give you a very nice feeling when you are feeding them... and i saw this ultra cute white dog!!!.... awww.... he look like a polar bear.... so cute!!!........... but i recall hearing from eat bread that this type of dog.. looks cute... but is a rather fierce dog.... so i dun really dare to walk too near it... and it was eating grass because it has upset stomach.... and after a while.. it throw up... this is the first time that i see dogs throwing up.... and the things that the dog throw up is a bit yellowish then orange in color.... but it is still a cute dog.. hahaha alright... really very very very very very very very tired.. goin to sleep nw... z.z.z.z.zz.z.z.z.z.

勇气........

2007-04-29T00:38:00.000-07:00

终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己最怕你忽然说要放弃

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

如果我的坚强任性会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒我虽然心太急更害怕错过你

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心里你的真心

A posting for somebody i noe.... whom wife.. i am pretty close to...

2007-04-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

Yeah i noe that i was complaining in my previous blog that i am gonna fall sick soon... but i still have to write this blog entry down... because i just nd to get it out...

This is entirely dedicated to a couple... never have i ever thot that i would blog bout such a filty creature and his beautiful wife in my blog... but then the filty creature has seriously pushed me to the limit that i have to write something about him to add him into my hall of shame... (just beside Ah Yan)...

Seriously.. hw does it feel... when you are so freakingly ugly yet you have women who throw themselves at you like bees to honey.. and yet everyday you are denying and blabbering nonsense like you are the person who created all the principle of life.. the law and everything.. creating stupid and ridiculous situation which are hell deep for your wife to confuse her... so that she will stay home to be ur maid??.... or do you tink she really look stupid enuff that you just nd to blabber somethings and that will cloud her judgement?.... Dont you tink you are too much??.... oh yeah i forgot.. if you ever have a brain to think.. a heart to feel... then you be able to feel that you are too much.. otherwise.. you are just a piece of junk... dressed in branded clothing and driving a ultra flashy car...

But think bout it... do you seriously think that all these are enuff to cloud the judgement of all the peps ard you??.... like i have always told ur wife and i will repeat again.. dun swear that the lightning will strike you.. For... if you really do.. even if it is a ultra hot day with no water vapour in the air... somehow somewhat a rain will definately be created just to strike you...

Do you seriously think that her family are dead??... or you tink that her family dun care??... well.. you are wrong you jerk... it is just that her family dun tink that it is worth it degrading themselves to stand at the same lvl as you.. but you tink her family dun love her??.. well you are wrong again you jerk... it is not that they dun care... it is just that they are reasonable and peaceful peps who tink that marriage problem should be resolved between the couple themselves and not involve other peps.... but think bout it again jerk... her family will always support her.... she can always go back to her family...

Remember you imposed the rule that your kid can only got to his maternal grandparents side for three time per mth??... and remember hw close he is to one of ur wife's sibling??..... and subsequently.... ur wife was accepted back into her family again??... Please dun underestimate kinship... if her sibling have the ability to tolerate all nonsense and let ur wife gain acceptance into the family.. the same could be done to ensure that she can get a life when she get a divorce frm you...

Seriously... i pity your mum... for ur mum's love has gotten her into alot of trouble.. what do you tink??... that having a flashy car and dun nd her to work is a good thing??.. You are wrong... the most comforting thing that a kid can bring to his/her mum is that they dun no longer need to worry bout their kids.. yet.. because of your you se wu yong behavior... she has to clear the mess that you have created every single time.... filial??.. i doubt.. i challenge and doubt your filial piety.... dun tell me that you are filial.. you are just a jerk who has no guts and nd to hid under ur mum's back everything you create a mess....

Bottomline... you are just a ugly fat loser who needs to hid behind his mum everytime he create a mess... putting you beside a jerk makes the jerk feel ashame of himself too....

I am sick!!!!

2007-04-24T05:12:00.000-07:00

Falling sick... i am tired... neck pain.. spine pain... sign that i am falling sick (definately nt sign that i am aging)

Feeling really tired nw.. can i pls have a one month holiday??.. then after that dun nd to go back to work??... hehehehe....

Anyway the purpose of today's blog is to complain that i am sick.. and to discuss about something.. you see.. i seriously seriously seriously want to get a tattoo... (i am not a baddie, just like a tattoo that is all) so i was just wondering what am i supposed to tattoo... THEN.. i just realise something... i can actually tattoo the butterfly on my blog hor??... that butterfly on this box's right top corner, perched there de that one... nice hor??... initially i chose this blog skin because of that butterfly and the description said that it is a butterfly tattoo.. so why nt... hehehe.. i can tattoo butterfly on myself.. and somemore is a nice butterfly!.. what do you tink??... should i or should i not??.. heh heh heh heh heh...

I am in a confused state of mind....

2007-04-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

I m having a very confused state of mind right nw.... sigh....

Sentosa Trip

2007-04-21T06:21:00.000-07:00

A nw beginning.... as you can see frm my previous blog... i am troubled by something.... haha all i can tell is that.. the cannot really process fact part of me is out again.. and i am playing with fire.... muz i go thru that vicious cycle again?? i hope nt...

Okie back to the sentosa trip.. i went to sentosa today with a few friends.. and we basically spend the whole day there playing and slacking.... i met a very cute dog call Ah Boy that belong to my friend's friend... aw.. he is such a cute dog and he is just a puppy!! he really remind me of Sugar... as anyway anything white and cute always remind me of Sugar and i feel a sense of closeness to them... hahaha... i tink i will miss this cute dog....

Went for the Luge ride... it is fun but the before part is not fun at all.. we had to take the sky ride to the beginning of the Luge ride and that is horrible!!!..... As per what i have said.. i kena cheated by two uncle to go and take the ride.. it was so horrible that i hold tight to the safety bar thru out the whole ride and close my eyes tightly... i was so scared that they say my face was as white as pau (white bun)... okie no matter hw they deny it.. i still see it as kena cheated by two uncle to go and sit that thing... but then the Luge ride is fun!... Though i kena overtaken alot alot alot alot of time.. and i drove that thing like a auntie driving it.. but then it was really fun... if i dun have to take that sky ride.. i tink i would like to try that Luge ride again.. hehehe

But the after taking the ride i definately ban it for LKK and LFL.. because it is too dangerous... because to get to the beginning you have to take the sky ride.. which is definately horrible... so i dun tink they are suitable for it... mayb when they are older ba.. then they can take it... for nw it is definately a no no for them.... and i went home shortly after that because we have to celebrate my dad's birthday today.... feeling so tired nw... *yawnz*

PS... Eat Bread and MMYY... i am playing with fire nw... it is definately one of option given... mayb you all would be interested to guess which one.... my life is not that messy.. at least my characteristic is not... so i am very focus.. it is one of the option.. hahaha.....

Once again....

2007-04-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Once again.. let me remind you once more time... he is not five dragon... he is a total different person.... pls dun do this.... he is not five dragon....... he is NOT....